7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You

By Pure Matrimony -

Author: islamiclearningmaterials.com

Source: islamiclearningmaterials.com

By Abu Ibrahim Ismail
Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.

However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.

Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.

The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.
So, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.

This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesn’t know how, or want, to tell you.

1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect

I spoke about this in my article “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”.

In this article, I explained that women want to know their husbands love them, and men want to know their wives respect them.

It’s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families.

You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn’t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.

This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says:
Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.
Chapter 4, Verse 34

2. He Desires Your Loyalty

This goes hand in hand with respect.There’s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.I’m not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.What I’m talking about is knowing that the person whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.

Most men won’t admit it, but we do need women. And we do need your support.And it’s very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough.If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.

Your husband needs to know that you’re going to be by his side if:

  • He loses his job and the money gets tight.
  • He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
  • His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.

You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).

If you’re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he’ll be loyal to you.

3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often

Let’s get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.

So when you give him the following excuses:

  • “I’ve got a headache.”
  • “I’m not feeling good.”
  • “Can’t it wait till the weekend? I’m really not in the mood.”

Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn’t show it.And do this often enough, he’s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.

Please keep the following hadith in mind:
When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
Bukhari and Muslim.

Something to think about.

4. He Thinks About Other Women

Okay, first of all, calm down. Don’t unsubscribe from my mailing list just yet. Let me explain this.
All men think about other women.

  • It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
  • It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
  • It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.

It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife).

You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:

  • Respect him.
  • Be loyal to him.
  • Give him physical love when he wants it.

Does this mean he’ll never take a second wife if you do these three things? Of course not.But it will raise your value in his mind relative to other woman and he’ll be all the more reluctant to look for those three things (respect, loyalty, and sex) elsewhere.

5. He Wants To Make You Happy

  • Why do you think men work so hard to make money?
  • Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
  • Why do you think men like buying women gifts?

Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy.

Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy.

So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.

  • If he buys you some jewelry, wear it.
  • If he buys you a new smartphone, use it.
  • If he buys you a car, drive it.

And don’t be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn’t do right. Because then he’ll start feeling that you don’t respect (there’s that word again) the things he does do for you.

6. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim

Nobody’s perfect.Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world.You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him.

Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.

  • Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
  • Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid.
  • Tell him how much nicer he’d look if he grew his beard.

This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward:

The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.

Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.Chapter 103, Verse 3

7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It

I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually).
Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless we’re talking sports or politics).
We don’t tell our wives “I love you” often enough.

We’re not perfect. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ain’t helping.Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can.

But we just can’t treat you the same way he (pbuh) treated his wives. Similarly, it’s unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did.

Just because your husband doesn’t treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you.

It just means he’s human.It is very important that you understand this.

  • If he’s doing his best to take care of you.
  • If he doesn’t abuse you or sleep around.
  • If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.
  • Then chances are he loves you. A lot.

Now move from in front of the television and go make me a sandwich.

JUST KIDDING!
________________________________________
Source : islamiclearningmaterials.com

209 Comments to 7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You

    • Hi, Nice article. seriously good points you have mentioned here. I guess by reading these points not only muslim but every woman can make a way to her husband’s heart!! :)

      • I was thinking the same thing. The Truth is, one who does an atom’s weight of evil,will see it. and one who does an atom weight of good will see it.
        I feel. Those who hate and fail to forgive, build darkness in their own heart.
        Anxiety is the devil’s weapon. And will control you if you fail to CONTROL you’re desires.

        • So what happens when he is getting the “respect, loyalty and physical attention” from his wife and still seeking for wife no 2?

          • @Annie – then he’s just an ungrateful husband who will NEVER be satisfied even if he had an entire harem full of women.

            Unfortunately, so many men (most traditional men, not truly religious men) use this as an excuse to be philanderers. Just because man is ALLOWED to take a second wife, doesn’t mean he should. Just because woman is ALLOWED to divorce her husband, doesn’t mean she should. If the husband takes a second wife, the wife has a right to divorce him. Alhamdulillah Allah’s made it a fair play for both men and women. But for the sake of all our good, call it truce and take care of each other, and dont resort to these extreme rights.

          • Ibrahim Abubakar

            therefore he may likely to love d one who shows much respect most. coz its natural, most people are inclined toward people who show concern, respect etc over them. and at the end of the Day his new wife will hardly hijacked the 1st wife position… Meanwhile, steadfastness to beautiful attitudes is d key to attract attention. Wallahu a’lam.

      • I’m sorry but I will have to disagree. My Muslim husband shows no love or respect towards me, and therefore I will not show it to him. He has passwords on his phone and computer and will not let me see. Yet he yells and gets angry if I ask why. He is not interested in physical affection anymore. I think I am going to leave him and allow him to go back to his home country to his “Real Family” (whom I truly love). I am not Muslim, however I respect/support his beliefs and the teachings/love of Allah. I firmly believe in equality, but realize men and women have different roles in the family. So, now YOU move away from in front of the TV and make ME a sandwich.

        • @Paula- So sorry that you have to deal with all this:(. InshaAllah Allah will reward you for all your patience and effort. None of us see what you have to deal with or how much effort you’ve put into your relationship, but Allah sees it all and he’ll reward you accordingly inshaAllah. And the wrongdoers will get their due punishment as well. Whatever you decide to do (leave him or try again), may Allah guide you towards the right path and give you happiness. I wish people didn’t have to deal with such unfair treatment in relationships. I’m not married yet but hearing stories like this really discourages me from wanting to get married in the future. Wish we could all just treat each other with respect and be honest/sincere with each other, instead of playing games and lying.

    • Good morning
      What should I do if my has bansband doesn’t tell me anything about the truth even very little things

    • Question, my fiancé is muslan I’m catholic, he don’t want to do anything until we got married but we almost did everything is the right? Or is wrong

      • Sister, can you please rephrase your question so we can give you the correct answer? Thanks

  1. Good advice, but zowji doesn’t like sandwhiches! ;)

    Just wanted to add, don’t be afraid to compliment him. If you think your husband is brave, noble, handsome, strong, TELL HIM. He isn’t a mind reader. So many women (same goes for men) just take for granted that their husband knows how she feels for him and don’t ever say anything. Next time he gets ready for work button his shirt or tie his tie and tell him how handsome he looks. Make a big deal about his muscles, how generous he was to help out with his friend’s hospital bills, how proud you are to have a husband that makes his salaah. Just be sincere and the next time you think about one of the great things he does that makes you love him . . . tell him. Chances are he’ll like it. ;)

  2. Jazakallahukairan, am really insppired by this post. May Allaah make it easy for us to practice.InshaAllaah, when I get marriied!

  3. Salamu Alikom,

    This is got to be one of THE best articles I’ve read about Muslim couples. Thank you SO much. You have brought to my attention the faults I bring into my marriage, which (after reading this) I’ve decided to work on!

    May Allah bless your marraige and everybody else’s.

  4. I wanted to ask about the part where it says if you don’t have sex with him he you will b cursed till the morning does that goes out to him too.. Like if the wife wanted to have sex and he didn’t doesnt he get cursed too ?? Thank you

    • Of course sister if a woman wanted to have sex with her husband & intensionally he refuse it. the same punishment will happen to him.

        • Mr. Handsome

          @asiangirl There is a hadith for that actually. I will not give it to you. Search it yourself. I have read it myself. So please… do not utter things you do not know or sure of. The punishment for giving out wrong information is severe. You will be held accountable.

          • @mr. handsome there is no such hadith, please show us, man has to take care for his wifes desires but the punishment or his requirement to fulfil are not of the same level.
            remember he is her wali not the other way around.
            don’t make up hadiths urself

          • @Mr. Handsome. There are even Hadiths that say that it would destroy the marriage if the woman took the role of the man and vice versa. It is never written anywhere where a woman commands her husband. Please reference your sources, “maybe you need to be careful what you say cause you will be accountable for your intentions and what’s in your heart.”
            Let me know if you want me to reference that. I may not have it word for word though….

        • Traveller

          The brother mentioned that .. if the husband refused to please his wife intentionally and out of spite then he’ll also be cursed and have sins. But if he does not do it purposely then he wont get sins. However a woman is not the same level as the man as she’s required to please him in whatever situation unless it’s a situation where she has no power to do anything about (i.e monthly periods). If you still want to know more then as a sheikh. Allah knows best

          • Are you kidding ME????? You men are so full of your selves. Men have distorted Islam to the point its unrecognisable. You truly believe your superior and have more rights? Its NOT more rights which you have over us. ITS more responsibilities! For crying out loud! wake up to your self. That hadith is BOGUS…

    • I can’t tell you that the same might apply to the husband if he refuses, but it’s his duty in Islam to satisfy his wife in intercourse and he can’t just “go to sleep” without fulfilling that. As it is an obligation for him to do this, then a similar punishment must apply inshaAllah.

      • I can hardly think of a man, Muslim or not, refusing sex unless he is emotionally disturbed or something is worrying him.

        It is far easier for man to get back in mood for sex than a women. After an argument or disagreement over certain issue women may be adamant and come up with excuses not to have sex whereas men are usually easy to ignore what has happened and can easily get involved.

      • same does not apply to husband my dear.. that’s what I hate about the whole thing….. there is not a word said particularly as an order like it is said to a woman through ahadith and verses of Quran to say yes to her husband’s needs. no straight order… just few words to tell guys that it is good for them if they are good with their wives…. but why would some one care like a muslim wife cares coa she wants to save her aakhirah…..

    • hey sista.
      honestly if he just cant, he cant. its not that you need to tie a pencil to it. but maybe you need to coax the poor little guy back into life, remember that little number he used to drive you crazy about all those years ago. when you bring it out again after all these years he’ll surely become again that fantasy sixteen year old you might have previously resorted to when he sheepishly said ‘ oops sorry …just seems i aint in the mood luv’.
      Ahhhhhhh,,,now thats showing respect with a capital RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

    • Abu Abdallah

      No sister, there’s no proof of any such against the man. However, he would have failed to give her own right, and fulfilling the right of a muslim is an obligation, as such, he would have committed a sin. Allah knows best!

    • As salaam alaikum,
      If there’s a hadith or not, I am not sure of it. But there is an entire SURAH! Surah Mujadilah (58) Read it.

  5. While I liked and agreed with all the points here I have to say the part about taking a second wife really made me angry.. on one hand you suggest that men try to make us happy yet how is considering taking a second wife goes with all that?? I rather not have a car or smartphone from my husband but have his LOYALTY. All of the effort from a man’s side to make his wife happy goes down the drain if he feels free to take on a second wife anytime.. plus he WOULD go to hell!!

    • As salaamu alaikum,

      Dora, I understand that it seems like a contradiction (the husband trying to make wife happy but taking another wife) but remember that this is a something a man is allowed to do in Islam. He will not got to hell for taking another wife. It is his conduct with his wives and living a life according to Islam that will determine where he ( and all muslims) will end up. It would be something very difficult to come to terms with, I agree but this life is a test and through the difficulties we encounter and how we deal with them will determine our station in the akhira. May Allah bless you.

      • Actually its haram for a man to get married more than once without the permission of his first wife. I would NEVER allow my husband to marry another woman. I would leave him the second he mentioned it to me. I love my husband so deeply and wholeheartedly that i can never even imagine myself being attracted to another man. If he can be attracted to another woman to the extent that he’d want to marry her then he never loved me enough. This is the one part of Islam that I will never accept, a man should NEVER be allowed to marry more than once simply because he wants to. I’d understand if it were for a woman’s survival purposes but never for pleasure. During the times of the Prophet (PBUH) this was allowed because of the wars and the widows left without anyone to care for them. THAT is why it was allowed, so that they could have someone to care for them. NOT so men can be pigs…this aspect of Islam has been changed into something disgusting and is something that makes our religion look bad. I am a devout Muslim but multiple marriages disgust me.

        • Marij Usmani

          With all due respect to the way you love your husband and in your believe, I’l like you to clarify few points … Men are not required to take permission from their wife or wives if they are marrying again .. it is better for them to inform their wife. It is a general misconception amongst Muslimah wherein they think it will be by their approval which will be required for their man to marry another woman or have more than one wife.

          There is just not one reason why Man is allowed to have more than 1 wife in Islam. We need to understand the depth of the issue. Man is not allowed to divorce a woman just because she cannot give birth to his son/daughter but women are allowed to ask for KHULA (which is automatically granted) if man is impotent. this is just one example and nothing more than it and there are many so .. always remember anything Approved / Allowed in Islam is for the benefits of both Men & Women … and we Muslims may ask for more details untill we have good understanding of the subject but are not allowed to refuse / deny those allowances.

          As for Muslimah, do always remember Allah knows everything and he is mercy full, so what will you do .. Will you make DUA asking Allah
          1. to grant you what is desired by you
          or
          2. to ask Allah of all that is good for you according to HIM.

          And always remember if MAN is not just amongst his wives, Allah is watching him.

        • No he does not need to ask premssion pologamy is halal not haram. There is no hadith which states that the husband must ask his wives premssion. The Quran states that he must treat them justly making sure that he provides separate accommodations for each wife.

        • Actually, that is false. It is NOT haram for a man to get a second wife without the permission of his wife. It is allowed in Islam and he does not need permission. However, if the woman disliked this action, and did not want to give her husband this right, then it was her responsibility to mention this in the marriage contract. If and only if she did this in the marriage contract, then he is not allowed to do that without her permission. Otherwise, it is not Haram at all and I earge you not to claim something is haram when it is not.

        • my dear kar,
          it is not because during jihad that marriage more than one is permitted in islam . but Allah ordered it in quran, the order of allah is justice because islam is full. no one can add or reduce quran,
          lets come to nowadays situation, in any country you will see women that are affected for she couldnot get one to marry or she may divorce or widow. Allah knows best of this world

        • well said KAY i totally agree with you. that is the only aspect of islam which i never believed in nor i will. i am too selfish when is comes to my husband. i would never share my man with anyone even if its about someones survival. we can support and help them without sharing our husband. there are many ways a man can help and support other womans without having to marry them and having any relationships. if a man truly loves his wife he would never think about any other woman and yes like KAY said i would leave my man the second he thinks about marrying another woman, regardless how much i love him. thats the only thing a woman cant take. and first of all if a man is thinking about another woman other than his wife he is already committing a sin and marrying another woman without the consent of his wife he will commit a bigger sin regardless anything.

          • Baba Hikimot

            Shaina i advice u 2 believe totally in Allah’s word otherwise u will be among unbeliever, Allah as d creator know what is good us, Man are allow 2 marry more than one wife and we all see how female are very very … Plenty than male i pray u will not be among 39 or 40s years ladie who av not sure of a particular man. dt will marry her , wat widow, divorcee who many men will not like 2 make as first and they need 2 remarry. ISLAM QURIAN is d manual 2 better and peaceful live .

        • Sister when you said i will never accept this part of islam you could have come out the fold of islam!! becareful what you say Islam does not revolve round you but your revolve round islam what ALLAH SWT made permisable who are yo to make it haaram

        • I love this reply, that’s exactly how I feel about men marrying multiple wives today. Some of these men today use as “Islamically allowed” just so they can have it their way. Not fair!

          • let me just clarify:

            I wouldn’t allow my future husband to marry a 18 never married single gal, but if he’s going to marry a widow, a divorced or older lady who couldn’t get married, then maybe, maybe we can talk about him getting a second wife….

        • sis if u r true Muslim then I would deeply advise you to fear ALLAH. we can not question ALLAH. ALLAH know everything but we don’t. ALLAH knows about us more then we know our on self. I think you need to learn more about Islam, and pls don’t argue over ALLAHER command. it’s haram to do that.

          also i think you should know that. if a husband truly loves his wife then he will never leave her. he will not be able to stay with out her. the loves comes from ALLAH. obey ALLAH and ur husband will love you.

          i hope ALLAH help us all AMIN!!!

        • meera feroz

          i agree with u kay. y should we share our husband? in Quran it was said to marry more than one. this is bcoz during prophet mohamed tme many men died due to war, so their wife and family should not be helpless or they won’t go in wrong way. so only it was said in Quran to marry more than one. if a women is widowed i will request my husband to give her some property , provide education to childrens and also money. i wont share my husband even after my death. i love him more than anything else.

          • Syed Ali Tahir

            What is Halal shall always be Halal and what Allah kareem has deemed haram shall always remain haram….what we think about on the said matter simply accounts for nothing……and remember Allah kareem knows best as he created us and knows exactly what we should do and what we need to abstain from….men will always be men and I think its time we admitted that….the subcontinent especially is rife with criticism of multiple marriages and who ever indulges in that is looked upon with hatred and disgust by society…what right does society have of doing something like this….and then we have the Persians who twist the faith and usually never marry a second woman but legalize one night stands with the doctrine of Mutta :\

        • Sister, I would be careful about saying that multiple marriages disgust you. Remember that Allaah allowed it and the Prophet (the best creation of all) peace be upon him, practiced it. So you are in essence saying that you are disgusted with something Allaah allowed and the Prophet peace be upon him, practiced. That is a bit of a dangerous position to be in. Your jealousy is understandable and allowed in Islaam (even Aisha was jealous of the Prophet’s other wives, and even tried to stop one of his marriages from happening) but that never drove her to say she was disgusted or disagreed with Allaah’s ruling. After all, as Muslims, we SUBMIT our will to ALLAAH’s. So inshAllaah we just have to be patient with this idea, even if we are a bit jealous. Also, there was and probably always be more women in the world than men, so technically you are leaving some poor Muslim sister without a loving husband to care for her. I’m not saying you should share your husband but if men want to take other wives then they can and we cannot put conditions on them that Allaah did not. They just need to make sure they are financially, physically and mentally capable of doing so, and if they dont then Allaah will question them about it.

        • Your comment shows your personal desire overpowering the Law of Allah. The Law of Allah(swt) is complete in every aspect. Yes, your husband has to take permission from you to marry another woman. Second, third and fourth marriage is allowed by sharia. There are many instances in which a man may choose to marry another woman. i) If he feels that his sexual desires may lead him to sins(sex out of marriage and all the things that come with it). ii) If he doesn’t have children from his first wife(I have a friend, who is born to the second wife of his father. He loves his step mother more than the one to whom he is born. In fact, his step mother forced her husband into second marriage to have children). iii) If he is not satisfied with his first wife in serious matters. iv) To give protection to a widow or any other woman who requires it.

          Roles of man and wife are divided in Islam. Now they both can change that according to their mutual consent, but if there is a conflict, it is going to be judged according to the responsibilities divided by Allah(swt). A man is the leader of the house. His duty is to protect and provide for the family, even if the wife is stronger and wealthier. Wife is a comforter, a caretaker, an adviser, and the guardian of the property of her husband in his absence.

          Wife must keep her husband attracted to her, and must maintain this attraction, and must support her husband, so that his burdens are lessened, and the natural pull on men towards other women is reduced/balanced. Man and women are psychologically different as well. Men get turned on, just by looking at other women. This “Turning on” can be on different levels but its always there, whereas, this kind of attraction in women is nothing as compared to men, so she should be creative in keeping him attracted to herself, and always welcoming to the sexual needs of her husband!

          May Allah(swt) make it easy on all of us, and deal with us with His Mercy and Blessings. Ameen

        • Syed Ali Tahir

          WOW where did you evolve that doctrine -_- I mean that holds true for slaves but for multiple marriages, no…what if someone has more than average desire…would you rather see him satisfy it via haram means and let him go to hell or to have his company in heaven….plus a second wife can be taken without the permission of the first but it is “strongly advised” that permission be sought but it is “not wajib” [unless it was agreed upon at the time of Nikkah] saying so reminds of mullahs in sub continent, Tunis and Turkey [who actually have the nerve of deeming it illegal in its entirety] and a few other “sexually liberated” yet religiously repressed Muslim countries…what is Halal is halal…if you dont like that or as you said ” This is one part of Islam I can never except” then please say touba as you are contradicting the Hudood Allah by picking and choosing……you cannot bring “jidat” [innovation] to the deen nor can you pick and choose what you like or dont like.

          • what if a woman has more than average desire. Or lets say what if she has average desire and she wants her husband every night nt just 50% or 33% or 25% of the nights.

        • I have to agree with you 100% on that. I’m sorry to say but the person that wrote this article is a complete idiot and appears to be very arrogant. Any true Muslim woman that follows the Quran and not her husbands ‘list of expectations’ would know how to treat her husband, a stupid list like this is not even necessary. We don’t need a list like this from some fool to tell us how to treat our husband or future husband. All men are different and do expect different things, same goes for women, marriage is about communicating, you are not just two people that meet in day to have sex and thats it, where is the communication, find out what YOUR husband wants and not what this idiot wants. Women are more loyal and giving than the person that wrote this article thinks. Women crave respect and most definitly deserve it, communicating with your wife is a form of respect. Yes in some Muslim countries men are more ‘tight- lipped’ but why do you think that is? CULTURE, people mix Islam with their culture, Islam does not teach a man to not communicate with his wife. Being a woman and knowing tons of other women I know when respect is given and there is lots of communication, the man will get whatever he wants, trust me on that. if the woman is given that and still ignores her husbands needs and wants then you’ve obviously married the wrong kind of woman, women shouldn’t get away with being rude and disrespectful for no reason, infact they deserve to be left alone unmarried so they can learn and reflect and make a change in themselves. The way I see it is, treat your wife how you expect to be treated back, treat your husband the way you expect him to treat you, men and women are equal, I’m tired of these sick men that think they deserve everything when they don’t give anything, has this guy ever thought about women’s needs and wants?? this guy is focusing on materialistic things to show love, he is so confused. LEARN QURANIC ARABIC AND READ AND UNDERSTAND THE QURAN FOR YOURSELF, DON’T RELY ON WHAT OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU. Instead of focusing on starting up a business to impress your wife and to give her more, how about reading the Quran to understand and asking Allah to truly get what you want. I have a lot more to say but I feel I have said enough.

        • I agree with you 100% Kay. I’d rather get a divorce form my husband than allow him to be married to another person.

        • Traveller

          Salam .

          Sometimes you have to be careful in the words you choose when talking about your faith. You cannot say I’m a muslim but I don’t agree to polygamy. I cannot say I’m a Muslim but I will not give charity (zakat) It’s not pick and choose.

          So first, polygamy is rule made by Allah and you have to accept it. You might not like it or want to practice it but that’s fine. so my advice is follow the advice above and make sure your husband has everything he could ever want from you and so he won;t even look at another woman. Allah knows best.

      • Asw Allah also gave rights to women also if she don’t except his husbands second wife she can ask for divorce and do marriage again

      • i am being courted by a muslim man, and so far i find it a bit interesting i never knew someone like him…he claims he loves me and cant live w/out me, but he asked me this question, what if there was 2 of us? he wants to marry me but he said what if there was a 2nd one? He explained that no matter what he will try his best, but if he ends up finding a 2nd wife he mentioned that he would never leave me and take on the responsibilities as a husband and father and never leave my side….i am just so dumbfounded about all this, i know that forever is long….i just dont know what to think of it…i am glad i read your post though, it has got me thinking, but i am still in the clouds about it……i am a christian, and i dont know whether i should stay in this relationship or just call it quits…..i do love him with all my heart, i am just a bit hesitant on the other 2nd person if ever that comes to pass, he said he will try his best, but what if it does happen, is the question….

    • yeah sure , he’ll like that. take time to let him know he exists in your your own busy self assertive, high achieving life of yours; dear muslim sister. the holy qur’an declares that Allah subhana allah wa taa’al permits him to take up to four wives as long as he gets all the necessary protocol boxes ticked. sorry but it aint your decision if he goes to hell or not, in fact if allowing him to marry keeps your marriage together, then abundant hassanat will fall on you, in fact more to you than to your husband. … and the worst (halal) thing in marriage is divorce………..correct me if im wrong anyone!

      • asiangirl

        The Quran does state that the husband is allowed to take up to four wives but only if he has the means to provide for them. It is not wajib brother it is merely a choice/optional for Men.

        Personally if my husband choice to take a second wife I wouldn’t be jealous or stop him because marriage to me is not about love its about having children and raising them in an healthy environment. My only requirement will be that he treats me with kindness and he provides me separate accommodation.

        Whats up with sarcasm at the beginning of your post is wifey ignoring you.

      • Syed Ali Tahir

        You sir are correct issue at hand is that most people here are A. From the subcontinent :p repression central and B. They were born and raised in the west, especially the UK where we have Ulema who now grant permission for Muslimahs to marry Christian men and call it Halal…..

  6. The part about sex is ridiculous. No one should be forced to have sex if they’re not up to it.

    • I completely agree. I read that, and I was shocked! No one should have to have sex if they don’t want to! I know men desire sex, but they’re men and they should be able to control it and accept that they’re wives sometimes just don’t want to do it.

      • I am sure it is in the context that husbands should try to coax their wives, instead of saying ‘let’s go”.

    • Well you should about that before gething married then, would you rather him go to someone else.

    • Islem oum ishak

      Salamu’alaikum wa rahmatuLlahi wa barakatuh,

      Be careful sisters. If Allah says to we, women, to sastify our husband’s desire,
      we have to do so. Even if we do not want to do it.

      • Assalamo alaikum wa rahmatoolah,

        I find this to be one of the most unsettling parts of Islam. I am a revert alhomdolillah and married to an incredible Muslim man. Alhomdolillah he is very soft and understanding if I don’t want to be intimate but other men are not so kind.

        I feel like our private parts are purchased and we are simply paid vaginas that have to be available for sex 100% of the time regardless of our feelings. It really bothers me. What, he gave her Mahr money, so now he owns her and she’s his sex slave?

        This is not an issue for me personally, but I really find this to be incredibly sexist (no pun intended) and it’s as if the woman’s feelings are totally unimportant when her husband is horny. How she feels is less valuable than him getting off.

        • Aisha Njidda

          There are no contradictions in Islam at all,no loopholes….if ur husband loves you so much and u re not in the mood to be intimate he ll not go to bed angry because u ve nt agreed,.There should be understanding btw u.it is not irrespective of your feelings

        • that is part of a man’s nature, whether he is Muslim or not. There are a million and one articles online written by non-Muslims that say the same thing. It is a man’s NEED. ALLAAH made them that way. A Muslim man’s guide is the Prophet peace be upon him. Look at the way he was with his wives. Every part of his life was documented. And none of his wives ever complained about anything. He was kind and gentle with them. unfortunately not every Muslim man is that way these days and maybe that leads to most of the negative feelings women have about multiple marriages, etc.

        • Sex in men is projected outside, and in women its hidden deep within. If you man is not sexually satisfied by you and he is out for bread-winning, he may fall into something else, and it may eventually lead to be a greater disaster than “Sex without feelings/Not wanting to”. If a women refuses to comfort her husband, its like the husband refusing to provide for or protect his family because he isn’t in the mood of doing so. Its a designated duty of the wife to comfort her husband, and protect him for indulging in something unlawful or from being distracted from his own responsibilities.

    • Mohammad Mynul Islam

      Assalamu alaikum
      sister Fatima, May ALLAH forgive you. Dont use any abusive word to express your feelings. I would rather say dont even feel. Because ISLAM is the only perfect way of lifestyle. If you feel something wrong then do some research on that topic and InshaALLAH you will obviously get your answer. You said “No one should be forced……..”. I did not find anything to be forced. Even ALLAH Dont force for Pray. ALLAH says us many things to do and each an everything for our betterment. Some of the way we likes and some of we dont. That doesnt mean whatever we like is good and rest is ridiculous. Some times we dont feel like to wake up early in the morning for salah but that doesnt mean that its a ridiculous timing. what I have noticed from the hadith “When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
      Bukhari and Muslim”
      “and he (the husband) spends the night angry”.. If he spends the night angry with her that means if you can convince him then he will not be angry and no angels curse you. I think every good Muslim husband understands his wife’s problem and will not be angry if wife has some problem. My above statement was based on what I have understood from the article. Correct me if i am wrong. I will appreciate that. Fee amanillah. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.

      • Asalam o Alakum
        Today, if any western research say that ” don’t refuse your husband for sex if he wants to” and researcher may give any “xyz” reason, then it will not be “ridiculous” and “unsettling part of Islam”. Every word is not only recorded here but also recorded forever for AKHARAT. Our words can be deleted from here but not from THERE.

    • As Salaamu alaikum Fatima and Leila,

      I am not certain were in the world you are situated but living in the west and all of the Sexual propaganda that we are bombarded with is a great fitna. One of the purposes of getting married is to protect the private parts. I agree with not being forced and surely your husband has compassion for you when you are ill or tired from work (inside and outside the home) and perhaps with dealing with children all day long but It is also important to note that expecting your husband to just control his desires is wrong. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated that if a man were to leave his home and see something of desire, he should go back to his wife and satiate it. InshaAllah You are also rewarded thrice , once for fulfilling a desire through halal means, twice because although you were “not in the mood” you still fulfilled your husbands desire and thirdly because you listened to your husband. May Allah bless you both.

    • nobody is forcing anyone luv. that’s not the issue. go back to the initial thesis statement ( make sure you know what the issue really was, read the answer again and if you still dont know, sit with your husband and make sure you both understand what the question and answer were talking about. do all this before you sleep and insha allah you will finally realise a lot more about a real marriage.
      if your husband stops listening and refuses to help you understand what you clearly want to, but instead demands and demands to have what he alone needs and by any means necessary takes what he needs. then you have the right to separate from him and rightfully demand a divorce from the shariah court (if his actions are violent and selfish and hurtful to you then our dua are truly with you. remember allah never brings more to a person they can cope with or carry. If it dont kill you then it can only make you stronger!!!! Allahhu Akbar!!!!!

    • This is the Islamic view though. IF you believe in Islam and Allah you will have to believe that if a woman refuses to have intercourse with her husband, then she is sinning. This is just how it is, in all schools of thought in Islam. There are certain things that a woman can put on her marriage contract to prohibit the man. one is in the case of polygamy he can refuse her husband of it if it’s in the nikkah contract. However sex is the biggest right of man in marriage. It goes so far in Islam that if a woman wishes to perform an optional fasting (not the ones in Ramadan) she NEEDS to have her husbands permission! because the husband might demand sex and the wife would be refusing it due to her fasting. So that really shows how big a mans right is in this issue. sex and bearing children are the biggest rights of men in marriage. (this is all the Islamic opinion and I’m simpy stating it from all schools of thought in Islam)

      • No. If a woman refuses to have sex with husband and he understands why she is refusing to then she is not sinning. As Mohammed Mynul Islam said, ““and he (the husband) spends the night angry”.. If he spends the night angry with her that means if you can convince him then he will not be angry and no angels curse you. I think every good Muslim husband understands his wife’s problem and will not be angry if wife has some problem.” I agree with her. She will ONLY be cursed if her husband is angry. Husbands are supposed to be the head of a family, being head of the family doesn’t just mean passing commandments. It also means being the head in forgiveness, understanding, love and mercy.

    • well sis don’t get married then. that one thing man need just like food and drink. go on youtube and look for a video call things woman should know about man.

    • Sister Fatima, a husband is never permitted to force his wife to have sex with him. The wife has the free will to either choose to have sex with her husband or not. Our prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) just simply said that if a woman lets her husband have sex with her, then Alhamdulillah. But if she refuses, only then will she be punished. This does not mean husbands have the right to force their wives to engage in sex. If you do not let your husband have sex with you without a ‘valid’ reason, then your husband will just have to be patient, while you will be cursed by the angels at the same time. You have the free choice to decide. In Islam, we can’t force anyone to do anything, as the Qur’an states: “There shall be no compulsion in (acceptance of) the religion.” (Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 256)

  7. SubhanAllah beautiful article mashAllah..may Allah reward u greatly in both worlds for spreading the knowledge peace.xx

  8. Number 4 is rubbish..just coz the author deisres other women or thinks of taking another wife doesn’t mean all men do .. most normal men are actually content with one wife…..and same applies 2 women not just men …many ‘straight’ woman desire other men too but obviously der not gna tell their husbands LOL. What a dumb thing to mention. Imagine if someone told you ‘Oh don’t worry your wife thinks of other men it’s completely normal’ how would you feel?? Women feel the same way, have a bit of respect

    • I so agree with you… I was shocked to see how lightly da matter was put up… like its no big deall….

    • Some points made in this article are good,but that does not justify being sexist!All men think about having another wife??I dont buy that.Atleast my husband doesnt.I do not agree with that.

    • Thank you!!! Finally, smart men do exist!! Its HARAM to look at other women to begin with so how would it be ok for them to be attracted to other women….I don’t look or think about anyone but my husband!!

      • Hi Kay,

        I know someone who says he loves his wife and yet wants to get married again! I don’t understand when good women devote themselves to their husbands and yet men want 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wives in some cases? Surely if you love your wife you “do not do that.” Does their feelings don’t count anymore? If a man falls in love with another woman surely it means he never really loved the first?

    • subhan ALLAH. how can we question ALLAHER command. as far as i know most of the man have one wife. so don’t worry.lol

  9. Kudos to the author. @ sara thinking of you before your husband (will marry or married) you is Haraam? This answers the question directed to the authoR.
    @ sara in an earlier post could you deFine the word ‘normal’? Then your info can get ‘straight’.

  10. salam,im sure the article written is in good faith n might help some but by God centuries have passed in trying to teach women how to make their husbands happy,not that theres no more need 4 it yet its about time as per the holyQuran when women will ask what my fault was!!! .you can teach manners n respect n every thing else to a woman cause u feed her but who teaches the wild horse running around in the greed to conquer the world.my ears are sick n tiered of listening to the word “peer pressures”.exposer n all that crap.by God there’s a thing called shaitan n we all have to fight it. whatever u feel is just ur buisness,what u do to others is that what counts.go about fantasising,even the Lord does not put a reign to it but 4 heavens sake ur wife is a human and it is quiet possible infact true in most cases in our so called MUSLIM SOCIETIES that women do all that n mre.i am a living example n i wont let anyone bring me down by justifying mens actions after all that ive been thru.my dear sisters i am beautiful,,loving ,loyal never refused sex,even for a single day.he used to tell me ur the goddess ov it all.My Lord had to bring me down cause i made my husband my lord.yes!!! theres a thing called devil n he took the better of my husband n he repeated himself in his act of betreyal.god damn it it hurts.n its all this male mustangs fault.respect,huh!!! i used to kiss his feet,smell his pillow n shirts ,took care of his mom n welcomed his relatives.n now theres nothing but hurt n ppl tell me to 4give.HELL!!! yes we look 4 men who r followers of the great nabi not the followers of devil n their so called peer preasures .

    • Sister Sabeeqa, this life is a test for us to be rewarded in the life hereafter.

      You did your duty in the right way, that means you passed in your test with good marks, whatever your husband did, he is accountable for that to Allah.

      Just think of whatever you did was because Allah aksed you to do this (includes all the respect/care you gave to your husband), and imagine that Allah will definitely be happy with you coz you did as He had asked.

      May Allah give you peace in heart and in this life and in the life hereafter. Ameen.

    • Saud Shuja

      We have Your side of the story sister. First bring your husband to defend himself. Please brother & sisters do not start passing judgement in haste. It seems she’s expecting some fatwa & if she is then – tough luck, knocking the wrong door.
      Salam
      جزاكم الله يرحم لكم جميعا

  11. Jazakumullah Khairan, may Allah strenghten you and give you more wisdom. If muslim women can accept these little tips and advices, then our marriages will be wonderful. Well done

  12. I find point 3 rather black and white. In particular the Hadith. Sometimes women refuse sex on the grounds of Ill health, pregnancy, childbirth etc. does that mean she would be cursed all night. Surely a Muslim husband would be accommodating and respectful of his wife in full
    Knowledge of these matters. Therefore not expecting her if she was unwell. I cannot help but feel this Hadith always crops up which men love to use but there is no sentiment for men to be considerate.

  13. muslimah

    I think the issue nowadays is women are raised with the idea that men are more perfect than they are, and more like women. The truth is that men and women are different, so the sooner you can move on from that the better. If you respect your husband and his needs ISA he will respect yours. If you don’t then don’t expect much from him. We do not live in fairy tales, our husbands are not prince charming, their real men with real needs, desires, and yes even emotions just like us. If you can’t except that get ready to be disappointed. (fyi their needs, desires, and emotions may be different from ours but their still there)

  14. Ryantheirishman

    I would remove #7 if I were the author of this article TBH. I could see some poor girl who is being abused reading that and validating herself and coming back for more.

    just my two cents

  15. Great article, although I think number 4 needs to go.
    To read that title ‘he thinks about other women’ and then the next one.. ‘he wants to make you happy’
    WELL, great job done there.
    I’m sure each wife will be happy with that. -_-
    They are rather contradicting statements.

    • big deal, a wife isn’t happy about her husband being a man and being polygamous by nature

      and men aren’t happy with women in many regards either. grow up and stop playing the victim. nothn

  16. Asalaamualaykum.
    I love this. jazakallahu khayr.
    Sincerely, this was an eye opener. I loved it all.

  17. Salaam to all Muslim brothers and sisters who are reading this article and its forum,

    This article is informative. But there are certain aspects of that needs addressing. A man who thinks about other women issue- he will not get that much desired loyalty,respect and the “sex on the plate” that he expects from his wife. It has to be earned. In fact it works both ways- a wife will be loyal and her obedience, sex etc only when she FEELS secure in the marriage.

    May I point out that marriage is very hard experience for both parties. Only patience, repect and hard work from both spouses on mutual basis are few of the qualities that can make the marriage work. It is about give and take.

  18. astaghfirullah at number 4!!!! the author needs to reevaluate his Islamic morals! you are leading readers that are muslim men in the wrong path! For shame!

  19. Agreed…!
    GOD has not created women emotionless
    Inspite of her respect,loyalty n etc etc if he will still think about other women in anyway…’u can’t just justify by saying that all men do so or it’s their nature

  20. Sisters, I take this as an opportunity to dispell some of the misunderstandings of this hadeeth. In every hadeeth there is meaning and insight to be gained. The hadith is not carte blanche for a man to come every night and request sex and then when refused hold this over her head. Islam is about logic and clear thinking. The hadith is meant for two people who are married and are being the best husband and wife to one another. This entails having respect and loyalty for one another, along with the feelings of passion and love to one another. So when a man asks his wife, and this is a good point, the hadith says “ASKS his wife”, not force it upon her, and she says no without reason, in order to get back at him, because they are fighting and she wants to teach him a lesson. But for the couple who are in agreement with one another and understand one another and know that perhaps you have had a long day, your stressed about work, your worried about your childrens exams etcc..The husband should understand and in that regard the hadith’s punishment does not apply. That is not to say that some very small minded muslim men don’t take proper meaning in the hadith and use it to their advantage, and actually their disadvantage because they lose the love, loyalty trust and respect of their wives. I hope that shed some light on the issue for you all. Salam

  21. Assalama aleikum,

    I would say some of the sisters plz know the different between yr opinion and the prove of the hathis or the quran, what you think doesnt matter what matter is what allah say.

  22. Ok….we need to understand that the author is just telling it like it is…..men do think about other women…just as women do other men….it doesnt mean either will act on it. As far as the sex thing….the qaran does tell us this….hopefully our husbands are understanding and considerate of our feelings….but it is our obligation …..Overall…this article was very useful…and it helped me understand my husband a little more…as I am a revert from a western culture and my husband is north african….my biggest concern in our marriage has been that he doesnt talk and share with me as much I felt he should. i understand now why…and hope that we can adjust to each other more. Thankyou

  23. Assallamualaikum brothers and sisters,

    Firstly, I would like to thank the author of this post for his sharing the knowledge.

    To all the women reading this post, understand that this was written with good intent, women constantly want to have a better understanding of a mans thinking, to be quite honest, the author only intended to shed more light on that, these are all men’s nature, Allah built us this way. And of course if a woman is not able, then it’s only logical she doesn’t have to have intercourse, just think common sense, not everything has to be explained in detail for you.

    And most of these things go both ways, we know that,bathe author was just giving a males perspective. Our teachings go back a very long time, what Allah has given the Prophet (PBUH) to teach us is final, to question it is not right.equality is important, and we are taught that. Insha’Allah we all better ourselves and our relationships.

  24. Mashaa Allaah,this was a pleasant article to read. I really enjoyed it and may Allah bless the author,amin.

  25. SULEIMAN ABDULRAHMAN

    Hmmm! dis is remainder to our dear sister, jst vice-vasa may ALLAH c us tru.tanx

  26. As Salam Alaikum

    Allah created men and women to be each other’s companions not competitors. One fills in what the other lacks. If both the partners realize that & aim to make their marriage successful with love, respect & loyalty they wouldn’t need to throw back and forth the Hadiths and Quranic verses just to be one up on the other. 
    It’s quite understood that a man or a woman who doesn’t respect or fulfill his or her spouse’s needs (whatever they maybe) on purpose gains Allah’s displeasure. 
    And any husband and wife who love each other wouldn’t do things on
    Purpose just to get back at one another.

    If both the partners worried more about providing the rights of the other rather than waiting to give rights only if they saw nothing missing in the rights they were getting, I’m sure life will be a lot simpler. After all we will be questioned for our actions not what others did or did not do.

    May Allah guide us all to the right path.Ameen

    It was a good article and the author wrote it with good intention.

  27. Urgh..How transparent..what a way to twist things to advocate one’s own desires.. I agree with sara that certain parts of the article are rubbish.

  28. wife who knows

    Things Ur Muslim Wife May Not Tell U. 1) Respect is earned. If you are living off her money. Yell and scream at her. Beat her. Threaten her with divorce. or another wife. Treat her like a servant. Mock or make fun of her. Have more time for ur friends than her. Etc. DONT EXPECT RESPECT. 2) If your sex was all that great, she wilo do the same for her. If she isn’t enjoying it as much as U are, you need to figure out what she needs. Sex releases stress. Releases natural antidepressants. Its like a drug. In a religion banning intoxication, this is one of very few ways to feel drunk or high. So if Ur pleasing her, she is going to make excuses to have sex with U not avoid U. 3) If she loves U she will have eyes for NO ONE ELSE. And if she isn’t IN love with U it doesn’t mean she cant be commited and faithful. Honestly the muslim women today are taking theri commitments way more seriously than the brothers. Many a sister lives her life with a man she never loved but he never knew it. 4) Your wife doesn’t want the stupid car, expensive phone, or giant diamon
    d ring. If she is telling you otherwise its bcuz she thinks thia is the best she can hope for with u and ur marriage is in big trouble. Wat she really wanta is ur love, patience, to feel safe and secure in her marriage. If anything, she is going to think U cheated or did something wrong if U keep throwing dunua at her

  29. Correct 100%…..if the above post is giving u everything with reference and inspite of this you are not accepting it means you are zionist…and woman dont make your own rules and laws this world is hell due to yours silly thinkings got it

  30. Canadian

    oh god, it was scary reading this and realizing there’s an entire culture of people that think this way and live this way. Not to insult, I didn’t mean it like that. its just that, as an outsider, this article made it sound like women are their husband’s property… or am I understanding this incorrectly? the whole ‘cursed for not being your man’s slave in bed’ thing sounded a bit extreme…

    • hey sista. the guy has duty to keeping his wife well ‘comforted’ before he even thinks selfishly about his own satisfaction. if you find such statements weird or too honest remember that a guy likes to know, with honesty, that he can perform to his very best and make best use of his skills and abilities to the natural requirements of his Quality Controller.

  31. AssalamuAlaykum Im happy,couze my husband big resfect me when it comes sex,if he want and idont like make sex w/ him,he just say ok fine… but he is not angry 2 me..thans 4 the nice topics n advice…Allah huakbar..

    • hmmm you’re happy; but is he really happy? take time to find out. dont expect him to remain content. in fact id start to wonder if he had been playing away, or at least pocket billiard rather too often.. if he ALWAYS seems to be content when you say ‘ you are just so considerate…….’

  32. Assalam Alaikum!

    Although, a male, I would say about the 3rd point that it much more depends on the condition:

    1) Now if a man is having sex with his wife for 3 consecutive nights and if the wife does not want it on the 4th night then I don’t think she will be cursed for it.

    2) It clearly says if the man “sleeps angry”, then she will be cursed. If the woman convinces him somehow not to be angry or have some genuine problem to avoid it then I don’t think she will be cursed.

    3) Its one of the things that will actually also keep the man satisfied. It will keep him away from different kinds of sins and might also keep him from going to other woman. This will also keep a man loyal to you.

    Peace!

  33. I think the author has done a nice job. He did it with a good heart, so keep ur shirts on if it happens to be wat u dnt wanna hear. The least of the 7th pts however is #4. No woman wil b happy readin it n am openly sayin out my opinion coz there aint no hadith or ayat backin d point dat ur husband thinks abt other women. The bottom line though is I like ur article. Jazaakallahu khayran

  34. salma zayyan

    This is a wonderful piece Masha Allah to whoever posted this. And its so true toom some times I feel un loved by my husband and I always feel he doesn’t share things with me. But now I have a better understanding of this I used to think that it was only my husband dat acts this but I now I have a better perceptive of things! Thank u very much jazakallahu khairan

  35. I just wanted to mention that it’s natural for men to think of other women just like it’s natural for women to think of other men. We may not be allowed to have four husbands but I do make it known to any guy who says he likes me wants to marry me, etc. that I have to be pleased emotionally and sexually and if not, there are other men just like for them other women. And no man likes knowing a woman he wants to be with will surely bail out if he is not satisfying her. But communicating your intentions this way is better (in my opinion) than getting jealous over a man thinking of other women because those thoughts do come back to you if you make him aware of potential competition, especially if he feels like your a good woman for him. No man likes sharing his woman or losing her to another man. So really, #4 about him thinking of other women is not bad, that is his right. Just make sure you know yours before getting involved with someone and be honest and to show your intentions.

  36. yeah sure , he’ll like that. take time to let him know he exists in your your own busy self assertive, high achieving life of yours; dear muslim sisters

    • Yeah so what if a we chooses to aim higher at least we don’t sit on our back sides everyday and live off JSA every week. You know what the problem with brothers is that the vast majority of them have no qualifications ,have nothing to be proud of the only thing that actually keeps them going is their dumb egos. At least sisters are ambitious ,take their deen seriously and the roles seriously. Your just Jealous!!!

  37. asiangirl

    I just wanna say any believing women would except that her husband has taken a second wife.

    • As long as he is of good character and religiously committed, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)’
      If he is of good character and religiously devoted he will go his daily life making sure to follow the sunnah of the prophet and the holy Quran. And seek only to please Allah subhana watala. So for example if he chooses to take a second wife he must ensure that the rights of both wives are fulfilled.

  38. You should choose for yourself a man who is of good character and religiously committed, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)’classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.

    This may be found out by researching about the man and asking his friends and neighbours, and the imam of his mosque; you should not base your decision on emotions or unverified claims.

    If you are fortunate enough to find a man who is of good character and is religiously committed, then you have been blessed with something good. This is the one who is expected to be fair and just, and to fulfil duties and obligations.

  39. asiangirl

    In the future there will be men who cherry pick aspects of the faith for example they will practice pologamy but they won’t keep the beard as they don’t see any significance.

    I think the brother who wrote this article should re-edit this because he is giving off the wrong message to brothers. (ITS LIKE HIS SAYING ITS OKAY TO BE A LAZY MUSLIM-WHEN ITS NOT)Brothers should do the utmost best to emulate the life of the prophet and their should be no excuses brothers are too busy lecturing sisters on how to be a good wife when their forgetting about their own individual selves.

    Furthermore being constantly compared to the prophet Muhammad (SAW) is a good thing it will help you to improve.

  40. For those muslimah who are not happy about the content, please remember the topic is “7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You”. It doesnt apply to all brothers but these are the things in their mind that most probably they wont tell you about it (seeing the debate going on above, there is good ground why they choose not to tell us) ;) cheers

  41. Thank you thank you DR ABULU for the good work you just did in my life , my name is ALVINA i was married to my husband for two years and we were living together happily and we both love each other for this two year not until one bad evening when i came back from work late due to scares of transportation and he started queering and he said he does not trust me anymore and he can continue with this marriage anymore and he drove me away from his house unknowingly to him that i was carrying his two month old baby inside me i tried informing he but he won,t listen to me anymore i thought i will never get him back again and i loved him so much and i promise not to rest until am able to get him back to my life so i began to look for a solution and help to get him back this was because i do not want to give birth to a fatherless child so one afternoon as i was browsing on my computer i came across a testimony shared by miss Rachael from UK how she got his ex husband back with the help of Dr abulu of (abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) so i decided to give him a try and to my best surprise the spell this man cast on my husband work just within two days i contacted him . and today am happily living with my husband and a bouncing baby boy , with all this help rendered to me through this DR ABULU OF (abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com )i will always thank him forever and testify his goodness in my life for other,s to hear an see , once again thank you DR for bringing back my family ,

  42. Assalamaleikom,

    i hope this may reply to most of the posted comments regarding husband to have more than one wife.

    Polygamy

    Q. Why is a man allowed to marry more than one wife in Islam? Or why is polygamy allowed in Islam?

    Answer:

    1. Definition of Polygamy Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted and polyandry is completely prohibited. Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?

    2. Qur’an is the only religious scripture in the world that says ‘marry only one’ Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the religious scriptures like the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.

    Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives. In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a couple of centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.

    Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had 2 wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah. (960 A.D to 1030 A.D) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, when an Act of the chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.

    3. Hindus are more polygamous than Muslims The report of the ‘Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam’, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66,67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the year 1951 -1961 was 5.06 among the Hindus and only 4.31 among the Muslims. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to the Muslim. One can imagine what would have been the percentage of polygamous marriages among the Hindus if the Indian government had made it legal for them. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures. Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.

    4. Qur’an permits limited polygyny As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an: ‘Marry woman of your choice in twos’ threes’ or fours’ but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, (with them), then only one’ [Al-Qur'an 4:3]

    Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals with them justly. In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says: ‘It is very difficult to be just and fair between women’. [Al-Qur'an (4:129)]

    Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to marry more than one wife.

    Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Dont’s.

    (i) ‘Farz’ i.e compulsory

    (ii) ‘Mustahab’ i.e recommended or encouraged

    (iii) ‘Mubah’ i.e permissible

    (iv) ‘Makruh’ i.e ‘not recommended’ or discouraged

    (v) ‘Haram’ i.e prohibited or forbidden

    Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.

    5. Average life span of females is more than that of males By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. During paediatric age however, in childhood itself a female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, there are more deaths among males as compared to the females during paediatric age.

    During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

    6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide. India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.

    7. World female population is more than male population In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The USA as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.

    8. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million more females in USA who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.

    Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property. There is no other option. I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the first. However a few smart people before accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins. Biologically, it is not possible for an average man or a woman to remain celibate throughout life. It may be possible in exceptional cases of one in ten thousand. In the vast majority, the person either gets married or performs illicit sex or indulges in other sexual perversions. Sex hormones are released in the adult body every day. That is the reason why Islam has prohibited monasticism.

    In Western society it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

    Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second. There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.

  43. To the person who wrote this artical.. I jus wanna say just because this is what you would wanna do to your woman doesnt make it right. Sex when he wants even if the woman doesnt?? You mean rapeee!??? Unwanted sex! As for men cam think of other woman?? Lol ur funny! You should not even be looking at other woman mate! Marriage and everything within marriage is with mutual agreement!! Yh im a girl and right now i wish i could punch u in your face!!!!

  44. Muslimah WIfe

    Asalam waliykum,

    Jazakallakh khier for this article and previous articles. I have to say shukran and Allah barek feek, you have saved my marriage. Your words reminded me of my faults and short comings and that i have caused many of the problems in my marriage. Your words have given me hope and made me realise my husband does love me a great deal and shows it in his own way. That my way is a little cliche, and sterotypical but none the less, he still loves me.

    Jazakallah khier. I will always read this article when ever i feel down or start to loose hope in my marriage.

    Baraka Allahu feek Akhi.

    Wasalam

    • A good wife is pressures, a husband sometime forgets what his got. Men may be the bread winners but life is not complete without a wife. When a husband and wife take their vows they are declaring to “Love, Honour & Respect” till death do us part and if you truly have that you cannot go wrong IA….

  45. WE HAVE BEEN STUDYING THIS SUBJECT ABOUT MORE THEN ONE WIFE. IT’S THE HOLY QURAN SO IT’S ALLAH WORDS THAT WE R TO OBEY CLEARLY ALLAH KNOWNS ALL THINGS TO B TRUE . I TOO WAS NOT FEELING THAT AT ALL BUT UPON FARTHER STUDING AND PRACTICING AL- ISLAM FOLLOWING THE QURAN WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS PONIT BLANK

  46. Abdul Azeez

    This is a good advise for sisters in Islam and also teaches brothers little on how to treat their wife in a right way

  47. Assalaam all
    I really understand what all of our sisters are saying and I know they feel hurt but please be careful what you say against what Allah is saying if I was you I would recite my KALIMAH again as some statement u made might have taken u out the fold of islam. Astagfirullah Allah forgive us all ameen

  48. Rooksana Suleman

    What happens if you give your husband all the Love all the respect never deprive him from anything,But instead he is the one that rejects you all the time making excuses then what does a women do then? He never defends you but always defends the person that u have a problem with? Threatens you with divorce when ever you say you going to tell her husband about they little chats on a daily base. What does a women do then ???
    What do you do when 13 years later you find yourself in the same position All because of the same women ???
    He again threatens you with divorce if you go forward ? He does not share the same bed with you for weeks… What does a Women do then? Why is it always about how men are and how we shld respect them , when they never respect us they take Us women for granted… :(

    • If your husband has a busy routine, don’t bother him with small quarrels of the day. When he returns home, give him some time to relax and settle before you throw all your daily small issues at him. Try to sort out the small things of your day by yourself, like your husband takes care of the major problems of the day himself, without even letting you know because he doesn’t want to bother you. Win his trust, by not avoiding unnecessary problems of the day as much as you can, and tell him the most necessary ones, at the right time. Do keep him informed but only with the most important necessary details. Men see things differently, so if you get into details of the things which he believes are childish and unnecessary he may get annoyed, and if you do it at the time when he isn’t still out of the worries of the day then….

      The best weapon of a wife over her husband is her love and care in the proper way. If you only learn to use it properly. To put him back on track, just reduce your level of love to the minimum level which is your duty, and he will do everything to get you and that extra love and care back… I don’t mean sex only, by “Love”.

    • If he is mistreating you, you have the right to leave him. Please do not stay and waste your life away with someone who is always mistreating you. You may think leaving is the hardest thing to do (it takes courage) but have faith Allah will guide you. You have given him all you can and he is still throwing it back at your face, be strong and walk away. Remember Allah only help those who help themselves. Good always comes from a bad. You will find the strength IA. Life is no life without peace.

  49. Your Mother

    It’s true men think about other women, but that doesn’t make it right. Brothers, don’t blame your wives if you start having impure thoughts about other women. Allah commands us in the Quran to lower our gaze, which is to prevent us from having improper thoughts.

  50. How can something as superficial as growing a beard be a sign of a ‘better muslim’? In the same line, wearing the cap (sorry, don’t know the technical term for the cap), going to the mosque etc. – aren’t they all superficial? Mohammad made the rules for his time – for some purpose. To use the same ‘rules’ for the current century really doesn’t make sense. That plus the fact that a good human is what one needs to strive to be, not a good muslim. Just my observation.

    • Sndp

      Just so you know amongst those good humans are the good MUSLIMS. Not all Muslim are same, you are talking about a handful.

  51. to be frank I think many muslim men prefer to have mistresses rather than remarry…a man who agrees to remarry and to take the responsibility of another woman in my opinion is very courageous…..personally I will prefer my husband have a second wife rather than having many short affairs,,,,, many sisters are not even aware that their husbands are cheating on them…..

  52. nice article….ma sha Allah…described very beutifully in concise way..wud recommend every1 even to watch sk.yasir qadhi lectures somewhere on youtube “like a garment” course…just alhamdulillah awesome.beautifully explained..both for men and women,,,,:)

  53. Well the perception of people is different .
    As per my perception this article is for people who understands it or try to, leaving arrogance behind far away.

  54. The reaction of most of these women show exactly why this article is called ’7 things your husband won’t tell you’
    JazakAllah to the author

  55. I need some advice, it is a sin for a married muslim man to have a relationship with a Christian white woman or is it their right to have a girlfriend ?

    • Assalamu Alaikum.

      Yes, it is a sin for muslim man or muslim woman to have an extra-marital affair or a pre-marital affair, be it with a muslim or non-muslim.

      Allah Knows best.

  56. @Kay: can u provide some Daleel (proof) for your statements.I would love to examine them. You said a man is not allowed to marry a 2nd without the first PERMISSION. He already has permission From his lord with stipulations. So permission from his first wife would be SHIRK.Proof Please

  57. meera feroz

    asalamu alaikum,
    i really like this article. it helps me to console my upset mind and to love more my wouldbe. ALLAH is great…….

  58. Asalam O Alikum!

    I’ve read this article & I feel this article is like imposing things on women. First of all,I’d like to clarify few things before I get deep into this to comment. I’m not even married but IN SHA ALLAH I’ll marry the girl I love & the girl for whom I’m praying. But watching comments & after reading the article I’d like to say that SEX is not only the thing keeping marriages prosper & happy life.
    One should learn how to respect his wife. Women indeed isn’t something sex slave,and if she denies to have then what’s the big deal? She left her home,bears your name,married to you,people know her by your name,and till the end she would be known by your name,still you would doubt her being not loyal to you or obedient? Think about this please.
    Having dinner & lunch with your wife together makes her feel more special too. Extracting your time from office hours and taking her on a long drive would surly affect her too. Make her feel special & she’ll make you feel special too.

    I can’t be selfish on this when it comes to second marriage & indeed I’ll try to fix issues instead of going for second thought. And why would I when I love my wife. Everytime it isn’t a happy hour to spend. Sometimes you’ve to face the difficult phases & problems too. That’s what life is.

    I hope this didn’t hurt someone feelings.

    • salam..

      good points you wrote, but in reality, you haven’t married.

      yes, sex is not the only thing important in marriage, but it is the most important. Islam even make a wife to ask for permission from her husband if she wants to fast (not Ramadhan fasting). I believe you know the wisdom behind this command of Allah swt.

      The writer is just writing on what is happening in our society. Reality, not being idealistic. The writer is just being realistic!

      Like it or not, some men are polygamous in nature (if not all) and we have to deal with that.

      I am a guy, and for many reasons I have always wanted only one wife. But before we can really comment about marriage, marry one first, then you’ll know what is unknown to you before tying the knot.

      Nice comments you wrote there though, and I enjoy reading em. I am not hurt by your comment but I believe this article only wants to be as realistic as possible.

      Wallahua’lam

  59. Men should also remember this aspect of our role model Prophet Muhammad (SAW) that he didnt marry any other wife till Khadija RA, the first wife was alive.

  60. I agree with Kay and I am a muslim Man. Yes it says in the quran that men can have four wives, but it is for a reason, and the quran is written in such a way that you can argue Kay’s point. The quran says that a man must treat his wives equally, you can easily argue that if the original wife doesnt want her husband to marry again then that is him being unfair to his first wife as compared to the potential second wife.
    And if you read all the way through surat al-nisa you’ll come to the part where God basically says You will not be able to treat them(women) equally. ”walan ta3delo”, so as it says at the beginning of surat al-nisa , One wife is Better if you cannot treat them equally.

    P.S Please keep open minds, do not try to scare one another with threats of ”you nearly left islam with your words”

  61. I disagree with #4. If he loves you enough he is not gonna be thinking of considering another wife or another woman even for a second. Just because majority of muslim men do doesnt mean all do. We live in 2014 people, not 600 BC lol.

  62. Informative article. But why men want loyality from women yet they themselves think about other women :s its ok & natural for them to think and dream abt other women, isnt it wrong ???

  63. Muslim girl

    Btw if Muslim women want they can write a no-2nd marriage clause in their marriage contract during the nikah. Your husband is then forbidden from a 2nd wife unless he wants a divorce.

    Lastly, just like the man, a woman desires respect from her man too. Goes both ways really.

  64. Muslim girl

    I think the writer of this article is a bit misinformed.
    Women actually look at attractive men too. Women want physical intimacy too. Its not just men.

    I also find it kind of wrong how the writer kind of placed the responsibility of being faithful on the wife. In the end your own integrity makes you stay loyal.

  65. Muslim girl

    Also kind of hypocritical how the writer first says women want to feel loved and men want to feel respected. The article asks women to respect their husbands but the final point says if he doesn’t say I love you it’s alright, he still loves you. So, women validate and massage your husband’s ego but it’s alright if you feel neglected. Nice.

  66. Just like if a woman wants a man to love her, she needs to figure out how to show respect even when she doesn’t respect him, and figure out how to be with him at night even when she’s not feeling attracted to him, just like this, if a man wants his woman to respect him, then he needs to figure out how to talk to her and show his emotions instead of hiding behind the all-too-easy “Argh, I’m a man, talking is too hard for me” screen. Gifts don’t make up for it, and gifts don’t make me respect someone. Sure, I can fake respect. But if they want it to be real, they need to think about what the wife REALLY wants and needs, instead of what’s easier for them.

    Wa salam

  67. salam alaykum

    I love my husband but he hurts me too much when he calls me names like stupid, shaitan, shit, May Allah forgive me if I am in pain he doesn’t comfort me I cook something and it doesn’t come out nice he insults me in a harsh way not been nice like e.g Maryam your cooking wasn’t nice keep trying and you will get better , then I would listen and respect him he compares me to his friends wives

    please help me when ever we fight he doesn’t give chance too speak only insult me so I treaten him I will leave you our maybe we should get divorce

    • Please you deserve care, love, honour and respect. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. Honestly, if he is not willing to change his ways then leave him, you do not need to live in misery. Allah is watching and the almighty will give you strength and courage. Don’t keep threatening him with words, you need to show you mean it and do it. You have the right to your happiness and to be treated with respect. Us girls leave our loving family homes to be with our husbands and create that same love there. Some of us are fortunate enough and some of aren’t. That’s life.

  68. assalamualaikum,, I not married as yet but I see so much truth in this article by examples of those married or who has been married around me. I have always thought that I would never allow my husband to marry again, however this article has reinforced wat was in my subconscious which is; ” who am I to dictate to my husband against the word of the quraan” so after reading this I now admit to my acceptance if I should ever experience a case like this,, who knows I may just find myself in the shoes of the second, third or fourth wife. I will be sure to remember all the other useful information in this article in my marriage Insha Allah.

  69. HappyGrubMuslimah

    Hi,I came across this when googling about Islamic views on male fantasies.I have been married for the last 8 years and realised my husband not only think about other women (which you seem to agree that most men do,well most straight men at least) but what is recommended that I do should I realise that not only does my husband think about other women,he thinks about having sex with them as well.I find it truly disturbing and upsetting not to mention disrespectful but he seemed to be forcing me to accept this is what it really is.I am truly lost.Please advise.

  70. very nice.. now all we have to do is FIND ourselves nice husbands worthy of all what u have written in the article above…..but to add a point, women are not servants.. they are mans’ partners.. equal partners in life.

  71. imran shaikh

    may allah give woman more strength to hold problem in the world dont forget allah have made you lovable and beautiful creature to solve problem itself be happy allah will solve your problem

  72. I get so tired of reading articles like this. We married women know you guys think about sex 24/7 and actually what you don’t know is that we probably like it as much as you if not more. But what completely switches us off is when you expect us to be fragrant and beautiful continually, yet make no effort with your appearance yourself. Showing us no tenderness or thoughtfulness, making us second best to your mum, your family, your mates. Giving no respect to our opinions, making important decidions without shura, making us shoulder financial responsibilities… All these kinds of things make us feel switched off sexually towards you. We want a gorgeous hero for a husband ad much ad you want a gorgeous wife. And as for “he thinks of other women” – when you treat us like this, it is then we wish we had another husband who is a gorgeous hero.. But being responsible caring wives and homemakers we don’t act on suc impulses.

    • This is a great article about men and how to keep your husband happy but why is there never any mention of how to keep a woman happy and what a man can do for a woman? What about 7 things your wife won’t tell you? And I totally I agree with muslimah. Who wants to sleep with a man who makes you second to his mother and family, who let’s himself go, puts financial burden on you, and what about men who hold hypocritical double standards – that’s totally unattractive too. There needs to be an article about what men can do for their wives bcz I’m sick and tired of reading any more tripe as to how I can better serve a man. Get it together men.

  73. Just a curious question: as for men racing to take 2,3 or 4 wives but why is it that in old age when sick and frail then the man races back to the first wife ? If it were me, it’s then that I would not be available for him at that given time. This I’ve witnessed in many families.

  74. SubhanAllah ladies , stop being selfish . FOR THE LAST TIME , ISLAM Doesn’t force anything on anybody . Allah knows best , there is a reason for this , you just need trust Allah . I am a woman but I know men very good . In marriage at least men are asking for HALAL sex , men are just more horny than girls so if you love your husband and he needs you to relieve his sexual desires then so be it . Would you rather he cheat and have haram sex ??? . And men have all and every right to get married 4 times if he can afford it remember ladies , no he doesn’t need permission from you but it’s better you discuss about it . So stop being childish and open your eyes . We have to accept and love the ways Allah has rolled it down for us . All the ladies grown up in west (myself included) like to think men and woman have the same rights ( I am not saying every body but there are some) . no you don’t , he can married to 4 ladies you can be married to one . He has rights and so do you
    So please don’t act like its forced on you

  75. Annabelle Malindasan

    you dont have to be a muslim wife to do these just a wife..it goes without saying…marriage is a commitment for life thats just me personallyy.if you cant ..then dont get married..im a catholic and my fisnce is muslim ..hes s just the same with a non muslim guy….hes a man he has a needs and when you love someone..you will do anything to keep him happy im not even his wife yet and im doing that already….

  76. fruitytooty

    This was shockingly one sided…. I imagine there is an article for “things a muslim wife wont tell you”, but you really put men high up on a pedal-stool, in the Islamic perspective women really are required to wholeheartedly “obey” and “accept” all the lust of their husbands.
    Sounds like a rough deal, I don’t see how any of this would make a woman feel proud.

  77. miss jay

    im a young muslimah and reading most of your posts has upsetted me you all in eachothers hair you can give advice yes but if you do it with attitude even if you right allah will not reward you for the advice you have given im not one to judge for Allah is the judge of all imperfetions..im human and by reading all these posts it has scared me for the way you guys dont respect the law of islam and how selfish some woman is may allah put it in your hearts to accept whatever difficulties lies ahead for you and bear in mind allah will never put i through something we wont be able to handle for allah is mercifull and you sould accept and respect all trails that comes your way repend to allah and allah will help you accept this matter unshallah…in the name of allah may we help eachother other then going off at one onother remember no one is perfect but we can always try and help the next person inshallah.. il make duah for all wives that feels this way about this law il make duah for allah to grant you the guidance to soften your hearts to grant you wisdom and to give you the ghidiah to repend inshallah ameen may allah increase our knowledge and forgive us our sins ameen

  78. this second wife issue is not for fun as many men want to believe. Its only allowed on some cases where its really needed. Its not like ”Oh i have one blonde wifr, let me have one black wife as well”. Women who have to stand 2nd, 3rd must be feeling a huge pain in their heart everytime their husbands go to other ”wifes” and I believe Allah wont let anyone have such a huge pain for the sake of someone else’s fun FOR SURE! And about this respect issue, nothing comes by itself. U will show me respect and i will show u respect. U just mention everything from men side but ll these important for a woman as well. All people (expect those nonhumans) deserve respect.

  79. Does everyone here agree with #4? I cannot imagine that all married men think about taking another woman. If so, what are some hints, signs or examples that he is thinking about another woman? Thank you.

  80. I am in 2 minds about the multiple wives issue. I am a white English revert sister, who was raised Catholic my whole life before coming to Islam, so I know I am fighting my ingrained culture when I feel instinctively against it.

    However, I could be a second wife, no problem but I could NOT EVER be a first wife whose husband then took a second. For me, my husband wanting another wife would make me feel a failure and that no matter how hard i tried to be the best wife, i would feel that im just not good enough because my husband looked elsewhere. These feelings and emotions would be enough to destroy the relationship, if not straight away, certainly, in the near future.

    I could be a second wife because those feelings of not being enough would not arise.

    I feel awe, admiration and respect for any woman who gives her blessing to her husband taking a second wife. These women truly are the best among us, because it is such a hard and difficult thing to do.

  81. Assalam…..

    STOP BEING SELFISH LADIES….HELP UR MUSLIMS SISTERS TO HV DIGNITY N PRIDE …IM A MARRIED WOMAN…I WOULD ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO REMARRY IF HE DOES THAT WITH A SOLID REASON WHICH CONNECTED TO ALLAH’S WILL….ILL MAKE SURE HE WOULD FOLLOW THE RULES N REGULATION IN A POLYGAMY…ESPECIALLY THE ‘NAFKAH’ PART…WHERE SEXUALLY N FINANCIALLY SUPPORT R CONCERNED…..IF NOT I WOULD SEE THE KADHI TO CLAIM MY RIGHT…
    TO ME WHEN THINGS ARE ALLOWED IN AL QURAN…THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE…
    MY FELLOW MUSLIMAH…LETS GET CLOSE TO ALLAH…SO WE CAN GET OUR HUSBANDS TO BE CLOSE TO US..INSHA ALLAH..

  82. Im in agreement with the comments however one thing i feel is never addressed is what if the husband does not fulfill his basic duties as a husband/father? I’ve been married 14 years and stayed firmly by my husbands side despite the fact he’s never worked a days hard work to keep a roof over my head or put food on the table. I work to support my family some days I’m utterly exhausted i cry because i wonder for how long i can do this for! i dream of being able to ‘respect’ my husband but i must admit over the years i feel that respect i had for him is declining I’ve stayed loyal despite our circumstances. Ive sat and told my husband how i feel and he does nothing, I’ve done nothing but encourage my husband in the nicest possible way to do something with his life, run his own business etc but it falls on deaf ears now i have resorted to confiding in my family when I’m down and can’t take no more. Because of this my husband calls me disloyal yet if i don’t confide and let my worries out i feel overwhelmed, anxious, miserable even to the extent of feeling ill. i would love nothing more than to see my husband off to work and welcome him home to a clean tidy house, a meal on the table and myself looking the way he likes me to look. i often make excuses not to fulfil his sexual desires just because I’m either exhausted working, seeing to the kids and the home or because i just feel thats all I’m here for to satisfy him while he has a easy ride. despite all this my husband chats to women and deep down i have strong reason to suspect he has been with other women. i wouldn’t state this if i honestly didn’t believe it. so tell me what are my rights? and would you say my husband still qualifies for the above? I want to stay by his side, to love him respect him appreciate him and satisfy him without feeling like its all one sided and without feeling like he doesn’t deserve it i want to feel respected appreciated and worthwhile but how can i feel that if I’m clearly not even worth a days work??

  83. Abu Ubaydah

    When polygamy is brought up we have this notion or fantasy that the man will be living the life and fulfill his desire and the women will suffer. Polygamy is a big responsibility. A man has to financially emotionally physically and mentally take care of 2 households. That’s extremely difficult these days. How many of us men are amirs or princes living a lavish lifestyle. 0.001%. So if anyone is seriously thinking about polygamy they better be up for the job. The sahaba were real men and were fighters and very responsible people. Polygamy was a social welfare for them. Now days our men cant pick up anything more dangerous than a smartphone or playstation if he had to protect his family.

    Another point is that actually polygamy can lift the burden of responsibility the woman have towards their husbands and gives her more freedom. (Sidetracked)

    Lets be real here these conditions for polygamy to happen that everyone keeps mentioning… Where’s the proof? Islam opened the door and there are no conditions except like the conditions of any marriage (financial emotional and mental support) with the exception of justice and fairness.. Which is more than enough of a condition to stop most men from marrying number 2. How many muslim men have actually married more than 1 wife around you? Very few. Im in Saudi and not many men do it… even though there are a ton of unmarried girls here in Saudi. As I said before its much more of a burden than a privilege.

    There are more than 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to put their input. Its simple. Its halal but the man has to live up with it. How many can do so? So brothers and sisters before talking about the chances of your husband or yourself getting married again we need to fix and improve our current marriages. If we cant get 1 right how can we get 2 or 3 right?

    Excuse my typos. I typed this up on my phone.

    Wsalam

    Abu Ubaydah

  84. Abu Malik

    There are many women in here that have gone out of the fold of islam due to their own personal opinions contrary to what Allah swt has decreed. Do you think anyone cares about what you think when we have the Quran and the Sunnah?! Now I realize how good I got it because Alhamdulillah my wife is not like most of you regurgitating your jahiliyya to an extent to commit major kufr. There is a reason why the majority of the inhabitants in Jahannam are women. Have taqwa women! Unbelievable!!!

    Qur’an (33:36) – “It is not fitting for a Believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision.”

  85. Salaam
    It is hard to be all that for a man who doesnt respect,show love,have intimacy and hardly spends any time with kids…Do not bother him with small talk?what is that?
    Shouldn’t man and wife be friends, ask for eacothers opinion as Our Prophet(pbuh)did?
    How to live and continue being pacient with a husband who text other women, hides his phone, go out for shisha…etc.
    I am being patient for 10 years but it is hard believe me.It takes its toll, when he gets nicely dressed and goes out without saying he is going out that night, or just even saying where he is going,when he is coming…none of it…just gets up,gets dressed and gives salaam…How can I be loving, caring and make myself beautiful for someone like that?May Allah guide me and everyone in hardship inshaAllah…

  86. Hamdard Shazi

    I agree with you ,u shoot my many problem.only one word I want to say ‘thanks’.

  87. Excellent and so so true! If you want more advice on marriage – watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf6B4xk3kcI by Yasir Qadhi. And read ‘Surrendered Wife’ and ‘Fascinating Womanhood’ – the books. Some things may be hard to swallow for us women, but Allah swt Created us this way, so rather empower yourself with this knowledge and understanding, than bemoan and question the way of things. And Allah Knows Best. Zakkiya – http://www.muslimommy.com

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