7 Things Your Muslim Wife Won’t Tell You

By Pure Matrimony -

Source : islamiclearningmaterials.com

By Abu Ibrahim Ismail
Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years.

One minute she’s perfectly fine. The next, she’s crying like a baby.She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied.After several years of marriage (and counselling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.

With this information in mind, I’ve put together a quick list of things Muslim men should be aware of when it comes to their wife’s mind.

1. Above All, She Wants Your Love

This harkens back to a post I wrote a couple of months ago called “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”

In this article I explained that men desire respect from their wives, and women desire love from their husbands.

When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.

2. She’s Bored

It’s the same thing every day.Week in and week out.Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.

Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.

And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.

So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.Just do something every now and then to break the monotany.

3. She Wants to Be Complimented

Appreciation.Everybody wants it.No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.

Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals.But she does.

And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:

Working or going to school.
Caring for the kids.
Striving to be a better Muslimah.

Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family.

A simple “thank you” is a good start.

4. She’s Insanely Jealous

There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy.Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife.

  • Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
  • Don’t compare her to your mother.
  • Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)
  • She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.

Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.

Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.

5. She Wants You to Help Her Become A Better Muslimah

If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to watch this video I did a couple of weeks ago for Muslim men. In this video I stress the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.

Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?

But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.

6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard

It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” Sahih Bukhari

So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.But very often, you Brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.

Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.

Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.

Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.

7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You

Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.

They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.

Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.

The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.

Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.
Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.
See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?
________________________________________
Source : islamiclearningmaterials.com

45 Comments to 7 Things Your Muslim Wife Won’t Tell You

  1. Tabarakkallah aliik wa Barakallahu fiik , my brother! This is just interesting anf quiete amazing! I just recommand all men, even non-muslim ones, to read this wise and descent article before they go to ask for a wife :).
    Thank you for these wise advice, masha Allah…

  2. sabera chopdat

    very good.all muslim men should read this before they get married if not it causes a lot of arguments.

  3. saada macabangen

    subhanaallah!!! additional knowledge..this article not only for men but also for women..for those divorced muslimah out there like me.. inshallah2 Allah s.w.t will give us a man, who has strong belief/faith in Islam, loving husband,protect and guide us to the right path way..for Allah s.w.t only.. ameeen

  4. I love how this states how we ACTUALLY feel, instead of telling us how (as Muslims) we SHOULD feel. The same goes for the article about the husband and as for the sandwich part… LOL!!!

    Shukran :)

  5. I wonder if women actually want a man to be a leader, or if they just want a man to be strong. I would rather have a partner, than someone who “leads” me. However, I do want a man to play the protective role. But, as you said, women today do most of the leading – they no longer need a superficial leader in the house. Acknowledging that women have transformed their roles, doesn’t mean that you need to revert back to being leader again. What you then have is a power struggle in the house, and women will feel that they are being controlled. Rather, men should step up to the plate, and lead hand in hand with their wife to raise their kids, maintain a good household, and lead a good Muslim life together.

    • Authority & decision making should be a shared event in a Muslim household,That said, A woman should realize the need for a mans role as a protector & leader in her life & should respect the man for the very reason.
      Most human societies are male dominated, making it very difficult for a woman alone to handle affairs that are not confined to the household, hence should treat the man in way to ensure that respect in the society is maintained. Secondly women are more emotional & tend to make more emotional decisions and are unable to realize the gravity of the effects of those decisions on the well being of the family & society as a whole. There are certain domains that should be left for the man to handle as he will remain responsible for the consequences in either case regardless of who has taken the decision in the household

  6. ASSALAM U ALAIKUM !

    A very good article !

    I would also say to all that also read this article as well :)

    “http://www.purematrimony.com/blog/2012/04/7-things-your-muslim-husband-wont-tell-you/”

  7. why do you keep mentioning negative verses regarding women in ur artlces….in the other one about women being cursed if they dont agree to sex and now the now this one…..what is it with some you muslim men trying to control women. Its usually the really ugly and struct ones who dream of having lots of women but will neevr get them so try and put women down

    • tracey andrew

      Sara you gave me a laugh I love your attitude its wonderful & think you are a strong & sensible woman I would appreciate advice from you :)). Thankyou Tracey

    • well none of verse or hadith is away from wisdom hikmat and woman’s profit. so u CAN NOT say any verse NEGATIVE. moreover the author of this article has wonderfully expressed his experience in form of advice, may ALLAH bless him. if u have a better advice do give it to others,, but u can’t curse any verse or a muslim..

  8. Another good article.wonder why it got less comments than the one about men.lol.may Allah reward u brother,may He make us better women and our men,better men,amin.if Allah said it then we can do it bi ithniLlaah!

  9. What about vice versa re:jealousy. Can we get a post about women making their men jealous? (Do girls actually try to make their guys jealous to “make them feel how they feel”?

  10. We should remind ourselves of these fact every day…by reading it once is not enough. “Verily a reminder benefits the believer.” -Al-Qur’an

  11. i m xtian woman.. but this is good. except for the polygami i guess it fit for all men to learn.. even xtian men too.. nice..

  12. asiangirl

    1. Not every women needs you to remind her that you Love her afterall love only lasts for a small period of time she wants you to show her that you respect her and appreciate her.
    2. “she gets bored” lol women aren’t babies we have other hobbies that we can keep ourselves occupied with.
    3. Compliments are nice sometimes.
    4. We don’t get that jealous that easily as I said before she just needs you to show her that you love and appreciate her thats all. Even if you took a second as a believing women she would except that. As long as you fulffil all the duties that allah has prescribed on to you i.e. protecting her ,providing her separate accommodation.

  13. maryam Lawal

    Jazakallah! May Allah bless you for this priceless blog!

    I wish all men will read this and absorb it in there brain n make use of it! Bitter truth is, they all know it but they chose to make it a misery to there wives! From my own part of the society, believe me when I say, we expect the worst when getting married…the brides are never excited coz even if u are at the beginning a week is enough for you to change. The little great dream of happy marriage is taking a diffrent form!
    May Allah change both our men and women today! May we embrace the ways of Allah! Do as we were thought and respect marriage as it should be respected. May we have the best of men as husbands and may the men have the best of women as there wives too. Amen

    • Mrs. Imtiaz

      Aameen Ya Rabb Al Aalameen

      JazakAllahKhair for this article, and JazakAllahKhair for this dua sis

  14. Salam :) that’s good article, anyway the commentator even better because of their realistic experience. I agree with them.
    How about when the man don’t know how to lead his family? Woman should take over his position without visibly feel it. Women could be the navigator of the family.

  15. This should have been written by a woman who would know better about how we think..for example we are extremely jealous? A woman would write about something more important plus I happen to not like how its considered a downfall for a woman to be jealous(which imo really just means she cares) yet its a man’s right to be!

  16. MESLI MOHAMED

    hi indeed islam give us a lot of wiseness we do have to continue to read about hikma and secrets inside quran and hadiths of our prophet ( pbuh) instead of judging other mankind, and time will SHOW us ALLAH AID US ALL.

  17. Shahadat hussain

    alhamdulillah , if muslim husband care for their wives and vice-versa then we will have strong family then we will have stong islamic community , as family is basic unit in any community

  18. Romas Keating

    I really appriciate this text u have sharing with us and it almost correct to my heart … thank and I hope every one will follow it …. insha Allah

  19. mashallah i’ve found this artical enlightning but in meeting all these requirements i still understand in our day to day life there’s no exact science,just do your best and trust in allah swt masallamah

  20. wish i was married by now, but still a student. nice steps to keep a good family life relationship. Jazakallahu khairan. Brother.

  21. Nice one! I hope Nigerian men will learn from this article. They have joined religion with culture.

  22. Gryt post shows how women are, nd the hadiith about women being ungratefull i suppose its true we all do it sometimes, just better to tel him how gratefull you to have him (even if hes just doing his responsiblities). Just look how much comments here in comparisin to the other one, bet all women are happy now becuase they were sure angry with the other post

  23. kato shafik

    yah..masallah spome of us aint yet married bt wid such advice we hope to make beta husbands wen we do insallah
    Thanks for the advice may Allah reward u abundantly

  24. Abdulmegid

    Thank u guys…i really like this page…cant sleep without visiting it…i hope i am getting valuable advises here and inshaallah i will use them in the future…jzk.

  25. U really make a wonderful effort. Eventhough this is apply to majority of women (that’s naturally), but some few don’t deserve it (those are unreasonable women).

  26. Ummu Waraqa

    Extremism is not part of our religion. Islam requires us to be just and balanced in our judgment of things. I saw some irritating cmments and it only seems some of us choose to follow a particular truth and ignore others. Every text of the Quran or Hadith once authentic are meant to be followed without any hesitation. If hadith that is perceived to portray women in negative way is quoted, as Muslims we should know that we are expected to be guided by it and we are only reminded to be wary of them. What is more negative; to adhere to what will not make you fall into the negative aspect of hadith or to enter hell fire? For the brother who wrote this article, i say jazakallahu khairan bcs the article is a must read for anybody who aspire to have a successful matrimonial home. And knowledge is for acting upon.

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