Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

By Pure Matrimony -

Source : islamicawakening.com
By Baiyinah Siddeeq
“I don’t care if I am 55 when I finish school, I will not get married until I finish my education.”

The above is a quote from a young Muslim woman pursuing what she calls her “education.” Unfortunately, her strong dedication to finishing the Western undergraduate and graduate university “education” system reflects the ever growing trend among young Muslims in this society: to wait until they posses a “degree” before entertaining the prospect of marriage. What is even more grim is the fact that these young Muslims’ parents reflect the same diseased ideology.

Somehow, the Western system of “education” has replaced Islam as the central priority in Muslims’ lives. This blind dedication to obtaining a degree is so ingrained in the Muslim family that if a daughter herself is interested in marriage, the parents will forbid the matrimony solely on the grounds that she must finish school. Thus, marriage has virtually become a bad word in several Muslim circles if that word “marriage” is at all connected with the marriage of a “daughter” who has not finished “school,” i.e. “college.” Of course, if she has not finished high school, marriage is beyond undesirable; it is unthinkable. Such counterproductive thought processes are contributing to the breakdown of the Muslim ummah, and they are preventing the true establishment of Islam in our society and lives.

Every society has a foundation, and that foundation is the family. If we Muslims value obtaining Western college degrees more than we value establishing the foundation for an Islamic society, what does this say for the future of our ummah? Furthermore, what does it say about our claim that we are indeed Muslims? It goes without saying that there is benefit to holding a college degree, but when weighed against the benefit of marriage, which is half of our religion, marriage heavily outweighs it. Thus, when we see that in the hearts and minds of Muslims the benefits or “urgency” of a college degree outweighs marriage, there is something seriously wrong in our ummah not to mention our thinking.

Although, on the surface, the issue of education versus marriage seems complex, the explanation for this phenomenon is actually quite simple: our basic values lie not in the akhira (Hereafter) but in the dunya (wordly life). Whenever we are presented with an order from Allah or His Messenger (i.e. marriage), we fulfill that order only in so much as it does not prevent us from attaining the glitter of the dunya. For many of us, if the order inconveniences our dunya too much, we ignore the order all together–hence, the quote above. For most of us, if something must give —dunya or akhira—the choice is simple: akhira goes first. Hence, we have the prioritizing of school versus marriage.

Another phenomenon prevalent in our ummah that is weakening the foundation of our Islamic society (family) and serves as a ground to delay marriage is Muslims’ ever growing fascination with a chronological number attached to each person because that person happened to be born on a particular day in a particular year, commonly termed “age.” Somehow, we have internalized the Western definition of “childhood” and “adulthood” so much so that we frequently refer to our young adult children of marriageable age as “children” or “too young” to marry.

Both the labeling of adults as “children” and the excuse that adults are “too young” to marry are phenomena that are not only new to Islam but are inventions of the modern age in general. [editor's note: dare we forget the ages of many of the sahaabah? How Usama bin Zaid led an army in his teens, and how we had "teenage" mujaahideen?]. And just as we follow the people of the world into the “lizard hole” of “education,” we follow our modern teachers (who have replaced the Prophet (saw) as our example) into the “lizard hole” of obsession with age.

And just as holding a college degree has become the single most important accomplishment of the young Muslim and her family, so has age become the most significant determinant of whether or not a person is “ready” to marry.

The question is, what do we do about it? First, we must reclaim our Islamic identity and reevaluate our purpose on this earth. When we do this honestly, we will discover that our purpose here is very straightforward: to establish Islam in our lives and then in the world at large. Everything else, such as attending a local university and obtaining a college degree, falls under the category of “accessories,” i.e. “not necessary.” Thus, when a Muslim is faced with the prospect of marriage, which falls under the category of “establishing Islam,” there should be no hesitation, and any desired “accessory” should be pursued only in so far as Islam is pursued. As a result, there is the possible scenario of, yes, a “young married college student,” or dare I say, “young married high school student.”

The benefits of marrying are enormous, and those benefits increase when marriage occurs sooner rather than later. Guarding the chastity of our youth and encouraging the birth of several children for the growth of this ummah [not to mention the fact the marriage creates an ideal scenario for man and woman to increase their chances of entering Paradise and fulfill half of their religion] are serious benefits that Muslim parents and youth need to reconsider. Let us reclaim Islam for ourselves and share it with the world, and let us start in the home by encouraging young men and young women to marry. Let us redefine “education” and “adulthood” based upon Qur’an and Sunnah. And may Allah bless us to please Him while we are on this earth through establishing Islam in every aspect of our lives without hesitation, and may we attain Paradise, our goal. Ameen.
________________________________________
Source : islamicawakening.com

53 Comments to Marriage: To Wait or Not to Wait

  1. The fact of the matter is that many Muslim women decide to go to college instead of sitting on their hands waiting for Prince Charming. I’ve tried many times during my college career to get married, and with not being successful, I’ve considered continuing to med school. What else is a Muslima supposed to do with her life? No answer I’m certain.

    • Rashad Mohammed

      Are you saying you gave up?? There’s no reason for one not to get married and continue education as well…

  2. Exactly, it is not like Mislimahs do not want to get married. We want to we really do. But where are the guys? Of course, they are in this world but are they willing to marry a girl for her deen..ahmm….NO. or a girl who is educated and/or better qualified (oh i dare not say Intelligent) hmm… probably NOT. Yeah! that’s what i thought.

    • No sister, i really wanna do.. but our modern family want to settled man who have money, cars and property. so its very hard

  3. I’m agree with our sister above.
    We want to get married earlier but where the man? Who loves Allah and than propose us…

  4. Umm Haleema

    SubhanAllah a wonderful article. I was so happy to come across this article as I have met many young and older parents of children who now have the same thinking, even if it wasn’t the case for themselves. I sincerely believe that we need to readout the Islamic ideologies of what is a child and what is an adult. By doing this we can inshallah combat a lot of the troubles we as Muslim families face in this age. JazakAllah kheyr for a wonderful read, may Allah guide us all and provide for our Muslim sisters and brothers a spouse who can be the coolness of their eyes. Ameen

  5. The Holy Qur’an is the most read book in the world yet the least understood. Many reasons for this, but ultimately it is because not everything in the Qur’an is “black and white,” as a matter of fact most things are not. We need a critical thinking ability and most of all we need knowledge to better understand the Qur’an. If we dont gain an education, or a “degree” how will we be ‘smart’ enough to understand what Allah has said to us?

    The Prophet (pbuh) said “seek knowledge even if it be in china”

    Knowledge is ISLAM. We need knowledge to understand what we say in prayer everyday. Unless you want to be like the men and women who live in rural areas in countries like Pakistan who hear the call-to-prayer (aka adhan) everyday but have no idea what it means.

    Reason why many people prefer that their children complete their education before getting married is also very simple- The more educated you are , the higher chances of a successful marriage you have.
    If you are 18 out of highschool…havent even understood who you really are and what you want to be/do in life, how will you have the ability to make a smart decision on what type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

    I know Islamic history shows that women married young, but times have changed. Couples cant survive living alone before they have a bachelors or most commonly even a masters degree to make the money they need.

    Also, if one will start having “several children for the growth of this ummah,” there is an issue for OBVIOUS reasons.

    • I completely agree with you. And i think it is very important for the Women of the house to be educated and God fearing.

  6. If things were ideal people could get married younger, I really do feel that we should look at our youths today, do we think they are the same as the time of our prophet (pbuh),I dont think they are , they are maturing much later in age and I personally think its better to have people fully matured at time of marriage than a higher divorce rate through ‘kids’ marrying ‘kids’ because they do not have the mentality to deal with marriage.,just my opinion.x

    • I agree. I got married during high school, and trust me, I regret it. I wished I had waited a year or so. My husband always thinks I am a “kid” and therefor what I say in invalid. Or sometimes I have no clue what he is trying to say. It becomes complicated.
      I think the ideal age for girls to get married is after they turn 20. And please don’t get married to a guy who is born and raised back home, their mentality is VERY different than ours. Trust me. I am suffering a lot now.
      True there are some amazing men back home, and if you can truly catch one, than go for it. otherwise. wait.

  7. Umm Haleema

    I think in this day and age, one needs to understand the needs of their individual children and go according to that. Everyone cannot be put in the same category. I agree maturity comes with age but every ‘child’ matures differently. I can see the argument from both points of view as I have several friends who have married ‘young’, had less then other more maturer couples in terms of finances and maturity but mashAllah have sustained beautiful marriages and wonderful children.
    I think the modern world doesn’t equipp the youth well enough for what life really is about. People are maturing much later, but I think marriage is one thing that matures you faster then any education will.
    I understand that without a professional degree it is very hard to survive especially in the western world these days but if it is possible for youngsters to get married during education, they should do so provided they have someone to support and guide them until they are able. This is where parents should offer utmost help and guidance. people have stopped working together to support one another and I think that’s why many youngsters are reluctant in marrying early even if they really want/ need to.
    Also the modern world has made us want too much, we believe in living in a certain way and have forgotten the real meaning of life. We often have to remind ourselves that it’s ok to have less and not run to catch up with the world.
    Another point I must make: I don’t believe an education makes you smart or anymore intelligent then a person without a qualification. There are many beautiful, wise and courageous people in this world who have nothing in terms of education. They posess the key to success, the key to living in this world gathering deeds for the next! MashAllah. May Allah (swt) give us all the hidayah to understand what life is all about and to live it according to the Sunnah as much as we can. Ameen

  8. @Ayesha

    I don’t want to make this discussion confrontational and tense. But please leave that feminist garbage out of the conversation.

    Do not cheapen the author’s arguments by reducing it to the typical feminist brainwashed automatic response of, “Men don’t want to marry an educated women who can think for herself, blah blah blah.”

    The author is completely correct. Unfortunately, his position would be treated as kufr by most families. There are many problems that contribute to this issue. It is way of thinking, parents, society, and both men and women.

    Some men are just low lives and are foul and immature and womanizers. Other men, such as myself, feel like they need 10 PhDs to get married, I will not be allowed to marry without having an “advanced” degree even if I don’t want one.

    People make things hard to get married. One of the things is sisters’ extravagant dowries and ridiculously extravagant and expensive weddings. Sisters don’t understand how difficult this is for men and they don’t understand how much a man has to work like a dog to get these things that are not only unnecessary but are blocks to marriage.

    • hmm…you have a valid point there about the cost of weddings and situations with make compulsory for a person to study/get a job before they get married. I also agree that not men are foul and immature and womanizers.

      I am glad you feel that way.

      However, I would like to clarify…I do not have a feminist agenda here. Also, it should be okay if i did sound feminist…right (?) :)
      Feminism is aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights for women (wiki)

  9. Unknown...

    Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah.

    My brothers and sisters, may Allah reward you all for any good intentions u may have had while writing your comments (and the editor and author of the article). But let us not forget the rights of others….subhanallah do we really want to stand on the Last Day with many good deeds but to be taken away by people because we said something about them on the net or elsewhere that they disliked?

    I was going to state my opinion but i have refrained from doing so at the present moment lest i say something that is inconsiderate or displeasing to anyone or Allah.

    I have only one advice for me and you all…..

    Let’s all work on our relationship with Allah and place our trust and hopes in Him but also work towards them too.

    May Allah reward you all and save us from any diseases of the heart, those that are veiled from sight. Aameen.

  10. Why do typical malaysian muslimah must think that men has to do the proposing ? Even Saidatina Khadijah proposed to Nabi Muhammad . if you think for a second that men must propose to women , then you are terribly wrong . If you want to get married , find one . There is no shame in it . Of course , education is important. Men wouldnt want to marry someone who is not educated . How would you educate your children then , right ? but at one point you might want to consider having a life with your family . and for the record , there so much things a muslimah can do . Fill up your time with the knowledge of Islam .” Forum , Ceramah , kelas mengaji , involve with the islamic society ” so many things . Open your eyes and heart . You’d be suprised . -18 years old teenage girl -

    • Rashad Mohammed

      Sister, Deen should be more important. Knowledge and Education are 2 separate things. I would prefer to marry a Practicing Muslim woman VS an educated one who doesn’t pray etc.

      It’s never too late for education. Even after marriage one can get an education.

  11. There are many brothers, including myself who only look for deen when they are looking to get married.

  12. how are the high school or college student suppose to provide enough money for their family? doesn’t it becomes a burden for the couple to continue their education and also live a conjugal life? I do support the post here, but that’s the question I ask to myself whenever I think I want to get married.

    • Rashad Mohammed

      Brother, I know of people that do it. Yes they are busy, but the completed half their Deen. They continue their education AND work.

  13. Ayesha sister most of Grils are waiting a man whit wite Hosrse ,and whit much Money, not wiht much deen,thats wyh wir are waiting grils first deen Allah cc after that everthing comig it self but ,we have to bleve it deep our heards…

  14. Sanni Hadiza

    Jazakhallah to the writer, may Allah continue to enrich you in knowledge. But in a country like Nigeria, early marriage is considered ridiculous. As undergraduates, it s almost impossible 2 convince our parents to allow us marry. And our men? Hmmm..many of them don t consider marriage until when they are ‘comfortable’ (usually in their 30 s). May Allah help us!

  15. Sidrah Aamina

    Assalaamalikum Wahrahmatullahi Wabarakhatahu

    May Allah reward you for your efforts. Ameen

    From a personal perspective, I think its very very beneficial for young muslims to wed, particularly in the west where we’re constantly bombarded by sexual content, whether it be on tv, magazines, music or even while walking the streets. We all possess those animalistic desires that are hard for some or easy to dampen, either way, I believe marriage is the key to success in the eyes of Allah. Think of it a shield to protect you from sin. Might I remind you, Zinaa is not just fornication, it is everything that leads to it as well.

    Unfortunately there are many dilemma’s that we face, I struggled long and hard to try and convince my parents to let me get married… and this was for religious purposes, and they’d refuse.. whether it be for cultural reasons or educational. It’s tough, but Alhumdulillah I put trust in Allah and made continuous Dua and now I’m engaged Sub hann Allah.

    In terms of finding the right spouse, I guess you could use these online facilities such as purematrimony.com. otherwise young brothers and sister should take their siblings of the opposite sex (if they have any, if not cousins) to Islamic society events, and if you see someone you’re interested in, ask your brother or sister (mahram) to approach them for you. This is the most Halal way I can recommend.

    In sha allah, allah will reward you all for your patience, Allah is with the patient :)

    Walaikumsalaam Wrahmatullahi Wabarakhatahu

  16. Sidrah Aamina

    P.S

    Might I add.. I’m currently studying a degree, which is the main reason my parents took so long agree. Anyone can easily combine the two, so long as your spouse is supportive and understanding. Inn sha allah.

  17. I think that this article makes some good points. However, education should not be undermined. There should be a balance between both. I think it’s important for Muslimahs (especially the ones living in Western societies) to continue on with their educational goals because it allows them to feel intelligent and more sociable with others. Plus, many parents who encourage their daughters to continue on with their education are more confident that after them their daughter won’t be stranded alone. She’ll be able to live independently without being at the mercy of other except for Allah (SWT).

    In my opinion, education is a gift. The fact that Allah (SWT) has given us the intellect and resources to obtain an education are beyond words. We’re so lucky, if we do not take the chance to obtain it now then when will we? I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with setting educational goals for yourself, especially if one’s “prince charming” would prefer her to be educated as well. Nowadays, along with Muslim women being able to cook, clean, etc. people ask if she works, goes to college, and/or drives. Things like whether or not she wears hijaab, reads namaaz, & Qur’aan are the last thing on peoples’ ‘spouse-wishlist.’ So, maybe an article discussing THESE kinds issues would be beneficial to our society since it seems to be an abnormally, growing problem in our society. A young Muslim women seeking an education is NOT the issue, the problem is that nowadays people are seeking WRONG qualities when searching for their spouse.

    If a Muslim woman has the money, resources, and intellect then why shouldn’t she go to college? The blessing of marriage comes from Allah (SWT) and when it’s supposed to happen it will; at the right time, under the correct circumstances. Instead of us discouraging our Muslim youth from education and pressuring our Muslimahs to get married, we should give support and encourage our people to excel in the education of our Deen and Dunya.

    Oh, and on another note: education is a process where an individual gains maturity and establishment. If we don’t allow our Muslim women to obtain an education and instead marry them off at ages where maturity and capability are nowhere to be found, then how should you expect her to raise her household in a proper, mature, and Islamic manner?

    I’m quite disappointed with this article, but anyway I hope I didn’t offend anyone with what I said. I just want people to see the other side of things. I feel like there are times when we don’t understand the type of stress and pressure a young Muslim woman goes through. It’s hard for her to fit in with society as a covered young woman, undermine her desires to follow the fashion trends around her, and then on top of that there’s constant pressure from others for her to fit in this way and that, get married, etc. This is not fair and it’s about time someone stood up for the Muslimah youth.

    I know a lot of people are going to feel that I’m just saying a whole bunch of ‘feminist junk’ but the truth is that nowadays, anything that a woman does for herself all of a sudden seems ‘feminist’ or ‘Westernized.’

    May Allah (SWT) forgive me of anything that I have said wrong and may He guide our youth towards the better. I’ve come upon some great articles on this site but this one just doesn’t quite fit right with what purematrimony.com strives to encourage in our society.

    • I agree. i was totally disappointed with the article. Education is a necessity today which aids survival even in married life. The age of marriage and the results of marriage are all pre-ordained. People need to set their goals and paths straight

  18. I disagree with this article on so many levels. First of all, Islam is the religion if knowledge. The first ayaah to be revealed ordered us to read, which emphasizes the importance of education. It is every Muslim’s duty to acquire knowledge both religious and wordly. Think about it, if everyone was just concerned with learning religion, where would our community turn to when in need of medical attention?

    I think it’s ridiculous how women’s acquirement of knowledge is so fervently opposed and deemed secondary to that of man’s. I feel like it’s this attitude that makes women dependent on men and unable to stand on their own two feet. It is the root of domestic violence, especially in Muslim households, because women have no other option, no where else to turn to but to their abusive husbands. Obviously this isn’t the case when a woman is educated. Her degree provides her with options and a means to survive on her own if necessary.

    “Educate a man and you educate one person; educate a woman and you educate a whole nation.” The first person kids learn from are their mothers…those first years are crucial in instilling values in children and shaping their character, and a mother’s importance goes unquestioned. My mom believes this and I agree; she says schools/universities do not only provide you with knowledge on the subject material you’re learning, but it teaches you proper manners/etiquette and overall how to be a better person.

    And finally, I’d like to remind that marriage is not obligatory in Islam, it’s a sunnah. I dislike it when people provide examples of the sahabah who got married young, because, let’s be practical, times have changed. The maturity of the teenage sahabahs most definitely does not parallel the maturity of the teenagers/young adults today. People need to wake up. This is a sad reflection of the societies that Muslims have built.

    • MashaAllah sister :) I completely agree with you. If a women is educated then she can voice her self with confidence and will hopefully not take domestic violence lying down.

    • Rashad Mohammed

      I dont think he was talking bad about Education. The first Ayah also talks about Knowledge and not education. 2 different things.

      A knowledgeable woman is different from an Educated one.

      As well, there’s no reason anyone cant continue education after marriage.

      But hey, if you want to wait till you have that piece of paper that says you can, they by all means.

  19. it’s time for us to stand up for ourselves and for our daughters. How will we face them when they’ll be subjected to the same pressures that we are when we could have easily taken steps to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future? I’m really hurt by this article, I feel like the value of my education is nothing, that I am only to stay glammed up like a doll for my husband, and that I must fit the cookie-cutter shape that society forces us women to fit into.

    How come this kind of thinking hasn’t been eliminated by now!? It’s absurd and really frightening. Nonetheless, the excerpt just strengthened my educational goals and made me want to prolong marriage until the time is right. It’s funny, the article was supposed to convince women like us to not delay in the marriage process but it had the opposite affect, and that is what I call EPIC FAIL.

    • Rashad Mohammed

      So…you would delay marriage until your daughters are “educated” enough for marriage?

      Risk Zina for them?

      I dont understand how people on here cant complete their education after marriage.

      Nothing is impossible or too hard.

  20. Asalaamu Alaikum

    Well I don’t think marriage undermines education at all, I have a sister who got married at the age of 17 (her own desire) she continued her education all the way to a PhD, my sister in law got married at 21 and went to university after marriage, my other sister is getting married next month Insha’Allah, she is also planning on going to university.

    I have many friends who want to get married, to protect themselves from zina or temptation (some who have already fallen into it). But society has programmed them into thinking “I can’t get married until I have a degree, a job with £30k+ salary, a house”

    The desire for companionship is different in everyone, this isn’t about one rule for all, but I know too many people who have gone down the wrong path mainly because the parents did not understand their childs needs. This is a big issue, you have the children telling their parents that they want to get married (to protect themselves from falling into fitna) and the parents say “no, you’re too young”.

    Friends with parents who could easily support another member of the family, say no to their children, “you’re too young, finish your degree first”

    Don’t forget the fitna brothers and sisters face, when going to college or university, I know many brothers and sisters who have been caught up in major sins, because of natural desires they have, but no halal means in satisfying them, getting involved with the wrong people.

    This Ayah should not be underestimated
    “They are your garments and you are their garments.” [Surah Baqarah, verse 187]

    To the brothers and sisters who think getting married young is bad because it might end up in divorce, well firstly it’s unlikely if the upbringing of the child is strong in Islamic values, secondly the spouse is more likely to be a source of support and protection, but if it did end up in divorce, that is much much much better than zina and the risk of losing your child to all the sins associated with zina, like mixing with the opposite sex, partying, clubbing and drinking, it becomes a lifestyle, a hard one to get out of.

    Everyone should seek knowledge, you should never stop seeking knowledge that benefits, but seeking knowledge should be built around Quran and Sunnah, we should not sacrifice the core values of Islam for the sake of a “degree” which will expose you to haraam influences, influences you are not mature/strong enough to resist, which play on your natural desires and risk moving you further away from Allah SWT

    May Allah (SWT) forgive me for anything that I have said wrong and may He guide us all to the right path

  21. shadab hashmi

    nowadays people are not looking at whether we follow deen or not..they all are interested in family status,wealth,financial liquidity…deen comes much later or i say it did not come in marriage prospects.our society evolve such a way that we cant marry if we are in education and that is major problem…i am student, i want to get married and i cant just becouse of the above mentioned reasons…can anyone suggest me what can i do in that satuations….

    • I don’t think that getting married while one is in school is a bad idea. It’s more suitable for others, and if you feel like you’re one of them then make dua to Allah (SWT). He knows what is best, and He will be the one to guide you towards your spouse. If you’re ready then He’ll surely bring you to the circumstances of marriage, and if not then know that He knows what the best time is for you.

      In the Qur’an it says: “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (2:216). Taking this advice and summing up a little bit of patience will provide you to go to great lengths. Maybe right now you feel as if marriage is a great opportunity for you, but perhaps right now is not the best time so Allah (SWT) has you waiting a bit more. Have faith and be patient, a lot of people are undergoing the same situation as you but it’s our job to encourage others to remain optimistic, if we don’t support one another now then when will we?

  22. Qamardeen

    As-salam alaykum to every ummah present herein. Read comments and really got more interested. Marriage is a school where no one graduates until he dies so I think it would be much more better being patient and having all what it requires fending for a family. I have a junior colleague who had a child before his 3rd year, checked on him and pitied their new offspring because the child lacked the proper care that was due for a new born so I think its betteroff to be mentally and financially capable. Maa salam

  23. Salam, I think every single Muslim and Muslimah should pursue knowledge as much as they want. Education is not a hindrance to marriage. What does getting an education have to whom you live with at home? I know you have to take care of each other, but on the other hand you also have so much support! I am undergraduate student and I know of ATLEAST five, six students who are engaged, married, or are married and have children and are still doing extremely well in their education! My own father who has a full time job, a wife, and four teenage kids to take care of is pursuing his second PhD and is doing marvelous at it as well! Alhamdulillah.
    I myself am planning on going to graduate school and yes, after I’m done with my undergraduate I am going to get married inshaAllah and still continue my education :D We can do it! haha

  24. Assalam alaykum
    @ Zubair: You very well articulated my thoughts & opinion. May Allah in His ever flowing mercies open lift the veils which have been placed over our faces all in the name of trying to fit into a society of man made laws while abandoning the Supreme Decrees
    May He facilitate marriage for those eager to protect to their Deen & honor. And Allah knows best

  25. Good article and great comments!

    For the boys:

    I agree with the notion that weddings are expensive nowadays, with all the girls wanting lavish weddings and receptions because its ‘their special day’ so don’t get us wrong ladies, we just want to be financially able because a prospective daughter’s parents will always look at how financially capable the boy is. At the end of the day a ‘nikkah’ is a contract whereby the girls parents transfer their responsibilities on her to the newly husband. So guys in a way are programmed to finish school, get their degree and get a job, and then look for a prospective wife because lets be honest, as a guy who would want to send a marriage proposal, I would want to show that I am working and have a educated background. It would only make the marriage process alot easier for me.

    For girls:

    I agree on the part of being educated. Islam defines education for both men and women. If you want to do your studies then follow through, but if there is a good proposal and you are interested then the best solution is to be engaged while studying and inshAllah you will have a future spouse who can provide you with good advice and emotional support and when you are finished school and the time comes inshAllah marry.

    As for the author’s defense, in many cases girls get proposals while in school and marry before finishing. But that shouldn’t stop them from pursuing education because they can now go to school and have a supportive spouse at home. Marriage is a very important subject matter in Islam, especially nowadays when sex is blatantly everywhere we open our eyes, how else are young Muslims to be chaste without getting married in their prime or early if they find the right spouse.

    Allah (swt) works in mysterious ways, we never realize it but things happen right when they’re supposed to. We plan for ages but Allah (swt) has greater plans for us. All we need is to have the right intention, to inshAllah look for a spouse when we are ready mentally. Marriage is not easy, it is infact a tough grind and one must be physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and financially prepared. Once you become focused on bettering yourself for the tough life ahead then inshAllah will bless you with a girl/boy whom you will like and want to get married with.

  26. Loved this post! I wish my parents could somehow read it.
    I’m turning 21 soon, I really want To get Married And The main reason is to stay away From wrong things, But I’m too scared to tell my parents because I Haven’t finished university yet, not just Scared, I also feel shy coz I know if I tell them this they would think wrong of me for Wanting to Marry at this age, considered young for Them. Having 2 older single siblings makes it Even harder.
    All I Can do is just pray to Allah jj.

  27. qureeb hameed

    The sister are asking “where are the brothers?”
    And I am asking “where are the sisters?”

  28. Rashad Mohammed

    People there’s a REPLY button. Makes it easy to show who’s specific comment you’re replying too, instead of “@”…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>