Author: Pure Matrimony
We’re living in a time where people are obsessed with planning the perfect wedding instead of planning for a perfect marriage. Remember that your wedding is just one day – whereas marriage is for the rest of your life.
To help you get started, here’s 10 things you need to take into account to help you prepare for marriage:
1. Your future spouse is not going to be perfect – Let’s face it – neither are you! If you focus too much on your spouse’s weaknesses and imperfections, you’ll never get the best out of them.
2. Your spouse may have a past – There will be things in your own past that you don’t want your future spouse to ever know about.. There’s a reason why the past is called the past – because it’s gone and you can’t change it! Smart couples focus on the present and the future.
3. Marriage is NOT a bed of roses! It takes a LOT to make your marriage work – which is why it’s called half of your deen. Have the expectation that when you DO find the one, there WILL be struggles and difficulties ahead. That’s life. What’s unrealistic though is expecting everything to be amazing.
4. The success of your marriage is dependent on you BOTH – Patience, hard work, consistency, emotional support and perseverance are just some of the hallmarks of a successful marriage – so if you know you’re going to struggle with these, start working on them NOW before you enter into nikkah. Never compare your life with that of others, because in reality, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
5. Set your marriage up for success and not failure – Create a ‘firewall’ in your mind and decide that when you marry, there is no room in your life for lies, deception, ingratitude, laziness, the inability to forgive, stinginess, lack of affection, outside influence etc. Your marriage is a sacred pact between you and your spouse and no matter what, be mindful that Allah is watching everything you do. By having a zero-tolerance attitude towards the things that could ruin your marriage, you’ll have a better chance at surviving.
6. Be prepared to WORK at it! – The worst thing you can bring into a marriage is a lazy, negligent attitude. Some people seem to think that they have fulfilled their duty when they get married. However, if you want a beautiful garden, you have to nurture it and give it the things it needs to really thrive – and this includes regularly maintaining it, taking care of it and making sure it’s free from weeds. A happy home is more important than a beautiful garden – so if you want your relationship to bloom, you have to be prepared to constantly work at it!
7. Even Allah forgives mistakes! – Allah SWT doesn’t expect us to be perfect and has given us tawbah and the ability to ask forgiveness and to also forgive those who have wronged us. Start developing this aspect of your character now because when you get married, there will be many times you will have to humble yourself and ask forgiveness from your spouse… and you yourself would want your spouse to forgive you! Remember that to encourage change in your future spouse will take much love, communication, dua and support.
8. Marriage is always a risk – You have NO IDEA what Allah holds in store for your marriage or how things will change or what you will both be tested with. If you enter your marriage with the idea of perfection, you’re not going to have it.Always be prepared for change – because your life can change in an instant.
9. Marriage requires commitment and love – If you can’t be emotional with people, that’s ok. But not being emotionally connected with your spouse will KILL your marriage. Worse, your kids will be severely affected. Work on being gentle, kind, respectful and loving and make a pact with yourself to be truly committed to your spouse and to your marriage.
10. Marriage requires sacrifice – Because there is no ‘I’ in TEAM. Yes, being married is being part of a team and there will be times you have to make sacrifices and give your all. If you’re not prepared to do that, then think of it like this – you can’t withdraw from a bank account unless you have money in it in the first place. Marriage is like a bank account in which you deposit good will and love. You can’t withdraw if you never put anything into it.
May Allah SWT give us the wisdom and the ability to prepare for our marriages in the right way ameen!
Pure Matrimony – Helping Practising Muslims Get Together And Stay Together