7 Steps to Finding a Muslim Wife - Muslim Marriage Guide

7 Steps to Finding a Muslim Wife

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7 Steps to Finding a Muslim Wife
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By Pure Matrimony -

Source : thedailyreminders.com
By Zarinah El-Amin Naeem

I’m being stalked. For the past 6 months, a brother has been catching me on Facebook and email, EVERYDAY, asking me to help him find a spouse. But I can’t. He wants to know what the problem is and I keep telling him, it’s not ME, it’s not my job to find you a spouse! I mean, I feel bad but I know that this issue is larger than me and larger than this one brother.

I kept saying, keep in mind, marrying a good Muslim wife that will help you fulfill your goal of Jannah (in the hearafter and in this life) is not the same as picking up a girl in the club or on the street. You are looking for quality, not just a woman. So in light of that, today I’m putting forth Zarinah’s 7 step plan to find a good Muslim wife.

Step 1.
Purify your intentions! Please don’t ask anyone to help you find a spouse if you have not really thought about WHY you want one. In the above case, the brother has good intentions, he wants to have a halal outlet for physical desires, he wants to be a father, he wants support, he just plain ole wants a family! But what I’ve discovered with him and others is that many times the reason to get married is simply the first one: physical needs. Please, that is not enough to sustain a marriage and women can often pick up the “sex only” scent from a mile away. Purify your intentions!

Step 2.

Check the age difference! If you want to have children, that does not mean you need to marry a teenager or someone in their early twenties. I’ve heard, “well I want a family so I only want to marry someone who is young.” Although less frequent, there are women who bear children well into their late 30s and early 40s. We as a community are past the “half your age + 7″ marriageable age range (if you don’t know what I’m talking about see the film Malcolm X ), so please be realistic. In my opinion, a realistic age difference is anywhere from 1-10 years. Any more than that is just plain on unrealistic! To put it plainly, if you are going on 40 and above, don’t expect to marry a 20-something sister. And if you are near retirement and social security, marry someone your age! There are plenty of beautiful, fun loving mature sisters looking for a good husband.

Step 3.
Get active. People have jobs, school, and responsibilities, but that does not negate the fact that each one of us has the responsibility to get active in our Muslim community. The best place to find a Muslim spouse is in a Muslim environment – i.e. at the Masjid or Muslim functions. So get active, get involved and get to know people as a person….not someone who just comes around when they are looking to get married.

Step 4.
Check the shyness. Yes, Muslim women are to be put up on a pedestal, but that does not mean we are unattainable. Most Muslim women I know are open to being approached – in a RESPECTFUL manner. So put on your best game. And, this may be a shocker – but many women don’t care how much you make! They just want someone who has a good spirit, treats them nicely and is striving to please Allah. You don’t have to be a millionaire to do that. Just have a decent job or student loan (smile) and come strong! That being said, don’t be afraid to let people know you are looking for a wife.

Step 5.
Check your life outside of the masjid. Don’t have a masjid life and a street life. Strengthen your relationship with Allah. No, you don’t have to be perfect but don’t have club pictures of you and 4-5 women on your side on your facebook page and then come talking about “I want a sister on her deen.” Get on your deen and then worry about the sister!

Step 6.
Be presentable! The Prophet (saw) was one whose clothes were clean, who smelled good and was well groomed. Most ladies take care of themselves and we want our men to take care of themselves too! We understand if you are a man who works with his hands (i.e. a mechanic, painter, etc). We understand and we respect that. But if you are coming to the masjid just plain ole dirty with no excuse…that is just nasty and a total turnoff! In addition, it’s not all about money with sisters, but we do like men who respect themselves and take pride in their appearance.

Step 7.
Understand that American women are strong. Women are different, we have different personalities, different likes and dislikes. But there is a common theme in America, many of us don’t expect to be housewives for all our lives. We go to school, we work, we’re active and we want to achieve personal goals. So be prepared to share the housework and other chores. Be prepared to support your wife in her career. Be prepared to have a spouse that may make more money than you! But all in all, be prepared to be a man (in all senses of the word!) (Side note, some women do indeed want to be a housewife, perhaps while raising the children – these things should be discussed!)

If you follow the above 7 steps, I promise (with Allah’s permission) that you will be married much sooner than later! I’m open to all RESPECTFUL feedback
_________________
Source : thedailyreminders.com

Reference: Niyah.net

21 Comments to 7 Steps to Finding a Muslim Wife

  1. Javedali Yusufali Shaikh

    Assalaam alaikum Sister Zarina
    NIce to read your article. In step 5 you have highlighted an important point, today a major part of our muslim society is punishes the female and excuses the male. Which is not good at any cost. Yes there are some brothers, who live their life on their own terms and expect their life partner to be islam motivated. This is the only reason why many of our muslim sisters have chosen wrong path. But on the contrary some muslim sisters are influenced with western cultures etc and they don’t respect islam and its teaching. I don’t say being a muslim we have to obey at ANY COST the entire islam. But we must strive to improve ourselves continuously. Boy must understand his responsibilities and girl must her. Hope you got my point? Kindly correct me if I am wrong.

  2. Mahmudul Hasan

    Assalaam alaikum Sister Zarina

    Thank you very much for your effort, specially in my case, i was a little bit confused about the age difference. Now its clear to me and would like to watch film Malcolm X.

    ZazakAllah Khairun

  3. Yes true. Purify your intention. Now days I can’t help it but to notice that these are a few points which appear to be the reasons why some men wish to get married.
    1) Cook for them
    2) Wash their clothes
    3) Prepare drinks
    4) Satisfy their sexual needs
    Looking at this it does it feels like it’s more of a maid who can provide physical service. I really feel extremely upset. If something is expected than appreciated it really makes a wife feels like an item not a person. And the term wife is just to beautify the whole thing. I really feel that purifying the intention is one of the important aspects. Wives are not unpaid servants. Bear that in mind. Again it’s not that I am against attending duty as a wife but when it becomes a form of demand and orders ; than it makes you more of a servant than a wife. Unless the wife of course can’t anticipate the husband’s needs that’s a whole new discussion.

    • The reason is because there should be no other excuse for a husband to go out side of the marriage or the religion impermissibly unless the wife is or has an disability or an impairment that effects the shariah under marriage and or etiquettes of marriage. Also, it isn’t a husband who has the muhabbah of Allah who would see his wife tend to everything but one of them and that is sexual desires.

  4. cherfouh tayeb

    i’m an algerian bornmuslim seeking for a convert young woman for marriage , a woman who accept to live with me on my land , i’m a good man since i was a teenager so far away of haram , i’mnot the kind of man who cook but i can do that in the hard circumstances , i respect and like tobe respected , i feel the poors , and like to help

  5. How can a Muslimah from Nigeria get a spouse on this site? Pure Matrimony requires that we register and we don’t have money to do this. Pls what do we do? Thanx

  6. AssalamWalykum,

    I am a 32yr old female. Got married almost 4 yrs back and after much hurdles in marriage life got divorcee. I am working in an MNC in Dubai now in a very good position and moving to Russia for couple of months. But the thought do I have to spend my life alone really hurts me a lot. I performed hajj and want to be in deen, very much inspite of my MNC, lifestyle as I believe myself as very simple in heart and love Allah and have strong faith in Him and thank Him for whatever I am today.
    Can you put some light what I can do to get a right match for me who can hold my hand till Jannah.

    Jazak Allah Kheir

  7. Abdul alim hanif

    As salaamu alaikum wa rahmahtu Allahi wa barakatu, shaikh nasirdeen albani (ra) said” opinions are erroneous! I agree with a lot of your statements, however I also sence compulsion, of which there is none in this religion!

  8. Rajab moshim

    Thats true about the steps,but in ug today we face achallenge ours musilim sis luk at hw much u earn and the assets and leave out the most important aspect of DEEN.so that mks it tricky for many to find true muslim wives.

    • Well this is exactly why we have to purify our intentions…And set as well as possible all the reasons why we get married.

  9. siti@singapore

    this is a realistic point of view on pre-marital preparations to find wife, also applies too on how to find a soleh husband. Wish i had read this 11 years ago when my marriage was matched, then i could hav been better prepared to meet my then prospective partner, who is now my kind n caring husband, Alhamdulillah!

  10. @ Saheba, Assalamu alaikum, I think you shld follow d abve enumerated steps, research more on topics related to life long success in Nikah, reassessment your past Nikah life with a view to identifying the problem(s) objectively and finally you shld pray, consult with your guardian, the pious and knowledge Muftis in your community and intrust you affairs into the hands of Allah (S.W.T).
    Remember the Prophet (S.A.W) said if any one of you wants to embarked in a lawful affair he/she should seek Allah’s (S.W.T) guidance; and He (S.W.T) said: …and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah…(Q3:159).
    May Allah (S.W.T) guide and protect us!

  11. Dr.mohsina Dastan

    Beautifully presented post..it help to lot all guys inshallah. .jazakallahukhairan sister..

  12. Joseph a kamara

    In the name of Allah I greet yu all. I’m first year diploma student. My problem is that I’ve been dating with so many young girls, but presently I’m trying to stop that I’ve tried to pray towards that, but yet still I sense no change. I’m so confused.

    • Assalamualaykum Joseph

      Shukr, you’ve made the first step in trying to change. That is great. Make sincere taubah and repent for those ways of the past. Seek Allah’s help and guidance for changing for the better by praying and speaking to him about what you want. Gain closeness to Him by praying and doing good. Make a sincere effort to be a better Muslim. Pray all your Salaahs and make zikr. This helps to remember Him. “Remember me and I will remember you” It’s not easy, it takes time and patience. We are all human and make mistakes. That is why we must turn to Him for forgiveness when we realize our faults. It’s a mercy from Allah that He is allowing you to change your past ways because He wants to make you better.

      “And seek help in patience and prayer…”

      Hope that helps. Remember us all in your duas.

      Wassalaams

  13. It is definitely difficult to find a good wife in this day and age. I have been seeking a muslim wife and at the same time abstaining entirely from the haram. Its not like muslimahs grow on trees or something.

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