How I Found Myself In Motherhood

You must have heard it many times, ook: how motherhood/fatherhood/parenthood changes your life perspective, how ‘me’ turns into ‘we’ and how you begin to look for your child’s face on a group photo before checking for yourself, how the life becomes ‘babycentric’ and ‘mothering’ becomes top priority job… I’m a mother of two, Alhamdulillah, and I believe it all could be true. But not for me. as 'n man wil hê dat sy vrou hom moet respekteer, motherhood changed me, but for some weird reason it hasn’t let me forget of myself. Quite opposite: I feel like I have only got to know myself after I became mother as well.

For long time I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. Wel, I knew I wanted to have family, a husband and children, Maar nie 'n idee oor wat ek nog in my lewe kon doen nie. Ek dink op 'n sekere punt het ek gedink dat 'n vrou en moeder genoeg sou wees, Maar dit was eers nadat ek getroud is en my kinders gehad het dat ek besef het dat ek meer wil hê. Dit is nie dat my gesinslewe nie my tevredenheid gegee het nie - dit was. En waarskynlik daarom het ek besef dat ek meer kan doen en ek wou meer doen. Ek wou skryf, om te skep, Om my gedagtes te deel en opinies uit te ruil. Ek wou meer doen om meer te word.

Ironies genoeg, Dit was eers nadat ek die 'ons' geskep het dat ek besef het wie die 'ek' was. Miskien was dit as gevolg van my dogters? Ek voel elke dag deur hulle geïnspireer; Ek voel ek wil meer as mummie wees om hul ontwil; I feel like motherhood is what let me realise my dreams.

Islam gaan vir my oor geduld en begrip in die hoop om ons nader aan mekaar te bring, children are lots of work: cooking, feeding, changing nappies etc… But I never feel like the duties of mother prevented me from doing something else, something more important. There are days, when I can’t wait for them to go to sleep so that I can sit and write, but then it’s something they said or did usually that got me thinking and inspired me to want to write about something.

Ja, there are things that are more difficult to do while you are a mother: you can’t go to cinema unless someone babysits for you, you can’t spend the day shopping, because children are getting bored in the malls, you can’t just stay in bed for half the day or get lazy in front of the TV, because they will not let you do it. And here is the best part: you realize that all these things are really unimportant or bad for you. And you learn what is important and good for you. You learn that there are things not necessarily considered ‘fun’ that can make you happy. Like giving bath to a baby or reading a story at bedtime…And once you discover that you can enjoy things other people might even consider boring, you start to find out about your other likes and dislikes, independently of what other people say. You get to know yourself better. That’s growing into happy ‘me’.

My young auntie who’s always been a very attached mother complained recently when her younger daughter, now a teenager, spent few nights with her paternal aunt in another city, that without her at home she has overslept and got late to work and couldn’t even get dinner ready on time. Her daughter was not there and the discipline of her life got a big shake… Because children do make you disciplined. They make you realize the value of time. And then it’s your choice – you can either whine on how the life of a mother is a dull, hectic routine of never-ending tasks and how you have no time to relax – or, you can embrace the discipline of children’s needs and prioritize what you do during the day. And it just so happens that if you choose to see things as good, they will be good for you.

I am now doing more good stuff than ever before in my life: I am studying at home, reading a lot, writing – all this while being a full-time mother, feeding my children all home-made good food including home-baked bread and finding time everyday to do some colouring together and read more than one story at the bedtime. Alhamdulillah, I feel I can do more than I ever had, but I have no time for wasting it or for procrastinating things. It took me a while to work it out, but then all the important lessons need to be learnt and practised over time.

My plans for the future? More children, InshAllah. Because I don’t think my duties would increase significantly, but I believe my happiness and the happiness for all the family members would increase significantly with new additions. I want to write a novel as well. And learn Arabic to read the Quran with understanding. InshAllah.

Pure Huwelik

….Waar oefening perfek maak

Artikel van- Aaila-The Moslem Family Magazine – aan jou gebring deur Pure Matrimony- www.purematrimony.com – Die wêreld se grootste huweliksdiens vir praktiserende Moslems.

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