Being Honest About the Past

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By Pure Matrimony -

Between the ages of 10 and 14 she committed immoral actions with her brother who was three years older than her, but intercourse did not take place. Then she grew up and realized that she was sinning, and she and her brother gave up this action and regretted it deeply.
She fell in love with a young man and did everything with him except intercourse.
Should she tell her husband in the future of what she did with her brother in the past? Is it true that her parents’ marriage is regarded as null and void because of what they did? How should the relationship be between her children and her brother’s children in the future? How can she repent and seek forgiveness for her sins? Will her sin be forgiven if she says “Yaa Ghafoor, yaa Raheem, yaa ‘Afuw” repeatedly?.

Praise be to Allaah.

What you have to do is to repent to Allaah and seek His forgiveness for what you have done. What you have done is no minor matter. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32]

What you and your brother did is a kind of approaching zina (unlawful sex). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Furqaan 25:68]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O ummah of Muhammad, by Allaah there is none more indignant than Allaah when His slave, male or female, commits zina. O ummah of Muhammad, if you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1044; Muslim, 901.

So what you and your brother have to do is to repent to Allaah from what you have done, and to do a lot of righteous deeds such as praying, fasting and giving charity, so as to atone for your evil actions.

What happened between you and that man is another sin. Our advice to you is to check yourself and realize that when Allaah becomes angry with His slave He dooms him and removes blessing from his entire life, if he does not repent and turn back to his Lord.

With regard to telling your husband about what has happened to you in the past, you do not have to do that once you have repented from it. You should cover yourself and not speak openly of something that you have done in the past. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “All of my ummah will be forgiven except those who commit sin blatantly. It is committing sin blatantly if a man does something at night, then in the morning when Allaah has concealed him, he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when all night his Lord has concealed him, and he uncovers that which Allaah has concealed.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6069; Muslim, 2990.

Your parents’ marriage is not regarded as null and void, because there is not connection between what happened and your parents’ marriage.

“And no bearer of burdens shall bear another’s burden”

[Faatir 35:18]

So if you conceal what you did, and your brother also conceals what he did – which is what you both must do – then the relationship between your children will be very normal and there will be no problems, either from the shar’i or social point of view.

With regard to repentance from sin and seeking forgiveness for it, there are conditions attached, which are discussed in question no. 13990.

May Allaah help you to do all that is good.
Islam Q&A

This Fatwa was Taken from Islam Q  and A and answered by Sheikh Saleh al Munajed
source :

8 Comments to Being Honest About the Past

  1. i would like to ask an question related to my mother pls contact me on my id wil be very grateful to u forever as it is getting related to my whole family nnow plsssss i dnt knw wht to do pls administers allah will surely give u ajar for this

    • What doe his children have to do with anything? There is already a part in this answer where he said you cannot be made to bear the burden of the sins of another.

      Also, how did he marry with out a dowry? Did he force his wife’s family to marry her to him or did they agree on no dowry?

  2. Firstly:

    It is permissible for the dowry to be paid immediately or to be deferred, or for part to be paid immediately and part deferred…

    This was stated by Ibn Qudaamah in al-Mughni, 10/115.

    The unpaid dowry is regarded as a debt that the husband owes (to the wife). And there is no reason why their children can’t lead the prayer, especially if the child has great or good knowledge of Qur’aan. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) did not stipulate that the one who leads the prayer must be a child of whose father has paid the dowry to his (the child’s) mother, when he said that the one with the most knowledge should lead men in prayer.

    And Allaah knows best.

  3. fatima musa sadiq

    Is it haram to chat with mail friends online even though we don’t engage in lewd or offensive talks…I only ask them about their well being,their family and work…and I advice them when they do I correct them…I’m also like a mentor to them and that’s why they add me as friend…what I’m worried is that is it haraam? I never post my pictures too…jazakallahu khairan

    • Yes, It is forbidden.

      Allah said not to go near/close to zina. There is zina of the eyes looking at what is not permissible a non mahram. Zina of the ears, listening to things that are not permissible and also zina of the mouth saying things not permissible.
      Friendship between opposite gender is forbidden. You can not give dawah to the opposite sex. If a girl comes wishing to learn about islam give her the contact details of your blood sister, your aunty, your mother, your wife your daughter etc. And do not carry on the conversation.
      These relationships online end up in some sort of fitna fahsha, and humilation and destroying the families.

      If you fear Allah and know of the last day you would keep well away from any sort of Zina as the above in the article mentioned how Allah will humilate these people and there will be no repentence.

  4. I disagree slightly with the above article, the past is the past.

    When it comes to a physical relationship, intimacy i believe that information should be passed onto the wali/future spouce. Why? well i have heard many a horror story of men and women, muslims, who were living like non muslims and were sexually active. Became super religious married and then passed on STD, AIDS, HIV, have illigetimate children running around. Yes someones past is between them and ALLAH but when your actions are likely to effect the future, harm your spouce you need to be honest. If you have had a physical relationship you need to tell your future spouce.

    There was one brother who used to party, drink, girls etc etc. He then grew up, repented and became and imam mashallah. He married…. then he gave his poor wife AIDS. Her life is ruined now and so is his. Do you think she stayed with him? Of course not, he did not know he had aids, but his actions of intimacy affects everyones lives. Regardless of what you may say. He SHOULD of told her the truth so she can take appropriate actions. If he had told her, she could of made him go to sexual health clinic and know of his disease before marriage and keep herself safe.

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