Cast a little Charm

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By Pure Matrimony -

Source : Like A Garment Email Series by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi
Being Romantic
We mentioned that a woman’s primary need for her husband is emotional. She wants to share an emotional connection based on love, commitment and acceptance. A good husband must love his wife both as a person (meaning her personality) and as a woman (meaning her physical body).

One of the ways a man can fulfill this emotional need is through romance. During the ‘honeymoon period’ romance is easy for most men. This is because everything about the relationship is new and exciting; the man is continuously day-dreaming about his wife and is eager to communicate that to her. It is easier for men to be more attentive and show extra tenderness during this phase.

But true romance is when a man continues this even after the ‘honeymoon’ phase. It is when the husband makes an effort to keep the marriage alive, thinks about ways to please his wife, and genuinely strives to make her feel loved and appreciated.

Unfortunately, after the honeymoon phase, romance loses its appeal for most men, and in fact becomes awkward and even unnatural! But Alhamdulillah, it is not difficult, and with the correct intention and mindset, romance can easily be re-learnt.
There are many ways a man can show romance. Let us get started by mentioning two types of romance:

1. Spontaneous Romance: These are little acts that the husband does to show affection without being prompted. The key concept here is to be spontaneous. The element of surprise is crucial! It is not what you do that is as important as simply doing something personal. This could include sending her a message saying “I love you “ via text, email, or a little sticky note placed in a convenient place. Other examples include buying her an unexpected gift, or giving her a tight hug or a passionate kiss when she least expects it. These acts keep the marriage alive, as it injects excitement and heat into the relationship. This spontaneity helps melts away any resentment that inevitably builds up.

2. Responsive Romance: These are acts that the husband does in response to a situation at hand. They are done when a husband finds his wife emotionally or physically down. For example, ordering food from outside if her day was hectic; giving her a massage if her back is sore; or simply sitting down with her and listening to her if she is upset about an incident that happened. These acts show genuine care, and strengthen and deepen the marital bond.

The fact of the matter is that many men are scared by the word ‘romance’ they feel that it is beyond them. Yet true romance is nothing more or less than appreciating a woman for who she is, looking after her, and caring for her.

Remember the beautiful hadith in which our beloved Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam compared women to “fragile vessels” and reminded us to be gentle with them (Reported by al-Bukhari). Emotionally, women are different than men, and protecting these fragile vessels in every way possible is the best (and most natural) job men can do.

A few romance tips

Men typically find romantic gestures a bit awkward . many assume that anything they do will be considered clichéd and insincere. They think too deeply about the intellectual ramifications of showing such a gesture, and forget that it really is the thought that counts!

One way to keep romance alive is to say comforting and encouraging words to your wife . words that express your love and your attraction to her. Saying ‘I love you’ while you mean it always does wonders to a relationship. Additionally, a wife always loves to hear her husband praise her looks, especially when she dresses up and gets ready. Men also need to understand that cracking jokes about .second wives. is simply not funny; it hurts a wife’s feelings by making her feel inadequate, and trivializes the special love that a couple should have (please note that the issue is not the concept of polygyny, but the flippant attitude that many Muslim men have towards it).

Another easy method to show romance is non-sexual touching. By ‘non-sexual’ we mean a touch that does not directly lead to sex. A women’s skin is ten times more sensitive to touch and pressure than a man’s and has a higher amount of oxytocin (also known as the “cuddle” hormone), which is the hormone that stimulates the urge to be touched. This is why the majority of women loved to be cuddled, touched and caressed.

Some of the ways that touch can be incorporated in daily life are simple hugs, holding hands as you are walking or talking, stroking her hair as you listen to her, or touching and caressing any part of her body whilst relaxing or lying down. By touching her body, you reassure her that you still find her attractive and beautiful.

Avoid groping (i.e., ‘sexual touching’) at awkward moments . such actions typically turn a woman off. Women generally like to be dealt with in a gentle and caring manner. This is especially true with women who have children. A mother normally spends the whole day with the children tugging and pulling on her, so she doesn’t need the same type of touching from her husband! Rather, she needs a more nurturing, caring touch.

Men underestimate the importance and the impact of non-sexual touching, as they themselves don’t have this desire. A man’s skin is thicker, and he produces lower amounts of oxytocin (the “cuddle”hormone) so when the woman plays with a man’s hair or holds his hand it doesn’t have the same effect on him. However for a woman, the touch is the simplest, most powerful way to make her feel loved and beautiful.

Source : Like A Garment Email Series by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

6 Comments to Cast a little Charm

  1. These are words of wisdom. I hope n pray my future parner is also following this site, reading it, making good use of it n understanding it. May Allah swt bless u all for making this programme a success. I believe its for me cos I feel special now.

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