Choosing Your Child’s Mother

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By Pure Matrimony -


It may sound weird, but raising children begins with choosing a spouse. That is because raising children is a team effort between two people and who you choose, will have a big effect on how your children turn out.

A good example often given is that of seeds and land. If you want healthy trees and ripe fruits, you should search for fertile land. It would be a silly person to plant seeds in barren land or low quality soil and expect good results. The same applies for raising children.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.” [Reported by Ibn Maajah]

Growing up, a child spends the most amount of time with their mother. What better contentment for a father knowing that when he leaves his children for a few hours, that they are in safe hands and being raised upon Islamic principles. The Prophet (peace be upon him) praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying:

“Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim]

‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab was once asked about the rights of a son over his father, he responded: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.”

Also, we should keep in mind that once we have chosen a spouse, that we continue to work with them to build their imaan and knowledge for this will directly benefit the children insha Allah.

Just a note that although this post was written from the father’s perspective, the same applies to women looking for father’s of their children.

Insha Allah, if we base our selection of a spouse on Religion and Character, this will be a significant stepping stone to the correct and proper upbringing of children.


3 Comments to Choosing Your Child’s Mother

  1. Very nice aricle mA. I have a question though. I think the outline of a prospective spouse that you chalked out here is pretty idealistic. Realistically, in the effort to find someone who is contemporary, it might be difficult to find the right mix of culture, religion, values. I guess my question is – is it ok to base your decision hoping that if this girl / guy that you like or are considering is not as religious as you would like them to be today, they will iA become more religious or practising in the future. I know this would be a subjective decision to make but if your feelings for the person are biased, then you would tend to give them a chance, right ? Would like to hear your views.

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