Confidence, Communication and Creativity

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By Pure Matrimony -

Source :Like A Garment Email Series by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

The act of intimacy is the single most private and personal moment that a husband and wife share together. A good sexual life helps couples come closer together in love, and allows each spouse to overlook the more trivial problems in a marriage. Conversely, when bedroom intimacy suffers, other problems in a marriage are compounded and more tensions develop.

Couples should be aware of the Three Basic C’s that lead to healthy and happy intimacy. These C’s are:

1) Confidence : In order to enjoy healthy intimacy, both partners need to be confident in themselves, and not distracted by insecurities. Most times, such insecurities are self-induced (for example, a woman might be too conscious of her body and feel that her husband will not find her attractive). Sometimes, however, they might be induced by a comment made by a spouse (for example, a husband might be worried about not being able to give his partner what she wants). Each partner must work to resolve any personal issues so that one’s full attention can be given to the act itself. Until such issues are resolved, the spouse will simply be too self-conscious and insecure to achieve ultimate happiness in intimacy.

2) Communication : It is inevitable that issues will arise regarding the act of intimacy. Perhaps the husband is not gentle in some aspect; perhaps the wife wishes a longer foreplay. Whatever the issue is, the other spouse will not be able to read the mind of the first spouse! Rather, there must be frank communication if it is desired that the act of intimacy reach its full potential. Such communication must be based on positive reinforcement rather than negative criticism. It is very easy to bruise a spouse’s ego and hurt his or her feelings if one is critical. One should phrase all such suggestions in a positive manner. Instead of saying, “It’s really frustrating when you spend so little time kissing me,” one can say, “I would really enjoy it more if you spent more time being romantic beforehand.” Such positive reinforcement will far more likely bring out the best in one’s spouse.

3) Creativity : No matter how passionate a couple is, after years of marriage, it is likely that even this intimate act becomes routine. The couple eventually evolve into well-defined habits, and know exactly what to do and when to do it. Such a routine has the negative aspect of making intimacy monotonous. And when intimacy becomes monotonous, it ceases to serve the function that it should. This is where creativity comes into play. Couples should learn to change routines, vary positions, or alter environments. This is one of the main reasons why taking a vacation with your spouse is a key factor in spicing up the relationship.

Most books written on the topic of sexuality in the West concentrate on the different types of positions that a couple can engage in. While this aspect is important, there is far more to healthy intimacy than the physical position, as previously shown. Additionally, going into explicit details regarding this topic is not appropriate in front of a general audience. However, this does not mean that we should remain silent on the issue: some basic fiqh guidelines need to be clearly delineated (and there are many such issues that arise amongst Muslims living in Western lands), and couples should learn, in a halal manner, facts that will help spice up their marriage.
Source :Like A Garment Email Series by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

6 Comments to Confidence, Communication and Creativity

  1. mashallah very informative . kindly right about sexuality in halal manners . because some new couples (like me) face a bit difficulties in finding such things in halal manner . thanks

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