Council for The Just Marriage

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By Pure Matrimony -

compiled by Abu Khaliyl
“O you who believe! Have taqwaa of Allaah, taqwaa that is His right, and do not die except as Muslims.” (Soorat Aal ‘Imraan 3:102)

“O people! Have taqwaa of your Lord who created you from one soul, and created from that its mate, spreading from them many men and women. And have taqwaa of Allaah, from whom you seek your mutual rights and [revere] the womb. Indeed Allaah is ever-watchful.” (Soorat an-Nisaa’ 4:1)

“O you who believe! Have taqwaa of Allaah and speak the truth, He will make your deeds righteous and forgive your sins. And whoever obeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has achieved the mighty victory.” (Soorat al-Ahzaab 33:70-71)

Indeed the best Speech is the Book of Allaah, and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad (S) who said:
All of you are entrusted and all of you are entrusted with your people… (Al-Bukhaaree)

Advice to Men

The Prophet (S) said:
The best of you are those of best conduct. (Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others.)

And he (S) described some of the attributes of that good conduct:
The best of you are those who are best to their women. (Ibn Maajah; authentic)

The best of you are those who are best to his family. (At-Tabaraanee; authentic)

And he (S) gave a clear example of a person who has good conduct:
The best of you are those who are best to his family, and I am the best of you toward my family. (At-Tahaawee, at-Tirmithee and others; authentic. See al-Albaanee’s Aadaab az-Zafaaf)

Anas (R) narrated that he (S) told the camel driver who pushed the camels carrying his wives: Drive slowly for you are driving mounts which carry vessels of glass. Abu Qibaalah [who narrated this from Anas] said: “Allaah’s Messenger (S) uttered words that if someone among you had uttered them, you would have found fault with him.” (Muslim)

Allaah reminds us:
“And live with them honorably… ” (Soorat an-Nisaa’ 4:19)

The Prophet (S) was a man who,
“Used to work for his family and when he heard the adhaan he would go out.” (Al-Bukhaaree from ‘Aa’ishah)

Allaah (T) praised his (S) character:

“Surely yours is the highest standard of character.” (Soorat al-Qalam 68:4)

‘Aa’ishah (R) said that;
“He would mend his clothes, milk his sheep, and do what a man does in his home.” (Ahmad and others, authentic. See Saheeh ul-Jaami’ no. #4812)

Jaabir (R) said:
“It never happened that Allaah’s Messenger (S) was asked for anything and he said, ‘No’.” (Muslim)

Anas (R) said:
“I have never seen anyone more kind to his family than Allaah’s Messenger…” (Muslim)

The Messenger (S) said:
He who does not show mercy, no mercy will be shown to him. (Muslim)

And He (S) was a man who –
“…never hit anyone with his hand, not a women, nor a servant, except during jihaad in Allaah’s cause…” (Muslim from ‘Aa’ishah [R])

Allaah (T) said (what means):
“Indeed in Allaah’s Messenger there is a good example for he who has hope in Allaah and the Last Day and remembers Allaah much.” (Soorat al-Ahzaab 33:21)

The Prophet (S) clearly admonished men:
…And have taqwaa of Allaah with regard to your treatment of women. Indeed you have acquired them through a trust with Allaah, and intercourse has been made lawful to you by Allaah’s Word…You are responsible for providing them with food and clothing in a fitting manner… (Muslim)

He (S) clarified this point for those whom it may not be clear, when he was asked:
“O Allaah’s Messenger! what is the right of ones’ wife upon him?” That you feed her when you feed yourself; that you clothe her when you clothe yourself; that you should not strike her in her face; and never invoke ugliness upon her ; and not separate from them except in their homes.(Al-Bukhaaree and others)

The Prophet (S) warned of a women’s right being infringed upon due to excess in religious devotion:
Observe fast sometimes, and leave them at others; stand for the night prayer, and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, and your wife has a right over you. (Al-Bukhaaree)

And the Prophet (S);
“Forbade that a man should come (unexpectedly) to his wife like a night visitor doubting her fidelity and spying into her lapses.” (Muslim)

And he (S) clarified the sanctity of the marriage:
The condition most deserving to be fulfilled is that by which the private parts became lawful to you. (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)

Remember the command of Allaah (T):
“And have taqwaa of Allaah, from whom you seek your mutual rights.” (Soorat an-Nisaa’ 4:1)

The Prophet (S) also commanded:
I command you to take care of the women in a good manner for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So I command you to take care of women in the best manner. (Al-Bukhaaree)

Allaah (T) said (what means):
“And do not forget graciousness between yourselves.” (Soorat al-Baqarah 2:237)

The Prophet (S) advised men:
A woman is married for four things;
Her wealth;her family status;her beauty;and her religion.
So marry the religious woman, or you will lose. (Al-Bukhaaree)

He (S) clarified that this kind of woman is among the best wealth that a man could find. When he (S) was asked; “What kind of wealth should one seek?” He (S) replied: Let one of you seek a thankful heart, a mindful tongue and a believing wife who can help him in the matter of the Hereafter. “(Ibn Maajah; authentic and similar with at-Tirmithee)

And Allaah (T) said (what means): “…And be patient with them…” (Soorat Taha 20:125)

And the Prophet (S) clearly warned these men:
I have not left, after me, any affliction more harmful to men than women. (Al-Bukhaaree)

Allaah (T) warns:
“Truly among your wives and your children there are enemies for you.” (Soorat at-Taghaabun 64:14)

And Allaah (T) decided that:
“Men are maintainers of women. ” (Soorat an-Nisaa’ 4:34)

And the Prophet (S) warned a person who had a position over others;
Beware of the curse of the oppressed, for there is no screen between his supplication and Allaah.

The oppressed ones’ supplication is answered even if he is a sinner; for he is himself responsible for his sins. (At-Tayaalisee. Authentic, see Saheeh ul-Jaami’ no. 3377)

Three supplications are answered, there is no doubt in it:…and the supplication of the wronged person. (Ahmad, al-Bukhaaree in al-Aadaab, at-Tirmithee, and Abu Daawood, authentic. See Saheeh ul-Jaami’ no. 3028)

And the Prophet (S) commanded the Muslims to:
Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed. Some People asked; “O Allaah’s Messenger! It is alright to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (S) said, By preventing him from oppressing others. (Al-Bukhaaree)

And he (S) listed to help the oppressed as one of the rights a Muslim has upon every other Muslim.

And Ibn `Umar (R) narrated that he (S) said:
Oppression will be a darkness on the Day of Resurrection. (Al-Bukhaaree)

He (S) let an abusive person know that he may carry the sins of his victim of the Day of Resurrection:
Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation, or anything else, he should beg for his forgiveness before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no wealth. But if he has good deeds those good deeds will be taken from him according to the oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded upon him. (Al-Bukhaaree)

And Allaah (T) said (what means):
“And have taqwaa of Allaah, from whom you seek your mutual rights.” (Soorat an-Nisaa’ 4:1)

Advice to Women

Allaah (T) clarified the characteristics of a good woman:
“…So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allaah has guarded…”
(Soorat an-Nisaa’ 4:34)

When a woman came to consult the Messenger of Allaah (S) he said to her:
You there, are you married? She said “Yes” He said, How are you toward your husband? She said, “I do not fall short in anything except that which I am unable to do.” The Prophet (S) said, Well, look after your position in relation to him, for it is the key to Paradise and Hell. (At-Tabaraanee, Ibn Maajah, authentic. See al-Albaanee’s Aadaab az-Zafaaf)

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