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Love is blind, so they say. Is it REALLY? I’ve spent the last 20 years observing ‘love’ in difficult and exceptional circumstances and have come to one conclusion and one conclusion alone. Love is a disease which needs to be treated with one remedy and one alone – marriage.
Ibn ‘Abbaas also narrated that the Prophet said: “Marriage is the best solution for those in love.” [Ibn Maajah]
The truth of the matter is that when two people are in love, the see no one else except their own desires and easily fall into sin. There is no ‘halal’ love.
The Prophet SAW says:
“No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2546)
The hadith proves one thing and one thing alone – that no matter how well meaning our intentions are, Shaytaan always comes between two people to cause their hearts to become weak. And I have witnessed this countless times over my lifetime…
While at college, I witnessed a brother who became rather obsessed by a sister who happened to be a Shia. She found him witty, charming and funny and it would have been fair to say they had an instant attraction.
Over time, the two of them developed a special and deep bond – so much so that they would never be seen without each other. This was the ‘romance of the college.’ Astagfirullah, the sister admitted to me that she had indeed fallen into the major sin of fornication – insisting that ‘it just happened’. The worst of it was that they never married because their aqeedah was completely different.
Then there are cases of so-called platonic relationships where these too have ended up in fornication. The ‘love’ for a friend can often brew into something more – which can ruin lives and leave guilt that lasts a lifetime.
I’ve often heard people saying that their intentions were ‘good’ when they initially wanted to marry someone and weren’t interested in anything other than marriage. Family problems and the refusal to allow people to marry because of ethnicity, backgrounds, cultures etc can cause heartache for the ones in question…and this can eventually lead into sin.
The truth of the matter is that unless you are so exceptionally strong in your faith to turn away the desires of the heart, the best solution is to keep away from the one you have feelings for and get the family involved so they can get you married in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve seen sisters who have emotionally blackmailed brothers into marrying them or being with them. I even heard of a case where a sister deliberately got pregnant because she didn’t want to lose the brother. Five years later, they are divorced and there is a constant struggle between the two with regards to the children.
I’ve witnessed brothers promise sisters the world and then give them nothing in return except heartache. I know of a sister who married a brother with a drinking problem because he swore he would change after marriage. It never happened and ten years and two children later, they are divorced.
There is no such thing as ‘halal’ love, no matter how well meaning your intentions are. The affairs of the heart are not easy and in every case the only solution if you truly fear Allah SWT is to get married as soon as possible so that your desires can be nurtured in a halal way that is acceptable to Allah SWT.
May Allah SWT protect us all from falling into sin and grant us righteous spouses who keep us happy and fulfilled and help us attain jannah – ameen.
Written by The Girl In The Black Hijaab
Pure Matrimony – Helping Practising Muslims Get Together and Stay Together!
Source: www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site for Practicing Muslims
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ASSALAMUALIKUM
the above line are the truth and fact…i m 25 years old girl till my graduation and admission in to PG i was just focus on one goal to be highly educated which my late father told me when i was 10 yrs….i used to avoid friends who talks about love and relationship.but in my pg my friend circle was not good..i used to be with them forcibly……and i got habituated listening their stories plus it was co-ed college .i dint talk to any fellow in class always used to avoid.. there was one who was very short in personality who used to exchange notes my projects etc…i felt safe as he was shorter…he started developing emotional relation with me..i used to get very emotional relating to my family matters and used to say to my friends if any prblms…and share to them…that was my weakest point he caught and he did one of my family works…i was so impress habituated to him….but as time went by 2 months later i started disliking him but i was not able to break from him…i felt something fowl n fishy …wrong intentions to be physical with me…i want to say this at home …if my mom would know she would stop my education …that was my goal aim…i cant make any one to stop me from that..but i ended with him a month went still he was disturbing me .in those days my cousin with whom i studied from class 5 til inter he started impressing me to be my spouse…i was very much fed up with college fellow and my cousin came at same time i thought through my cousin allah wants to help me…my cousin told me that he will send prosposal at my home his mother likes me very much …i felt its true bec i used to trust him he was from my family…but i cant say him college story …as per my friends advise i used to call my cousin to drop and pick from college to home…i got relax n peace from college guy…
Well there are many girls, who were tempted by their cousins to have wrong relations with them. And even cousin don’t have any intentions to marry also. Its not necessary that if some one is your family member, then he would be sincere with you.
My university fellows who were interested in each other, finally got married after they passed their degree.
This is soooo helpful and inspiring masha’Allaah… May Allaah (swt) help us ALL and protect us against evil.. insha’Allaah
Asselaam aleykum
This is a nice post and a good reminder! People now a days make you feel bad because you want to keep it halal and don’t want to be first in a relationship even if it is with ‘the best intention’. They try to convince you that in our times it isn’t possible anymore to keep it halal and that it is not a big matter (sin) but it’s not true it is possible but you have to fight for it and be patient.
We often read stories about how it turned in a bad way but where are the halal stories with a good ending (without ending)?? I think these stories will motivate the youth too….
Barak Allahu fiek for this reminder 🙂
Salaam alay kum,
What this article states is true but adhering to it is very hard. The best thing to do is marry young but when factors get in the way such as family, education, living arrangements then it can be hard and the path to sinning can begin. I was always so sure I would never get into a relationship and would only touch a man who was my husband but as time went by and marriage didn’t happen I started getting restless. I sadly turned away from Islam…not in mind but in practice. All around me, my siblings, my cousins and friends were settling down and even though I was always described as “beautiful and intelligent” I was unable to settle down. I started feeling numb and wanted the same affections as everybody else so I did what I never said I would do and started going out with a guy. Did it bring me happiness? No it didn’t but then everything is all from Allah and I now turn to him for forgiveness. Living in the west the lines of halal and haram become blurred or should I say we become desensitised to haram. Doing something haram is only hard the first time and easy after that. I’ve seen ‘Islamic’ marriages fail and ‘haram’ love marriages succeed so now I know everything is from Allah and whatever we do wrong or right we have to constantly turn to him and plead for mercy and guidance.
Assalamalikum,
I find this article buidling more patience and tawakal in Allah.
My story started off in a islamic way…..as there is a saying ..” if its not happy ending then its not the end”
I met Mohammed through my friend. He was a smart and attractive guy. Buh i wasnt interested. Though we turned into good friends i never thought he would be serious about me. we met jst 3 times that too in while i was working on my project. All this was happening when he came for vacation from UK.The day he told me he was leaving through a msg, i was literally weeping. i called up my friend over this strange attachment. however , before his departure i made it clear that i hold no feelings for him and he shouldnt be hoping any thng from me. His missed his flight and the next day he started talking about getting married..for a sec i thought he is just having fun. but he was serious. All i could thnk of at such a situation was ALLAH. i told him lets work towards our goal through islamic way. i asked him to do istekhara.. and only this reply made me fall for him completely, he said ‘ i have already done and got a positive feeling’.
couldnt imgaine anyone could be so serious…i said let me do istekhara to confirm it.
i did inform my sister about it also and as my elder she adviced me to do it again .
i did 5 times…i saw Mohammed. however, we broke…his mother objected.
today , yes even after 3 years , with no contacts, with no feelings for each other. I did istekhara for a marriage proposal. I found Mohammed again.
i told my mother. that i see mohammed but i feel we shouldnt be together. All she told me was saber..Allah knows the best!!1
though we speak no more and probably forgotten each other…. then how will this happen ..im confused.
if he is in my life…then y should i wait..cant i approach him.
Alhumduallah this article has now comforted me ….’ if he is really in my life he will eventually turn up one day.’.
Jazakallah Sister, you have saved me from going on the wrong track again.
Assalamalikum
Assalamu alaikum. …
This article is absolutely true. Thing is, unfortunately, disastrously, ‘things’ happen before we realise its happening – by then its too late! Hrnce why Islam has all these rules in place to abide by, to prevent all the ‘things’ from kicking off in the begjnning. It sounds extreme, sometimes maybe even impractical, but these rules have to be adhered to. It honestly isn’t impossible and saves a whole lot of mistakes and sinning In’sha’allah.
Something I believe the youth of today have to consider and understand and accept carefully.
Asalaamu alaikum
Masha’Allah I enjoyed reading your article. However, I wanted to point out that halal love does exist – within marriage. Of course, you are correct in stating that outside of marriage, there is no relationship between a man and woman which can be considered as halal with regards to romance. A romance between any couple who have not completed their nikkah can only lead to wrongdoings – May Allah (swt) protect us all. But love does exist as halal when nikkah has been completed and accepted by Allah (swt). Within marriage, love can truly enrich the relationship between husband and wife. There are so many blessings and reward which acn be received through loving one’s spouse. Let’s not forget that. May Heprotect us all from acting wrongfully on our feelings and help us all in loving only for the sake of Himself.
Subhanallah man!
An eye opening article. I always believed that this word “Love” has lost its value through falling in love with 10 people every night after a little advancement of technology. I can guarantee you that this “Love before marriage” with happy ending DO EXIST. But only in Hollywood & Bollywood movies. Yeah! It hurts..
I’m a brother who was an agnostic back than and was stuck by a Christian girl who claimed to fall in love with me and used to blackmail me that if I didn’t marry her she is gonna do this and that and stuffs. I somehow managed my family to understand the situation. The story went on and when we planned to get married 2 years back, she informed me that she is in “LOVE” with another guy and she just can’t hide it anymore and felt sorry for me and disappeared like a ghost.
I’m not telling here that women are evil and men are innocent. Its vice versa as well and I guess its even worse. I hope people may get benefits from the consequences explained in this article insh’allah ya rabb!
Yours brother in Faith
– Adam