He wants to marry a girl with whom he had a relationship

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He wants to marry a girl with whom he had a relationship
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By Pure Matrimony -

Question

He wants to marry a girl with whom he had a relationship. I hope you can help me as I am in a deep trouble. I knew some girl who works far from where her family lives. For two years we had a loving relationship, we were meeting and committing Zina (adultery), we agreed to marry because I can not forget her, and she can not forget me either. Since she knew me she became religious and changed a lot. Allah knows how much I love her. Do you advise me to marry her? I am suffering.

Answer

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Before answering your question, we must remind you that it is obligatory to repent and regret what you have done with this woman, because you have fallen into several major sins, the most serious of which is zina (fornication) which is clearly forbidden in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the scholars are unanimously agreed that it is haraam, and wise people are unanimously agreed that it is abhorrent and evil.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).

There is a severe punishment for zina in al-Barzakh, before the punishment in the Hereafter. In the famous hadeeth of Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the dream, it says:

“… then we [i.e., the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Jibreel and Mikaa’eel] proceeded and came to something like a tannoor (a kind of oven), in which there were clamouring voices.” He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said: “We looked into it and there we saw naked men and women. Flames were coming to them from the bottom of it, and when the flames reached them, they made uproar. I said to them [i.e., the two angels who were accompanying him], ‘Who are these?’ … They said, ‘We will tell you. As for the naked men and women in the structure that resembled a tannoor oven, they are the adulterers and adulteresses.’”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6640).

Allaah has ordained the hadd punishment for zina. He says concerning the hadd punishment for an unmarried person (interpretation of the meaning):

“The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment”

[al-Noor 24:2]

As for the person who has previously been married, the hadd punishment is execution, In the hadeeth narrated by Imam Muslim in his Saheeh (3199) it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For a previously-married person with a previously-married person, [the punishment is] one hundred lashes and stoning.”

What we have said to you applies to the woman too, and she should realize that her sin is even worse, but because, as you say, she has become righteous, we hope that her repentance is sincere and that Allaah will forgive her by His grace and kindness.

Secondly:

You should note that if you have not both repented from the sin of zina, then it is not permissible for you to marry her, because Allaah has forbidden the zaani and zaaniyah to marry unless they both repent. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-Noor 24:3]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

This clearly points to the abhorrent nature of zina, and that is tarnishes the honour of the one who does it in a way that other sins do not. Allaah tells us that no woman would marry a zaani but a woman who is also a zaaniyah, who is like him, or a mushrik woman who associates others with Allaah and does not believe in the Resurrection or in reward and punishment (in the Hereafter), and who does not adhere to the commands of Allaah. And similarly, no one would marry a zaaniyah except a zaani or a mushrik. “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” means, it is haraam for them to marry zaanis or zaaniyahs.

What the verse means is that if a person wants to marry the man or woman who commits zina and has not repented from that, despite the fact that Allaah has prohibited that, then he is either not adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger, in which case he cannot be anything but a mushrik, or he is adhering to the ruling of Allaah and His Messenger but he agrees to this marriage despite knowing that this person has committed zina, in which case this marriage is also zina, and he is an immoral zaani. If he truly believed in Allaah, he would not do that. This clearly indicates that it is haraam to marry a zaaniyah unless she repents, or to marry a zaani unless he repents, because marriage is the strongest type of companionship, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Assemble those who did wrong, together with their companions” [al-Saaffaat 37:22]. Allaah has forbidden that because of what it involves of great evil, and lack of protective jealousy, and attribution of children who are not his to the husband, and the zaani failing to keep her chaste because he is distracted elsewhere, any one of which is sufficient reason for the prohibition. End quote.

Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 561).

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:

A man committed zina with a virgin and wants to marry her. Is it permissible for him to do that?

They replied:

If the matter is as described, each of them must repent to Allaah and give up this sin, and regret what has happened of immoral actions, and resolve not to do it again, and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful

71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

If he wants to marry her, then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish whether her womb is empty before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth, in accordance with the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to water the crop of another with his own water. End quote.

Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/247).

So repent to Allaah and set your affairs straight, and do a lot of good deeds, and after that it will be permissible for you to get married. We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and to forgive you, by His grace and mercy.

Source: Islam Q&A

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18 Comments to He wants to marry a girl with whom he had a relationship

  1. What is the punishment for a married man who has sinned. Who has had sex with other than his wife. The other lady is not married.

    • Execution, as it states above.
      “As for the person who has previously been married, the hadd punishment is execution, In the hadeeth narrated by Imam Muslim in his Saheeh (3199) it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For a previously-married person with a previously-married person, [the punishment is] one hundred lashes and stoning.” “

    • Obviously there is no Sharia complient country, but if you confess your sins, or have four male witnesses witness the event. Then it is stoning to death.
      This will not happen in this day and age. So the best thing to do is repent to Allah, make lots of tawba, and KEEP well away from the fitna of any woman. And do every good deed and action to your wife.

      When we commit a Major sin Fahsha we have to repent and also repalce the bad deed with a good deed. Increase acts of charity, increase acts of rightousness, stand up for mid night prayers. etc etc make it a habit. not a one off. You need to maintane these good actions.

  2. this is bad i mean very bad.its against islam religion and the teachings of the holy prophet.u see part of me dont blame u.its really tempting.this attraction one get with different person apart from ur partner.but my opinion is to tell ur wife cus she is the only one who can forgive u.and pray over it am sure if she forgive u allah will also forgive u.may allah help us both.

  3. Dear Brother,

    First off it is absolutely haraam to commit adultery/zina in Islam. And I have been in a similar situation and used to commit zina (astagfirllah). But Al7amdulillah I quit now and my advice to you is immediately stop what you are doing. I know it is hard but it is better to bite your teeth and suffer now in this life than compared to the punishment in the Hereafter.

    If you truly love each other stop what you are doing and repent to the Almighty Creator for Allah’s mercy overweights His anger. Make a promise to yourself not to touch her for atleast a long period of time and try your best to pray all five prayers. Do good deeds/Sadaqah even a smile, greeting your brother who you know or dont know is a good deed. Be obedient to your parents, read Quran and always think of Allah. Follow the Sunnah to your best ability and try very hard. All of this advice cannot be done within a day but with daily practice and stability Inshallah your sins will be forgiven and you can improve yourself.

    Always remember Shaitan is your open enemy and he will do whatever it takes to take you away from the right path. Men were created weak so if you feel yourself losing it just stop, take a minute, and with deep breaths remember all the good things you were blessed with and say Alhamdulillah 100 times. It works for me and I avoid sins this way. The best method I use to avoid sins is by being obedient and praying all the five prayers. Thats it there is no special formula. Just try praying all the five prayers from Fajr to Ishaa and you will feel the difference.

    Be strong brother and dont give up. If both of you truly repent and stop doing Zina and serious about getting married then Inshallah so be it. I wish you good luck.

    • MashAllah,SubhanAllah such an amazing advice i was really looking forward for such an advice but was hesitating asking anyone…JazakAllah

      • Glad to be of help sister Maryam and to be honest im only 23 but I sound like an old man. But you know Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with one blessing I consider the greatest of all which is my knowledge. Tomorrow I can lose everything my apartment, my job, my bank account etc but my blessing of knowledge is always with me.

  4. Masha Allah…the brother Omer gave such beautiful advise. Living in the West, muslim men are faced with this temptation of having to dwell and work with beautiful women not necesserally muslim and are caught up in this situation. They feel that by that by fulfilling Nikkah they have righted thier error of committing zina. It is extremely stressfull on wives when they discover their husbands have fallen into this situation and it takes a toll on the marriage and the children. May Allah help us all from committing zina. Wives many times over if they love their husbands have to learn to live with the situation and pray that Allah helps them to forgive their husbands so that they can move on for the sake of the family. May Aallah make it easy for the many women who have found themselves in this situation. Ameen.

  5. Asalam o alykum

    I know a couple who did zina and after years they got married and blessed with two kids
    But after 9 years now her husband having affir with another girl thier married life totaly finished thier kids also suffering .the guy told his wife after 9 years that I dont love u I marry u just becuz I did sex with u now I want to Marry that girl ..his wife love him a lot he beat her even then she wants to live with him. she perform salha she fast .

  6. Abdulmajeed

    the correct tafsir of the verse about adulterer and adulteress is- nikaah in the verse means intimacy, as it can also mean marriage in arabic. i pray that Allah protects us from this sin-Zina.

  7. assalam o alaikum warahmatuLLAH.. i appreciate the administration’s detailed answer to the questioning entity. i’ve just started reading the answer.. the very first point that clicked to my mind after reading hadith’s refrence *********(There is a severe punishment for zina in al-Barzakh, before the punishment in the Hereafter. In the famous hadeeth of Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the dream, it says:

    “… then we [i.e., the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Jibreel and Mikaa’eel] proceeded and came to something like a tannoor (a kind of oven), in which there were clamouring voices.” He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said: “We looked into it and there we saw naked men and women. Flames were coming to them from the bottom of it, and when the flames reached them, they made uproar. I said to them [i.e., the two angels who were accompanying him], ‘Who are these?’ … They said, ‘We will tell you. As for the naked men and women in the structure that resembled a tannoor oven, they are the adulterers and adulteresses.’”

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6640).)********************************

    all the observations that Propeht Peace Be Upon Him observed on “SHAB E MAIRAJ” .. was not observed in state of dream, but in actual.. for if it was dream, ALLAH SWT had explained it in the Qur’an Pak. while in Quran it’s mentioned that He (PBUH) observed it awakened state, and not in dream.

  8. Anonymous

    Yeah it is very hard marriage nowadays with culture issues and both brothers and sisters having high demands which tempts men and woman into zina

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