How Pride destroys a marriage?

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By Pure Matrimony -

Author: Sabha


Prophet Muhammad Salah Alayhi wa Sallam “He who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride shall not enter paradise,”- Sahih Muslim 91.

He also said that Pride means rejecting the truth and looking down at the people – Muslim.

Surah Luqman v: 18-وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ

“And do not contort your cheek while talking to anyone, nor boastfully walk upon the earth; Allah does not like any boastful, haughty person.”

Pride and Prejudice:

Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice reveals the character of Mr Darcy and Miss Elizabeth. According to the novel, Mr Darcy is a man of pride Caroline Bingley is a woman of self-seeking. We know Miss Elizabeth for her prejudice.

The reason for his pride was because his parents forced him and he owned Pemberly estate. But at the end of the novel, he changes into a humble man.

If we look back into our history, we might learn about many characters who were exploited because of their pride. For example, the famous Beauty and the Beast (the beast’s pride), Cinderella(step-mother’s self- seeking attitude) and the world-famous Harry Potter (Tom Marvello Riddle or Voldemort’s pride and arrogance).

For instance, in Islam Pharoah, Karoon, many tribes were destroyed because they were show off. Allah does not like people who are showing off. We might also say that Iblis was not only jealous of Adam (a.s) but he was proud too.

Symptoms of Pride:

  • Constantly thinking of their SELF and what others think about it.
  • Feel inferior.
  • Think they’re not worthy of a good spouse or job.
  • Constantly dating abusive people.
  • SELF-loathing.
  • Believe that people don’t like them.
  • Avoid successful or attractive people.
  • Put their SELF down so that others affirm and build them up, etc…

Pride vs Relationship:

We make marriages in heaven. All the marriages do not have a happy ending, nor all the marriages end up with sadness. It depends on the couples. The style of ‘understanding’ is highly important in the relationship…

Understanding is perhaps a style. It is a style because not all humans know how to get adjusted with anything. We need a balance of tolerance in the relationship.

Warning signs of the relationship:

The major sign of Pride is the fault-finding. A person who has pride always finds fault and do not appreciate people. They might say that I have been blessed with a capacity of finding faults in others. They might have lens like mad-eye-moody for finding faults.

Though if there is no mistake but still they want to discourage. It makes them feel superior. They believe that they can control or dominate this world.

A person who is prideful will never help others. He/she might be self-seeking. They desire for more rather than less. They are the least concerned about other struggles or hurts. The tongue is the smouldering fire and action speaks more than words.

A prideful person affects Histrionic personality disorder (HPD). These people will always seek attention in any group or place. For example, if a spouse gets cardiac arrest, a prideful person will think how will it affect them but will not think about the spouse.

A prideful person’s mentality is that he/she knows everything and he/she is right in anything. Though if an expert says that he/she is wrong, they will have the pride of what they have done. If we send them for counselling for namesake, they might attend.

He/she might never apologise, though they have committed the error. Sarcasm is the next symptom. But they will blame the other person.

For a prideful person, submission is unnecessary and no space for sacrifice in their lives.

A person who has pride will try to dominate and expect lots of attention. Seeker of other services. But he/she will never ask for any help.

A prideful person is affectionate towards the person who appreciates his/her work. He/she will desire for other remarks or applause.

A prideful person will never share his/her personal to others. Though if they share, they might speak as though they are the King or Queen of this world.

How to overcome Pride?

  • Stop finding faults. Remember to remind yourself that Allah is great. Especially with your spouse do not discourage them.
  • Think about your spouse. Be grateful to them because through them alone is your offspring.
  • Guard your tongue and actions though you are in privacy and at the public.
  • Do not dominate your spouse or nag them.
  • Help your spouse in every way, though you have a tight schedule.
  • Have kindness do not seek the attention of your spouse or test them.
  • Though you know everything, behave as though you know nothing.
  • Do not be sarcastic, change your gesture.
  • Accept your mistake, apologies for your mistake.
  • Try to sacrifice something for your spouse, even if they have a life to live in their style.
  • If you require help, ask directly to your spouse but do not seek their attention.
  • Do not trust people who boast about your work. Those people are shrewd because they want their job by you.
  • Share your personal with your spouse for a better understanding. Do not lock your secrets.
  • Try to change your gesture, do not be egoistic.

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