How to communicate effectively When You’re Angry with Your Spouse

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By Pure Matrimony -

Conflict and problems are a part of life. How we handle our conflicts can make the difference between a peaceful and successful marriage and a horrid, unsuccessful union. It can also determine our destination in the hereafter.

In an authentic hadith reported by Imam At-tirmithi and Ibn-Majah, The Prophet (saw) said, “A person may say a word that is pleasing to Allah (S.W.T.) and he may not think much of it, but Allah (S.W.T.) will, (because of that word), bestow his pleasure upon him on the Day of Judgment, and a person may say a word that is displeasing to Allah (S.W.T.), and he may not think much of it, but Allah will have, (because of that word) his wrath and anger on him on the Day of Judgment.”

Also, Allah says in Quran,  Surat Qaf, (Verse 18),  “Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it).

Take note of the following article from Islam Web: Practical Methods of Solving Problems:

It is important to remember that uttering bad words and using abusive language in the course of an argument, has an undoubtedly negative effect that lasts even after the problem is over. Furthermore, it causes emotional wounds and distress that accumulates in the heart.


Conversely, remaining silent instead of discussing a problem is also a negative and temporary solution, as it later leads to unexplained sudden and violent outbursts over trivial matters. Hence, repressing feelings is the beginning of psychological complications and gives rise to impatience.

Therefore, either a person should pretend to forget the problem, overlook it and voluntarily forgive the other party or the problem must be tackled . . . 

Both spouses should avoid any outcome that instigates feelings of victory or defeat in either one, as this only serves to deepen the rift. For example, they should avoid mockery, denial and rejection, and insistence on winning. Further, one should watch his or her speech.

Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported: “The Prophet was never unseemly or lewd in his language; he used to say, ‘The best among you are those who have the best morals.’” [Al-Bukhaari]

. . . [W]hen ‘Aa’ishah  was asked about the morals of the Prophet, she said: “The Prophet  was never rude or indecent, nor was he loud-voiced in the streets, nor did he return evil for evil, but he would forgive and pardon.” [At-Tirmithi]

Indeed, we are warned by the Prophet, , from being “the worst person in the Sight of Allaah on the Day of Judgment”; that is“one who is avoided by people because of his evil.” [Al-Bukhaari] 1

1 Practical Methods of Solving Problems


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