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Author: Zohra Sarwari
Bismillahir Rahmanee Raheem,
This topic is a touchy topic for many of who have been raised in our cultures instead of Islam – and that is always thinking about having a BIG, extravagant wedding that costs a lot of money. The average girl who is ready to get married expects to have nothing less than a $50,000 wedding. That includes an expensive hotel, wedding dress, singer, cake, tuxedo, bride’s maid dresses, matching tuxedos for the men, flowers, limousine, catering, party favors, etc. So before a brother is to ask for a sister’s hand he is either to have all of his money ready for a wedding or stay engaged until it is ready. Nowadays, he just gets a bunch of credit cards and pays his wedding that way.
Is all that really necessary to say “I do?” Think about it.
The Prophet (salla Allahu alihi wa sallam) said
“When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen. Then let him fear Allaah (Taqwa) with regard to the remaining half”(Saheeh ul-Jaami no.443)
You know when the youth become young adults in their mid to late teens, they start thinking about the opposite gender and marriage. Many of them want to get married, but due to the financial obligations that are tied to an expensive wedding they don’t get married at all. Due to not being able to suppress their emotions, and wait, many of them go about being with the opposite gender the haram way. Others just sit and wait until the perfect brother comes along who will have everything she wants in him, along with the big wedding check. This leads to sisters waiting until they are almost 30 to get married, and then they end up with either a small wedding party anyway or no wedding party at all. Why? Because now they just want to get married and settle, and they don’t care anymore.
So how do we keep everyone happy? Simple – follow the way of the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alihi wa sallam) and Insha’Allah there will be no problems.
What Is A Marriage In Islam?
- In Islam a marriage is solemnized by a nikah – this is a marriage contract. After the nikah the marriage should be consummated, and then the couple should have a walimah- which is a dinner to celebrate the marriage- this is done to let others know about the marriage inshAllaah.
- The walimah is a simple dinner to celebrate the marriage. You make food, or cater it out. Then you invite everyone to let them know you’re married now. This event can be held in your home, back yard, a park, masjid, community center, or a hall. This is the one event everyone thinks has to be BIG. Well let’s see how the Prophet (salla Allahu alihi wa sallam) did it.
Anas (RA) describes one of the walimah’s hosted by the Prophet (salla Allahu alihi wa sallam):
“The Prophet stayed for three days at a place between Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage with Safiyya bint Huyay (RA). I invited the Muslims to a banquet which included neither meat nor bread. The Prophet (salla Allahu alihi wa sallam) ordered for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried yogurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walima (banquet) of the Prophet (salla Allahu alihi wa sallam).” (Reported by Bukhari)
Now there is nothing wrong with having a nice walimah, however it should be according to how much money the groom has. The groom should not have to go into debt due to having a BIG walimah.
So how do we keep our marriage simple?
- Have only the immediate family at the nikah.
- Make a list of the immediate family and friends that you want to invite to the Walimah.
- If you financially do not have the funds to invite all of those people for an entire meal, you should just have cake and tea for everyone. However, if you have the walimah at a park or a free location, then inshAllaah ordering food or cooking for 100 people should not cost too much inshAllaah.
- On many occasions people make their Walimah a potluck. Every family brings a dish and this way everyone shares in the cost and it helps the bride and groom.
In conclusion, my dearest sisters and brothers even if you have the finances, do not waste it on a BIG walimah, instead give some to the poor. Maybe send money to a charity organization and let them make a feast in a poor country and feed them as a gift to your selves. Subhan’Allaah imagine the good deeds that you’ll get, Insha’Allah. Another thing you can do with the money is pay for another couple to have a walimah and get married who are too poor to do it. Lastly, spend the money on better uses for yourselves. Maybe the two of you can go to Hajj, Umrah, buy a house interest free, etc.
You can contact sister Zohra Sarwari via her website: www.ZohraSarwari.com
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The place where I’m in, walimah is not just an event for bride and groom but also for the parents. I do wish I can organise a simple and walimah only for people who really matters eg immediate families. But it’s a tradition that I “have” to do, where my parents reputation is at stake. Having a small one will get people talking…something I don’t really like in this culture. In my heart, it’s something I do for the sake of my parents. May Allah guide us.
sadly in ma culture de nikah expense s borne on de galz family !! guyz family brings in as many ppl dey can nd dey take up de walimah which hardly have 1/4 expense of de nikah !! only very few ppl r invited .. ppl who Fear ALLAH swt also do de same .. may ALLAH swt grant guidance, knowledge nd strength 2 do things dat pleases him .. aameen
I think its a brilliant idea to have a walima outdoors. in a huge park men and women as far away as possible from one another. And have a HUGE BBQ or beef roast…. or something amazing like that.
I had my walima in my husbands family home in Morocco. we had men walima on one night and womens the next day. Alhamdulillah so 100% segregated.
But wait,
How was your husband present for the Women’s walima? Isn’t it a statment to everyone that you two are married and thus it makes sense to have everyone there?
I worry that at times we take segregation to extremes. I understand if there was no way to give adequate distance between men and women due to space limitations. But In general I don’t think that during the prophet’s time there was that much separation. After all didn’t a woman stand up and speak to Umar (RA)? When he was the Caliph and stated that people should not ask for large dowries and the women recited an ayah to him and challenged him on the issue? How separated could they have been if she was able to speak to him? And the technology of curtains was not new to them, they could have done it. I’m not saying this as a fatwa if anything this is a question. It would be nice to have an Imam give a lecture on separation of Men/Women and proper interactions between Men/Women during the time of the Prophet (PBUH).
Assalamu alaikum wrwb
I wish to marry the same way as you have mentioned in the article also I wish to marry a divorcee (we are of the same age) with whose Deen I am convinced with In Shaa Allaah… But the culture comes in between as a big obstruction… I belong to a culture well known for extravagent weddings and also brothers/sisters who are seeking to remarry (especially divorcees) are looked down by the society as if they have great defects. I wish to bring some changes by reviving the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa Sallam by having a simple wedding and also by honoring a divorcee if Allaah wills.
I ve already spoken to my parents about this but they have rejected my plea especially my Mother. I know she loves me a lot. What piece of advise can I have from you so that I will be able convince my Mother for this wedding. I do not want to hurt her but at the same time want her to understand the real wisdom behind bringing a change to the society.
Your earliest reply would be highly appreciated.
Jazakh Allaah Khairan
Your brother in Islam
Jazakallahu khair for this heart touching advice may Allah see us through Ameen
Assalam u Walaikum,
Recently i just started to think about my wedding day, wt it sd be & hw it sd be done? This article is like a blessings from Allah to guide me hw sd I plan my wallimah. In shaa Allah i`ll remember all this info.
Lastly Jazak Allah Khair
This is just the perfect answer have been looking for, i wish pple understood better, Alhamdulilah. Keep the good work goin
Masha’Allah, this is beautiful. <3