How to survive after divorce?

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By Pure Matrimony -

Author: Sabha

Depression:

The divorce is often referred to as the 5 stages of grief.  They include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Denial is the process where the partners will never accept their faults but only blame on the other partner, and results in a traumatic environment.  To be very specific, a problem cannot arise only with a single partner, for example, if you use two hands to clap only then the sound will produce. 

Anger is something widespread among young people and youths. The acceptance is no more, but refutation is pervasive. For instance, a dog may continuously bark if it sees a thief, but once no response it will tire. For which the robber can lucidly rob everything. Usually, this happens in a divorce.  At last, it is the truth which wins.

Prophet Muhammad Allahu Alayhi wa Sallam has compelled on us to restrain our anger. Because anger comes from Satan. Anger comes because of jealousy, and Shaytan is the envious person to both Allah and his children. 

Satan’s statement:

Satan’s biggest joy is to break a relationship.  Satan becomes so happy that he will laugh out loud and give a sarcastic smile to Allah. On the day of judgement, he will ask and tell the believers it was not my fault of taking them astray. He will also say that just because he challenged God, he made it. At last, Satan will blame the disbelievers that they should have been careful and had a strong faith.

Bargaining:

Bargaining- It is the time of understanding where the anger makes you emotionally weak. Moreover, it is a domain between anger and denial.  A grieving person reaches out in all directions to negotiate away their pain. Bargaining is brutal. Bargaining is that nagging and relentless voice that keeps running at night like a mental roller coaster from the ruin of the marriage.

At times he/she may study his/her own actions under the bright light to analyze every word or deed he/she may have committed to making the spouse stop loving he/she or cause the marriage to end.

If only I would have controlled my anger.

I should have obliged or adjust.

I wasn’t good enough to spend time with him/her.

Or it goes to the other extreme where he/she might blame the other one due to frustration like.

He would still love me, though he heard rumours about me.

He was just too caught up with work to care about our relationship.

His parents never liked me and turned him against me!

Feelings of guilt, remorse, and frustration endured during bargaining will lead or end up in depression.

How to overcome divorce?

Divorce is devastating and which tears people’s mind and heart. A person might not know that his/her wedding would lead them to depression. The divorce sends a person to a tailspin depression. How to overcome this depression?

  • Give attention to your kids- No matter how small or big the kid is, but still, they are children, so they will look for more and rely on you for each and everything. Satisfy them but do not refuse the things which they ask. Stay happy in front of them, but not remorse.
  • Admire yourself- Once you divert, enter the chambers of admiring yourself and be conscious of your health too.
  • Start working- Do not depend on anyone and do not hand over your child to your relations or friends just because you need to work and save money for the future. Balance your timings and start working.
  • Be Strong – Through the challenges faced by the divorce, you might feel strongly at the end. Just because your child needs a father/ mother don’t hurry by this time you might know to whom not to trust and whom to trust.
  • Erase your past- Think all this divorce part, the courtroom, lawyers, etc… as your worst nightmares and start working on the things which you desired to do and try to forgive your ex.

Acceptance for the divorce:

Accept your life, accept the world, accept the people, accept the job. Accept your fault and the planner is the almighty. Life is what you make. So it is in your hand to make your life so accept anything and everything.

 

 

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