Is love before marriage better?

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By Pure Matrimony -


Is love before marriage better? What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?


Praise be to Allaah.

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:

The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage.  If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.

And Allaah knows best.

Source: Islam Q&A

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6 Comments to Is love before marriage better?

  1. nadeem adams

    i agree,my situation is this ive been married 2,i now met a beautiful,religous women an we so inlove i approachd da parents but the sed no cos i was married 2,they want 2 arrange a marriage 4 her,so wot i can say is some of our umah use the deen onli wen it suites them

  2. seems like whoever replied to this is a very male oriented person. Islam gives women equal rights. It not always about women being beautiful and a man not liking the woman chosen for him. It can equally be the other way round.
    Also another problem massively faced these days, two people like each other and want to get married right away, the families however have a lot of socio cultural demands which either leads to delaying a marriage or refusing to the proposal altogether. In many cases that i have seen, those in love dont stop and hence it leads to gunah. Their justification to it is that they wanted the right away and adopted it, their parents didnt. Its sad how there are these worldly requirements that leads to such serarios when the answer is simple and just needs cooperation from parents. I wonder if its right for either of the two in love to marry someone else chosen by their family whom they dont love. Loving someone else and being a spouse to someone else is again extremely wrong. May Allah guide us the right path and help us in such hardships!

    • i agree with you, also Allah tells us that we have to obey our parents, but we shouldnt when they tell us something that ccontradicts with islam, for xample what if someone loves someone, and theyre both good muslims, and then the guys parents say oh no you cant marry her because shes not the same culture, there are no races in islam, Allah and the prophet told us that in an authentic hadith that no race is greater or bettter than another, and in the Quran “And we have made you into different tribes so that you may know one another” If marriage was based on culture why didn’t the prophet sallalahu alaihi wa salam ever say in a hadith “you should marry from your own race because it will be easier on you”, it just makes me so upset and tired to hear this kind of stuff that culture is a barrier for marriage, i never thought it would even be a prerequisite, culture is nothing its your language where you were born what kind of food you eat and thats it, some muslims these days just block out deen when it comes to marraige and look at culture

  3. @sana: i like your comment and the question posed by you…. well i will not go too deep in details but in short the solution is we need to educate ourself about what our deen (Islam) says: Which is what Allah SWT commands us and what Prophet Muhammad PBUH has guided us….

    If we follow it then there would not be such issues…. but the matter fact is that we dont have time for learning our Deen….

    May Allah SWT guide us all to the righteous path….

  4. @sana

    I will answer about the last part, where u were wondering, If two people who were in love with each other, should marry some one else ( presumably of their parents choice ), Well, I will answer you through Qur’an

    Chap 2 Vrs 235 – ”
    And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal or conceal it in yourself, Allah knows that you will remember them ”

    Notice the part where Allah says, Allah knows that you will remember them ”

    To put it simply, I think, its clear that if you love some1, you propose to them and you should try and marry them, by this verse.

    • Kaynat Sarwar

      @ Salman Ibn Ahmed

      I just wanted to say that the ayah from the Quran that you have quoted here does not apply to this situation. If you read the whole ayah and the ayah before it too, you will know that this ayah refers specifically to the women who are in the period of iddat ie mourning after their husband has passed away. It is instruction for a man who sees this woman, or hears about her and would like to propose to her.

      and Allah knows best.

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