Ийгиликтүү (мусулман) Жубай!

By Таза нике - Май, 26th 2012

Булак : islamnewsroom.com
28 Tips You Need To Be
Ийгиликтүү (мусулман) Жубай!
– Yusuf Estes

NOTE from Yusuf Estes: Исламда нике каралат “Диндин жарымы” (an important part of our way as a Muslim).
Yet we are seeing failures in marriages all around us. Family fights are on the rise, women and children are being abused and many families are falling apart. More and more marriages are ending up in divorce even amongst the most religious of families, and the Muslims are no exception.
So many marriages are failing these days, even amongst the most religious of families, and Muslims are no exception.
This greatly saddens me and I hope by publishing this article here on our website, we might come to a better understanding and better relationship with our spouses, иншаллах.

Here are just a few tips and at the end I am offering a number of sources for details and follow-up.

1. Эжелер & Бир туугандар These tips are for the Believers – Male & Female. Ошентип, экөөңөр тең, make Du’a to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful – We all know, as believers, all good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this world and continues on – into Paradise, иншаллах.

2. Listen and obey – АЛЛАХ! (and then each other) – First rule of obedience is to Allah, and then the wife to the husband (Quran chapter 4, стих 34). Obeying your husband is obligatory! But what about the husband? Doesn’t he have to obey?

Эжелер: Your husband is the Ameer (баш) of the household. Give him his rights and respect, and Allah will give you your rights.

Бир туугандар: First rule of obedience for you is, after Allah and His messenger, who has the most rights? (Your mother, your mother, your mother and then your father). After your parents, Бүткүл дүйнөлүк саламаттык сактоо уюму? Your wife (don’t pretend you didn’t know this).
Same surah, same ayah – Оку:

Куран (Surah An-Nisaa’ бөлүм 4, The Women, стих 34):
Эркектер (males) are responsible for women (ургаачылар) because of what Allah has given one over the other (ичинде күч) жана алар (males) spend (үчүнургаачылар тейлөө) from their wealth. So righteous women are obedient (чейин Кудай), ичинде кайтаруу (күйөөлөр) absence what Allah wants them to guard. But for those (аялдар) from whom you observe arrogance and refusal, аларга насаат айт; (if they persist), leave their beds; жана (lastly), таптаңыз (percuss) алар. But if they comply, seek no further means against them. Чындыгында, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

3. Be Pleasing To Each Other – After what pleases Allah, always seek to please your spouse, this is your key to Jennah.

Эжелер: Мухаммед пайгамбар (ага тынчтык болсун) taught us that any woman who dies in a state that her husband is pleased with her, she shall enter Paradise. Ошентип, try your best to please him (even when you think it is not worth it – it is still worth it)

Бир туугандар: Did you read the way our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, dealt with his family? Wake Up! You must follow his way in helping with cooking, cleaning and taking care of your own clothes (he did it, you can do it too).

4. Do not get Angry – Arguments a fire in your home – put out the fire as fast as possible. Our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, деди, “Do not become angry! Do not become angry! Do not become angry!” And he told us anger is from the devil (shayton) and the shayton runs through your body like your blood when you become angry.

Эжелер: You already know men have a hard time admitting they are wrong. Чындыгында, some men refuse to say it, and this is very dangerous for them, but also for you too. Be careful not to force the issues with him when he is upset. Treat him like the baby that he is imitating. Чынында, just take it easy and keep your cool. Allah will reward you and inshallah, Allah will guide your husband back on track.

Бир туугандар: You know you are not perfect. Come on now, admit it and get it over with. Айт, “Кечирим сурайм”. You can be the one to extinguish the fire of shayton in your home with a simple ‘Кечир’ even if you think it is not your fault.
When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, "Кара, Кечир. Let it go.”

5. Айт, “Рахмат” to your spouse constantly for the nice things done nicely.

Эжелер: Пайгамбар, ага тынчтык болсун, бизге үйрөттү; “Whoever does not thank the people, does not thank Allah“. Ошентип, just go ahead and say, “Thanks honey” and even add “Good job” же “Мыкты жасалды”. This is one of the most important techniques. Remember ungratefulness (opposite) is a characteristic of the people of hellfire. May Allah save all of us from that, амин.

Бир туугандар: When was the last time you said, “Thank you honey” to your wife for cleaning house, washing clothes, ironing, bathing the children, taking them to school, teaching them things? You say, “But she does that every day” — And that is the point! She is doing this day after day – But where is the pay? Give her something to make her feel worthwhile, айт!

6. Enjoy games, playing and joking around with your spouse:

Эжелер: You can play some jokes on your husband, but don’t lie or hurt his feelings. Men look for seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humor.

Бир туугандар: Пайгамбарыбыз (ага тынчтык болсун) told Jabir, Аллах андан ыраазы болсун, “Marry someone who makes you laugh and you make her laugh”.

7. Dress up for each other and look sharp. Islam encourages us to look and act our best in front of everyone, especially loved ones.

Эжелер: Wear nice jewelry and dress-up at home for your husband. From the early years, young girls adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and wore nice dresses – as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, you should continue to use the jewelry and the nice dresses for your husband.

Бир туугандар: Do you think only sisters need to “dress-up”? What about our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун? He wore his nicest clothes, he even made sure to wash his own garments. And what about smells? You know how important fragrance is. Don’t ever let her smell your stinky sweat. She smells nice for you, so at least put on nice fragrance for her – you do it at the mosque, туура?

8. Be like the people of Paradise – Act right, think right and look right (try this tip today)

Эжелер: Do you know about the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn (women of paradise)? Islam describes these women with certain characteristics. They wear silk, have beautiful, dark eyes, жана башкалар. Here are some ideas: Try it, wear silk for your husband, put eye make-up for your eyes to ‘enlarge’ them, and be sweet to your husband.

Бир туугандар:
Where are your spouses going to get the fine silk dresses, provocative lingerie, sweet fragrance and makeup? Quran tells us (Сура 4, стих 34 – above) You are the one responsible to provide – so get with it and start providing.

9. Spread “Тынчтык” amongst yourselves. This is in Islam for sure. The Quran talks about it, and our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, деди, “You will not enter Paradise until you believe and you will not believe, until you love each another. Shall I direct you to the way to love each other? Spread the “Аралдар үчүн” (тынчтык) between you.” – narrated by Abu Hurairah

Эжелер: When your spouse comes home, give each other the most wonderful greeting of a Muslim – “Salam alaykum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatahu” Тынчтык, Blessings and Mercy of Allah be to you, (and remember to smile).

Бир туугандар: You give the “Аралдар үчүн” to everyone you see, even brothers you just met. Чындыгында, you are careful to give anyone you just met good salams – туура? But what about your wife? The mother of your children? The one who is making dua for you every day and night? Do you give the proper salams to her, when you should? Entering and leaving the house? When you enter or leave a room?

10. Smile – It costs nothing and buys everything! Who can resist a nice, big, happy smile? It even makes me smile to think about it.

Эжелер: Our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, бизге үйрөттү; The smile in the face of our fellow Muslim is an act of charity. So you can keep peace in your family, make a sweet feeling in your home, get rewarded by Allah and maybe even a nice smile back.
Think how your husband would feel if he came in and found your nice clean home, his wife looking nicely dressed and made up for him, a nice dinner prepared with care, children cleaned up and welcoming him home. It really does help, even if he doesn’t say so.

Бир туугандар: When was the last time you smiled at your wife? Can you recall the last time you brought home some flowers, chocolates, a small gift (nothing wrong with a nice of jewelry brother)?

11. Иш! Дурус, you have family jobs. Get to work your house, сенин балдарың, your duties to your wife and family.

Эжелер: Look around you. What is that stack of clothes all about? How come there is so much clutter in the kitchen? The bedroom looks like someone slept in it? (you did) The hallway looks like a storage building. Forget laundry room. Жок, the TV doesn’t need you – the house needs you.

Бир туугандар: What about lending a hand for the hard stuff? Why not take some time to clean up the bathroom or basement or attic? Сен билесиң, the hard to reach places and the places where spiders, bugs and insects collect? What would this do to her love for you? Now imagine what if you just bust in the door, shouting orders, complaining about your hard day at work and don’t even notice how much she has to do every day.

12. Attraction – Allah Tells us in Quran, He made one male and from him the first female and made all people from them. You know how it works. Charm is the key to attraction. Kindness and understanding are the keys to charm. Ошентип, be kind to each other and use your attraction to bring your hearts together.

Эжелер: Use your ‘Зина’ to win the heart of your husband. Every woman has Blessings from Allah, including the “beauties” жана “ornaments” that attract men. But then you already know that, don’t you?
OK – So USE THEM.
Your hair, your eyes, your smile (mentioned above, эсте) and your clothes (and the way you wear them), all these can work together to help bring out the man you really want. You know what he likes and get all “fuzzy” in the head. Go straight for the heart.

Бир туугандар: She did not marry a couch potatoe. She is looking for that cute guy you were when she accepted the marriage proposal. Where is that guy? The nice clothes, shiny shoes, clean smell, soft words, билесиң – (the way you were).

 

OK – Next we see eight tips about what weakens the marriage and eight tips to strengthen the marriage.

8 Things Which Weaken The Marriage:

1) Misbehaving – saying bad or hateful things, making bad jokes and insulting each other.

2) Ignore – not replying back to the “Аралдар үчүн” or giving each other the good ear to listen and share.

3) Lying – Allah forbids the believers to lie. There is no room in Islam for liars, and may Allah save us from this evil, амин.

4) Breaking Promises – Keeping a trust is also an important characteristic of a believer.

5) Avoiding Contact – You hug the brothers at the mosque, but what about a “little hug” with your wife? Come on, you can do it.

6) Suspicion & Мусулман аялдар үчүн колдонмо – Аллах айтат, “Эй момундар, avoid much suspicion. Certainly suspicion is sinful. And don’t spy or backbite each other. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother. Сен аны жек көрөт элең. Fear Allah’s punishment. For sure Allah is the Acceptor of repentance, The Merciful.” [Куран 49: 12]

7) Too Busy – Take time for each other. You have rights on each other. Give everyone their rights and you will be given your rights.

8) Leaving the worship – Allah will never be pleased with someone who leaves His guidance and does not worship Him. This will cause Muslim families serious problems and even to split up, faster than anything.

8 Things Which Strengthen The Marriage:

1) Good Attitude – A Muslim must always have a positive attitude toward life. We say, “Al Hamdulillah” (Аллахка мактоолор болсун) for whatever He gives us (or doesn’t give us).

2) Жардам – Our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, stressed the importance of men helping their wives and Allah tells us the importance of women being mates and helpers to their husbands. This is a real “win-win” situation, if we just follow it.

3) Trust – "40 жыл", men and women are ordered to be trustworthy and follow the example of our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, as the “Trustworthy”.

4) урматтоо – You get respect, when you give respect. This is mandatory for all Muslims toward all people, how much more toward the spouse?

5) Кубаныч – Our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, used to entertain his wife, Ayesha and she used to play and race with him. Ал айтты, “I used to out-run him, but then when I got heavy he used to outrun me”. He told us to play with our wives.

6) Forgiveness – Clearly, this is one of the most important aspects of Islam. Whoever does not forgive – will not be forgiven. This comes from Allah, Өзү. We must learn to forgive each other’s mistakes so we won’t it against us.

7) Убакыт – Spend time, жалгыз – together. Go for walks. Take a bus ride. Visit a friend or someone who is ill (you get big rewards for that). Fast together on Mondays & Thursdays if you can. Make hajj – this is a great way to get a “new start” on life. Мага ишен.

8) Worship – connection with Allah through ritual of prayer, petition and peace while moving together in the salat is something a non-Muslim can never really appreciate. Our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, used to lead his wife in salat, even though he lived connected to the mosque. He told us not to make our homes like grave yards. We should offer some of our sunnah prayers at home. A sister gains the most rewards at home, in her room, behind a screen.

Бир туугандар & Эжелер – Allah tells us what to do with the problems we just can’t seem to solve. It is in the very next verse after the one above, in Surah An-Nisaa’. Оку…

And if you fear fighting between the two (married couple), appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Чындыгында, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [бардык нерселер менен].
Quran Chapter 4, стих 35

The meaning here is most clear to me – DON’T BREAK UP – JUST WAKE UP! & GET SOME HELP!

It is obvious that shayton wants you to break up communication, break up the dishes, break up the furniture, break up the relationship, break up the family, break up the children’s future…

But don’t do it. Follow what Allah tells us and consider what our prophet, ага тынчтык болсун, showed us with his life. Did he give up on the relationship with his wife? (жок); Did he divorce his wife? (жок); Did he scream at his wife? (жок); Did he ever hit his wife? (жок); Did he suspect or accuse his wife of something bad, when people came up with bad stories against her? (жок).
Бирок, was he patient when his wife played a tricks on him? (Ооба). [Read about the “бал” in surah At-Tahreem, бөлүм 66]

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