One of the questions many users ask us about is how long should they wait before they say ‘No’ to a marriage prospect?
And more importantly, HOW should you do it?
How you handle this will depend on whether you are speaking to someone online or offline – so let’s talk about both!
When you’re speaking to someone online and you feel you’re not compatible, the best advice is to simply SAY SO.
You don’t know this person. You haven’t met them. And if you’ve done this part right, there’s no need to drag something on that is clearly not working for you…
Please do NOT simply close the conversation or worse, ignore them. That’s just rude and shows you have no manners – and that’s not befitting of a Muslim!
A simple: ‘JazakAllah khairan for taking the time to speak to me, but after much thought, I feel we are not compatible. May Allah SWT grant you a pious spouse ameen.’
And then you can close your conversation. By doing this, you politely let the other person know what is happening.
Plus, by making dua for them, you’re showing grace and kindness and of course, good manners.
When it comes to conversations offline, it’s a little more challenging.
How do you turn someone down whose family you’ve been talking with for a while – but without hurting their feelings?
Here’s one way to do it:
The best way is to give people a time limit – and we would suggest no more than 7 days to make a decision.
Rather than making it awkward, you can say ‘no’ to a marriage prospect like this:
‘We’re going to insha’Allah think about this and if you hear from us by (insert the day), then this means we are interested.’
Here’s why this works.
Firstly, you’re not keeping people wating longer than they need – 7 days is MORE than enough time to make a decision.
Secondly, you don’t have to make any awkward phone calls to explain WHY you don’t want to continue.
Keeping a 7 day time limit spares the other family’s feelings.
They aren’t waiting in ‘hope’ you’ll ring them – which is often what happens when families are left hanging for several weeks at a time.
Pure Matrimony – Helping Practising Muslims Get Together And Stay Together