Losing Hope in Finding a Spouse

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By Pure Matrimony -

Source : http://www.themodernreligion.com/family/losing-hope.html

Question: I am now 29, and have been trying to get married for a long time without any success. I am losing hope and even get thoughts of marrying a non-Muslim man but I know this will be disaster for my relationship to Allah.
Answer: We learn from the guidance of the Beloved of Allah to seek the strongest and most effective means available, while placing one’s trust in Allah.

Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say, “If you relied on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for birds. They go out hungry in the early morning, and return full in the evening.” [Tirmidhi] The scholars note that birds do not merely place their trust in Allah: they go out early, and take all means to fulfill their goal.

Marriage: Communal Means

In every community, there are people who set up marriages, who know suitable would-be spouses, and who should be sought out if one wants to marry. If it does not work through one’s family, try going through other elders in the community (such as one’s friends’ parents, community leaders, imams of mosques, marriage services, etc.)

Perform the Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja): make wudu and perform 2 rakats after which you make heart-felt supplication, asking for a suitable spouse.

Be certain that Allah will answer your duas, in the best of ways:

“Say (unto them, O Muhammad): Who provides for you from the sky and the earth, or Who owns hearing and sight; and Who brings forth the living from the dead and bringeth forth the dead from the living; and Who directs the course? They will say: Allah. Then say: Will you not then keep your duty (unto Him) ?” [Qur’an, 10.31]

Allah reminds us:

“And in the heaven is your providence and that which you are promised;
And by the Lord of the heavens and the earth, it is the truth, even as (it is true) that you speak.” [51.22-23]

So keep taking the best of means, with complete trust in Allah and certainty that if you do that which He has asked of you, He will most certainly give you all that is best for you, in this life and the next.

Allah tells us:

“The devil promises you destitution and enjoins on you lewdness. But Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. Allah is All-Embracing, All-knowing.” [Qur’an, 2.268]

“And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.

Allah promises to the believers, men and women, Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide – blessed dwellings in Gardens of Eden. And – greater (far)! – acceptance from Allah. That is the supreme triumph.” [Qur’an, 9.71]

And be patient. The Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) reminded us that:

“No tiredness, illness, difficulty, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts a Muslim, even to a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping away his errors through it.” [Recorded by Bukhari and Muslim, from Abu Sa’id and Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with them)]

And Allah Alone gives success.

Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari of the Hanafi fiqh list.

Source : http://www.themodernreligion.com/family/losing-hope.html

63 Comments to Losing Hope in Finding a Spouse

  1. —————-Girls———
    ———–are like apples——
    ——-on trees…. The best ones—–
    —–are at the top of the tree.—–
    —The boys don’t want to reach—
    … –for the good ones because they–
    -r afraid of falling and getting hurt.-
    -Instead, they get the rotten apples-
    from the ground that aren’t as good,
    but easy. So the apples up top think
    something wrong with them when in
    -reality they’re amazing. They just–
    —have to wait for the right boy to
    —- come along, the one who’s-
    ———– brave enough to—–
    —————climb all———
    —————the way——
    ————–to the top—-
    ————–of the tree —-

    dont worry ..
    have patience ..
    allah is with you….

    • Thank you very much …That was really very consoling ….I am as well a single muslimah of 26 years, divorsed and searching for suitable partner. Couldnt find any so far since 3 years. Inshallah ..I will soon ….

    • I find this poem highly offensive. I know myself of many religious pious sisters who married at the age of 18-25 and are not ROTTEN. And have amazing pious religious husbands. I myself am one of the lucky sisters.

      More times then not, the sister/brother is too fussy and picky or put education and work before completeing half their deen. So do not make accusations and statments and poems saying those who marry young are rotten apples. Inactual fact they get picked first and the ones left are rotten.

      • @Maysoon! And you have just showed your arrogance by saying that the ones who are left are the rotten ones infact and calling your self “lucky” as if all other who are not married are unlucky people and needs pity?. Your commentvis full of arrogance! SubhanAllah! Either you are so full of yourself or extremely immature!. Allah has different plans for everyone, some get married early and some get married and some don’t! Its All from Allah’s decree and will and in the end Marriage is not some Life Achievement award, what people like your mindsets makes it, as if its the only purpose in LiFe! Which is not True!.

    • I, too, am a single Muslimah, age 25. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I feel lonely all the time. I wish to build a family but I guess its not my time yet. I am very sad and lonely and, to be honest, I’m not exactly the most religious Muslimah. I don’t wear the hijab and I don’t pray as often as I should. Maybe that’s why Allah hasn’t fulfilled my wish. Its all in His hands. I am trying to change my ways, and I hope that I will be united with the right man.

  2. I read too many of these scholar responses and they are the same thing again and again – get help from the community. Whenever I ask anyone to introduce someone to me, I get the response that I am too young for the responsibility of marriage. I have wanted to get married for 2 to 3 years now and nobody helps me. I have tried matrimonial sites – 6 of them to be precise – and have just been hurt. I can’t believe the mess that Muslims are in at the moment. The more I pray, the more I want to get married and the more I post on these posts and get no help. Not quite so sure what I should do.

  3. Assalamualikum wrb to all my brothers and sisters.
    Im a muslim girl 24 years old, and just finished my studies. Untill i was studying i’ve never thought abt marriage and all. But my parents were always worried. After i finished studies…i started getting worried aswell. Like how long will it take to find the right partner etc. Then one day I got a propsal..everything seemed all right but in the end the reuslt of Istikhara was negative. This made me hurt badly…and I felt almost like there is no hope now. Before i was too bussy with study to even spend a little time to deepen my islamic knowlegde. But after I was hurt..my heart find rest in the rememrence of Allah. Each day i prayed to Allah..with a sincere heart, at times I had tears, at times i smiled. And not even 2 months passed I got another proposal. And Inshallah im getting married soon! I truly believed in Allah, and I truly put all My trust in Allah. My feeling was like…whaterevr happens…if Allah is with me i can face it all. And look now..Allah listened to my prayers and blessed me with a wonderful spouse. So all i can say is put your trust in Allah…ask Allah for help…and u will see it yourself Inshallah.

    Walaikum as salaam wrb

    • Mash ALLAH <3 got really happy to hear that you found a good spouse. I hope you have a great life ahead …. ameen sum ameen… do remember us in your prayers..

    • SUBHANAALLAH….. i prayed to ALLAH 6 years in my life for someone i like very much…….but at the end …. we are not made for each other…. only the depression of 2 months and u get a response from ALLAH….. SUBHANAALLAH…. but remember there are many who praying but no respnse from years….. things are not same for everyone……..

      • keep on praying..insyaAllah Allah will grant u with happiness..it maybe not now..but one day…i know it is hurt to know that u and that person are not meant for each other but put your trust in Allah..well your story is just same with one of my bestfriend. she likes someone and did istikharah. then she got an answer from Allah that the person is not suitable for her. but remember Allah loves us..my friend are now happily married with someone who loves her very much..Alhamdulillah..i hope u’ll found someone soon..insyaAllah..amin

    • you have already wasted 7 precious years of of youth, sister, may Allaah help you, good thing you’re getting married masha Allaah

      and ur parents deserve to be lashed, for they didnt even try to tell you and try to get you married when u turned 17.

  4. Assalaam Alaikum

    Whatever Happen happens for a reason just put your trust in Allah only we dont know what is best for us but He knows everything has its own time He knows what is suitable time for us but the main thing is that not losing hope from Allah at any cost Inshaa Allah Allah reward us for patience

  5. single muslimah

    i’m 33 and still not married, but i never lose hope in Allah
    don’t despair too much about your age and still unable to find a spouse
    Allah is the best Planner
    He knows when is the best time, just put trust in Him
    maybe you are destined to get a spouse in the hereafter, only Allah knows

    being unmarried does not mean that you can’t be a good muslimah
    after Allah marriage is only means, not the end
    our ends as muslims is to attain Allah’s pleasure
    focus on that, there are so many wonderful tracks towards it
    may Allah bless us all

  6. Salaam all, please dont despair, esp. the sisters i know how u all feel. we are 3 sisters, all a year apart, single parent mum (brought us up alone from toddlers as dad left) she did a fab job! love her too bits.
    my sisters and i, did it all the proper way, we studied hard, stayed modest, avoided pre-marital relationships and friendships with boys, learnt abt islam, wore hijab/prayed, got very good professional jobs, own cars, nice holidays, strong sisterhood relationship, no debt….but no marriage.
    ppl thot my mum shud be grateful for anyone to take on her daughters, whether they were 20yrs older, already married, several children, divorced, from ‘back-home’ red passport seekers etc didnt matter but my mum said my daughters are not bargaining chips nor are they a burden. but still my mum (and we were somewhat depressed) why no good proposals came along…just illegal immigrants etc then my older sister at that time aged, 29 agreed to a marriage with a guy from ‘back-home’ as she’d waited for so long, however he thought of her as his cash-cow, he ridiculed her in private, he mocked my mother to others and even when asked to speak to our murubi about pre-marriage counselling…. he insulted the poor imam! so my sister called the walima off a week b4. after this my mum got really really upset, and depressed, my older sister fell into despair…but Alhamdullilah within a year my younger sister at 28 got married, and i at 29 got married 6 months after her. and we both now have babies! my older sister is now 32 and has met a lovely brother who is 6yrs younger then her, wonderful revert brother and InshaAllah we are hoping things work out. he has been introduced to the whole family, and is wonderful. my younger sister and i met our husband thru muslim matrimonial sites, it took a long long time (years)! but nobody esp this so-called community would do anything for us so we did it ourselves. we met alot of odd ppl before we met our husbands….and when it happened it happened quick as Allah made it easy. (yes istikhara is a very important prayer, do it all the time!) the brother my 31yr old sister met was thru a professional matchmaker. InshaAllah dont give up hope, do dua, but keep it real, ppl dont always come knocking on ur door…sometimes u have to knock on theirs. i still have friends 28-38 who are unmarried but i pray that Allah swt finds them a spouse. my cousin got married 1st time at 41 and had a baby boy a year later! it can happen. keep the hope. faith in Allah and sabr dear brothers and sisters. Ma’Salamaa

    p.s your ‘requirement’ list will dwindle, Allah knows us best, our husbands incl. future bro in law are super hard working, non-uni educated, decent men, pls dont look for bros who only do professional jobs, uni educated, non-divorced parents etc even if ur more religious educated then them, u can teach them and they will teach u stuff u dont know. sorry for the massive story. just wanted to give u all hope!

    • Hopeful sister

      Your story soothes me beyond you can’t imagine. Thank you so much. I’m 28 and approaching 29 soon. Alhamdulillah I’m happy with my education n professional career thus far, all thanks to Allah, I was given the will to study hard. Unfortunately, I’ve been lied by 2 married men. The first didn’t affect me as much as the second one as I was 23 at the time and I felt I was still young. Plus I was so into my masters study so I quickly pick myself up and focus on studies. The second was the hardest because I can’t believe it’s happening again because I was very careful this time as I’ve had the experience of being lied to before. I didn’t date as I was trying to avoid haram relationship but got to know each other via email and texting. As soon as I finished study, I’ve met his mother and he met my family, things looked so well, until my mother found out that he’s married. I have no idea what to feel having this the second time that I thought it might be that this is what’s planned for me and I’m ready to be a second wife especially that first wife agreed. Plus I’m a very independent woman with stable career. But things didn’t turn out good as my family rejected him and the wife. The wife got angry with my family and things turned out bad.

      It’s been 3 years of me praying and praying and crying asking for Allah’s help in whatever He decides for me. But alhamdulillah along these 3 years I’ve achieved so many things that I’ve always wanted to achieve. I am very happily spending part time for a charity cause that I know I’d be too busy to do if I’m married. Alhamdulillah the organisation has achieved a lot. But of course it hurts to think that I still can’t find a spouse. I’m happy during most days but only Allah knows my tears in each of my prayer. I’ve given all my reliance to Him alone and tried to be a better muslimah each day and not to hold grudge. Some people here said they waited for months, I waited 3 years and still counting. And only Allah knows how I’m putting my trust for His help.

      Sorry for the long post.

  7. Salaam to all brothers and sisters. Alhamdulilah…as i wrote before…i am so thankfull Allah for blessing me with a wonderfull spouse. I will pray for all my muslim brothers and sisters for this great blessing. Inshallah, you all wil find your pious spouses…just have patience and trust in Allah…and u will experince it yourself. I know it is hard sometimes..because some brothers and sisters are praying for years…but still Allah looks at the heart…and if ur heart is pure, and u put ur trust upon Allah..then Allah will hear ur prayers Inshallah. Allah is the greatest and there is nothing Allah cant do…so have patience..Allah will open ways for u. On your own part u can do your best to inform somebody.,..in community..mosqs..etc., then leave the rest on Allah..

  8. I forgot to mention 1 thing…u have to pray everyday..after each namaaz. Ask Allah for a pious spouse. And sometimes when u like sombody dont pray to Allah..to wish that Allah can give u that certain someone. But always ask Allah to bless u with a spouse, whom Allah made for u, and ask Allah bless me with a wonderfull pious spouse. U have to ask Allah from the bottom of your heart, it must feel like Allah is listening to you and Allah will bless u with it. Inshallah u will see. And there is a good waeefah..which i did…and it really helped:
    after Ishah namaaz, pray 500 times Ya Aleemo Ya lateefo (together..so this will count as 1)..and before and after this wazeefa recite 3 times any durood (it can be a short one aswell). Do this after Isha namaaz…and continue it always…Inshallah u all will see the power this.

    Walaikum as Salaam WRB

  9. I am divorced, I have a daughter and I have been seeking a spouce since 7 years, but wothout results. no hope tired of loneliness. every night i want to die from the loneliness, I tried to console myself, pray Allah, but losing hope even now I do not know what to do to find a spouse.

    • Dearest sister, may Allah bless you with the most wonderful husband in this life and the next inshallah. If you start to lose hope and start wondering where Allah is, remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test <3 My thoughts and prayers are with you dear sister <3 <3

  10. Salam, ‎​i stumbled on this page the morning after ‎​i had a good cry. ‎​i have met someone n have started talking about marriage when suddenly, things just seem to be gng downhill. Am also 30 gng on 31. Am desperate to settle. Sometimes its easier to loose hope, but that’s dangerous. My dear sistas, no matter how difficult things may seem, there’s always light at ð end of the tunnel. Allah listens, as long as u bliv in Him and continue to pray to Him. Our prayers of finding the ryt spouse mayb answered now or later. The impt thing is to continue to bliv u wld find him. In the meantym, get urself ready. Go for that cooking lesson uv always wanted, join Qur’an circles to learn abt ur duty as a wife n mother. Do something, n he will be there bfr u knw it إن شاء الله .

  11. Salaam sis. try to inform ur relatives or someone ur close with that ur looking for a partner to marry…use ur social network. (also in community, mosqs, or elders, family, etcs.) Then also continue to pray to Allah…and Allah will make a way out for u. If ur try this, Allah will help u and lead u towards ur destined partner. Inshallah 🙂
    Remember when ur alone…Allah is alwayz with u..so dont feel sad and depressed..put ur trust in Allah and leave everything to Allah 😉
    And wipe ur tears and remember to keep smiling..im sure u have a beautiful smile 🙂

  12. Don’t despair…. Keep looking, keep praying. I found my soulmate at age 36. And 3 years on I still thank Allah everyday for giving me such a wonderful husband. It was worth the wait.

  13. Salafi squad

    My question has to do with praying to allah for a need. I know it is called satatul hajah. How many times does a person have to pray it and when should it be prayed. Is it right to pray it at the times when duaas are most likely to be answered

    Praise be to Allaah.

    It is prescribed for the Muslim to worship Allaah in the ways that He has prescribed in His Book, and in the ways that have been proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The principle concerning matters of worship is tawqeef [i.e., following what is in the Qur’aan and saheeh Sunnah; with no room for individual opinion]. And we cannot say that any act of worship is prescribed unless there is saheeh evidence.

    The so-called Salaat al-Haajah was narrated in da’eef (weak) or munkar (denounced) ahaadeeth – as far as we know – which cannot be used as proof and which are not fit to base acts of worship on.

    Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 8/162

    The hadeeth narrated concerning Salaat al-Haajah says:

    “From ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa al-Aslami, who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came out to us and said: ‘Whoever has need of something from Allaah or any one of His creation, let him do wudoo’ and pray two rak’ahs, then let him say, “There is no god but Allaah, the Forbearing, the Most Generous. Glory be to Allaah, Lord of the mighty Throne. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds. O Allaah, I ask You for Your mercy and forgiveness and I ask You for all good things and for safety from all sins. I ask You not to leave any sin without forgiving it, or any distress without relieving it, or any need which it pleases You to fulfil without fulfilling it for me.” Then let him ask Allaah for whatever matter of this world or the Hereafter that he wishes, for it will be fulfilled.”

    (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, Iqaamat al-Salaah wa’l-Sunnah, 1374)

    Al-Tirmdihi said: this is a ghareeb [strange] hadeeth, and concerning its isnaad it was said: Faa’id ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan is weak in hadeeth.

    Al-Albaani said: rather it is da’eef jiddan (very weak). Al-Haakim said: mawdoo’ (fabricated) ahaadeeth were narrated from Abu Awfa.

    Mishkaat al-Masaabeeh, vol. 1, p. 417

    The author of al-Sunan wa’l-Mubtada’aat said, after mentioning what al-Tirmidhi said concerning Faa’id ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan: Ahmad said he is matrook (left, i.e., his hadeeth is not to be accepted), and Ibn al-‘Arabi described him as da’eef (weak).

    And he said: You know what is said concerning this hadeeth. It is better and more perfect and safer for you to make du’aa’ to Allaah in the depths of the night and between the adhaan and iqaamah and at the end of every prayer before the tasleem; and on Fridays, for then there are times when du’aa’ is answered; and when breaking one’s fast. For your Lord says (interpretation of the meanings):

    ‘Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation)’[Fussilat 40:60]

    ‘And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor)’[al-Baqarah 2:186]

    ‘And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allaah, so call on Him by them’[al-A’raaf 7:180].” al-Sunan wa’l-Mubtada’aat by al-Shuqayri, p. 124

    Islam Q&A
    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

  14. i’m lil upset tht still i haven’t found my expected person to get , i’m really determinded to marry a good person… plz everyone pray for me as ALLAH swt helps me find a good girl as my wife as well as my best friend….

  15. Um…i just want to remind you that Allah knows best, and maybe you want a thing for yourself but it isn’t good now and will be good later. I read the other days a beautiful story which i will tell you now, to chear you up: 2 beggers came to one house and asked for food. one was given a loaf of bread and sent away. the other one was kep at the door for a long time, so he began wondering ‘what is wrong with me that they won’t give me something as well, while my brother reeived something?’ He was feeling sad, but he didn’t know that inside the house a fresh bread was beeing baked for him.
    So you see, brother, don’t give up faith, on the contrary, know that patience and faith will bring you the best of gifts 🙂 Now smile, please, and don’t feel sad or dissapoited. May Alles bless you and your family.

  16. Salams

    Hang in there I know how u all feel I’m 21 wanted to get married for a few years now Alhumdulilah my parents have accepted im ready I’m struggling as girls tend to want to get married when they are older and as soon as they see my age presume in too young when mentally in much older :L

  17. this ummah needs a major cleanup. period.

    too much scum.

    especially the generation whose parents served the white man, i.e colonial imperialists. meaning, “our parents generation”

    also, coconut chocolate muslims, who seek izzah from kuffaar, by speaking what pleases the kuffaar.

    worshippers of the whitehouse (the saudis), who are helping kuffaar wage war on muslims and people like them elsewhere.

    in Quran Allaah swt said, which means, if you “ally” yourself with kuffaar, you become one of them.

    yeh anyways, all the scum will eventually die out, and mahdi is near insha Allaah, when the scum is gone, islamic emirate will make sure no sister is left unmarried insha Allaah

    no matter what you do , o muslim masses, no matter what you think, the scum of this ummah are not fit to lead the ummah.

  18. My bro., just take tins easy wit ur self n pray, av experienced such a thing in my life n Allah compensated me wit someone i neva taught, the man is Allah sent, just hope in Allah n all will be well

  19. That is uncalled for. Parents have a duty to advise, but it is for a woman to get married when it is right for her. Go and read some Hadith on the subject.

  20. Abdillah, there really is something wrong with your mentality. Adam, I share your pain – the same is for me – I am 24 next month and have had the same experience. Half our Deen – http://www.halfourdeen.com is just like the other Muslim Matrimonial Sites – they don’t work – period. I have used that website and 5 others and still have nobody.

  21. Brother Mohammad – that is one of the 6 sites that I have used – it doesn’t work. Women just want money – that’s it.

  22. I am 21 years old in usa. I am looking to get married but it is too hard to find someone. Everyone is trying to find someone better so they dont followup after sending interests.
    it is very stressful sometimes. But inshaAllah everything will fall in place. Patience is needed as well as prayer.

  23. Muslimah

    I’m 23 years old and went through a bad break up…..I had signed my marriage license to a second cousin from back home……thought he was the one and all he wanted was the citizenship……He left me because I didn’t have the financial means to bring him even though we discussed things before we signed the marriage license and I was supposed to go to the Arab country he works in……My father wants me to marry someone from back home and I just can’t do the long distance relationship again and I don’t trust any guy from over there because I think they all want my citizenship…….I wanna meet a guy from here just so I don’t have to deal with the thought of him just wanting to use me and because I can’t deal with the distance……

    I’m very open minded and don’t care where the guy is from I just care about his deen and kholoq and I don’t care about the money because money comes and goes…….the problem is my father won’t even consider if the guy is not from the same country which makes me very upset……make duaa for me please

    • Asalaam Alaykum. please, make Dua and move very close to Al-Sunnah sisters and read the books of Al-Sunnah Schoolars to help you strengthing your faith. Then, about your parents, try and talk to them in gentle manner. Let them understand why Islam permit inter tribal marriage. Show to them proves from the Quran and Sunnah. please, be patient in all your approach, though not easy but try. May ALLAAH make your affairs easy. Ameen. Asalaam Alaykum.

  24. .I am as well a single Muslim of 29 years, divorced and searching for suitable partner. Couldn’t find any so far since 10 years. Inshallah ..I will soon ….

  25. May alaah help all the muslims who want to get married and give them rightous spouses just keep making duas alaah surely hears and will defenately answer your call.

  26. May ALLAAH make our affairs easy and forgive all the Muslims. Aameen. We Muslims should go back to the foundation of the DEEN. The salafs used to help themselves in all aspects of the DEEN. For instance, Abu Bakr married Aisha to Prophet MUHAMMAD [SAW]. The prophet marries her daughter to Alli and so on. Today, we no longer help ourselves in getting married. Even some of our parents dont help matters. They believe woman cannot combined education with marriage, Some dont want their daughters to marry another man from another tribes, Some dont believe in polygamy marriage and so on. Why? Because they lack the foundation of the DEEN and the understanding of the DEEN. Islam gives solutions to all human problems. I advised those who are concerned to make Dua to ALLAAH, be sincere in there Worship and make their affairs none to the trustworthy imaams in there community. And ALLAAH knows best.

  27. I came across this page when I was “pure matrimonies” fb page and its pretty disappointing to see how many ppl are looking to get married, but this has become so hard these days.

    I am 27 yrs old, divorced, and have been trying to meet someone for the past 10 yrs. Its hard and yes its harder to see other ppl around u who are married or have gotten to it easily. A lot of times ppl look down upon divorced grls especially if there from South east asian background. And nowadays, I feel like a person is not looked at for there character, personality, or heart, its more like so whats ur social status? marital status? how rich u r? and etc… Islam simplifies things unfortunately its us muslims from this day and age that have complicated things.

    Theres days I feel hopeless, and I dont like wen ppl ask me wen I will get married cuz honestly sumtimes I feel like its becme impossible especially knowing that Im divorced and come from a middle class family :-/

    So yes, here I am in the same boat as many of u and still waiting and wandering who Allah has for me. I do have faith but theres times wen I wish I was never nikaahed before so I wudnt have to be looked down upon, and maybe someone wud actually marry a grl who was “single.”

    May Allah make things easy for all of us and grant our wishes Ameen.

    • Dear sister,

      I feel compelled to reply to your post, as if you feel that way with you being a divorcee aged 27, well, I am also a divorcee of south east asian origin,
      I am 34 and additionally, have a 6 year old child, basically I am a single mother.

      So, I hope by telling you this, you don’t feel so bad about yourself,
      If you look at it that way, then your position is better off than me.

      I admit there are times when I feel saddened and kinda doubtful about my future of having a husband again, a complete family again..

      I feel lonely whether when I am by myself or even when my daughter is with me. When I bring my daughter to playground or malls where there are other parents and their children, I feel like I am the ‘odd one out’. Other moms with their kids, AND with their husbands too. Me? Well, anywhere I go it’s just me and my daughter.. Honestly, seeing the women in tow with their children And husband, made me feel weird about myself.
      Maybe Slightly depressed too.haha

      So, overall, sister, don’t feel too bad.. there are sisters out there who are in ‘worse situation’ than you.. like myself for example. 🙂

      P/s: I’m in pretty cheerful mood, so excuse my ‘smiley’ at the end of my long narration.. 🙂

  28. Very sad to read this messages.. I know it’s very hard. I have met like 3 brothers, but it didn’t work out. And yes, I see people too around me getting married and pregnant and there you have me.. Still single.. I have hope and trust in Allah, but at times I find it very hard too. I pray that Allah grants everyone who wants to marry so badly, to grant them a husband/wife they want and ofcourse someone who is pious. Remember, nothing is impossible for Allah.

  29. I too am in exact same situation. And I completely know how this person is feeling. I pray Allah makes it easy for us all who are finding it soo difficult in seeking marriage. But keep faith for Allah rewards those who bear with patience. You duas will be answered soon In Shaa Allah

  30. I too is in this same position, when ever i thought i finally meet the one whom i will be destine to be with, in the end i feel disappointment because it didnt work out. i’ve been in two relationships both relationships didnt end well because it just didnt work out. even though the two relationships lasted about 3 years each.
    i’am so tired of being alone, iam so tired of looking for her(my better half) the one whom i will spend my life with. Theres this emptiness I feel the hole in my heart. i asked Allah swt in my prayers pls let me finally be with the one whom iam going to be with the rest of my life with, but everytime i come out empty.
    Sometimes i console my self iam destine to be alone, is this what Allah has written for me.

    • Yes, loneliness brings about the feeling of some sort of emptiness like a hole in our heart..

      And prolonged loneliness makes us try to console ourselves by telling ourselves, probably we are not meant to be with anyone in this lifetime..

      Because keeping hope and waiting needs strength.. Strength to bear patience. And patience is endurance to bear pain..

  31. Im also want to find a husband to marry. Im 27yrs old now and still not married and its worried me. My family and friends all coconuts thats why i cant trust them to seek husband for me. Im from south east too. Im not working rightnow and dont have any money. I stay at home rightnow because i was ex aseer.. My mother dont like me at home. I want to find job but all job not sharia compliance. I really want a husband that have right aqeeda and same manhaj with me. Im not good at english but inshaAllah i can understand well.

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