Marrying a Man From Zinna

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Marrying a Man From Zinna
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By Pure Matrimony -

I am in a relationship with a man who took my virginity. I repented from such evil deeds and ask Allah to accept my repentance. This man proposed to me, but he is not religious, he smokes cigarettes and hashish and drinks alcohol. What should I do, he knows my matter. Or shall I leave him and have a hymen repair operation done and marry a religious man? I was pregnant and I aborted the baby. Allah knows how sincere my repentance is.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Zina (fornication or adultery) is a major sin. Allaah has forbidden doing the things that lead to it and has prescribed the hadd punishment for the one who does it, and He has warned adulterers of punishment in the Hereafter.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah forgives him”

[al-Isra’ 17:32].

Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“And come not near” O people

“to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin)”. Zina (translated here as “unlawful sex”) is a great sin.

“and an evil way” i.e., the way of zina is an evil way, because it is the way of the people who disobey Allaah and go against His command; what a bad way is the way that leads a person to the fire of Hell.

Tafseer al-Tabari (17/438).

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The prohibition on approaching it is more eloquent than a simple prohibition on doing it, because that includes the prohibition on all the things that lead to it and promote it, because “the one who grazes his flock around a protected areas will soon transgress upon it,” especially in a matter of this nature when the motive is very strong. Allaah describes zina as abhorrent, as He says “it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin)”, i.e., it is a sin which is abhorrent according to sharee’ah, reason and common sense, because it is a transgression against Allaah, and against the woman and her family or husband, and it leads to immorality, confusion of lineages and other evil consequences.

“and an evil way” means: what an evil way is the way of the one who dares to commit this grave sin.

Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 457).

See also the answers to questions no. 76060, 20983 and 95754.

Secondly:

With regard to the abortion, if the soul had been breathed into the foetus, then this is another crime in addition to the crime of zina. If the soul had not yet been breathed into the foetus then it is less serious.

For a detailed discussion on that, please see the answers to questions no. 11195, 13319, 13331 and 90054.

Thirdly:

We praise Allaah for having enabled you to repent, and we hope that it is sincere repentance. The conditions of sincere repentance include: regretting the sins that you have committed, and immediately giving up that immoral action, and everything that leads to it such as contact, correspondence and dates. The conditions of repentance also include resolving not to return to this deed.

You also have to do a lot of righteous deeds, such as prayer, reading Qur’aan and fasting, so as to strengthen your faith and piety. Good deeds erase bad deeds and sincere repentance erases that which came before it, and turns bad deeds into good deeds. Allaah says – after mentioning the sins of shirk (associating others with Allaah), murder and zina – (interpretation of the meaning):

“Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Furqaan 25:70].

Fourthly:

With regard to marrying that criminal, you should understand that in order for the marriage of a man and woman who had committed zina to be valid, it is essential that they repent sincerely. It seems to us from your questions that he has not repented from what he did, rather he had added to the first calamity the other bad things that he is doing, such as smoking hasheesh and drinking intoxicants. What we think is that one who is like this also does not pray. If this is indeed the case, then it is definitely not permissible to accept him as a husband, because not praying is kufr that puts a person beyond the pale of Islam, and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir.

For a more detailed discussion on the issue of marrying a zaani (one who commits fornication or adultery), please see the answers to questions no. 85335, 87894 and 96460.

Fifthly:

With regard to having an operation to repair the hymen, this is haraam, because it is deceiving the one who marries you.

For a detailed discussion of this matter, please see the answer to question no. 844.

With regard to telling your future husband that you lost your virginity in this haraam relationship, that is not permissible, because it is exposing your faults, and the Muslim is required to conceal his faults. You can use double entendres in your speech. It is well known that the hymen may be broken by means of something other than intercourse in some cases, so you can make the most of that by using a double entendre.

See the answer to question no. 42992.

But if it is possible to encourage this person to repent sincerely and pray regularly, and he shows sincerity and signs of repenting and praying regularly, then there is nothing wrong with accepting him as a husband. Undoubtedly this solution would be easier for you, and more concealing for you, but how could one believe a person like that?!

We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and set your affairs straight, and to conceal our faults and yours in this world and in the Hereafter.

And Allaah knows best.
This Fatwa is taken from Islam Q and A and answered by sheikh Saleh al Munajed
___________________________________________________________________________________

Source: http://islamqa.info/en/ref/104492

39 Comments to Marrying a Man From Zinna

  1. Am a lady that is really against getting pregnant before marriage. I have never committed abortion but because i tried as much as possible to stay away from Zina. But atimes temptation happen and I and my finance had sex before our Nikkah. And each day I feel guilty about it. After our NIkkah I discovered I was few weeks pregnant. Almighty Allah knows am guilty and everyday I feel sad that that I of all people will actually get pregnant before Nikkah.
    Is my Nikkah valid? Or should I do another Nikkah. Am so much sad because for the rest of my life I will be looking at the baby and knowing that I had him before my Nikkah. Will Almighty Allah ever forgive me????????

  2. Assalam Alaikum.
    I don’t know who’s written this article but how can you call a benamazi a Kafir? It’z a big sin but you can’t say he/she is Kafir. May Allah give us hadayat.amin

    • @ Kamran! Yes, if he does not pray, he is kufr!
      The only contract between a muslim and a Kafir is Salah! May allah guide us!
      And may Allah accept the repentance of those who committed zina!

    • Salaam. You misunderstood. They did not call the PERSON a kaafir. They called the ACTIONS kufr.

      And not praying namaz is a kufr act, if you knowingly do not perform them, Allaah knows best your status in the next life. No one made takfir on anyone.

  3. @ Kamran! Yes, if he does not pray, he is kufr!
    The only contract between a muslim and a Kafir is Salah! May allah guide us! 🙂
    And may Allah accept the repentance of those who committed zina!

  4. Asalaamu alaykum,

    It’s important to remember for one to choose his words wisely before discussing such a sensative issue. We are no one to call someone a kufr as we do not know what he believes in his heart. However, there is a hadith mentioned that the difference between a Muslim and a non Muslim is salaah. It does not mean one is a total kufr if he does not pray, rather it means that the muslim who does not pray is in a state of kufr and has comitted a huge sin.

    • Kufr wo hey jub koi Allah k zaar mey kisi ko shareek karey… Namaz na parhna kufr nahi hey… hamay aisey extreme comments se bachna chahye…

  5. ukhti fillah

    it says on the bottom that its a fatwa from a known scholar who is qaulified to issue fatawa and explain the meaning of hadeeths and quran
    who are any of you to say his wrong ?where is your qaulification as a alim ?
    the difference between a kafir and a muslim is salah
    a person isnt a muslim unless they atleast pray there salah…it doesnt mean that they are in a state of kufr as that is different
    please fear Allah in saying the sheikh is wrong especially when you are not right and obviously dont understand who he is and what knowledge he is speaking of

  6. What I don’t understand is that the Sheik tells her she can’t pretend to be a virgin (by having her hymen restored) because it is a lie, then he tells her to lie about how she lost her virginity. This is the kind of nonsense that confuses me about Islam.

    • chantelle cummings`

      The Holy Qua’ran is the word of ALLAH. Everything else is the word of men/women. Please do not be confused. The word of ALLAH is not to be questioned. The word of men is not Holy or All Knowing. Men are not perfect. The Prophet Muhammed(Peace be upon him) was the receiver of the Holy Qua’ran and a model for us all. But even he was not perfect. He made mistakes. ALLAH does not make a mistake. Islamicity.com has a Qua’ran search that you can use to find ayas of Qua’ran on every subject. Search the words repent, forgiveness, unbeliever and you will see what ALLAH says on these subjects. ALLAH knows best. Alhamdulilah.

      • NO! The Prophet (PBUH) DID NOT sin/”make mistakes”. He did not speak from his own desires and whims. BOTH the QURAN AND the SUNNAH are the sources of Islalmic Knowledge. Not JUST the Quran since the Sunnah was HOW to implement the Quran.

        As for the original question I would appreciate if the Imam/Sheikh that came up with this post would address it. I don’t know about the hymen repair but the concept of not advertising your sins is well known in Islam. I would also point out that he did not tell her to lie. He simple told her to use double entendres. Which is different from saying “no I’m a virgin”. That’s a technicality so yes I would also like some more clarification.

      • Mashkoor Hashmi

        @ chantelle cummings`—- only a non believer can question the status of our holy Prophet (S.A.W), nauzbillah if he was not perfect then r u perfect and prophethood should have been given to u instead. If a muslim talks like this surely he is living in great disbelief. Our prophet was perfect than all other prophets god has sent before him. And according to u if nauzbillah he was not perfect then how he can be the model. If u believe that our prophet was/is model then u will have to agreee that he was perfect. Allah created nobody like Hazrate Mustafa Muhammad Mujtaba S.A.W. from Hazrat Adam A.S. To Hazrat Isa A.S.. And if u disagree Then ur status of being a muslim is questionable. Surely Allah knows best and all what is their in minds and keeps the knowledge of ghaib thats why he sent our prophet whos perfectness is unquestionable.

    • The sheik gave his opinion you may disagree with some of his advices !!!!!!!
      Islam is not about blind following so do tell me there is nonsense in Islam (To submit yourself to GOD!)

    • @Michelle Seriously, did you not read what the Sheikh wrote? He never, never, said to lie to her husband about how she lost her virginity. Allaah forbade us from disclosing our sins, and he, the Sheikh asked her to do just that, using double entendres. And moreover, the husband does not have the right to ask her about her past.

      And he is right in saying that she shouldn’t have her hymen repaired, because this is obviously deceiving her husband.

    • It is not permissable to disclose our sins in islam so in that instance we cannot tell the truth if directly asked about it.

      getting your hymen put back in an operation is totally different to telling people you have committed fornication. Its pretty logical to see how the shaikhs position on both issues is correct. unless you think a woman should get her hymen restored or should openly go around telling people she fornicated and aborted her baby???

    • There is BIG difference between the two. one is you are liying and you are misrepresenting your physical condition- ie both liying and cheating/deceiving. the other is only liying – if you want to call it liying, although i would rather call it ‘not telling the whole truth’- you are not misrepresenting your physical condition but only not telling clearly how it happened, there is a difference here too. ultimately, all of these options are disgraceful, none of these are proper or desirable. but at a time of desperation or emergency, to save oneself from a bigger harm such as the complete break-up of marriage and putting any children or two families into a situation of humiliation, disgrace and lots of misery, one should take the least harmful option. clearly the 3 options can be ranked in order of their harmfulness,
      1) cheating/deceiving by misrepresenting ur physical condition + liying =totally dishonest and most harmful
      2) telling the truth abt physical condition but liying how it happened= less harmful
      3) telling the whole truth abt both physical condition and how it happened=most honest but potentially very seriously harmful such as the marriage might be break- up, both families will be put into terrible shame, misery and lots of trouble, if there is any children their lives will be almost ruined forever.

      its clear why shaikh gave this fatwa and recommended option 2.

    • The Sheikh did not advice her to to lie abou how she lost her virginity, rather, he advised her to employ diplomacy in handling the situation. This is not a lie.

    • @ Michelle, yes I agree with you, confessing something that we have done wrong, i guess, is better than going on and on with the lies, if we speak the truth Allah SWT always makes a way out for us. Allah SWT knows best!
      May Allah forgive our sins and direct us on the right path, ameen.

  7. chantelle cummings`

    The Holy Qua’ran is the word of ALLAH. Everything else is the word of men/women. Please do not be confused. The word of ALLAH is not to be questioned. The word of men is not Holy or All Knowing. Men are not perfect. The Prophet Muhammed(Peace be upon him) was the receiver of the Holy Qua’ran and a model for us all. But even he was not perfect. He made mistakes. ALLAH does not make a mistake. Islamicity.com has a Qua’ran search that you can use to find ayas of Qua’ran on every subject. Search the words repent, forgiveness, unbeliever and you will see what ALLAH says on these subjects. ALLAH knows best. Alhamdulilah.

    • The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) did not ever sin because he was the Chosen One of Allah. He was the perfect man. I do not understand what u mean to say by ur repeated implications that the Prophet sinned. Do u have any authentic Hadith or Quranic saying to prove ur point? And the Holy Quran too speaks about the supreme status of our Prophet among all of mankind several times.

  8. please.. do not call other people kaafirs just because they do not pray. Man does not know what is in the heart of another man, only Allah is the all-Knowing. Wouldnt it be much easier if we just went about our OWN personal business and didnt use such judgemental words?

    • Khafir is not an insult It’s a state. It’s a state of “hiding/denying” the truth. Please do not go around telling people that Khafir is an insult it’s not. If you are not muslim you are in a state of khufr. He was simply saying that if he does not pray he is in a state of kufr and he cannot be married to her. Should he start praying it would be a different story.
      People need to learn to respect the scholars and Imams who have studied this stuff and stop making things up. You people treat your doctors with more respect than the scholars. (not this poster specifically but in general). It’s a shame.

    • Assalaamu Alaykum.

      You don’t think Salah is a BIG deal? Salah is one of the BIGGEST deals after Shahadah brothers and sisters!

      *****
      “What led you into Hell-Fire? They will say; ‘We were not of those who prayed;’ (The Noble Quran, 74:42-43)”

      “So woe to the worshippers who are neglectful of their Prayers, those who (want but) to be seen (of men). (The Noble Quran, 107:4-6)”

      “Enjoin prayer on thy people, and be constant therein. We ask thee not to provide sustenance: We provide it for thee. But the (fruit of) the Hereafter is for Righteousness. (The Noble Quran, 20:132)”

      “The hypocrites–they think they are over-reaching Allah but He will over-reach them: When they stand up to Prayer, they stand without earnestness, to be seen of men, but little do they hold Allah in remembrance. (The Noble Quran, 4:142)”

      “Their eyes will be cast down–ignominy will cover them; seeing that they had been summoned aforetime to bow in adoration, while they were whole (and had refused). (The Noble Quran, 68:43)”

      “So he gave nothing in charity, nor did he pray! (The Noble Quran, 75:31)”

      “And when it is said to them, ‘Prostrate yourselves!’ they do not so. Ah woe, that Day, to the rejecters of Truth! (The Noble Quran, 77:48-49)”

      ****

      @S.K Allah reveals that a person(s) who does not pray is a “Kaafir” (see last Ayah posted)!

      May Allah guide us all onto the straight path.

      Salam
      Yusuf

  9. Please do not call anyone kafir. No one give anyone the right to decide who’s a good/bad muslim.
    Why do so many muslims think their superior than everyone else because their not. When Islam was introduced it was to bring some law and order to a messed up society. It was a way of life, a guide.
    I’m a muslim, and I don’t pray 5times a day, but I love+respect my parents more than anyone I know, I give to the poor, and do load of good deeds – I think its important to become a good human being, the basic like don’t bitch about people, don’t lie, don’t wish anything bad for anyone.. Then build on that with praying etc.
    See some muslim praying 5times a day and going hajj yearly but also being jealous of others success, wishing bad for other, upseting people and simply not kind people.

  10. Those who don’t pray are to be called kufars people. No hard feelings!! Cz its NT d sheikhs opinion but der z evidence of Prophet(PBUH) adressing suc ppl so. If u don’t do d compulsory act of sujud to Allah(SW) n r too lazy for it,u r nly tempted by shaitan n don’t deserve to b callled Muslims .tlk wit sense ppl .don’t claim n interpret Islam in ur own way.

  11. Ok, but hear me out:

    There are two views concerning this matter, one is the one you heard, and the other is that one does not become a kaafir that puts him beyond the pale of Islam, if he neglects prayer, provided that he does think that prayer is obligatory (but neglects prayer out of laziness, or heedlessness).

    What the Sheikh told is what he thought is the most strong of the two, after weighing the proofs and evidences provided for both views.

    We respect both views, but we follow the opinion of the scholars who we think is the most trust worthy, or what we think is the most sound of the two opinions. And we do not criticize the one who follows either.

    May Allaah bless us all.

  12. Salaam, I have a question. I was trying to resgister for the matrimonial service. Being a person who is trying to tell the truth, I did not tick on the box ‘pray salaah everyday’. So it does not let me enter. Does it mean I cannot be a member????

    Another thing, in your article above, you are saying we should not tell our husband or wife about our past because Allah has concealed them. Fair enough. So does it mean we need to lie??? The implication of ‘double-entendres’, partially implies lying, and as you justly said when registering ‘Allah is watching on you (when you hover over the question mark icon), so how does all this fir with being truthful and ‘double-entendres’???

    Thirdly, being an individual and a muslim, if God forbids we lie to our husband or wife, will we not regret it?? is it not better marrying somebody who accepts our mistakes and us as muslims repent sincerely and do not make the same mistake?
    Forgive me for being upfront but it is because I am getting very confused.

    • @Choti: 1) as to the marriage website: If the matrimonial website you were referring to is intended for ‘only practicing muslims’, then ofcourse you are not eligible to become a member, since you are clearly not practicing even the very basic and the first act of islam ie praying five times a day. I dont think there is anything wrong with that, the admins of any website/service has the right to have certain rules and terms for their services, and if you want to use their services you should accept those terms and rules and understand their point. you can ofcourse try to remove your shortcomings and retry registering when you think you fulfil the criteria, or try many other websites/ service providers. If instead you lie your way through it, its up to you and Allah, no one knows your inside, and trust me, you might be able to enjoy some service by liying, but ultimately there will be no blessing in it.

      2) as to telling the truth abt your past and marrying someone who accepts ur past mistakes: the problem is, exactly when are you going to tell your prospective husband abt your past mistake? if you tell around before you actually marry him – what is the gurantee that he will indeed accept your past mistake and go ahead with the marriage? dont you know that some marriages get cancelled at the very last moment- even on the nikah stage? and how can you be absolutely certain that, instead he will not cancel the marriage, and even worse, news of your past mistake will spread out to many other people? On the other hand, if you are already married- what benefit will both of you achieve if you now tell him everything abt your past – again, what is the gurantee that he will forget your past matters and accept everything so easily? how can you be sure that you are not putting him into a state of guilt and depression as well as urself? and r u really certain that eventually he will not think abt ending the marriage? how can u be absolutely certain how will his pshycology think in 5/10 years? Human mind is not so easy to predict as u might feel, so if islam gives u some respite or easy way out, u should try to use it, its for a reason. dont try to be too smart, only to regret later.

      you can think abt the ‘qasar/ shortening of prayer during travelling’ as an analogy. if a traveller thinks he has enough time and energy to pray the whole 4 rakats so he wants to pray the whole 4 instead of shortening to 2- he will be considered an arrogant and ungrateful- not a very pious person. so, when god/prophet/good scholars wanted to make something easy for us, take it. its for ur own good. if u try to be too clever, u will end up cutting urself into half.

      • Raja Muhammad Kamil ibn Raja Nur Azmi ibn Raja Adnan

        Salaam Abdullah,

        I’m only replying to your post not to impose my ideals or opinion but to share it. I am not a perfect muslim and I stand lower, not on equal grounds if we were to be compared.

        I agree that if Allah SWT gives us a shortcut or an easy way out, that should be first on our lists of actions but I also agree with what Choti has pointed out.

        All I am saying is, in life, there is no certainties and no guarantees. The best as we can do, as muslims other than the Pillars of Islam and the Pillars of Imaan, is to be true with our hearts, words and actions. That is why I also believe in having Prophet Muhammad SAW as our pride, joy and example. The rest? The rest we give in entirely to Allah SWT.

        If by telling the truth to our wives and husbands leads the relationship astray or a marriage break-up, Allah knows best! Allah might have better choices, better options or a better partner installed for us in the future. And that is the only thing in life that you can be certain. If it’s not here in this life, it could be in the Afterlife, in Jannah. Again, Allah knows best! But remember, there is a disclaimer. As we have known there are risks and repercussions. Take ’em only if you are willing to accept the effect (Cause and Effect), if not, Allah has provided an easy way, which is Double Entendre.

        If I have insulted or modified or offended anyone or anything, my sincerest apologies. I am but a man with deep conflicts in my head, in my heart and with my actions. I am concerned and very much interested with the topic. I only look for peace, be it mentally, spiritually and physically, and my answer to that is Salaah (Solat).

        Peace Be Upon Everyone!

  13. Salam bro,

    There is a difference between not offering Salah and rejecting the Hukum of Salah. One who rejects the Hukum of Salah (Qata’i Matter), then it can be called as Kufr.

    On the other hand if someone accepts that Salah is Fard, but shows laziness in offering it, he cannot be called as Kaafir, rather a Faasiq!

    It’s Fisq, not Kufr!

  14. Only Allah is infallible. He is the only One who is perfect. Without any mistakes.

    The Prophet Muhammad – صلى الله عليه و سلم – said

    كُلُّ بَنِي آدَمَ خَطَّاءٌ، وَخَيْرُ الخَطَّائِيْنَ التَّوَّابُوْنَ

    “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent”

    حسّنه الألباني في صحيح الجامع

    Declared Hasan by Imam Albanee is Saheehul Jaamee.

    “Know, therefore, that there is no god but Allah, and ask forgiveness for thy fault (wastaghfir li-zanbika), and for the men and women who believe: for Allah knows how ye move about and how ye dwell in your homes.” (Quran 47:19)

    لِيَغْفِرَ لَكَ اللَّهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِكَ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ وَيُتِمَّ نِعْمَتَهُ عَلَيْكَ وَيَهْدِيَكَ صِرَاطًا مُسْتَقِيمًا

    “That Allah may forgive thee (li-yaghfira laka) thy faults (zanbika) of the past and those to follow; fulfill His favour to thee; and guide thee on the Straight Way;” (Quran 48: 2)

    Though, the Prophets(pbut) were infallible in conveying Allah’s message-they didn’t change anything from what Allah commanded them to spread amongst the people.
    Muhammad is indeed the Best creation of mankind.
    Allah knows best.

  15. Yes true. The prophet SAW said prayer 5 times a day amkes us different from Christian and jews. Without prayer we are not muslims… if we are not muslims what do you call that person?
    Also prayer is the first thing we will be asked about on al youm qiyama. And if you know for a fact that a certain person does nto pray … when they die you are forbidden to go and so salaht janaza or make dua for them.

  16. Salam… I have a best friend his name is Salim he commit adultery with her girlfriend then they found out that the girl is pregnant they are both inloved wants to get marry but the problem is the boy don’t have enough money because the parents of the girl asking to much money and a very big celebration thats why they decided to abort the baby she’s 3 months pregnant but not yet a fetus… It sad now a days in muslim the boy needs plenty of money to be married to a good muslim rich and beautiful girl with a big family? All my cristians friends thinks that the parents of a muslim girl is selling their daughter.

  17. A.o.a! My qst is i committed zinna mistakenly..it was’nt our intention but it happend..i cried everyday and night and asked Allah for my forgiveness which i committed..the guy now wants to marry but only his parents are objecting..plss help me what should i do.. i can’t decieve another guy by getting marry to him coz according to him i will be the most innocent and pious..

    • Sister, Allah SWT is most Merciful, and Most Forgiving, so never despair of His Mercy. If you are sincere in your repentance, then insha’Allah you will be forgiven. Do NOT marry this person because you feel guilty, rather marry because he is RIGHT for you and your future. Ask the brother to repent to Allah in sincerity and THEN commit to marry after doing istikhara. This is not about deception – when a person sincerely repents to Allah, his sin is erased as if it had never even happened. We have consulted Mashaikh about this and they have confirmed that there is NO NEED to tell ANYONE about what you have done. Never EVER speak about your sin to anyone at all – and that is better for you and your future. The Prophet Musa AS had once killed a man and he was forgiven by Allah – so do not despair in Him, rather be firm in your repentance and change your life in submission to your Lord. May Allah make things easy for you ameen.

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