Author: Umm Zaid
Have you noticed that yours and your friends’ desires differ? Have you noticed that the same dish of curry is preferred by one sibling and refused by another? That’s because we see differently and our likes differ. Expecting my friends to like what I eat is a stupid thing, besides it violates their rights. We cannot force someone to like what we like. And expecting them to be like us is madness.
This simple theory of understanding applies to every bond in life, especially in marriage.
Many of us tie the wedding knot expecting a life that begins with fresh flowers and ends with fire crackers as in movies and novels. Well, to be honest it begins with stinky socks and ends with verbal fire crackers (No, just to make you smile, it can be sweet as a watermelon or bitter like a bitter guard, depends on your level of understanding)
How to begin a married life? What are the key points in laying a strong foundation?
There will be thousands of notes that you can refer to, but still nothing is going to help you because your life is entirely different from those who wrote those notes. However, it’s helpful to know at least a little truth about marriage.
First, remember that you are tying a knot with a complete stranger. I know some people get goose bumps when this is said but it’s the ultimate truth. I’ve been hearing arguments about ‘Love before Marriage vs. Love after Marriage’ for more than a decade now. Yet, I don’t see a winning point. As time passes I realize that there really is no big difference.
I’m aware that Islam encourages halal love, i.e. falling in love is not wrong but the next step is to go for marriage and begin a love life with Allah’s blessings.
Many young people are OK with this point but still have the nightmare of arranged marriages. The question often asked by them is how they can possibly fall in love with a stranger.
Stop! Come on!! Whether it is love at first sight or arranged marriage, either way, you are going to marry and live with a stranger! So, throw away your fear about arranged marriage! The main reason, why most youngsters choose relationships before marriage over arranged ones is to know the person better beforehand. Yet, how are you to know him/her before marriage? Living through a few telephone conversations?
Remember, before marriage you get a few moments to know the person but once you are married, you have the license to be with your spouse for twenty four hours, three hundred sixty five days. So which one is better?
Then this is the exact point where conflicts start. Living together 24/7/365!!! Through a few phone calls you might know about the best manners of your spouse. But living together, his/her short comings will be exposed and you will feel tired or irritated. You think the person you knew has changed suddenly.
Touch your heart and tell me, is it easy for you to change yourself just within a day or two? No! So how can someone else have changed overnight?
Come out of your fantasies! Remember you are living with a complete stranger and learn to accept as he/she is. Understanding makes you respect your spouse’s desires and respecting makes you accept your spouse as he/she is. This makes you sign a peace treaty with yourself.
….Where Practice Makes Perfect
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