How Do You Reject A Proposal AND Deal With The Family?
Rejecting people you’re not compatible with is part and parcel of the marriage search process
But how do you do it respectfully?
And when your family has set their heart on someone, how do you deal with them?
Join this lively discussion with Sister Arfa Saira and Sister Fathima Farooqi as they dive deep into what you need to know about rejecting proposals!
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*Discussion Begins* on how do you reject a proposal and deal with the family?
Arfa: Bismillah! Assalamu Alaikkum(wrb) and Welcome to the family matters show and I’m your host Sis. Arfa Saira Iqbal, Head of Pure Matrimony and with me today is Sis. Fathima Farooqi and in today’s podcast we are going to be talking about how to reject a proposal and essentially how to deal with your family during the entire process. So, I think this is going to be a really awesome podcast because there is a whole bunch of stuff in here that really I feel needs addressing and people always constantly asking these questions, so without any further ado…
(greetings)Assalamu Alaikkum (wrb) Sis. Fathima
Fathima: Wa Alaikkum Salaam (wrb) Sis. Arfa. How do you feel about this topic today?
Arfa: I think it’s an awesome topic. To be honest with you, most people are gonna go through some kind of rejection in their life when, where … it’s not about when they themselves are being rejected when they themselves are having to reject a proposal and especially when it’s a really good proposal. How do then, reject them and then (chuckles) deal with after that with your family. That’s really hard because if the family see the value in that person and you don’t that’s usually the very sad point in a lot of families. So, I think this is really important we address all of these issues.
Fathima: Yes Sis. Arfa. Before going into how to say no and when to say, please suggest why can someone reject a prospect, can someone simply reject a proposal because he/she is not beautiful enough or not educated enough?
Arfa: Ok, this is a bit of weird one. Because a lot of this really does depend on what sort of person’s innermost requirements are. Ok. And really this starts with understanding what do you want as a person like, who is your ideal kind of person. If you are gonna marry anyone in the world, what would that person look like? What would that person be like? How would that person be? Right! Really, you should never, ever even talk to someone that doesn’t fill the requirements in the first place. That’s really when you get smart about the way you approach this whole process of marriage.
However, that being said, can you reject someone on the basis of he/she is not that beautiful enough? Ok! So, you have to ask yourself what can potentially live with?
There was a lady at the time of Prophet (SAWS) who was incredibly beautiful and she was, unfortunately, married to a man who was not very attractive. He was visibly not very attractive. And she went to the Prophet (SAWS) and she said to the Prophet (SAWS) that “I don’t want to stay with this guy anymore because I do not find him attractive” and so the Prophet (SAWS) asked her about his personality and she said “I can’t fault him. I can’t fault the way he is, he is a very nice person, and I just can’t get pass the way he looks.” Right! This is really important by the way because we know from the Hadith from the Prophet (SAWS) that a person is married for many reasons, but we are supposed to look up, what are the four criteria’s that people usually go by, it’s your wealth, your status, your lineage, your Deen and your beauty or we are commanded to go for the person who has the requirement, the person who has Deen. That doesn’t mean that the other things are not important, it means that these are also the criteria that you should be looking up. The key thing to remember is that the person has to be attractive to you. So, in the case of this Sister, who went to the Prophet (SAWS) said that “he is really an amazing person, nice guy and he treats me really well and I just can’t pass the way he looks” the Prophet (SAWS)actually went ahead and ended their marriage on this basis because she couldn’t overlook this. She actually feared the fact that she will not be able to give him his right because she couldn’t get over this one thing. And in the end, the two of them got divorced, and she went and got someone else married and was happy and he went, got someone else married and was very happy…
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