Of Relationships and Love – Part 1

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By Pure Matrimony -

Author: Amina Wasi

Source: www.habibihalaqas.org

Love. Four simple letters yet they evoke an array of emotions and responses. In this context, the love that I am referring to is that which develops between people of the opposite genders. In love we sacrifice everything for our beloved. In love, we become defensive of our beloved. In love, we are willing to fight for our beloved! In love, we love selflessly! Love is something no one is exempt from. In one point of our lives or another, we have most likely experienced it or in the lives of those that are close to us. The degree of which differing from one person to another. The focus here, however, is relationships that many of the youth seem to be involved in. Some of which are headed towards the right direction but many of which are headed towards the wrong direction. Improper Relationships.

Whenever you get into an improper relationship, a part of you dies. Your ability to trust, confide in and even love someone again may decrease. This is because you had such a strong emotional attachment with the person and you had high expectations. In your mind, ‘he’ was perfect. In your mind, ‘we’ were perfect. You acted like he was your husband and held hands, talked all night and felt the need not to wear hijab in front of him because you thought, ‘I’m going to marry him anyways’. All the while, deep inside your heart and at the back of your mind, you knew all this was wrong. Something was disturbing your heart through it all but you pushed it aside and made excuses for yourself. Had you listened and gave up that which was disturbing your heart, you would have realized this was a mercy from God to save you from further heartbreak. However, when you ignored it, you became more vulnerable to the situation and a prisoner in a prison which you yourself put yourself in.

Relationships have various degrees and if you are in one now, it may not be so extreme and you can just be talking but for some it goes to the extent of very haram situations. Regardless, even if you tell yourself, you are only talking about the deen (all night!?) so it’s fine, know that it’s not fine because one step leads to another no matter how religious you think you are. It’s shaitaan’s deception to you. And finally, in the end, it doesn’t work out; your parents aren’t agreeing or he turns out to be a complete jerk or something else. Know that since your relationship was improper, there was no Barakah in it from God since its inception and you broke many of God’s commandments, so how can you have a favorable end to it?

But what if I am genuinely in love?

For those who genuinely are in love and not just acting on their temporary infatuations should safeguard this love because it can prove to be a beautiful thing if not stained with our lusts and desires before marriage. We cannot control who we might essentially end up falling in love with but we can control the actions it leads us to. If the love prompts you to cross the boundaries of Islam where you are meeting secretly with the person, dating, engaging in obscene activity with the person then this is plunging yourself in a pool of illusions of love. Whatever leads you to disobeying God can never be right. However, if you are not doing any of these things but really want to consider this person for marriage because of what you have observed of this person in a natural setting. i.e, good character, piety, acts of kindness, behavior, then there is nothing wrong in that inshaa’Allah.

The crucial part is in how you would go about the process. Allah has ordained marriage to satisfy and channel our natural inclinations and desires towards the opposite gender in a proper manner and through it you are even rewarded by Allah. Which other religion rewards you for this?! If you develop feelings for someone strong enough to consider them for marriage then get your family and those who are responsible and pious involved. Everyone’s situation may be different and this requires different approaches so make use of your local Imams and Mashaaikh. They are there to direct you towards a discourse pleasing to God while considering your feelings and situation. That’s what the companions did! They referred to Prophet Sallalahu Alyehi Wasallam. It may or may not surprise you that that Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alyehi Wasallam recognized love as a natural feeling so long as it was within the bounds of the Sharee’ah.

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