Source : OnIslam.net
By Rasha Dewedar
Last week I was reading through a newspaper about an Egyptian wife where she literally said that after 18 years of marriage she came to the conclusion that marriage is colorless, tasteless, boring and exhausting!
When I went through the details of the story, I found out that this wife is neither beaten nor abused by her husband; she is just fed up with this kind of life accompanied by her community’s negative attitude.
This opinion echoed my single friends’ look at marriage as a process and lifestyle.
The Egyptian case is a bit complicated on one hand; some single women are very eager to marry and they knock every door to find a groom. On the other hand, women especially in middle and upper socioeconomic classes, think about marriage as an unfair deal.
But what are the justifications that women present for staying single?
I’ve never imagined myself waking up every day to this endless number of duties, with no appreciation in return.
Actually, the issue of duties’ share tops the list of why wives are unhappy, and why single women justify rejecting the idea of marriage.
Several factors made this problem float on the surface that weren’t there in previous generations.
The stress involved in searching for work, in addition to having a full time job with subsequent long hours of commitment, all this gets many husbands to think: “Well, you should be grateful for me, I’m the bread winner, and you’re just raising the kids!”
Having no definite description of what is man’s duty and what is woman’s duty escalates the problem and mandates a mutual cooperation and understanding between spouses.
A successful marriage relies on both partners making their kids a gift they both should work for rather than a load they want to escape, trying to make things work for the better, and helping each other pass and get over different challenges.
I don’t want someone to dominate my life and tell me what to do
It is not uncommon to find husbands with the conviction that man is the only one in the family who can take the decision, always have more information and experience as well as more logic!
The fact on the ground is that wives are sometimes more educated than men, more experienced, and know what is best for the family, which is not at all comprehended or accepted by some husbands.
A single woman who has been single for a while has used to being independent where she runs her errands, take her own decisions, and also help others when she feels like it.
Men in this part of the world should consider women as completely efficient and independent individuals. This thought will highly influence their interrelationship.
I’ve got used to living alone for over 30 years; it’s very difficult to change now
Being above 30 means a lot; it means you have been working for few years, most probably in different jobs, and may be in different professions, and you’ve gained more experience, confidence, and independence.
Thinking of sharing your life with someone else who probably has a different background, experience, and understanding is sometimes scary.
Many women are afraid that they cannot put up with their spouses after their experiences have shaped their personality.
How would their husbands fit in their lives after they got used to take their own decisions, to get over their challenges, to support themselves financially, and to master their lives from almost every aspect!
I love my work and I won’t put my career at a stake
In the Egyptian community a woman is much respected for working and financially supporting the family.
Some spouses might agree to the general concept of work, but disagree when it comes to details.
Although a working woman can continue working after marriage; however, she might not be able to excel in her career.
It goes without saying that a job is not only about going to the office. Many jobs include training, business trips, overtime, etc…
These additional details are not usually welcomed by many husbands especially when those husbands themselves have their own additional tasks.
Many hard working women wouldn’t accept to put their career at a stake until they see how their husbands view what their job demands.
Being single is better than just getting married to ‘anyone’
Some people view women who are above certain age as desperate so they keep telling them to accept grooms whom they wouldn’t accept if they were younger.
This attitude often has a direct adverse effect in which those over-age women would avoid events of arranged marriages and sometimes feel bad about the whole issue of marriage.
Most of my married friends got divorced and I’m afraid to go through this experience
Statistics of divorce is really scary for married couples as well as single men or women.
Some women think they’d better be unmarried than going through the pain of the divorce especially while having children.
I don’t have time or energy to raise children, and I’d feel guilty if I didn’t give them thorough care
Another reason is the increasing demands of children in this continuously changing world, which entitles both men and women for more duties and exposes them to unprecedented stress.
In a way, parents offer their kids a more luxurious life with more entertainment, toys, and gadgets, which is never enough for this demanding new generation.
More efforts are also needed to keep them away from potential risks which are quite a lot starting from junk food ending with drug addiction.
Last but not least, the fear of having a slow pace colorless life, like the wife’s anecdote I started the article with.
According to some readers, these reasons might sound insufficient to remain single; however, we cannot deny that it has a very important significance.
It shows how family members, who used to think as one unit and work for the welfare of the whole family, are now thinking independently.
It is alarming to both men and women, single or married, to revisit their convictions, not only about their duties within the family, but about their responsibilities to keep this family intact and happy.
Source : OnIslam.net