Munguva pfupi yapfuura, panguva yangu yekupedzisira psychotherapy musangano wevhiki, Ndakateerera kune mumwe mukadzi wechiMuslim achitaura nezvenyaya yekushungurudzwa pabonde achiri mudiki. Akataura nezvekuti mupari wemhosva aive shamwari yemhuri uye akamushungurudza mumba make. Vakaenderera mberi vachiti pakazozivawo mumwe wemumhuri, panzvimbo pokumununura, akabatana nemupari wemhosva. Kuve psychotherapist kwenguva yakati ikozvino, Ndakanzwa nyaya dzisingaverengeki dzekushungurudzwa kwepabonde kubva kuvarume, vakadzi nevana. Rondedzero yega yega yakasiyana zvakanyanya maererano nekuti kushungurudzwa kwakatanga nekumira sei, uye zvakadaro zvinhu zvakawanda zvakafanana- kunge trauma, zvakavanzika uye kunyadziswa.
Nyaya yake yaisava yakanyanya kuoma yandakanzwa neimwe nzira, asi chimwe chinhu pamusoro perondedzero yake chakaita kuti ndifunge nenzira yandakanga ndisati ndamboita. Pamwe kwaive kushingirira kwake uye kutsunga kuchengetedza vana vake kubva kuchiitiko ichi zvakare. Zvichida zvaive nechokuita negore rapfuura rekupomerwa kushungurudzwa kwepabonde kusina kumira munhau. Kana kuti zvimwe zvaive nechekuita nemwanasikana wangu ane makore manomwe ave kuchembera uye Allah-achirambidza aigona kuzviwana ari mune imwe yeaya mamiriro..
Ndichinokiya hofisi yangu ndakananga kumota yangu, Ndakatanga kufungisisa nezvevatengi vandakanga ndaona mumakore apfuura. Ndakatanga kufunga nezvekufanana nekusiyana kwevakashungurudzwa, kana kuti vapukunyuki, nemhuri dzavo. Ndeapi mapatani andakaona pakutanga-ruoko, uye ndedzipi mhedziso dzandingapa kune vamwe vabereki kubatsira kudzivirira kushungurudzwa kwepabonde munharaunda yedu?
ZVAUNGAITA
Kunyange pasina chinhu chinogona kubvisa njodzi zvachose sezvo usingazombokwanisa kuona mwana wako nguva dzese, pane dzimwe nzira dzekuzvidzivirira dzaunogona kutora kuti uderedze njodzi yekuti mwana wako angashungurudzwa pabonde. Zvimwe zvezvidziviriro izvi zvinosanganisira:
- Kusasiya mwana wako nevanhu vakuru vausingazive iwe pachako (Rangarira nekuti munhu wacho ndisekuru vako vekumhiri kwemakungwa kana muvakidzani wako hazvireve iwe ziva ivo)
- Kusasiya mwana wako mudiki asina anotarisira kwenguva yakareba kana uchitamba nevamwe vana munzvimbo dzisiri dzeruzhinji
- Kukurudzira kutamba munzvimbo dzakavhurika maringe neseri kwemagonhi akavharwa
- Kutsigira mwana wako paanokuudza kuti anonzwa kusagadzikana nemunhu mukuru
- Kutarisa uye kubvunza nezve chero kamwe kamwe hunhu hwekusangana pabonde kana kutamba kwepabonde kusingaenderane nezera (izvi hazvisanganisiri kuda kuziva nezvemuviri wemunhu kana kutamba chiremba, asi zviito zvevakuru zvaizodzidzwa chete kana zvichionekwa).
- Kuva ne "Safe Touch, Usafe Touch” taura nevana vako
Kunyange zvazvo zvizhinji zveizvi zviri nyore-mberi, Ini ndaida kutsanangura zvishoma nezve "Safe Touch / Kubata Kusina Kuchengetedzeka” kutaura. Chinangwa chehurukuro iyi ndechokudzidzisa vana vako kuti ndeipi kuonana kwakakodzera uye kuonana nevamwe kusina kukodzera. Vabereki havafanire kufunga kuti iyi iruzivo rwepfungwa dzevana nekuti handizvo.
Zvakanaka kuti mutorwa akukwekwe? Chiremba anogona here kubata nhengo yako yakavanzika kana ichirwadza? Munin'ina anogona kuita mutsimba newe asina kupfeka? Unofanira kuremekedza vanhu vakuru, asi unoita sei kana munhu mukuru akaita chimwe chinhu chinokukuvadza? Mhinduro dzemibvunzo iyi hadzina kujeka kuvana uye dzinoda kudzidziswa vachiri vadiki.
Kana mwana wako ava nemakore anenge matatu unokwanisa kutanga kutaura nezve kubatwa kwakachengeteka uye kubata zvisina njodzi. Iyi haisi hurukuro yenguva imwe chete uye inofanira kuongororwa nguva nenguva (1-2 nguva pagore) kana kuti sezvinodiwa sezvo vana vachikurumidza kukanganwa. Shandisa mutauro unoenderana nezera uye usaite dhiri huru kubva munhaurirano kudzivirira kuita kuti isagadzikane uye inonetsa.. Pazasi pane mamwe mazano ekuti hurukuro inogona kusanganisira:
- Tsanangura musiyano uripo pakati pekubata kwakachengeteka nekubata kusina kuchengeteka. Safe touch kukwazisana maoko, achibhabhadzira kumusana, kumbundirana (mune mamwe mamiriro ezvinhu), uye kutsvoda padama (mune mamwe mamiriro ezvinhu). Kubatwa zvisina kuchengeteka ndiko kana mumwe munhu akabata nhengo dzako dzakavandika KANA kana mumwe munhu akakubata nenzira yausingadi pasina mvumo yako..
- Dzidzisa vana vako nezvemapoka akasiyana evanhu uye kuti kubata kunobatana sei navo.
- Taura pamusoro pekuvhiringidza kubata- kuti vanofanira kuuya kumunhu mukuru anovimbwa uye vogovera ruzivo rwavo kana rudzi rwakati rwekubata rwakavavhiringidza, kana kuti havana chokwadi kana kubata kwakaitika netsaona kana nemaune.
Vatorwa: Vana havafanire kugara vega nevasingazivi, uye vatorwa havafaniri kubata vana nenzira ipi zvayo (chakanaka kana chakaipa) kana mubereki asipo kutoti mwana ari munjodzi huru hongu uye mutorwa ari kuedza kuvaponesa.
Chikoro Shamwari, vadzidzisi, hama neshamwari dzakawedzerwa: Udza vana vako kuti vanogona kukwazisana uye kumbundirana paanenge achida. Dzidzisa vana vakura kubva pakugara mumakumbo evakuru. Taura nevana vakura nezvekusaratidza kutsamwa kwavo kune vamwe uye kusatendera chero munhu kubata awrah yavo.
Immediate Mhuri uye vanachiremba: Udza vana vako kuti vanogona kupuruzira, wrestle, kumbundira nekutsvoda vabereki, mukoma nasekuru, asi iyi mitezo yapedyo yemhuri kazhinji kazhinji haibvumirwi kubata mitezo yakavanda. Vatsanangurire kuti pane mashoma uye chaiwo mamiriro ekuti mubereki anogona kubata yakavanzika senge kana achiisa rash cream pamwana., kupukuta kuzasi kwemwana mudiki mushure mekushandisa imba yekugezera kana kana paine marwadzo uye mubereki anofanira kusarudza kana mwana achienda kwachiremba. Zvijekese kuti kunze kwemamiriro ezvinhu aya hapana munhu anofanira kubata nhengo dzavo dzakavandika.
- Taura nevana vako nezvemvumo uchishandisa mazwi avanokwanisa kunzwisisa. Vaudze kuti havambofaniri kubata, kumbundira kana kutsvoda mumwe munhu kana asingadi. Vaudze kana vakambonzwa kusagadzikana kuve pedyo nemumwe munhu kuti vane kodzero yekuzvibvisa. Dzidzira navo nzira dzakakodzera dzavanogona kuramba rudo kana vasingachifariri.
- Tsanangura kuvana vako kuti kana mumwe munhu akavabata zvisina kufanira, zvakanaka kuvasundidzira kana kuvapopotera kuti vatize- kunyange munhu wacho ari mukuru kana kuti ane chiremera. Dzidzisai vana venyu kuti vanofanira kuridza mhere sezvavanogona, tiza unoudza munhu mukuru nekukasika. Kana vari kumba kweshamwari kana izvi zvichiitika saka vanofanira kukufonera pakarepo.
- Dzidzisa vana vako kuti munhu wacho angavaudza kuti vazvichengete uye kuti izvi hazvina kunaka. Rayirira vana vako kuti vanofanira kukuudza nguva dzose pasinei nokuti munhu wacho anovaudza kutii kana kuti ndiani.
- Simbisa kuvana vako kuti haumbofi wakatsamwira ivo kana kuvaranga kuti vakuudza zvakaitika, nyangwe munhu akabata zvisina kuchengeteka kana kuvhiringa kubata akadaro.
Mapoinzi maviri ekupedzisira akakosha zvakanyanya sezvo ruzhinji rwevanhu vakuru vabatwa vandinoona muhofisi mangu vachindiudza kuti havana kumboudza vabereki vavo.. Izvi zvinoreva kuti vabereki ava vaidyidzana zuva nezuva nevana vavo (vachidya navo kudya kwemanheru, vachimhanya mhanya navo, kuvaisa usiku, etc.) kwemakore pasina kana ruzivo rwezvakaitika. Can you imagine that heavy isingaoneki mutoro vana ava, uye gare gare vakuru, vakatakurwa navo zuva nezuva, gore negore, uye mune zvimwe zviitiko makore gumi mushure memakore gumi?
Zvinogona kunge zvisina kugadzikana kutaura nemwana wako nezve kubatwa zvisina njodzi kana kubata zvisina njodzi. Ungatoshamisika kana uri kupa hurukuro yacho zvakarurama. Manzwiro aya akanaka uye akajairika, asi chakakosha ndechekuti uve nechokwadi chekuti une hurukuro iyi, sezvo zvichange zvisingadzoreki kana chimwe chinhu chikaitika. Kana iwe uchinzwa sekunge haugone kutaura chero chikonzero tsvaga zviwanikwa online, bvunzana nemupi wezano wemwana wako, taura navana chiremba wemwana wako, kana kutsvaga murapi wehutano hwepfungwa kuti akubatsire.
Chinhu chimwe chokuyeuka ndechokuti kana mumwe wevana vako akabatwa chibharo, zivai kuti haisi mhosva yavo kana yenyu. Tsvaka rubatsiro rwenyanzvi nekukurumidza sezvaunokwanisa kudzikamisa zvakaitika uye kutanga maitiro ekupora. Nekukurumidza iwe unogona kurapwa zviri nani, asi zvakare ziva kuti hazvina kunonoka kuwana rubatsiro zvakare.
Kushungurudzwa kwepabonde hakugone kupedzwa zvachose asi patinodzidzisa vana vedu nzira yekudzivirira kushungurudzwa uye kupindira nekukurumidza tinogona kuita shanduko huru kuzvizvarwa zvinotevera.. Dzimwe nguva ndinoshamisika kuti hupenyu huri nani hungadai hwakaita sei kune vatengi vangu, vaiva vanhu vakavadzidzisa unyanzvi uhwu kana kuti kupindira zvakanaka pakarepo. Zvakawanda sei zvekushungurudzika kwavo kwaizoderedzwa uye hupenyu hwavo hungadai hwakave nyore sei kwavari kuti vazive mumwe munhu anovatenda uye ane hanya? Yakanonoka kudzokera uye kuchinja mamiriro ehudiki kune vatengi vangu vakuru, asi inguva yakafanira yekuti tidzidzise vana vedu.
Dai Allah atipe simba uye nzira dzekudzidzisa vana vedu hunyanzvi hwese hwavanoda kuti vazvidzivirire uye vabudirire, uye dai Allah vapodza avo vese vanhu nemhuri dzakakanganiswa nekushungurudzwa.
Najwa Awad ane rezinesi rekiriniki yemagariro mushandi (LCSW-C) iyo yakapa psychotherapy kune vanhu uye mhuri munzvimbo yeBaltimore-Washington metropolitan kwepamusoro 10 makore. Akawana dhigirii reBachelors muPsychology paGeorge Mason University mu 2005. In 2007 akagamuchira Masters muSocial Work kuVirginia Commonwealth University inyanzvi mukurapwa kwekiriniki kwevanhu nemhuri. Najwa zvakare ane post-graduate dzidzo mukurapa kwekunetsekana kwepfungwa uye hutano hwefoni (online counselling). Ruzivo rwake mumunda rwakasiyana uye runosanganisira kupa masevhisi mudzimba dzeboka, zvikoro uye muhurongwa hwekurera vana vasina vabereki. Nguva pfupi yadarika Najwa anga achishanda nekutarisa munzvimbo dzekunze dzehutano hwepfungwa achipa psychotherapy kuvakadzi, vana nemhuri. Nyaya dzinowanzobatwa dzinosanganisira trauma, nyonganyonga, kusazvibata uye kufunganya. Pamusoro pekupa misangano yehutano hwepfungwa nguva dzose munharaunda, Najwa zvakare Shamwari kuYaqeen Institute for Islamic Research.
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