(1) Umamah Bint al-Harith at-Tghlibiyyah was among the esteemed ladies in Arabia. She had some renowned and wise ethics and advice. When her daughter, Iyas Bint Awf, got married to the King of Kindah, al-Harith Ibn Arnru’, and was ready to go to her new life, she gave her some valuable advice. Umamah Bint al-Harith told her daughter: “0 my daughter, if one ignores advice because of one’s moral values or noble descent I will not bother to advise you, but it is a reminder for the rational and a warning to a negligent. 0 daughter, if a woman could dispense with a husband because of her father’s wealth, I would be the richest of all people, but we were created for men as they were created for us. 0 daughter, you are now going to leave the house in which you were brought up and move to a new nest which you do not know and a husband youare not familiar with. Your husband has control over you now, so you should be to him like a slave girl and he will
become your slave. You should bear in mind ten characteristics and your husband will be yours forever.
First and second: Companionship with satisfaction and obedience, because there is happiness of the heart in contentment and pleasure of the Lord.
Third and fourth: Never do anything which annoys him and always put on a
nice scent for him. You should know my daughter that
Kuhl (antimony powder used both as decoration and a
medicine for the eyes) is the most excellent beauty that
exists and that water is the best thing for purity.
Fifth and sixth: Never ignore his hunger and spoil his sleep.
Seventh and eighth: Looking after his house, money and children.
Ninth and tenth: never disclose his secrets nor disobey his orders, because if you disclose his secrets you will be unable to regain his trust and if you disobey him you will arouse his anger. More than that, never show delight at his misery, nor sadness at his joy, because the former shows lack of consideration for your husband and the latter disrespect. And the more you respect him the more he will be kind to you, and the more you agree with him the longer he will remain with you. You should know my daughter that you will not be able to do that unless you prefer his pleasure to yours and his desires to yours in what you love and hate. I ask Allah to guide you and grant you happiness. And Allah be with you.
(2) A mother advises her daughter on her wedding
night saying: Do not neglect cleaning your body, because the purity of your body brings shine to your face and love of your husband, prevents diseases and strengthens your body for work. Normally, people are put off by an to ill-smelling woman. And you should meet your husband with a smile because love is a body whose soul is a smile.
(3) A contemporary woman advised her daughter
You are about to enter a new life; different from the one you grew up in. A life in which you will not have your father, mother nor your brothers and sisters. You will become the wife of a man who wants nobody to share you with him, even your closest relative.
From the book “Tuhfat al-Arous.”
You should be to him like a wife and a mother; make him feel that you are everything in his life. You should keep in mind that a man is like a big child; the slightest sweet word can make him happy. Never make him feel that by marrying you, you will lose your family and relatives, because he has left his family as well for you. Normally, a woman longs for her family’s affection and home, in which she grew up. However, she should get used to her new life and her husband who is her children’s father and support. My daughter, this is your life and future, the new family, which you and your husband will form. I do not
ask you to forget your mother, father and brothers and sisters because they will never forget you. All I want from you is that you love and live with your husband and
feel happy with him. deeds to her and discloses your evil deeds. She ignores you in your dire difficulties and has no affection and no fear for her husband. If her husband gets home, she goes out and if he goes out, she gets in. If he smiles, she cries and if he cries, she smiles. If he divorces her, he raises his grievances to Allah. She is less supportive, eats her share and other people’s share, and criticises every one, clamorous, usurper, disgusting and despicable. Her house is like a dunghill. She cries even if she is the offender and testifies even if she is absent. She does not speak the truth and always shows immorality.
Taken from the book winning the heart of your wife
Author: Ibraahim Ibn Saaleh al-Mahmud