When the question of marriage arises, what do you look for? Let me put it another way, what do you notice first? Do you notice their wealth, their lineage, their status, character and piety or beauty? As troubling as this is for many of our dear brothers and sisters, many Muslims look first upon beauty before they make a decision to move forward with speaking to the potential prospect.
The Prophet SAW did after all mention that beauty is one of the traits we can marry for, along with the others I have mentioned above. எனினும், while there is nothing wrong with looking at the outward beauty of someone, the REAL beauty is that which you CAN’T see – their character and soul.
"இதயத்தில் அணுவளவு ஆணவம் கொண்ட எவரும் சொர்க்கத்தில் நுழைய மாட்டார்கள்." ஒரு மனிதன் சொன்னான்:
“Whoever comes to you and you’re pleased with their deen and character (khuluq) marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm in the earth.”
Narrated by At-Tirmidhee in ‘Nikaah’, (#1085), அ ஹசன் ஹதீஸ்.
So what was the hikmah behind this hadeeth? The truth is that our beloved Prophet SAW is advising us that before we look at anything else, we should always look at a person’s character AND deen together. A person who has a wonderful character and is pious, but is rejected on these things simply means that you are setting yourself up for long-term disappointment and fitnah.
How many times have you met brothers or sisters who married for beauty and nothing else but then were severely let down and hurt afterwards? All the beauty in the world can’t serve or help you in the slightest in the akhirah, unless it’s matched by deen and character. மகிமை அல்லாஹ்வுக்கே, so many lives have been ruined and so many people have been hurt as a result of bad decisions they made when choosing a spouse. Everyone wants their spouse to be attractive, but the truth is that if they don’t have a good character and or have the deen in them, then they are of little use to you in this life or the next.
மகிமை அல்லாஹ்வுக்கே, there is so much hikmah in this hadeeth – it is immeasurable. Let me draw your attention to another hadith also:
An-Nawwas ibn Sam’an said, “I asked the Messenger of Allah, அல்லாஹ் அவரை ஆசீர்வதித்து அமைதியை வழங்குவானாக, about piety and wrong action. அவன் சொன்னான், ‘Piety is good character and wrong action is what is hatched up in your self and you do not want other people to know about.” [முஸ்லிம்]
Allah most High makes a clear distinction in this hadith about piety coming from good character and bad character being that which you want to hide from others because you are ashamed of it.
The truth is that accepting people with other than a good character means you are accepting their flaws and their faults and excusing them. How will people ever change and be better Muslims if they are accepted in the current state they are in?
Abu’d-Darda’ என்று அல்லாஹ்வின் தூதர் அறிவித்தார், அல்லாஹ் அவரை ஆசீர்வதித்து அமைதியை வழங்குவானாக, கூறினார், “There will be nothing heavier in the balance of the believer on the Day of Rising than good character. Allah dislikes foul language.” [திர்மிதியில்]
Isn’t that what we ALL want? On the Day of Reckoning, every single person will be desperately hoping their good deeds will weigh heavy in the scales. Marrying a person of piety and good character will Insha’Allah help you to be a better person and help your scale be heavy with good deeds in the akhirah.
என்னைப் பொறுத்தவரை இஸ்லாம் என்பது பொறுமை மற்றும் புரிந்துகொள்ளுதல், நம்மை ஒருவருக்கொருவர் நெருக்கமாகக் கொண்டுவரும் நம்பிக்கை, you need to understand and realize that beauty will wither and die and is no guarantee that a person will treat you well. Wealth comes and goes. Lineage and status mean nothing if you are not a good person. The only thing you will take with you when you die is your good deeds and everything else will be left behind.
So the next time a good person comes to you to ask for your hand in marriage, think carefully before saying no – it may be you turn away something in which Allah SWT has placed much goodness for you.
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