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By Nadhra Salman.
After interacting with many women, I’ve discovered something really strange.Women differ a lot in nature, unlike men.It is Because most men have the same habits and are coarse in most aspects.On the contrary women are thought to be polite, soft and sweet,which is actually not true!!.Few women are as tough as leather while others are as sweet as honey,some are extremely loving and caring while many are extremely cold,proud and inconsiderate.
So depending upon her nature, a woman can either make her house a Jannah (Paradise) or even worse than hell….
In old age,women often tend to lose their patience and scold children,their daughters or their daughter in laws.Most girls assume their mother in laws to be harsh and some even call them Dracula, but if we observe closely then we’ll come to know that they possess a loving heart.Its just the age factor and few other factors that make them sound strict and harsh. We should never judge a book by its cover.If one’s mother in law sounds really harsh or always sarcastic, even then a girl should always respect her, take good care of her and spend her energies in making her happy(coz it’s a difficult task).Most importantly she should consider her as her own mother and behave accordingly.
அல்லாஹ் கூறுகிறார் “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind (Ihsan) to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. மேலும், out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: என் ஆண்டவரே! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.” [அல்-குர்ஆன் 17:23]
“Your lord has decreed that you worship non but him and show kindness to parents. If one or both reach old age with you then do not say uff! To them nor repulse them, but speak graciously to them”[Al-Quranl 17:23]
The most important thing of all is she should always remain silent and never rebuke.A girl who is willing to make her house a really peaceful place should sacrifice a bit by making silence a policy in front of her mother in law. In this way she also pleases Allah and will get immense reward for her patience.
அல்லாஹ் கூறுகிறார்: ”Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full,without reckoning” [அல்-குர்ஆன் 39:10]
”And verily,whosoever shows patience and forgives,that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah” [அல்-குர்ஆன் 42:43]
It has also been observed that many girls who are polite, and behave well towards their mother in law are often loved greatly by their husbands.On the other hand if there are always fights going on in any house, man gets disturbed and it affects him so he seeks a solution for this problem and may also end up in divorcing her.
Sometimes its also seen that men become their wives servants and forsake their mothers. That is extremely unethical,immoral and displeases Allah greatly.So men should keep balance b/w the two and should always keep in mind that its just coz of their mothers that they have attained this much height so a new woman to a family shouldn’t make him forget the old one; Because ”OLD IS ALWAYS GOLD”. Moreover by displeasing Allah no can please others.
Allah says in Quran: “O humankind! Be in awe of your Lord and Sustainer, He who created you all from a single soul, and created from it its mate, and from the two of them brought forth many men and women. Be in awe of Allah and of the wombs (என்று துவாரம் நீங்கள்). Surely Allah is watching over you”. [அல்-குர்ஆன் 4:1]
Narrated by Aisha Umm al-Muminin: “I asked the Prophet (sas): Who has the greatest right over a woman? அவர் (sas) கூறினார்:அவரது கணவர் . நான் சொன்னேன்: And who has the greatest right over a man? அவர் (sas) கூறினார்:his mother .”(Al-Haakim – taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah)
In another hadith it has been reported by Abu Huraira:
I asked, “Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?" அவர் பதிலளித்தார், “Your mother.” I asked, “Then whom?" அவர் பதிலளித்தார், “Your mother.” I asked, “Then whom?" அவர் பதிலளித்தார், “Your mother.” I asked, “Then whom?" அவர் பதிலளித்தார், “Your mother.” I asked, “Then to whom should I be dutiful?" அவர் பதிலளித்தார், “Your father,and then the next closest relative and then the next.”…..(Saheeh Muslim)
Unfortunately where materialism and liberalism has affected the non-Muslims, it has not left Muslims unaffected,especially our women,who have lost their ability to think in their attempts to gain temporary pleasures of this world. They love to imitate the kuffar (Non-Muslims) and violate laws set by Allah. Many are negligent in their duties towards Islam.
A Muslim woman who wishes to gain Allah’s acceptance, should always make efforts to please Allah. She should always keep in her mind the Jannah and rewards that Allah has promised for believing women.
She should avoid rivalry and disputes with her mother in law by staying tolerant and ignore her short comings. This can happen if she starts loving her for the sake of Allah.And Allah loves those who love others for His sake. Thinking about worldly comforts and interests might jeopardize her position among Allah’s blessed slaves. She should remain wise and totally reject the idea of bartering this transitory life for the eternal one.
Allah says in Quarn: “Verily! As for those who believe and do righteous deeds, நிச்சயமாக! We shall not suffer to be lost the reward of anyone who does his (righteous) deeds in the most perfect manner”. [அல்-குர்ஆன் 18:30]
This doesn’t mean that i am supporting those mother in laws who harass or physically or mentally torture their daughter in laws. Allah Almighty is very merciful and just. If a woman’s survival becomes difficult due to extreme cruelty of her mother in law and she believes that she can’t bear or compromise, then Islam has given her a right to ask for khula. If any couple fails to live in harmony then they can separate.
அல்லாஹ் கூறுகிறார்: “If the efforts for settlement are unsuccessful then you may separate in accordance with the instructions given by Allah Almighty . Do not let the fear of being left without provision become a hurdle in separation. The Divine System will provide for you in abundance. Allah Almighty is Bountiful and Wise. [அல்-குர்ஆன் 4:130]
Another important thing that contributes to a happy life, which most women ignore is to remain silent in front of their husbands. There are some who keep on complaining about their circumstances as a consequence many men out of desperation seek unlawful haraam (forbiddened) sources of income and in this way prepare themselves and their husbands to be the fuel of hell fire. In this case too,its all about being patient and silent. Much could be overcome if only women possess these qualities.
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar that the Holy Prophet (May be upon him) said A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust. (சஹீஹ் முஸ்லீம்)
Our history is full of women of character,the women of Jannah. The Ummahaat and their dedication towards Islam,their patience and their dislike for the worldly goods.
Hazrat Asmaa Bint Abu Bakr a noble woman,daughter of a rich man, at the time when she got married to Hazrat Zubair,he had only a horse and was very poor .She faced all hardships with patience and was thankful to Allah.
She reported: “az-Zubair (Ibn al-`Awwam, the cousin of the Prophet Mohammad, through his aunt) என்னை மணந்தாள். He had neither wealth, slave or anything else like it, except a camel (to get water) and a horse. I used to graze his horse, [provide fodder to it and look after it, and ground dates for his camel. Besides this, I grazed the camel], made arrangements for providing [it with] water and patched up [அவரது] leather bucket and kneaded the flour. But I was not proficient in baking the bread, so my female neighbors used to bake bread for me [and they were sincere women]. And I used to carry on my head the stones (seeds) of the d~tes from az-Zubair’s land which Allaah’s Messenger had endowed him, and it was at a distance of two miles (from Madinah).
To make her home filled with love,peace and Allah’s blessing a woman should compromise and do everything in her power to prevent the destruction of her married life.
Therefore in many cases silence is the best policy- women should inculcate this
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[About Author: This Article has been authored by Sister Nadhra Salman, who is a devout and practicing Muslim Woman. She is an active writer on Islam and conveys the message of Islam through her writings.]