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Source :haqislam.org :‘The Reward for Good Husbands & Fathers’ by Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious Most Merciful
Allah says in the Glorious Qur’an:
“..And live with [them] in a beautiful manner. If you are then displeased with them, [then know] perhaps you dislike something which Allah has created abundant goodness in it (al-Qur’an 4:19 ).
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
The believer with the most perfect faith is the one who has best character and the one who is kindest to his wife (Sahih Muslim).
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
The believer should not harbor hatred towards his wife. If he dislikes something in her, then surely he will be pleased with another quality in her (Sahih Muslim).
Shaykh Asharaf Ali Thanwi said, commenting on the above verse:
“Brothers! when Allah has ordained these rights for women, then who can change them.
If a man fails to fulfill these rights, he will be guilty of not upholding the rights of the creation. Man should ponder over how Allah has interceded on behalf of women in the above verse.
While there may be many reasons for being displeased with one’s wife, the main reason is usually bad character—this becomes a source of grief for the husband.
Nevertheless, Allah has promised that even this bad character can become a means of attaining goodness—for He is All-wise and capable of doing anything. For example, she could bear you children who become the means of your salvation come qiyamah. Just ponder over how clearly the rights of women are emphasized in the above Qur’anic verse.”
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
The best of you is the one best to his wife. I am the best among you to his wife (Tirmidhi, Darimi).
‘A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) relates that a desert Arab came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and remarked:
“Do you kiss your children, for we do not?” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) replied, “What can I do if Allah has taken mercy out of your heart?” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Anas (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Whoever brings up and nurtures two young girls until they reach maturity will appear on the Day of Judgment in a state that he and I will be like this (and he joined his fingers together).” [(Sahih Muslim)]
It is easy to gauge from here how Islam has granted so many incentives upon actions necessary for the upkeep of society.
The Spiritual Care of One’s Family
Furthermore, just as it is necessary and rewarding to see to the physical and monetary needs of one’s family it is even more important and rewarding to see to their spiritual (ruhani) development.
Allah says in the Glorious Qur’an:
“O people of faith, save yourself and your families from the Hellfire.” (al-Qur’an66:6)
Likewise, the rewards for a women are also many if she interacts well with her husband.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said in a hadith narrated by Umm Salama (Allah be pleased with him):
“Any woman who dies with her husband pleased with her shall enter Paradise .” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said in a hadith narrated by Anas radhiyallahu anhu:
“If a women performs her five prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, protects herself from immorality, and is obedient to her husband, she will enter into Paradise from any door she desires.” (Hilya)
It is greatly rewarding to treat all the creation of Allah with gentleness and kindness. This reward (along with the responsibility) only increases when their is kinship and closeness. This makes the person into a complete believer, and he is rewarded in this life and the Hereafter.
Much of the above information was gleaned from Ashraf’s Advice on Marriage available from www.al-rashad.com and the Mishkat al-Masabih, the great hadith collection by ‘Allama Tabrizi in Arabic.
This is just a sample of what rich heritage we have been left by our pious predecessors. Other marriage books and relevant chapters in hadith works like the Riyad al-Salihin (translated) and the al-Adab al-Mufrad by Imam Bukhari (translated) can be consulted for more information.
Wassalam
Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf
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Source :haqislam.org :‘The Reward for Good Husbands & Fathers’ by Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf
what if the husband is brutal? and he is a brutal father too ? like beating his daughter when she is 19 years old only because she raises voice against his tortures on her mother…. he insults his daughter wen she tries to explain what islam tells about such immoral actions… he literally tries to rule over his daughter n wife only because he is sole earner and the daughter and mother are dependent on him… he rather gives away money to poor people than his family basic needs just to show people that he is giving charity…. kindly reply..
Salam. .Shoma, I think that is unlikely what a muslim would do. .but if it ever happens. .well, Allahu SUbhana wa Taalah. .can see all things. .and Allah knows how to deal with this kind of husbands. .so she should not despair. .always be happy. .Allahu Alam. .Jazakkilahul Khair . .
In life, we faces pain sorrow & unfair treatment. When faced with life’s trials & tribulations, Only in beautiful patience (sabr) & Allah SWT do we seek comfort + reliance. Personally I have experienced & witness such things in family. N having survived all that, endurance frustration all, I have pulled thru. I can safely say this, everyone who is cruel & unjust will someday face regret be it thru guidance or consequences of their actions- What goes around comes around. They will either mellow & if not, u can still seek Allah with good faith. Doas such as: O Allah SWT please reward & replace my calamity with something better & O Allah SWT please protect me from being cruel (zalim) & from the cruelty of others. Trust me, whatever pain u encountered, whatever sustenance (love, provision) deprived, will be made up for in some way or another whether u realise it or not. It could be extra love from other people, ease in other department, hasanah for patience. Know that: no Muslim is afflicted with harm because of sickness or some sadness, worry, harm, or depression –even a thorn’s prick, Allah expiates his sins because of it. Sometimes we are tested thru our spouse, our kids, our wealth, livelihood BUT they are all tests in this world & should become a means of getting closer to Allah SWT. Even one of the previous Prophet Luth peace be upon had a spouse who was not good. Nothing is perfect in this Duniyya. Also, I learnt that making doa for the people who were bad to you is something difficult yet beautiful. Pray to Allah SWT to grant them guidance, soften their hearts, guide them to the best of characters & good deeds, create forgiveness & love between you two because He has created mawaddah wa rahmah between spouses so it is attainable. Even the Prophet SAW used to pray & forgive those who were bad to him. It can be hard but know this, whenever we ask goodness for our fellow family member, the angels ask Allah SWT to grant us something even better. Subhanallah! N when we do overlook others mistakes, Allah SWT will overlook ours & bring about merciful people into our lives who also overlook our mistakes. What has been fated to be difficult in one area of our lives, another area will be made very easy. “So verily, with the hardship, there is relief, Verily, with the hardship, there is relief.” (Surah 94:5) Endurance is key… Also learn from others mistakes. Sometimes, only thru pain comes compassion. Build a family that will be self-sufficient in future one that is more independent, make sure ur daughter have better spouse like how loving respectful dutiful a man treats the women in his own family is some form of indicator how he may treat his future wife and daughters & create loving family environment for ur future grandkids etc. Often times, these “men” grew up with this kind of influence & cruelty themselves back in their childhood upbringing. They barely have good enough exposure to positive examples & bad habits takes time to get rid of. So learn something useful from it… Other than that, I pray Allah SWT grant u abundant rewards & reform your family ties filled with beauty love mercy. Ameen. 🙂
Prophet Luth (Peace Be Upon Him)*
quote: ” Often times, these “men” grew up with this kind of influence & cruelty themselves back in their childhood upbringing. They barely have good enough exposure to positive examples & bad habits takes time to get rid of.”
i disagree. i’ve met a person who had had a very bad father, he fears his father still, yet he’s the most amazing husband, father and one of the most devout muslims i’ve ever come across.
Also, it does not hurt to advice gently with utmost love & sincerity, maybe via a heartfelt letter or note (not angry though, express your sadness but no negative stuff hopefully), telling him that sadaqah to a family is thousand times or hundred times more hasanah than to an outsider. There are plenty of quotes from hadiths & stories that pertains to such a virtue. In some case, after giving charity to rightful members, who next? –> another family member who hates u. That is how much virtue Islam puts in proper distribution of wealth accordingly. To fulfill the needs of family member has rewards more than few years of i’tikaf in a mosque. How beautiful! Subhannallah! Or how Allah SWT will reward greatly those who have intention to fulfill the needs of a family member those who try whether he/she succeed or dont succeed in achieving it. Remind someone in the softest most loving way with nothing but the person’s well-being at heart. It will take effect, Insya Allah. Be it immediately or slowly. At least, such knowledge will be in the back of their mind. The next time they give away to outsiders, it might trigger something in his heart. The reminder has benefits. (:
Salaams Karen, I read both of your replies and find that you are gifted in writing soothing comments to ailing people seeking help, thanks. In the unfortunate case of an abusive father, prayer is the key an sabr is the answer. People come with mental disorders and medical attention with psychological counseling is needed but in our muslim soceity it is sneered upon, so Allah help these poor victims. Jazak Allah.
Assalaam-o-Aliakum 2 all…
1st of all please try to write ALLAH in capital and second thing is we can’t debate on what is going on and what will happens only ALLAH subhaan wa talah knw’s wht is going to happen so please try to avoid the debate on what you guy’s are doing over here… thnx for listening me take good care you all…
Assalaam-o-Aliakum.
Dear if a man is brutal towards his women/children it is clear that he is a coward, sick person who hasnt been brought up with good morales as ALLAH has created good things & there are dark zones too which is evil/ evil person who doesnt beleive in god but everyone has to do a payment for sure just have a lil patience and courage nothing is forever a time will surely come when the tables change & he will be on your mercy on that moment its upto you whether you will forgive him or kick his butt……………….
i second you! add another point though: the father also pretends to be very religious infront of the whole world but actually isn’t 🙂
Somebody’s character traits are sometimes sparked by the behaviors of his family members, where they try to respond in that kind if a person doesn’t take proper care of their temperaments. Therefore, a man/ woman will tend to brutal in their relations in a family. The best way to maintain a lively stay with such a behavior is be patient and if possible persistent in counseling them so that they see that, whatever they’re doing is wrong and hence they’ll advocate positive change.
I am a muslim and a believer and to this date I have never committed adultery as Allah has ordered all muslims to avoid…My question is, if my wife disobeys me and talks on the mobile phone with other men seeking to make me despair and jealous, what shall I do about it?
Dear brother Naheez as ALLAH S.A.W.T. says we have made chaste women for chaste men & unchaste women for unchaste men, your wife might not be a unchaste woman as you are a strict follower of ALLAH’s word discourage her not to speak with other men in a mild way, then if she doesnt obey you warn her in a bit harder way still if she doesnt obey you make her sleep seperately if still she is making your life miserable kick her outta your life there are too many fishes in the pond…………
my wife i dnt think she understand me and when ever i try to tell her things she will tell me shes not sure of what am telling her. and she dnt respect me she wnted me dng smetin dat is not wetin my power
Dear bro Armaansaif…
I showed my wife what you have written and this web site…She read it with interest…She said that she loves me a lot but she is just speaking with her friends at office…I don’t want to abuse her as our prophet Muhamad ( peace be upon him ) has said that the person who is most pious in Islanm is the one who is kindest to their wives…I had discussed this issue at length with her…She says that she would consider my feelings and will allow me to speak to her office friends….
I will take your advice…Alhamdhu Lilaahi Rabil Aaalameen