A wonderful sister once gave me some solid advice regarding our behaviours and mannerisms with our spouse, and that is to treat them like a special guest! At first it seemed strange, but when I sat down to examine this, I was quite frankly blown away.
As simple as it sounds, there is some real hikmah behind this. Think about it for a moment. What do we do when a special guest is about to arrive in our home? Well, this is what I do:
• Clean the whole house and make it look nice
• Cook their favourite food or cook something nice
• Take a shower and wear my best clothes
• Welcome them into my home
• Fuss over them
• Feed them well and tend to their needs
• Spend time with them
• Bid them farewell with a big hug and well wishes
Now let’s talk specifics – do we actually do this on a daily basis? The truth is that most couples don’t spend nearly enough quality time with one another. They treat their relationship like any old ordinary thing in their life when in actual fact, it’s the most important relationship in the world, and you should NEVER take it for granted.
An extraordinary relationship can only be nurtured IF you treat each other in an extraordinary way and not like the other ordinary things you have to do on a daily basis – like your washing and ironing! In other words, no relevance is given to your spouse to make them feel special.
And it goes BOTH ways – you can’t expect a super relationship when one person is putting in all the hard work. Don’t wait for your spouse to take action first – it may never happen. Instead, YOU take the first step and set a precedent, and Insha’Allah, it will be appreciated and reciprocated.
Think about how you would behave around a special guest. Just as you would pay extra attention to them, pay more attention to your spouse. You would listen to your guest, so take the time to listen to your spouse. Strive to be there for your spouse whenever they need you no matter what, and RUSH to take care of their needs as much as you can.
My solid advice here is that if one of you stays at home, you should make the most amount of effort and this usually means (although not always the case) sisters who are at home with children. By taking that special care over your spouse, you’re less likely to take your relationship for granted. And sisters, remember that if your husband is pleased with you, Allah is pleased with you!
Plus, by tending to your husband and making that extra effort for them (especially with your appearance, no matter how tired you are) your husband will appreciate you more and it keeps things fresh in your marriage.
Who would you treat more politely at a dinner table – your guest or your spouse? Most people would say their dinner guest, but we should in actual fact treat them the same. From an early age we are taught to be respectful to guests, but don’t do the same with our spouses.
Imagine if we were ALL like this with each other; imagine what our daily life would be like and how special we would feel by making our spouse feel special too. And Insha’Allah, as Allah SWT has said, he has placed love and mercy between the hearts of the married couple, so your efforts should be not only rewarded by Allah SWT, but your spouse will also reciprocate too.
Let’s all try and be as considerate towards our better halves as we would to our guests and see the blessings increase in our homes, ameen.
Written by the Girl in the Black Hijaab