On June 25th, 2012 we were lucky to have three wonderful “older and wiser” women speak to us in a panel discussion about what has made their marriages last for over 25 years. These hand-picked, Islamicaly educated, bright women led an eye-opening talk by giving us a list of their most useful pieces of advice for us younger generation.
Here are 25 highlights:
- Think of your marriage as something that is meant to last forever…work through problems…don’t throw your marriage away easily.
- Choose someone older that you both trust to seek advice from along the way when you have problems…don’t wait until you are at a breaking point to ask for help.
- Take care of your Salah – prayer- and Allah will take care of your marriage.
- Admit when you are wrong and he is right…let go of your pride by saying “You have a good point” or “I didn’t think of it that way.”
- Cooperate…each couple should come to agreements about duties, etc.
- Let him know when you are hurt or what bothers you from the beginning…don’t let things bottle up inside of you.
- Realize that 50/50 doesn’t really work when it comes to taking care of your household…accept the fact that it’s more like 90/10 and you won’t be disappointed.
- Put Allah first…please Him in all that you do and He will take care of your marriage and your life as a whole.
- Be very patient.
- Make your husband your first priority.
- Keep in mind that when you are a good wife you get rewarded from Allah.
- Let the little things go.
- Use “I statements.”
- Listen instead of talking a lot…save the “bitty things” for the girls…spare him the details.
- Men aren’t mind readers.
- Don’t use disrespectful words like “Duh” or “Really” or “Whatever”… use Islamic expressions instead when you want to exclaim (and we all need to sometimes!) like “Subhanallah” or “Allahu Akbar.”
- Be positive, even when it seems bad…when the Shaitan (Devil) wants to break up society, he targets husband/wife relationships because they are the nucleus…so don’t let him do that by thinking negatively about your husband.
- Give him his rights (intimacy, etc…) for the reward from Allah.
- Keep in mind that men at an older age (around 50-60 years old) tend to want your attention more.
- Having many kids can help keep your relationship stable.
- Never go to bed angry.
- Both the husband and wife should put Islam as their focus.
- Create a road for the both of you to work towards…instead of always looking towards each other, look ahead together at this road.
- Forgive easily.
- If you are a stay-at-home mom, don’t put yourself down…being a good mom and wife can be the most difficult job in the world and it is very rewarding.
….Where Practice Makes Perfect
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