Author: Amna Farooq
Being a mother is one of the greatest experiences of life of a woman. But this great experience is filled with responsibilities long with a joy of getting a great status of “MOTHER”. Often mothers get tensed and exhausted of the duties and burdens pinned with the tag of mother. There are a lot of matters to care about, health and food, education and brought up. But the most important factor for a mother to worry about is how to bring up children in a well manner. As a mother holds a whole grooming institution in herself, she is responsible for a human child’s role in society which he/she is eventually going to play.
Here are a few tips for mother, which may help them to groom their children in a constructive way on Islamic guidelines:
Parenting is a 24 hrs. a day-7 days a week job:
Your children are a gift from ALLAH. And ALLAH subhan hu wa tala expects you to be efficient enough to worth that gift. HE wants you to make your children a perfect muslim and a constructive part of your society. So feel that responsibility on your shoulders, but don’t panic, although the responsibility is tough but ALLAH is with you. Prepare yourself mentally to be on duty 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Motivate yourself for all the upcoming challenges in bringing up your child.
Read Quran in front of children:
If you want your child to be a good and practicing muslim, be a practicing muslim in his/her front. Quran recitation is crucial for a muslim to understand deen. If you make a constant habit of reciting Quran , and your child observes it, there is no chance he/she wouldn’t show interest in what you are reading. But be mindful , habits are developed at early ages, so even your toddler don’t gets what you are reciting, but it’s getting imprinted in his memory, for afterwards implementation.
Offer salah on time ,in front of children:
If you offer salah at the very last time, how do you expect your child to be eager for salah?
try to offer prayer as soon as adaan calls. And try to compel your partner also, to offer prayer in mosque with procession. In this way, when your baby will see his father heading for mosque 5 times a day, he will also join his father to go to mosque. Similarly your daughter will follow you too.
Don’t be too strict or harsh:
Limitations are good, but too much strictness can lead your teen out of hand. Especially teens, as this is a growing age and they have developed their own way of thinking too, so it wouldn’t be a good idea to impose your choices and rules on children. Do ask their opinion too. Too much strictness or harshness can raise rebellious attitude too.
Try to calm yourself in case of disobedience:
Children are immature, that’s why they are called children. So don’t expect e very descent and mature behavior from them. Things may go wrong at times but you can sort them out and correct them with patience. You may expect your child to obey your command but he/she may disobey. Now here you have to prove yourself a very kind and nice mother, have a sitting with them and tell them pros and cons of their bad action. Be patient, and keep yourself calm under such situations.
Try to be a friend, rather than a mother:
Try to establish a relation of trust and friend ship. Develop frankness with your children. Often children hide their matters from parents out of fear. Your frank behavior would encourage them to discuss every confusion or ideas they have in their mind, prior to acting upon them. Especially children spend a lot of time with mother, so a kind and friendly behavior of a mother can help them speak out their hearts.
Treat all your children equally:
Often people are in habit of treating children unequally. Especially when it comes to gender, boys are often prioritized over girls. They are provided with more resources as compared to girls. Or sometimes intelligent or attractive child receives more attention. This biased attitude can develop a lot of inferior complexes and other issues in your child. Islam prefers equality. Although men are given more authorities in some cases but it is written nowhere to treat children unequally. In fact our beloved prophet Mohammad (s.a.w) loved his daughter too much.
Allow room for mistakes:
No one is perfect. Mistakes are part of life. If your child commits a mistake, treat him/her in a nice manner to make him realize his mistake. Give him some time to think over.
Practice in front of your children regularly what you want them to do:
Be a practicing Muslim. You can never expect your child to speak truth while you lie in front of him. How can your child speak in a polite tone while you shout at him?
children are very fast at taking up habits, so be very much careful in front of your children, as they are much likely to do exactly what you do.do repeated acts to develop it in them as a habit, eg doing zikar, reciting durood. Say Bismillah repeatedly whenever you start any task. In sha allah, Alhumdulillah, Jazakallah, make such words your habit, so that your child copies them too.
Have a friendly meeting with them on regular basis:
Give your children time. Have a chat with them on regular basis. Tell them, teach them in a good and effective way. You can hold up a little meeting every day or when suitable, and decide a topic to be discussed e.g. “Let’s discuss about salaah today” or “today your dad told me about an incident in office” etc.
Instill good behavior in them:
A Muslim lady tries to inculcate good habits and behaviors in her children. She teaches them to be patient, loving, obedient, compassionate, kind, hardworking, sincere, faithful and honest. Discuss with them at their comfort level.
Demonstrate your love for them:
Just loving is not enough but expression of love matters a lot. Indeed love of a mother for child is eternal and needs no certificate, but this expression is important for your child. How may he/she know you love her/him? A Muslim mother must not be ignorant of the fact that her children need her warm lap, assistance and affection. This would give them confidence and sense of security.
Discuss their daily routine:
Show interest in what they did whole the day, what happened in school, who their competition went, what they did at their friend’s home etc. you would notice you will find many points in between where you would suggest or correct your child. If your child is not in the habit of discussing anything with you, maybe he got into a fight with his friend or he went through some trouble and you might not even know. Maybe he is intending to do something wrong and you are not knowledgeable about it.
Don’t fulfill their every desire:
Don’t fullfill each demand they make, irrespective of the demand being fair or unfair.
Make dua for children after every salah:
Dua is also a necessary tool for a Muslim mother. The du’a of the mother for her child is answered as given in this hadîth:
“There are three supplications that are answered – there being no doubt about it: the supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveler and the supplication of the parent for his child.” Ibn Maajah (3862)
….Where Practice Makes Perfect
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