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Ми часто чуємо про проблеми, які виникають між жінками та їхньою свекрухою. Існує багато факторів, які сприяють гірким стосункам, які мають деякі жінки з матерями; деякі з яких, є:
Відсутність поваги: Повага до інших - це чудова якість; Ніколи не практикується між людьми, за винятком того, що любов і гармонія будуть їх охоплювати. Іслаам наказав молодим виявити повагу до своїх старших, і таким чином, Поважати свою свекруху-це обов'язково. Це пов’язано з тим, що вона не тільки старша, але також тому, Як і вона, його доставляли.
Дочка свекруха повинна усвідомити, що вона з часом стане матір'ю, і якщо це сина, Тоді він зрештою одружиться, і тому вона стане матір'ю, яка прагне поважати з боку дочки. 'Амр Ібн Шуайб розповів про владу свого батька, що Посланник Аллаха (мир йому) сказав, “Він не один із нас, хто не виявляє милосердя (наш) молодші, і не визнає честь через наших старших.”
Вираження ворожнечі: Є ще один тип дочки, який має справу з матір'ю, з першого дня, ніби вона є її найгіршим ворогом. Це може бути пов’язано з неправильним способом, яким виховано доньку, або до неодноразових попереджень про те, що її власна мати, Товариство та ЗМІ дали їй щодо своєї майбутньої матері, перш ніж вона вийшла заміж.
На основі цього, the wife would exert all efforts to make her husband hate his mother and brothers and sisters; she may even invent events that never took place, or exaggerate in relating ones that did; she may frequently make false accusations about her husband’s mother and brothers and sisters until she succeeds in forcing him to leave his mother’s house and live with her, поодинці.
Such a life is a poisoned one, and one which contains many problems. Haarithah ibn Wahb reported: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah saying, “Shall I not inform you about the inmates of Hell? They are every violent, disrespectful and proud person.”
The husband returns from work to see his evil wife crying, so he asks her why, but she only continues crying, so that she will attain the best effect. Чоловік наполягає на тому, щоб знати, чому, Тож дружина нарешті відповідає, дуже неповажним тоном, “Це я, або ваша мати в цьому будинку!” Чоловік хоче знати, в чому проблема, “Що сталося?” він запитує, Але вона знову починає плакати; Чоловік ще раз запитує, "Будь ласка, поясніть мені, що сталося". Нарешті, Дружина каже, “Твоя мати мене погано, А потім ваші сестри зібралися навколо мене і образили мене ». Через те, що чоловік був поневолений дружиною, Він розлючений, і навіть не турбуючись, щоб з’ясувати, чи є заява його дружини, Він виходить у шторм, і кричить на його матір і сестер; Він забуває звання своєї матері, і що Аллах паралельно повазі її до іслаамського монотеїзму, коли він каже (що означає), “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as]: ‘uff‘ [тобто, an expression of disapproval or irritation] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, 'Мій Лорд! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'”
Посланець Аллаха (мир йому) сказав, “The pleasure of Allaah is in pleasing one’s parents, and His wrath is in displeasing them.”
Severing ties: Some daughters in-law sever ties with their mothers in-law and never visit, or even have anything to do with them. Such daughters in-law ruin their relationships with their mothers in-law. The mother in-law is human, і тому хотів би, щоб її дочка свекруха ставилася до неї як до матері; Вона не хотіла б, щоб її дали холодне плече.
Однак у деяких випадках, Дочка свекруха не зла, але вона може не знати про деякі етикетки, як поводитися з матір'ю. Дочка свекруха, яка переживає зв'язки з матір'ю, змушує чоловіка відмовитися від матері і розірвати зв'язки з нею; таким чином, Така дружина стає причиною його невгамовної до матері.
Абу Хурайра (нехай буде задоволений ним Аллах) повідомив, що Посланник Аллаха (мир йому) сказав,”Аллах створив усі (Його) створення, і коли він закінчив завдання свого творіння, Ar-rahm (тобто, зв'язки з Kinfolk) сказав: `(О Аллах)! У цьому місці я шукаю притулку з вами, коли мої зв’язки розірвали.’ - відповів Аллах: `Ви б задоволені тим, що я з добротою ставлюсь до тих, хто ставиться до вас з добротою, і розірвані зв'язки з тими, хто розриває ваші зв’язки?’ Це сказано: `Я задоволений.’ Тож Аллах сказав, `Тоді це твоє.’ Це повідомить нам, що Аллах надав цим зв'язкам високий ранг: той, хто взяв у нього притулок і отримав це; І той, хто взяв на себе захист Аллаха, безумовно, ніколи не буде покинуто.”4
Абу Хурайра (Нехай Аллах буде задоволений ним) повідомив, що Пророк (мир йому) сказав, “Нехай він буде зганьблений! Нехай він буде зганьблений! Нехай він буде зганьблений! – Хто з яких батьки, один або обидва з них, здобути старість протягом життя, Але він не входить раю (бути покірним до них).”
З іншого боку, Причини поганих стосунків можуть бути з боку самої свекрухи матері, як от: Будучи суворим з дочкою: Деякі зятя дуже суворі до своїх дочок, а також заохочуйте своїх синів погано ставитися до своїх дружин. Абу Хурайра повідомив, “I heard Abu Al-Qaasim (тобто, пророка) казати: “The miserable one is the only one whose heart is deprived from mercy.”
Being jealous of the daughter in-law: Why do some mothers in-law love their sons while despising their daughters in-law? Psychiatrists say that this results from jealousy. It is natural for women to be jealous, but added to this is the fact that the mother feels that this daughter in-law has shared her son with her and taken him away from her control; Вибачте, що натрапив на таке, але я намагаюся бути справжнім і чесним, a competition arises. This is especially so if the mother’s only provider and supporter is this son, because his role could have been that of the father in taking care of the affairs of the household and being his mother’s protector, Тож мати відчула б, що вона втратила такого важливого сина до дочки.
Деякі матері стають ревнивими, бачачи своїх синів щасливими та насолоджуються життям дружинами; Якби дочка свекруха коли-небудь скаржилася їй на будь-яку проблему, яка може виникнути з сином, Вона ніколи не підтримувала б її; скоріше, Вона б на стороні сина, Навіть якщо він був у винен; більше, Вона принизила б його дружину.
Іноді, Дружина могла робити все, що може, щоб догодити матір'ю; Вона може говорити з нею доброзичливо, Дайте їй подарунки, і ставитися до неї з повагою, але, свекруха завжди буде прагнути створити проблеми, як вона відчуває, що інакше втратить сина.
У цьому випадку сестра рекомендується бути терплячими і запитати Аллаха (славний, могутній) Щоб полегшити її ситуацію. Вона повинна бути мудрою і примхливою, і якщо можливо, проконсультуйтеся зі своїм чоловіком, не викликаючи в серці недоброзичливість до матері.
Джерело: Saleeha Bhamjee, http://idealmuslimah.com/family/in-laws/128-bad-relationship-with-the-mothers-in-law-
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Assalamu al aikom wa rahmatullah wa barakatu,
Що робити, якщо свекруха-це той, хто переживає зв'язки з невісткою?
Ого, Я читав це і дякую своєму Аллаху за те, що благословляв мене чудовою матір'ю та сестрами, Хоча я ще не зустрічав усіх своїх сестер у законах (Брати мого чоловіка’ дружини) Я розмовляю з сестрою мого чоловіка та іншою сестрою (з ким він живе наодинці з братом) регулярно, і я не тільки дивлюся на них як на власних старших сестер, яких я ніколи не мав, Але і мої дуже близькі друзі, Про що я, можливо, не зможу поговорити зі своїм чоловіком, Я розмовляю з ними і прошу їх поради щодо того, як поводитися зі своїм чоловіком, бо, звичайно, вони знають його набагато краще і набагато довше, ніж я. Моя мати закону - це також Машалла, З моїх нинішніх кількох, але пам’ятних зустрічей, Дуже добра леді і я дякую моєму Аллаху за те, що я відправив мені не лише чудового чоловіка, але й чудової родини, щоб піти разом з ним. Читання цієї статті просто змушує мене усвідомлювати все більше, що навіть якщо я знаю в майбутньому, ми можемо не завжди погодитися, але поки я дотримуюся поваги до них, Вони завжди будуть для мене такими ж хорошими, як зараз 🙂
добрий
Inshallah one dau my motherin law will like me x dats all i want from Allah x ill always try my upmost best from nw on and as bfre x im from outside da fmly suppose dats why x iv cried cuz all i want is to be not jus da wife of da son but a gud daughter in law a gud mum a gud wife a gud sistr in kaw and a best friend to my muminlaw to x i await. день терпіння молитва inshallah x
Дякуємо за проникливість дуже потрібної статті. Я ціную ваші слова мудрості, однак, Цікаво, чому фокус завжди зосереджена на дочці в законах, щоб мати добрі стосунки з матерями чоловіка, і не навпаки? Я думаю, що потрібно зробити більше роботи, щоб забезпечити добрі стосунки між чоловіками та їх законодавством. Too much emphasis is put on wives to make strides for the marriage, and while I believe that that is crucial, I would appreciate reading/hearing more from Islamic sources on how men can be better husbands.
Thank you once again.
i agree with u coz the wife’s family also maters alot
My mother in law doesn’t get along with my mother, so she doesn’t like me because of that. Im and adult and I still have to ask my mother in law if I can go to certain places, I have never heard of such things..Im married to her in many ways, sometimes I feel as if my husband is only my good friend. Anytime I want to do something or go somewhere, he says I have to ask her mother and that is what she requests. Allah knows who will be gone from this world first, but if shes gone tommorrow, who will we ask?, she doesn’t think about it and that she will leave this world and her kids will be on their own, but she is too attached to this world and does not think about the akhira……
What if the mother-in-law breaks your marriage?
Ого! This article is biased and one sided. Respect and love should be given from both sides to build a relationship and each party must understand the uniqueness of each relationship. We sow what we reap and what we do will eventually directly or indirectly affect us. Мир, love and respect and more importantly a non-biased opinion is required to ALL relationships so why should this one be any different.
я з вами згоден…
Bismillah .Alhamdulillah …..Mashaa Allah very nice article and very nice attempt…….Я сподіваюсь, що .inshaa Аллах кожен мусульманин знає про вислови пророка Мухаммеда, що людина, яка не ставиться до старших з повагою і не ставиться до дітей з милою. Він не один із нас ……..Тож перше і головне, що ми маємо бачити, що одна людина, яка є мусульманською Альхамдуліллою, повинна спочатку діяти на Коран Н Сунна, оскільки кожен буде відповідати власним вчинкам …Аллах Субхана не просить у нас, які скажуть мені, що ват іншої людини так і так поводиться з тобою в Дуні??? …Немає …Другий Аллах Субхана - найкраща винагорода, яка ми маємо просто зосередитись на нагороді, яку Аллах Субхана обіцяє на наші добрі вчинки…..Янна …n цього worls є неповним , його повна випробувань , він не може бути повністю щасливим світом без скорбот …..its only Jannah which is everlasting …n Third WE shud not expect any thing from any person ..Infact we shud only have Trust n Hope from Allah subhana …..May Allah subhana keep us on th eright n righteous path ..Ameen
If my mother in law is a pretender and all the things i do is not appreciated by her.If i dont call her for months she will never call to ask after me or my kids but she always talk with her son,is that fair? I belive she is treating like an outsider.
very true same is happening to me n am called the bad guy
its not always abt the daughter inlaws being bad the mothers contribute alot
i agree….:) both must b co-oprative …baliqis i knw such women who r doing this but u just ignore n try 2 finish it 4rm ur side..may ALLAH bless u…:)
I am from an European country. I discovered and became Muslim by my choice. I left my country and my family to follow my husband very far from where i originally am. From the first moment i met with my new family in law, they mistreated me. May be i made mistakes because of our differences in culture and i was very young, but i was never arrogant. My knowledge of Islam was not as good as theirs but i achieved it all by my self, my reading. They discriminated me because i dint know as much as them. They still do even now after almost 11 years of me stay here. Even when i prayed, my mother in law would pas by me and tell me that my prayers were in vain because ALLAH wouldn’t accept them. я постив, she will tell me the same, that it was useless that i was fasting because it would never be accepted.
My parents in law are religious. They pray 5 разів на день, fast, go to Haj etc.
When i was pregnant with my second child, me and my husband were in financial difficulty, i reached my mother in law, for an advice and mostly just a good word that it will be OK because i have no family or relatives of my own here. She told me to pray that my child will die and hope that such thing happens. She also told me what to do to abort by my own.
Is she still a good Muslim, because every time that she tells me that i am not a good mother nor a good Muslim, i always remember her advice to kill my son and all the bad she did to me?
I am angry of all these years of frustration, and i pray To ALLAH to help me overcome my anger but as soon as she says such things again to me, i get again angry.
Що я повинен зробити?
How can they say like that? All your prayers and fasts will be accepted if u have read the kalima, believe in 1 Allah and his prophet. You converted right? Then it will be accepted in my opinion. They shouldnt say like that to ur child :/. Maybe they are jelous of u as like article said or dont like u cos u was non-muslim b4. But there is nothing to dislike in that.
Pray to Allah for them and also seek forgiveness for if u have done anything wrong b4 converting and inshallah Allah will listen u:) Ask him for help infact he is the most forgiver and the compassionate one. I will also pray for you and all other sisters……
One more thing, did u converted after marriage?
Its heart breaking reading your post, as a muslim convert myself i understand how it is to be treated badly by other muslims who feel superior to u. But the great thing is that when u study the quran and the hadith u will discover that they are wrong and they are inviting the wrath of Allah by their actions. Allah is our focus and pleasing him should be all you care about. Even though your mother in-law has been mean and unkind to u, be civil with her do not exchange insults with her, smile and be happy most of the time and it will make her wonder why u dont mind her meanness. But most of all pray for continued peace, luv and mercy between u and your husband because that is what will sustain your home. May Allah ease our burden .
it must’ve been a very hard years you had been through..i’m sorry for you..
i think you should visit your family in Europe and try to repair your relationship between you and your non-Muslim family. They’re still your family even if they aren’t Muslim. Always remember what The Messenger of Allah (мир йому) сказав, “The pleasure of Allah is in pleasing one’s parents, and His wrath is in displeasing them.” Try to please your own parents before you pleased another (your parents-in law) because they’re the reason why you existed.
what if mother in law is creating mis understandings b/w u n ur partner n portraying u rong n becomes happy when ur husband insults u n treat badly. what shud such a girl do
This is very biased and clearly written by a man who has no idea of the realities of life as a mother inlaw or daugther inlaw. There are stories in this article which are an incorrect description of what actually happens.
я згоден, where why is there so much focus on a daugther inlaw’s relationship with her husband’s mother? What about a man’s relationship with his inlaws? It seens that culture has taken precendent over religion.
you have written a lot of truth n lovely hadith but i dislike this article.Alhamdulilah,i have a vry good relationship with my MIL.i love her a lot,she stands up for me n she is a freind.BUT i hate the undertone of this article.I know a lot of heartless mother in laws.ur article very clearly tilts favourably on one side.instead you coud have written about how a daughter inlaw should cope with the mother in law who doesnt come around and how she should be steadfast in her righteousness as our we are ultimately answerable to Allah for our deed.Surely u are aware that there are people who dont change and cause harm to our family life.Wat advice can you give for that??All we can do is be good and seek Allahs help.As islamic writer you should develop a unjudgemental attitude.And advice for both MIL and DIL should have been given in a tasteful manner.
Sister they have said only DIL to show
mercy right? Its bcos no mother in
laws is going to read this article. But i
agree with u that both should
understand each other. And not just
youngers should respect elders but both should respect each other.
im in the same situation where my mother in law is jealous and thinks im taking her son away from her, my father in law passed away 20 years ago and iv been married 6 років. she has told me in many occasionas that im taking her son away i have 2 kids and living in a cramped room because my husband doesnt want to leave his mother i have come to an understanding that his father isnt around and that his the ony provider for his mother (his got younger brothers too) iv said to him if it comes to a point where we have to move out ill gladly take your mum on board, but she seems to think im the bad one. it all comes down at the end of the day as to how they where treated as daughter in laws, my mother in law mver really had a mother in law she had a step mother in law who was very brutal towards her, she never had the love of a mother in law to actually understand what it feels like to love a daughter in law. no matter what sistuation we are with our mother in laws always remeber how you would treat your own mother and having respect for them.
Sister they have said only DIL to show mercy right? Its bcos no mother in laws is going to read this article. But i agree with u that both should understand each other. And not just youngers should respect elders but both should respect each other. 🙂
Asak,masha allah very nice article i really appreciate this one……..may Allah bless to all other daughter in lawzzzz….ameennnnnn
Ассаламу Алейкум
i have some problem with my mother in law.i always respect her and always treat as my own mother..but i dont no why she dosent like me.she treat me as a servant…i work from morning to evening…she nvr allow me to pray salat timely.she doesnt like that i spend my time with my husband.she doesnt like my family person she always says that my family members are not her type..because we are nt very much reach like them…they dont like that anybody visit me from my family…my husband says that my mother and father must treat him royally nvr argu with him.
they are giving me mental torchr and physical also by day night working in house. but i do patience everytime.
but now i cant bcoz they always insult my parents…plz tell me what should i do in this situation.Allah Hafiz
i love this page, it makes me think that im not the only one with difficult issues, Allhamdulila i have been blessed with a wonderful husband who knows how to keep the balance between his mother and wife, yeh we have problems every now and then but what family doesnt, if it wasnt for my husband i dont think i wouldv been able to cope. to all mother in laws and daughter in laws please have respect for one and another, if you give sometime to understand eachother you will have the beautiful relationship that you never wouldv thought of having. be patient with one another, це вимагає часу. inshallah allah will give both of you the sabar that u need.
this advice is really good.. but only for those with problems and yet at the same time for those happy with their in laws and wish to improve their relationships.. My husband and in laws treat me alot better than my own parents do Alhamdulillah.. and i hope and pray it stays like that.. Although unlike every other daughter in law on this page I have only had 3 months with my mother in law and I realised I am blessed because my father in law and my husbands grandma love me to bits =) my husbands cousins however have tried to ruin my relationships by making faulse accusations on me and meddling in my family business when its got nothing to do with them.. i discussed the matter with my husband and he advised me to ignore them as it is them committing the sin of trying to ruin my family.. and yet when i tell my mother in law she stays quite because she knows it is her nieces whom are in the wrong but at the end if they carry on the way they are, who will my mother in law stand by? Me or her nieces? but although I am doubtful about the anser to that question I know my Husband, Father in law and husbands grandma are alwayz by my side.. 🙂
Ассаламалайкум….there are many cases..not just 1..in sm the DIL is the problem and in sm MIL is the problem but for me I find the words very true : “the enslaved husband” of the wife who cries and does her best to severe ties of her husband with his mother and sisters..This enslaved husband can always suspect his sisters for evry fault but never his wife because he is enslaved by his wife’s beauty and charm and becomes blind…blames and shows enmity to his sister who always love him inspite of his ‘enslavement’..he forgets the days of hardship and happiness that he happily shared with his sisters before his marriage….I hope my brother wake up and break this chain of hatred…(my poor enslaved brother)…….sm time the advice shd also be given to men as not becum slave but always judge with fair eyes….but the writers think this is not his mistake…having wife naturally makes him slave and there is nothing wrong with it…La haula wala Quwata illa billah
It’s like mother in laws have set a status for themselves with almost 9 out of 10 marriages. It is really bad and I make dua that this changes or people change there mindsets of thinking. We do not have to hurt one another or another person. Its usually a reflection of the hurtful persons own inner emotion or torment that they ill treat the next. Astaghfirullaah. May Allah SWT place contentment in their hearts
Asalam alaikum,
It is surprising to come across this article now as I am going thru a crisis in my life caused by the difficult relationship with my mum in law. I understand that the daughter in laws could cause a problem by getting possessive about their husbands and trying to save them just for themselves while forgetting that their husband is a son first.
I got married while telling myself that I need to remember that as well. But I know that my mum-law is getting very competitive and while I am her daughter’s age she is trying to compete with me in every single thing and now its getting disturbing. Now that I am trying to ignore all of those efforts she has became very aggressive by attacking me verbally and insulting me and my family conveniently when no one is around. This has really affected me and is now affecting my relationship with the rest of in laws and with my husband. I am scared for myself as now we have a child. I ask Allah for help and now I have started a mum-in law Journal where I write the abuse which I am hearing everyday from her. It is helpful.It helps me channel my anger and not to take it out on my poor husband. I have told him too about the situation but there is lil the poor guy could do. So I really turn to Allah and ask Him to help me in this situation.
To the Writer/ Pure Matrimony,
There is a solution to this problem! and that is the Husband must learn to keep the relationship between his mother and wife in a good and stable form. The best thing to do is for the husband to talk with his mother from the beginning and tell her how much he respects her, and try to clear any illusions she might have in the future, but mention the fact that she is his mother and her daughter in law will be his Wife! that he loves and respects both of them as much as they are supposed to be loved and respected because they are two different people taking two very distinct positions/roles/statuses in his life.
The husband must obey his mother, and the daughter in law must obey her husband ONLY if what’s commanded does not harm the daughter in law. ONLY if it is ethical, and the wife must respect her mother in law, but should also be consulted to make sure she and her family is respected and treated well like a human being.
Боже(swt) clearly describes it in the Quran:
“О ти, хто вірить! obey Allah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم), and those of you (мусульмани) who are in authority. (І) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم), if you believe in Allah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.” (4:14)
“(58) And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do. ” (29:58)
-So torturing his wife/daughter in law/ or any human being is unacceptable in islam, therefore if the husband keeps hurting his wife because his mother is telling him, then it would be associating others with Allah(swt) NOT following Allah(swt), astaghfirullah.
To the wife, she must understand that her husband has other things to do rather than sit at home and solve arguments. She must understand that her mother in law will never be able to treat her as good like she is treating her mother in law, because her mother in law is OLD and she has more health/psychological problems to take care. So just like we take care of children when they’re young, we should also take care of our elders as it says in Quran that old people become as weak as children. The Daughter in law must have a lot of patience to begin with. The husband must also talk to his wife to explain his mothers situation. If he says it in a loving way, she will work harder to get more and more of his love. The husband must also understand that the way he treats his wife’s family members is how his wife should treat his mother/family. If he doesn’t like that type of treatment then he should start being nice to his wife’s family members.
З повагою,
Sociologist 8)
Asalamualaikum,
Hi am Faranaz and i will get marid soon In Shaa Allah in December.
And i want to know one thing, i really want to choose my kitchen items and some thing for my room and i told my fiance.My Mum in law passed away 2 years ago and i do not know her.
Now My sister in law want to select all the thing that i need and i really do not want that. and by stressing like that my blood had drop down and i was ill and still on medication. In really want to live in a love and peace relationship but i want to chose my own thing. Every time i told my fiance i want something (which happen rarely) they will try to convince him that this is not good or the color does not suit.
To be frank my fiancee really love me a lot and he try to be patience with us and it is me who has no back up every time.
I want to be a good wife and a good sister in law.
Будь ласка, допоможи мені.
Kruda Hafiz
Вітаю,
Now tht this has been brought up i want to know what can be done about one very irritating, jealous, obsessed mother in law, who cant stand me n is constantly backbiting abt me for 7 років зараз. All i could do is stay out of her way. I hear her talkin abt me almost everyday , shes someone who constantly loves gainin sympathy of anyone she gets by telling people tht no one gives a shit abt her. Is this my fault tht she never liked me in the first place , n slowly n gradually not a single member in my husbands family talk to me because of this image ruining habit of her? I have stopped talkin to her and stay in my portion cuz i have tried everythin i could in the previous years but she is so truely obsessed with wat i do, why i go out with her son, why we are happy, how many grocery packets we bring. She has convinced ppl around tht we are having a beautiful life while she is rotting, thou u can understand tht is not the case. I just dont stand her now…sorry to say..i just dont know how to solve this. Currently i am emotionally n mentally disturbed..i also have a 3 years old son.