"Yes, He is Our Husband"- A Second Wife

Post Rating

Rate this post

By Pure Matrimony -

Source : OnIslam.net

Based on the author’s request, names and personal details are withheld to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

We are like a set of scales – the three of us, my husband, his first wife, and me as the weighing plates – because it is we who keep our husband in the balance!

In this way our happiness lies in each other’s good works, care and love and so is constantly reinforced, because a good wife protects her husband from wrong doing.

K has many names for me – all depending on what role she is playing. Sometimes I am her daughter, sometimes her sister, sometimes she calls me by my professional title, sometimes a scholar but always a friend.

I know whenever I achieve anything she will be the most proud of what her sister has done and so I always tell my husband “Please don’t tell K I want to tell her myself” because I love to see the joy on her face .

Like a child I want her approval and as a woman I want her to share my success as only another woman can understand.

We have many names for our husband too, when we talk about individual needs and rights, we say ‘My husband’; when we talk to family and friends he is ‘Our husband;’ and when he is in trouble he is ‘Your husband!’

I wonder if there is something wrong in the way we are because it seems so unusual to love one’s husband’s other wife so much. But no matter how we try to formalize our relationship and protect it through distance, Allah brings us closer together.

My Father and My Husband’s First Wife

Here my father is our greatest supporter with the joy and happiness he feels at our sisterhood. Whenever we speak, he will always ask me first “How is your sister” and then “How is your husband?”

I am so proud of him, that in his old age he is able to support us in this blessed Sunnah in a way which no one except a father’s concern for his daughter’s happiness can understand and he tells me “She is also my daughter” and I feel so happy that he thinks in this way.

My father is always a just person, reminding us to be good to each other. He laughs out loud when I tell him my husband is in trouble with K because of something he has said to upset me.

My father always makes du`aa’ for my husband’s first wife. I feel it is his du`aa’ that has made this relationship so special. K believes this too because she regularly tells me she prays for my parents – as I pray for hers.

It is unusual for me to have a conversation these days without mentioning her.

Indeed, one day I was telling a friend that my husband was on holiday with my sister K; my friend was rather disturbed that I had allowed my husband to go away with my sister. I quickly explained she was his wife and my friend laughed shaking her head, “You talk about her so much I thought she was your actual sister I never realized she was your husband’s first wife!”

I have often just sat and watched K’s face while she is working or sharing her life with me or shouting at her children and I feel in awe of her. She is so careful and cautious, yet so carefree and relaxed. She is so focused, yet so impulsive. She is so thoughtful, wise and so concerned.

She is My Teacher

It’s true to say that she, along with many of my friends, has taught me how to be a wife and has protected my marriage as much as her own but within the appropriate boundaries.

She is possessive over me when I am upset, she encourages me when I want to do things in my life and she is severe with me when I want to give up – she is always there for me. I love whenever I make du`aa’ for her and her husband to be together in this life and in the Hereafter how she always says “With you.”

I have often wished that my mother – were she alive – could have met K and that I had known her when I was younger. Not because she is my husband’s other wife but because she is in herself a remarkable woman.

One day at a party K and I were talking and I was wearing a ring of my mother’s which I took off and gave to K, with tears in her eyes she took it and put it on her finger. I notice how often when I come to visit or we go out together she especially puts it on.

We Enjoy Freedom

Of course we are clear with our boundaries and we agree that we should each feel the freedom to be husband and wife within the boundaries of our religion.

Yes, we live our own lives, we have our privacy with our husband but we cherish our own sisterhood equally. We do our utmost to protect our relationship from our husband and friends as much as we do for our individual marriages.

Of course when we are together, we do not cross the Islamic boundaries of conversation about our personal relationship with our husband. Both practically and psychologically there is clear boundary.

The only sadness that K and I share is about those women who feel unhappy that we are so close, who feel threatened at our example fearing that if their husbands may see us happy, worry that they will also take their right and re- marry. This is the sad state of sisterhood for some Muslim women – who fear harm by their own lack of faith, so start the (co –wife) relationship by harming first.

They forget that while they have power over the other wife they lose respect in the eyes of their husband and clearly do not fear Allah swt. But K and I agree that a good friend is one who is happy when you do good whatever that is and no matter who it affects.

I could write many pages about all K has done for me. I was a stranger in the land in which I was married and I can not count all the times she has been there for me, all the times she has supported me against her own friends, all the times she has just cared, put her arm around me and wiped my tears and enjoyed my laughter.

I need only sneeze and she will send me a remedy for flu. I need only sound sad and she will come and see me or shout at my husband for me! I will only mention I am tired and she will volunteer one of her children to come and ‘serve’ me as she puts it. My husband and I call her Mudirah (Director) – a perfect title for her because with her energy and love she organizes us all..

When we were married I said to my husband that I hope when you marry me you will appreciate what a wonderful wife you already have and I hope that in my presence you will realize this about her – I think K has – without need and without doubt – proved this to be true.

I feel in many respects more fulfilled in my marriage because of her – as a woman she knows what women face, the challenges, the expectations and injustices and she is always there fighting my corner, no matter who the opponent.

She is in my mind throughout the day as we live our own lives and when I pray I wonder if she has prayed and when I clean I wonder if she is cleaning also and I picture her busy in her home all day with jobs and children.

She tells me when she prays she thinks the same and when she eats always sets aside some food for me before her husband and children to send to me when my husband comes. She does not know how many times she has had my heart’s du`aa’ for feeding me over the time we have known each other. Her reason is she says, because “I will have to account to Allah on the Last day for how I treated my sister.”

For me, this is Iman (faith).

It is truly a miracle from Allah when one wife can say that one of the greatest blessings of her marriage is her husband’s other wife.

May Allah bless My K., Allah protect her, raise her in honor, grant her endless peace and happiness with her husband and keep them both for each other; and most of all keep her for me.

________________________________________
Source : OnIslam.net

25 Comments to "Yes, He is Our Husband"- A Second Wife

  1. After reading the whole i said myself “Is this true!!!!!!!!”
    Masha Allah!!!! I am unable to express my feelings of respect for such woman.
    Truely,they deserve to be rewarded in hereafter :’)

  2. bint Suheil

    After reading this, I came to the realization of how low my state of eemaan truly is. It takes a very pious, strong, patient, and a complete woman in every sense to accept with such open arms and heart your husband’s other wife/wives. A very inspiring article Alhumdulillah. Whether a woman has to deal with this circumstance or not is irrevelant, the level of eemaan a woman needs to have is the important issue at hand. One has to share their husband, whether with his other wife/wives or his aged mother. The same level of patience and sincerity is needed. May Allah grant all the believing sisters the highest state of eemaan, aameen. Jazzakum Allahu Khairen for the aritcle.

  3. Abstract_Hijabi

    Assalamu alekoum sis,
    Thank you for this lovely article, it literally has me in tears thinking about the state of my eaman. I am, insha’allah about to embark on my second marriage and was planning to enter a “right of divorce” into the marriage contract if my husban takes additional wives without my knowledge or consent. Now you have me questioning my level of faith and trust and the true nature of relationships and our role as women, wives, and sisters. May Allah guide me to what is right. Ameen.

  4. It is important for the husband himself to realize wife/wives are not just for fulfilling his lust, but he need to fulfill his obligations and obedience to Allah the Exalted.

  5. Unusual….! MAshaAllah!!! 🙂
    cant say anything… and seriosly cant yet understand it as well…

    its a Miracle of Allah… A Blessing… thats all I can say

  6. Salam, this is inspiring. I am short of words. This beautiful family is a model of how Allah(swt) planned muslim marriages. But so many factors has changed this, Men are so selfish nowadays as they marry women to satisfy their lust and they don’t really care for their wives. Once they bring a new wife in they abandon the old ones.
    These action brings confusion to the home. Every member of the family starts fighting for the attention of their husbands. In Africa where I come from so many diabolic means will be employed to achive this.
    As a result of this, women in Africa finds it difficult to trust the other women in their husband’s life.
    May Allah help us to increase our iman(ameen).

  7. MasyaAllah, a beautiful one. I hope that the 1st wife can actually share her thoughts about sharing her husband; how she actually accepts her “sister” into their married life. This maybe can help muslim women to understand their role better as a wife.

  8. I just wanted to comment and say 1 simple thing;

    Thank you very much for sharing your experience and knowledge.
    What I know now after reading this is priceless. May Allah bless you&her, guide you&her, do whats best for you&her and grant you&her Al-Jhannat, InshAllah with your family as well, ameen.

  9. While thinking this is extraordinary in itself, and admiring it somehow, i could never be one of the wives. i need to be the only one. i know it’s sunnah and Qur’an to marry up to 4 wives…but i cannot understand this. women have much bigger hearts than men when it comes to love, and yet we can only truly love 1. so how can men love more?! sure, being the only one doesn’t automatically mean love…i personally couldn’t…it is my right to expect from my future husband to have me and me alone. i could never perform my duties to him according to islam in a triangle or more.

    • i agree with you sister Andreea. i was crying all the way while reading this article, not because of the realisation of how weak my Imaan may be compared to them, but because of the mere thought of sharing my husband with another woman. i cannot imagine my husband having the same relationship with another woman as he would with me, the thought completely breaks my heart. women indeed are emotional beings and are more in need of love and attention from men than men do from women. i even feel depressed simply being around his family members because it makes me feel ignored, neglected, or that i’m not getting enough attention. so how can i ever accept another woman taking half the attention i’m supposed to be receiving? it would kill me. i’d rather die than have that ever happen to me. may Allah protect me from this ever happening to me. ameen.

  10. MashaAllah! This, from my experience is not typical, although it would be amazing if it could be the example for 2nd or multiple marriages. I, myself, am a second wife. My husband’s first wife is from an arranged marriage to his cousin. She, his first wife, is 13 years younger than me, which is also not typical. My relationship with my husband’s first wife is rocky, at best. She does not want to share him and consistently insults me to him and his family. His family does not support this decision for this second marriage recently (when his mother objected to his decision two of this sisters have shunned me as well, whereas we used to get along quick well), which fuels the first wife’s hatred (her word, not mine) of me, and her concerns of how her daughter will be treated in the near future as I am pregnant currently.

    InshaAllah multiple marriages will be more like this and women will be more respectful and accepting towards one another.

    • But why did she agreed to him marrying you in the first place?? women do have the right to object. and how is this marriage in truth?! it seems to me that this man enjoys a nice life at the expense of your feelings, both of you. i hope i am wrong. why did you agree to marry him? i can never understand this. and i know Allah knows best, but i cannot see the logic behind it, as many many women feel like this, and they can never have peace of mind, or be good muslims. all this so that man are not sexually bored? maybe it’s more than just this….i do not know, nor can i comprehend…Allah knows best

  11. June Zainal Abidin

    Should I say I am blessed? honored ? to have met and befriended a couple (husband and wife) where there is also a first wife in the picture. And the three do have a very good and happy relationship, just as in this story. Hmmm….. could it be them?

  12. MashaAllah. What an inspiring story. inshaAllah i cn do also like that to my co wife. nw i m thinking my imaan is not strong enough cos i never accept before. but after reading this story i realise our husband is only in dunya (here on earth). the true life is jannah. May Allah bless n guide us all. Ameen

  13. Even though I’m a Muslim woman, I can never understand this kind of polygamy. I’m sad reading this article because I have empathy, sympathy and take pity on these two wives. I can’t share my husband with anyone, being first or second wife, it doesn’t matter. Only knowing that husband’s love, attention, care are with someone’s else. Why men are so ego that they can’t satisfy with one woman and be loyal to the spouse while we, women can settle down with one husband. I don’t get it at all. If women don’t need to depend on men for financial support then we don’t need this kind of situatons, I think. Please Muslim sisters, get educated, work and stand on your own feet. I’m married myself and if he wants other wife, I want divorce and my life will be peaceful living alone. We come to this world alone and we’ll die alone. I have Allah in my life. That’s enough.

  14. This is indeed inspiring! I would however advise everyone of us to realize that polygamy is a sunnah of d prophet of Islam, just like nikah is, and whoever rejects any part of the sunnah of Islam needs to re-examine his or her Islam. The prophet even said that whoever turns away from his sunnah, is not part of his ummah! We cannot know what is best for ourselves more than the Almighty Allah, Who created us.
    We may desire not to be part of a polygamy, but we’re not allowed to actively work against a well-established sunnah of the prophet, however unpalatable it may “seem” to us! The bad experiences some people may have in polygamy is not enough to discredit it, just like the bad experiences some people have in monogamy is not enough to reject it. If polygamy were meant for a short period and not to be later practised, then it would have been treated the way the temporary marriage (nikah mu’tah) was treated was treated i.e. temporary permission during the prophet’s time.
    The important thing for us as muslims is to always do the right thing and strive to play our part wherever we find ourselves; we should remember as the Qu’ran says our spouses, children wealth and every other thing we have been given are trials (fitnah) for us. As we play our part honorably, may Allah enable us to succeed in this world and hereafter, aameen.

  15. MuslimGirl

    Masha’Allah..so inspiring..
    i wish i could wish everyone be like them!
    contact you..Masha’Allah..

  16. MuslimGirl

    Masha’Allah..so inspiring..
    i wish i could contact you..Masha’Allah..
    I wish everyone be like them!

  17. Asalam alaikam, that moved my heart as i am trying to find a sister in marriage, im a 1st wife and a revert. I want for all my sisters in Islam to be happy. women are jealous by nature, and you can get over this by thinking and acting with an Islamic heart and mind. Not as certain Muslims today with a European/Worldly mind. Think about the Hereafter and your Deen, this life is only temporary! And if there are others that disagree with ‘polygamy’ then they should take it back to Allah and the Sunnah! May Allah guide us all! Ameen.

  18. Amatullah Abdullah

    This is so beautiful سُبْحَانَ اللَّه
    I shared it with all my brothers and sisters. My sincere dua is that Allah grant all of us the love and closeness that these two sisters share and of course to meet them just to hug them and learn so much more from them. May Allah grant them barakah and everlasting happiness in the gardens of jannah آمين يا رب العالمين

  19. Yes it was recommended by allah(swt) practised by SAW the sahabahs etc.mashallah jealousy was exhibited in the house of SAW by the most pious women.
    Pologmy is nt recomended 4 every man even allah attached a strict condition to it.and we shouldn’t 4get that allah created us differently so some can’t stand a second wife in as much as the try be.some of the men take the woman that stood by them for granted by taking a second wife.think about being married for 25-50yrs where the woman is the one that take care of the family almost those years just out of the blues he became an overnight suceess and the best gift he could ever give you is a second wife without thinking about all you give him. Those years is this the way allah ordaained our muslims husbands to behave?have you had crime of passion?muslim men should follow the sunnah accordingly and the will be blessed with a soulmate kindness beget kindness gratitude and compassion are part of man.these things are real not stranger than fiction unless you had the experience you won’t know the trauma some women go through in the name of islam permit him his is right I have been there before and I know. What it is he who wear the shoes knows where it hurts.let’s not judge others because you don’t know why

  20. Salaam. Beautiful article mashaAllah. Im a divoerced woman with 1 child. I have been approached by a man who wants me as his second wife.i am so confused as i dont want his first wife to get hurt. I would want to live in harmony with her,not as a competitor but as a friend and a sister. But im scared of what the society will say about me. Please advise me my brother and sister. JazakaAllah

    • Sister, you are not doing anything wrong and you should focus on your own happiness and be more concerned with what Allah thinks of you rather than what people will say about you. People always like to talk about someone until something new comes along and then they start gossiping about that – you can’t live your life in fear of others, because that’s no life at all. And remember that it’s MUCH harder for a sister to get married if she has kids, so if a brother has come along and is sincere in taking you as a wife and fulfilling your rights, there is no shame in it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

×

Check Out Our New Mobile App!!

Muslim Marriage Guide Mobile Application