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Nipasẹ Iyawo funfun - May, 12th 2013

Onkọwe: YasminMogahed

“And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, Ó sì fi ìfẹ́ àti àánú sí àárin yín; nitõtọ, ninu iyẹn ni awọn ami wa fun awọn eniyan ti wọn n ronu.” (Islam ko gba oju-iwoye ti o wọpọ ni awujọ alailesin iwọ-oorun pe ṣaaju igbeyawo a nireti ọdọmọkunrin lati, 30:21)

Gbogbo wa ti ka ẹsẹ yii lori ainiye awọn ikede igbeyawo. Ṣugbọn melo ni o ti ṣe deede? Melo ninu igbeyawo wa ni ife ati aanu ti Allah se apejuwe gan-an? Kini aṣiṣe nigba ti ọpọlọpọ awọn igbeyawo wa ti n pari ni ikọsilẹ?

According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, onkowe ti Love & Ọwọ: The Love She Julọ Ifẹ; Ọ̀wọ̀ Tí Ó Nílò Tó Ń Bójú Tó, idahun si rọrun. Ninu iwe re, Eggerichs ṣalaye pe iwadi ti o jinlẹ ti rii pe iwulo akọkọ ti ọkunrin ni fun ọwọ, nigba ti obinrin akọkọ iwulo ni fun ife. He describes what he calls the “crazy cycle”—the pattern of argumentation that results when the wife does not show respect and the husband does not show love. He explains how the two reinforce and cause one another. Ni gbolohun miran, when a wife feels that her husband is acting unloving, she often reacts with disrespect, which in turn makes the husband act even more unloving.

Eggerichs argues that the solution to the “crazy cycle” is for the wife to show unconditional respect to her husband and for the husband to show unconditional love to his wife. This means that a wife should not say that first her husband must be loving before she will show him respect. Nipa ṣiṣe bẹ, she will only bring about more unloving behavior. And a husband should not say that first his wife must be respectful before he will show her love. Nipa ṣiṣe bẹ, he will only bring about more disrespectful behavior. The two must be unconditional.

When I reflected on this concept, I realized that looking at the Qur’an and prophetic wisdom, there are no two concepts more stressed with regards to the marital relationship.

“Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of women.” (Bukhari & Musulumi)

He has further stressed: “The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; ati pe ẹni ti o dara julọ ninu yin ni awọn ti o huwa rere si awọn iyawo wọn.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

Anabi ﷺ tun ti sọ, “Okunrin onigbagbo ko gbodo korira obinrin onigbagbo; ti o ba korira ọkan ninu awọn abuda rẹ, inú rẹ̀ yóò dùn sí ẹlòmíràn.” (Musulumi)

Allah wipe: “...Ba wọn gbe ni inurere. Nítorí tí ẹ bá kórìíra wọn, bóyá ẹ kórìíra ohun kan, Allāhu sì ṣe ohun rere púpọ̀ nínú rẹ̀.” (Islam ko gba oju-iwoye ti o wọpọ ni awujọ alailesin iwọ-oorun pe ṣaaju igbeyawo a nireti ọdọmọkunrin lati, 4:19)

Ninu awọn ohun-ọṣọ ti ọgbọn wọnyi, a rọ awọn ọkunrin lati jẹ oninuure ati ifẹ si awọn iyawo wọn. Jubẹlọ, a rọ̀ wọ́n láti gbójú fo àṣìṣe aya wọn nígbà tí wọ́n bá ń fi inú rere àti ìfẹ́ yẹn hàn.

Ti a ba tun wo lo, nigbati o ba n ba iyawo sọrọ, idojukọ yatọ. Kilode ti a ko sọ fun awọn obirin leralera lati jẹ aanu ati ifẹ si awọn ọkọ wọn? Boya o jẹ nitori ifẹ ainidiwọn tẹlẹ wa nipa ti ara si awọn obinrin. Few men complain that their wives do not love them. But many complain that their wives do not respect them. And it is this sentiment which is most stressed in the Qur’an and sunnah, with regards to wives.

Respect can be manifest in a number of ways. One of the most important ways to show respect is the respect of one’s wishes. When someone says, “I respect your advice,” they mean “I will follow your advice.” Respecting a leader, means doing what they say. Respecting our parents means not going against their wishes. And respecting one’s husband means respecting his wishes. The Prophet ﷺ has said: “When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband, it is said to her: “Wọ Párádísè láti inú àwọn ilẹ̀kùn rẹ̀ tí o bá fẹ́.” [At-Tirmidhi]

Kilode ti a fi sọ fun wa gẹgẹbi awọn obirin lati bọwọ ati tẹle awọn ifẹ ti awọn ọkọ wa? O jẹ nitori awọn ọkunrin ni a fun ni iwọn afikun ti ojuse. Allah wipe: “Awọn ọkunrin ni awọn aabo ati awọn olutọju [agbara mi] ti awọn obirin, nítorí pé Allāhu ti fún Åni náà sí i [agbara] ju ekeji lọ, ati nitoriti nwọn ṣe atilẹyin fun wọn lati ọwọ wọn . . .” (Islam ko gba oju-iwoye ti o wọpọ ni awujọ alailesin iwọ-oorun pe ṣaaju igbeyawo a nireti ọdọmọkunrin lati, 4:34)

Ṣùgbọ́n ṣé ọ̀wọ̀ àìdánilójú yìí sí ọkọ ẹni kì yóò fi wá sí, bi obinrin, ninu alailera, ipo tẹriba? Ṣe a ko ni ṣeto ara wa lati ni anfani ati ilokulo? Oyimbo awọn ilodi si. Al-Qur’an, apẹẹrẹ asotele, ati paapaa iwadi ti ode oni ti fihan ni idakeji gangan. Bí obìnrin ṣe ń bọ̀wọ̀ fún ọkọ rẹ̀ tó, bí ìfẹ́ àti inú rere yóò ṣe pọ̀ tó. Ati ni otitọ, diẹ sii aibọwọ ti o fihan, bẹ́ẹ̀ ni ó túbọ̀ ń le sí i tí kò sì nífẹ̀ẹ́ sí.

Bakanna, ọkunrin kan le beere idi ti o fi fi inurere ati ifẹ han si paapaa iyawo alaibọwọ. Lati dahun ibeere yi, ọkan nilo lati wo apẹẹrẹ Omar Ibn ul-Khattab nikan. Nigbati okunrin kan wa si Omar (eniti o je Khalifah nigba naa) lati kerora iyawo re, o gbọ iyawo Omar tikararẹ nkigbe si i. Lakoko ti ọkunrin naa yipada lati lọ kuro, Omar pè e pada. Ọkunrin naa sọ fun Omar pe o wa lati kerora ti iṣoro kanna ti Omar funrarẹ ni. Lati eyi Omar dahun pe iyawo rẹ farada fun u, fọ aṣọ rẹ̀, nu ile re, jẹ ki o ni itunu, ó sì ń tọ́jú àwọn ọmọ rẹ̀. Ti o ba ṣe gbogbo eyi fun u, báwo ni kò ṣe lè fara mọ́ ọn nígbà tí ó gbé ohùn rẹ̀ sókè?

Itan yii pese apẹẹrẹ ẹlẹwa fun gbogbo wa—kii ṣe fun awọn ọkunrin nikan. Itan yii jẹ apejuwe ti ko ni idiyele ti ifarada ati sũru, eyi ti o jẹ pataki fun eyikeyi aseyori igbeyawo. Jubẹlọ, ro ?san l^hin fun awQn ?niti o ni suuru: Allah wipe, “Awọn ti wọn ṣe suuru nikan ni wọn yoo gba ẹsan wọn ni kikun laisi iṣiro (tabi iwọn).” (Islam ko gba oju-iwoye ti o wọpọ ni awujọ alailesin iwọ-oorun pe ṣaaju igbeyawo a nireti ọdọmọkunrin lati, 39:10)