與孩子推理

One of my most inspiring moments as a parent came, as these things often do, completely randomly. I was at a boot fair looking at something I can’t remember and a mother strolled past with her two boys. They looked about eight and ten and spotted a scooter they liked the look of. They pleaded with their mum to buy it and I expected her to make one of two choices – say “yes” or “no”. In fact she did something completely different.

She asked them to consider if they really needed a new scooter bearing in mind the toys they had at home. She explained the cost and what it meant they would have to miss out on instead. I was impressed; she laid out the options and asked them to think for themselves. I was impressed by the boys answer too. The older boy decided that he didn’t really need it that much and didn’t think his mum should spend that much.

I loved that she gave him the chance to think for himself and he was reasonable in his response. Over the years, her approach has been one I refer to when dealing with my children often. If my children want something, we discuss the cost, what it means in terms of the budget for the week (IE. if we get this toy, then we can’t have lunch together in town on the weekend) and any implications – “if you are going to get it, tell me where you will put it and how you will look after it?”

老實說，有時候，短期內更容易的選擇就是說“是”或“否”. 讓他們發牢騷，然後忘記. 或屈服和花錢你負擔不起, 關於您不需要的事情, 知道您正在設定不良先例 – 但是至少你得到了五分鐘的和平.

試圖與孩子推理需要更多的工作. 它需要父母的正念，以及您的孩子將做出一個好的決定並強調您的觀點的信任程度.

但是經常做到這一點, 它已經開始成為解釋選擇並要求孩子做出決定的習慣. 它要求他們了解金錢不是無限的, 您可以花一筆錢，不再 (與我七歲的兒子多年來不了解問題是什麼, 當然，因為“銀行在完成卡後才在您的卡中投入更多的錢”). 它還要求他們將需求放在整個家庭所需的背景下 - 即. 如果你花錢, 週末，我們不會有錢去旅行.

另一方面，如果我給他們選擇, 我必須相信他們是合理的. 我必須冒險，他們只會繼續詢問他們想要什麼. 這意味著我必須判斷情況是否適合這種方法，或者如果我為某件事做好準備，我只是不想同意. 在這類情況下, 界限是從一開始就設定的 - 我們外出時不要要求喝碳酸飲料, 不要問我帶有一百萬個小零件的洋娃娃，因為您不會得到它們, 不，你不能在上學之夜玩電腦遊戲.

這種方法每次都不起作用, 但是當我們使用它, 我發現有少的抱怨, 和更多的合作. 不是他們 (父母) 和我們 (孩子們) 情況, 但是我們在同一方面. 這也教孩子們談判 – “如果我們做作業, 然後我們可以去計算機嗎”, “如果我整個星期都很好, 那我可以買到看起來像熊貓的羊毛帽子嗎?” (這總是我七歲的, 當我告訴他一些事情太貴了 - 我總是必須向他解釋說他應該一直都很好).

因此，我感謝在適當時刻來教您的偶然時刻. 當我們互相諮詢並分享我們的經驗時，我們是更好的父母.

純婚

....熟能生巧

文章作者-Aaila-穆斯林家庭雜誌 – Pure Matrimony 帶給您的- www.purematrimony.com – 世界上最大的穆斯林修行婚姻服務中心.

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