Na Cava Era Vakasaqara na Tamata Musucu Ena Dua na Yalewa Vakawati

Mai vei Veiwatini Savasava - Veverueri, 1iMatai 2012

Na cava era vinakata dina na tagane Muslim mai vua e dua na yalewa? Na cava era cakava
vakasaqara na?
Na cava era dau taleitaka kina? …Na cava era sega ni vakarorogo kina?

Insha'Allah eda na tovolea me da kila se cava sara mada na tagane Muslim
vakasaqara na watina, kei na cava na vuna, vakawasoma, era sega ni taura.

*Veivaqaqai: e vuqa vei ira oqo era mai na veimataqali Islamic
vakadidike kei na macala ni vakadidike. Oqo e sega ni vakadeitaki se
e yaga vei ira na tamata kecega, ia e dua na ivakatagedegede. Na ulutaga lalai kece e
me tauri me idusidusi raraba. Eso na lewena e uabula
iyaya.
Kakua ni kaya ni'u a sega ni vakasalataki iko.

Bismillahi'Rahmani'Raheem. Ena yaca ni Kalou, taucoko
Yalololoma, vakauasivi na Yalololoma.

Tekivu mai na nona vakamau kilai levu na Parofita Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم
ivakatagedegede, a kaya o koya:
“E va na vuna e vakamau kina e dua na yalewa, i.k., nona iyau, nona
ituvaki ni matavuvale, na nona totoka kei na nona yalodina. Sa dodonu mo vakawati
na yalewa savasava kevaka e sega o na druka (na ligamu ena
me ubi ena kuvu ni soso).” Tukuna o Abu Huraira, e Sahih Al-
Bukhari & Lotu Vaka-Lotu (iVola 62:27, Vakamau)
{Read more of the Holy Marriage Criteria on MUSLIMNESS}

Me da voroka sobu na hadith oqo.
1) IYAU » E ciqomi ka vakayaloqaqataki ena Islamic
itovo vakavanua me vakawatitaka e dua e tautauvata na nona bula vakailavo
itukutuku. Era vakawati kece na tamata kei ira na luvedra yalewa vutuniyau na daunibisinisi
Na gauna. E dina ga ni sa matau me rogoci oya ena Ceva
Na tagane ni veimatanitu mai Esia/Aferika era dau vakasaurarataki ira na nanamaki watina kei na
nodra matavuvale me baleta na iyautalei levu kei na so tale, e sega sara ga ni rawa ni dua na Muslim
na tagane ena vakawati baleta ga ni sa vutuniyau dukadukali na watina mai muri. O Koya
ena tiko ga na nona ilavo, e sega ni vakasaqara tiko e dua na ilavo maroroi vata
akaude. Na iyau e dua na veisau levu; na kaukauwa, madigi,
veivakarerei vei ira eso (me kena ivakaraitaki kevaka e levu cake na ilavo e rawata e dua na yalewa), ia
Na iyau dina e sega ni laurai. Se vakacava sara na levu ni dua na yalewa se o koya
family earns doesn't reflect on what are real Muslim men
vakaraica.

2) ITUVAKI » Ena gauna ni Parofita صلى الله عليه وسلم na ituvaki ni gauna a
wasei ki na rua.
1) “Nasab”, kena ibalebale na ivotavota kei na kawa. Me vakataki ira ga na yalewa
nuitaka me vakamau ki na 'dua na matavuvale vinaka', Era taleitaka na tagane Muslim na vakasama ni
vakamau ki na dua na 'matavuvale lotu’ – semati vua e dua na yalewa
na nona matavuvale e tiko na nona itavi dodonu ka o koya sara ga
dodonu ena bula savasava. 2) Na mataqali kawa tale e dua na “Hasab”, na
na veika era sa cakava na qase e kilai tani kina na veika e rawa ni yaco
itokani. “iVakatagedegede” vei ira na Muslim ena gauna oqo e rawa ni kena ibalebale
kilai levu, veidokai, Rogo se rawa-ka. E rawa ni da
cakitaka ni sega ni vakaibalebale vei keda na ivakatagedegede ni veimaliwai, ia e tiko e dua na
duidui ni vakawati na luvena yalewa e dua na dauteitei kei na
luvena yalewa e dua na parofesa, se dua na marama dauteitei ka
e dua tale na parofesa. E vuqa na tagane Muslim era sega ni vakayagataka
itutu me ivakarau ni rawa-ka vei ira era rawa ni vakawati ia era cakava
dau raica ena vuku ni rogorogo kei na veivakayarayarataki. Tagane
ena raica na nona cakacaka e dua na marama ena gauna oqo ena ivakarau ni nona rawa ni
itovo ena nodra bula vakawati se susugi ira cake na luvedra mai muri. IQ kei na
E okati kina na itovo ni bula. Oqo e vakamacalataki vakavinaka cake e ra
(raica na: iVakarau ni bula).

3) TOTOKA » Oqo, me baleti ira na tagane, vakawatitaka e dua me baleta na nona totoka
“Jamali Ha” sai koya na loloma ena imatai/ikarua/ikatolu ni rai, ka sa
yaco – E dua na vakawati e yavutaki ena irairai, Au tukuna tiko. Se e rawa ni dua na
veivakauqeti titobu ka basikata yani vua “totoka e loma”, kei na
E yaco talega oqo, E dina ga ni cliché. Na cava sara ga
E dau dreta vakalevu e dua na tagane na yalewa. Ia na leqa
here is that Muslim men do not know how to articulate this very
personal criteria appropriately. In the above hadith Prophet
Muhammad ﷺ is telling men that it’s o.k. to be captured by
outward attractions but to not fall in love with the ephemeral
nature of beauty. Initial attractions will be lost with ageing and if
there is no or little appreciation of a woman’s other non-sexual
assets, that marriage will breakdown pretty easily. This is why
women are drawn to a mans’ character first (totoka e loma)
while most men require a visual beauty, that’s packed with
stimulating contents.

4) PIETY » When men say they are looking for “religious”
wives they each refer to very different attributes. They might
mean simple women who don’t wear bright colours or follow
fads; e rawa ni vagolei vei ira na marama era sega ni vakanamata ki na
vuravura vakayago “dunya”, ia na veika e yaco ni oti na mate “Akhirah”; e vakakina
e rawa ni kena ibalebale e dua na marama sa vakacavara oti na nona 5 Na yavu taumada
duru ni vakabauta se dua ga e daramaka na combo taucoko ni H'N'J:
Hijab-Niqab-Jilbab. Se kena ibalebale beka na veika kece e cake.
Na ka dina, Era sega ni kila na tagane me vakamatatataka vakacava na nodra gagadre vakalotu-
lisi. Se tiko ga, era nuitaka tiko e dua na marama e semati vua na Kalou ena
nona bula e veisiga ena taudaku ni masu, ka vakakina na kena kidava na
ituvaki ni bolebole ni bula. O ira na tagane era dau toqa na deen ni dua na yalewa
vakadodonu ia e sega ni loaloa kei na vulavula me vaka na kena irairai,
ka lesu tale mai ki na totoka e taudaku. Na pakete ena rairai rairai
religious, ia e sega ni veivosakitaki na lomaleqa kei na gagadre,
O na qai raica e muri ni o koya e baleta na siga ni vakamau kei na ivava.

E dua na itukutuku mai vei sh. Yasir Qadhi,
“Na kena kilai vakavinaka na veika dina ni bula kei na veika era cakava na tamata me rawa ni
Vakasisila o iko. Era rawarawa sara na tagane; era sega ni lomaleqataka me vaka
marama, era sega ni vakadikeva se vakasama vakayawa ki liu. Ena taura o koya e dua na
veiwekani me vakadonui. Vei ira na tagane e baleta vakalevu cake na 'cava e rawa ni cakava o koya
cakava vei au?’ Era vinakata na tagane na veiqaravi vakayago mai vei ira na yalewa kei na kena
era duidui bibi – E kaya o koya ni sa ikoya na 'veika e cakava vei au’
ia era na kaya na yalewa 'na ka e vakavuna me'u vakila.’ Ki na
Marama Vakabauta Vaka-Lotu: kakua ni cudruvi se cudru ni sa mai vua na Kalou
buli ni tamata e rawarawa cake ka vinakata na veika e gadrevi taumada.
E dina sara ni gadrevi na veidomoni dredre, ia e sega ni dua na
Na gagadre cecere.”
Na 3Ds: Draiva, Vakadeitaki & Vakatulewa
E dina ga ni sega ni cecere ena nodra lisi, e matata ni ra kunea na tagane e dua na
Na Draiva ni Marama, gugumatua kei na igu totoka ena
e dua na itokani ni bula.

1) DRAIVA. E dua na marama e dau taleitaka na bula e dau levu cake na nona
E dau taleitaki na nona tiko mai vua e dua e tu vakawawa se vakararawataki ena
vucesa. Era raica na tagane na nodra sasaga na yalewa me ivakarau ni nodra ivakarau ni bula. E
Cakacaka, na toso, e vakananumi ira vakataki ira. Ka sega ni
E veivakurabuitaki, O ira na tagane era taleitaka e dua na yalewa ena dua na ituvaki vinaka
ni vakasama.

2) VAKATULEWA. Na gugumatua e dua na ka talei
ka vakaraitaka ni na sega ni soro na marama oqo veitalia se cava na Kalou
viritaki koya. Ena bale o koya. Ia ena tucake o koya. Vata kei na veika dina
instincts me wali ira ga na leqa, E rawa ni vosota na tagane
O ira era kudru (“Na Veivakurabuitaki”) ia e sega ni dua na tamata e soro ena veigauna kece
veivakataotaki.

3) VAKATULEWA. E dua na ivakarau ni bula taleitaki e veisaqasaqa kei na rorogo
bulabula ni vakasama kei na itovo ni bula rawarawa. E nomu
watina me lomaleqa se dauvala? E sega beka ni marau ka yalolailai?
E dau veimaliwai beka kei ira kece? Me vaka na hadith e cake
vakatutu, E totoka sara na matana totoka kei na ituvaki vakalotu,
ia era na sega ni tukuna se rawarawa na nona
veivakalolomataki se vuvu.

Ia oqo, ki na jekelisi.

• iRairai
→ Na Cava Eda Vakaibalebaletaka Na irairai?
Me baleti ira na tagane, E bibi sara na irairai ka vuqa era na vakararavi
(ka sega ni madua) kaya ni ra vinakata e dua era vakayago
taleitaki ki na. Ni tukuna tiko oqori, Era sega ni kauwaitaka na tagane
me baleta na irairai se lomaleqa me vaka na yalewa.

→ iVakasama ni iSulu
Era sega ni namaka na yalewa e dua na veiqaravi mai vua e dua na tagane
irairai – Na nona irairai vinaka e dua na bonisi. Na tagane ena yasana kadua
liga gadreva na vakacegu ni rai, kamikamica ni mata (se cava ga o via kaciva
e vakakina) mai vua e dua na marama Musolomani. E dua na ivakamacala vakamarama ka dokai
veivakadeitaki. Vaka talega kina, e dua na marama e rawa ni 'cakacakataka’ Ena PJ's, e dua na
na apron se lailai e kauta mai e dua na veivakayavalati e gadrevi. Era vakanamata tiko na tagane
vakaraitaki ira na watidra totoka, ka vakakina
maroroya ga vakataki ira na totoka rawarawa. Kevaka e rawa vei ira na tagane, era
ena kaya: Na isulu e dodonu me vakaraitaka na nomu yalodei. Oqo e dua na kisi ni
vakabauta na ka o daramaka.

→ Vakatubukawa, Tudei & Savasava
Na veivakauqeti ni iyaloyalo e dua na ka bibi vei ira na tagane ia oqo
Na irairai e sega walega ni baleta na kena vakasakiti na ibulibuli ni dua na yalewa
se vakacava na levu ni matana. Na irairai e solia e dua na vakasama ni
vakaluventuya, tudei kei na savasava. Era dau dikeva na tagane na isulusulu ni dua na yalewa
vakasama vakalailai ka ra taleitaka na yalewa totoka, ena gauna mada ga
era cakitaka (Vosa ni vosa: 'rawarawa'). Make-up, o ya na, boro ni mata,
e ubia ga na totoka dina e gadreva e dua na tamata: na matadredredre
and sweet perfumes which men like to ‘feel’. Of course it is a
vakadinadina (ivakarau vakaparofita) to dress fantastic for your partner
in crime, but in a woman’s daily single-life attire, men pick up
important information from the ‘real’ woman underneath. Ena
short, Muslim men look at the outside to see whether there’s
natural femininity on the inside.

• Experience & Age
→ Why Age Is A Factor
Now that women are receiving more college degrees than men
according to the US Census, and outperforming in the UK’s
employment sector, men are looking for women who are both
intelligent and educated. Id est: interesting and accomplished.

Age is a direct correlative to sexuality and fertility. While
estrogens (primary female sex hormones) impel women to
choose men who are assertive and powerful, androgens in men
vakadeitaka ni ra vakasaqara na marama gone kei na nodra
Rawa ni vakaluveni.

E dina ni a vinakata o Parofita Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم me levu na noda
gonelalai. “Vakawati ena loloma (Taleitaki) kei na yalewa vakaluveni,” o koya
vakayaloqaqataki ira na nona iTokani, “baleta ni'u vinakata me'u veisisivi kei na
veimatanitu tale eso (na kena levu).” O koya gona na veiyacovi me baleta na vakatubukawa e tiko na kena isau
kei na kena revurevu ki na duavata ni itikotiko raraba. E kaya o Ibn al-Jawzi,
“Veiyacovi (mai vei rau e rua na Muslim yalodina) e kauta mai na veika e vaka na
Imam Ahmad kei Imam Shaf'i […] Mai vua na Kalou! Veiyacovi
ka vakavurea na veika vakaoqo e vinaka cake mai na dua na 1000 veiyabaki ni sokalou.”

Nanamaki me tomana tiko na nodrau kawa, Era vakasaqara na yalewa na tagane Muslim
era sa vakarau tu me ra wasea na itavi vakaitubutubu oqori. Era raica e dua na
na ituvaki ni bula ni yalewa me vaka e dua na ka e yaga vei ira na
Ummah, oqori e rawa ni taura na itavi ni veisusugi vakalailai
Lotu Vaka-Lotu, ka vakarautaka na veiyacovi me buli ira.

→ iYaya Vakaitaukei
Me ikuri ni yabaki ni bula kei na itabagone, Oqo e dua na ka me kilai kina
marama – Era vakasaqara na tamata na ivakarau ni bula nuitaki. Era vinakata na tagane e dua na bula
itokani ka na nuitaki ka yalodina. E dua na yalewa vakawati ena tucake
e yasadrau ka saqata na iwiliwili ni veisere. E vakamacalataka na veika e sotavi
kevaka e rawa vua e dua na yalewa me vatu ni tagane kei na
Oqo e yaco mai ki na kena dikevi na iyaya.

Na tamata kece e tiko na nodra iyaya. Na tamata kece e tarai ena veigauna sa oti
veika sotavi se leqa vata kei na matavuvale se itokani se veimaliwai;
sai koya na icolacola ni yalo ni tamata. Kevaka e dua e kaya ni
sega sara ga ni mavoa, Era vakaitikotiko ena vanua o La-La. Na taro oya
sega ni dua e tiko vua na iyaya, ia na ivakarau ni nona qarava e dua na tamata
nodra iyaya. Vakavo ga ke sa rui bibi me colati. Kevaka e dua na yalewa
lokiloki ena veika e sotava, e sega ni vinaka. Kevaka e rawa ni vosa
me baleta na nona gauna ni gone vakadomobula, Sega ni vinaka na itukutuku ni veimaliwai,
veisere vakaloloma – sa vesuki tu o koya ena veigauna sa oti. E sega ni colata tiko o koya
nona iyaya, e davo koto e rukuna. Tagane: vakasaqara e dua na yalewa
o koya e logavinaka ena nona itukutuku makawa.

Era vinakata na tagane me ra kila eso na ka sa bulia na yalewa
o koya nikua, ia e tiko e dua na ivakarau ni Muslim me wasei
iTukutuku ni tamata yadua ni bera na vakamau. Na Muslim vou ena
Vakabibi ena sotava na vakadidike. E dina ga ni gadrevi me
wasea na itukutuku ni bula kei na veika mosimosi e rawa ni vakaleqai kina na
vakamau, e sega ni dua na icolacola me vakadrota na dina wiwi me baleta na
na veika kece. Na tamata kece e lasu. Era lasu na tagane, lasu na yalewa, se Muslim
se sega. Me vaka e dua na tagane e sega ni rawa ni o taura e dua na itutu ni absolutionist ki na dua na
yalewa e vakatusa e vica na cala. Era vakadinadinataka na marama yalodina na nodra
Na malumalumu.

Era sega ni vinakata na tagane me ra susugi watidra. Era vinakata e dua
o koya sa bulataka e dua na bula ka kila na sala me tokoni koya kina. O ira na tagane – o koya
E dodonu mo kauwaitaka na nomu sasaga dredre kei na sasaga. E dodonu me
Mo nomu dau taleitaka vakalevu duadua ka yalovaka na nomu kuila.

• iVakatakilakila
→ Intellectuality Verses Education
Me baleti ira na tagane, Na vuku kei na qito e rua e gadrevi vakalevu
Na veika vinaka vei ira na yalewa. Na tagane kece e dau taleitaka me dua na watina vuku
o cei e rawa ni vakasalataki koya ka tokoni koya ena veika ni veisiga.
E sega ni tautauvata na vuli kei na vuku. O ira kece na dauvakasama titobu
sega na nodra diqiri ka vuqa na qeretueti ni PhD era sega sara ga ni vakasama
(!) Era dau taleitaka na tagane na yalewa era taleitaka na nodra
vakasama, o cei era taleitaka. E duidui na lako mai ni vuku
fomu – e dua na kila vakasama, vuku ni vakasama, e dua na taledi ni buli,
se dua na vakasama vakasaenisi – E vuqa na vanua e tiko kina
vuku. Era vakasaqara na tagane e dua na yalewa e rawa ni sotavi koya ena nona
ivakatagedegede ni vakasama. E dua na marama taleitaki, o cei e rawa ni bolei
vua ia e sega ni vakamalumalumutaka na veitalanoa kece.

Na itovo e lako mai vua na Kalou kei na itovo ni bula e buli mai na
e vakakina. Era dau taleitaka na tagane na yalewa e tiko na nona bula vakaikoya
ka dola tu me veisaqasaqa. Na sala vinaka duadua me vakatovolei kina e dua na tagane
kevaka e rawa ni vakadidike na itovo ni tamata me vakadidike ni
veimaliwai. Raica na ivakarau ni nomu vakamacalataka na tagane kei na
bula vakayalewa. Eso na tagane era namaka me ra bulataka na yalewa na ivakarau tudei
ivakatakilakila ni itavi vakayalewa. Kevaka e voroka na nomu lawa ni
vakayalewa se vakacudrui koya ena nomu rai, vakasaqara e dua na
yalewa duidui se dikeva tale na nomu inaki. Rigidity e dua na ivakatakilakila ni
sega ni taqomaki.

→ Na Sui Lasa
Na veiwali e bibi cake sara mai na ka era nanuma e vuqa. E dua na turaga
sega ni vakasaqara e dua na 'yalewa lasa’ se dua e tiko vua e dua na 'vinaka’ vakasama ni
Veiwali. E vakasaqara e dua na yalewa e dredrevaka na veika vata ga
e cakava o koya. Eso na tamata era sega ni vosota rawa na sitcoms, eso tale e tiko vei ira e dua na
Vakasokumuna na veiwali ca me baleta na Masjid ni oti na pati. E rawa ni
vakatikitiki ni dua na ilawalawa e vesuki ena lasa ia o sega ni kunea
Na ka o ya e lasa. Sega ni vaka e dua na pariah, o vinakata e dua na
vakilai ni lewena. Na veiwali e dua na isaunitaro rawarawa sara, duatani
mai na tamata ki na tamata ia e kilai vuravura raraba. E dua na turaga
ena kaya “Au dau taleitaka na veidredrevaki”, ka na sauma kina e dua na yalewa, “ki na
na cava? O raica beka ni lasa na veika kece?” Ka veibasai.
• Iyau
→ Marama, Boi Vinaka kei na Masumasu
Na iyau ni dua na yalewa e sega ni tiko ena ka e tu vua, e tiko ena ka e
taqomaki. Islam vakauqeti ira na tagane me ra vakawati kei ira na yalewa
Taqwah (yalosa) baleta ni oqori na ka e dede. Ia,, e dredre
me ra kunea na Muslim na vanua e lomadonu.

E levu na gauna era dau lutu vakasivia na tagane Musolomani. E dua e kaya,
“Au sega ni kauwaitaka na kena irairai, Au vinakata ga e dua na marama daulotu.’ O ira kece
Era kaya oqo na tagane ni Muslim. Na yasana kadua e kaya, “Au vinakata na noqu hijabi
supermodel.” Na ivakaraitaki sega ni matau ni itukutuku me baleti ira na yalewa e tiko kina e dua na
itavi me vakaitavi ena ka oqo. Na retioyaloyalo kei na tabaki e vakavotuya na totoka
dautagane era saumi me ra rairai dravudravua sara ena veisele kei na
Photoshop. O Cindy Crawford mada ga e kaya “Au diva ga me'u vaka na kena irairai
Cindy Crawford!”

Tacina, veitalia na kena totoka na watimu, o na gadreva
E dua tale na ka. Tacori tu ena dua na vuravura ka sega kina na veitemaki
muduka ka vinakata na mata kecega na vuanikau vakatabui, 'Imaan (vakabauta) ena
Na Kalou duadua ga ena vakadeitaka e dua na Muslim.
A kila na gagadre sega ni bokoci rawa oqo o Parofita Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم,
kaya vua e dua e taleitaka e dua tale na yalewa, “Lako vei watimu!
E tu vua na veika e tu vua!” (A note for polygamy, rairai)

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also said:
“Beloved to me from your world are women and pleasant
scents, and my greatest pleasure is in prayer.” (Ycidra)

E Tiko ena Vosa Vakararavi, women are not sexual objects; granted they are
sexual beings, but their sexuality is not for sale or public
property. Men desire women more than women desire men
(read that again). Created with “Rahm”, Compassion, kei na
carrying “ar-rahm”, the womb, women are naturally more family
orientated, closer to Allah and more loving. There is no shame
in being the woman Allah pre-ordained – unpretentious,
dignified, chaste. When Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said he loved
marama, perfume and prayer, he was not separating one from
the other. He included their qualities and their effect upon one
another. A man who marries a woman with taqwah will be
inspired to pray, and therein lies the “greatest pleasure”
because it builds another bridge towards Allah – hence, “veimama
your deen”. By marrying, men therefore gain a means to
protect and express themselves lawfully,
“The Creator requires men to make more effort to reach
(women’s) degree of fitra.” – Abdal-Hakim Murad
• The All Important Connection
When you’re motivated by Allah, things fits into place. Na
Prophet ﷺ said, “The best enjoyment is a righteous wife (se
Liuliu-ni-vale).” There are some things in this world which, ena gauna
benefitting us, we love them. The best coolness for eyes
though is salat (masu). Following up from the point above,
when two people marry with the correct intention and attitude, e vakakina
becomes a rewarding act and brings a peace similar to prayer.
Men being the simple creatures they are however, will forget
what they’re doing.

Three things mistaken for compatibility
1) Sexual attraction – Na leqa ni veivinakati ni veiyacovi sai koya
E dodonu vei ira na veiwatini me ra qaqa kina, ia e sega ni rauta. Me vaka ni sa ikoya na
kaukauwa duadua e rawa ni vaka me sa rauta. Ena itekivu ni dua na
vakawati o sa coriti tu ena meke ni gagadre kei iko
“kiliki” Vakavotukana,. Ni oti e lima na yabaki o sa dabe galugalu ka sarava tu
veitaqomaki ena teveli ni kana ka cakava na du'a e solia vei iko na Kalou
E dua na ka e vinaka cake. Cava na vuna? Baleta ni yavutaki na veiwekani oqori
ena veivinakati ni veiyacovi duadua ga. Kevaka o lade baleta ga ni o
marautaka, O na rairai vakawalena na kuila damudamu. Me vaka na…

2) Veidomoni – me vaka na ilakolako ni waigaga cecere duadua, Na veidomoni e
rerevaki vakabibi vei ira na tagane ena gauna o lutu kina
e dua, o sega ni kauwaitaka ke ra lomani iko lesu. O sasaga tiko ena
na lialia oqo kei na nanuma ni dodonu me ra lomani iko lesu. Kevaka na loloma
e sega ni vakalesui mai, it isn’t a tragedy. Lust is about ‘me’, it’s selfish;
love is about ‘us’ – giving. But a Muslim marriage is ultimately
about Allah – receiving love. Love for dunya and people seems
to carry an approval from the universe: “this person is perfect
ena vukumu, she’s right in every way possible. MARRY HER NOW.”
Being in love carries an illusion of compatibility. But you need to
think with a clearer head to avoid a broken heart as too often,
we fall in love with the wrong people. That feeling of ‘love’
makes us forget what we’re looking for = a partner in crime.
For life.

3) Ideals – Another aspect men mistake for compatiblity is a
dream relationship for himself and his future wife. He wants a
type of relationship based on Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and
Khadija’s marriage, but he doesn’t know what type of woman
he wants. If we analyse the beautiful personality of Khadija we
see she carries 3 top characteristics of many working Muslim
marama: Financial Independence, a managerial position and a
previous marriage. That is not the type of relationship most
men look for – but it is the type of woman our beloved leader
Khadija (ra) was. That’s the difference.

• What Muslim Men Really Need
It’s a large reality bite to swallow but at the crux of the
vakamau, a man is looking for what his wife can do for him,
kei na 4 particular services she can provide. *Women ma women,
put your feminism away, take it as empowerment.

(4) Maintaining a home – Men look for and need a woman who
is adept at household chores. Washing, cooking and cleaning.
These are basic mothering services. Being able to cook
delicious food is what he really expects from his lady love. If he
loves your food, he will love you more. As the saying goes, the
way to a man’s heart is his stomach. Note that for women, the
exact same applies with different effects: men washing dishes
is like physical arousal for women. He’s at home, maintaining
the house together, pulling his weight, women love that effort.
Tagane, get your apron on!

(3) Men look for admiration – They want to be number one,
admired by their wife, respected. A man wants love from a
nagging-free woman. He will hate being told what to do and
what not to do. Respect has to be earned, nonetheless, Lotu Vaka-Lotu
men expect their wives to hold a high regard of them. (Ka sega ni
mention their shortcomings and mistakes – men’s egos are so
large they have postal codes).

(3) Being left alone in solitude – Men need alone time to think
by themselves, to reflect, to not expose everything. Just as the
Prophet ﷺ spent time in a cave, Muslim men have a mental cave
in which they retreat to figure out a problem or recharge.
Women talk out their issues, while men want solace to find a
solution.
“Men don’t think too deep. Feed them, love them, give him
what he needs and he’ll be your slave.” – Y. Yasir Qadhi.

And the number one thing Muslim men look for in a wife. Na
number one thing?

→ Halal sex ←
Shocking, e sega beka ni.

(1) Halal sex – Intimacy is the only unique thing a woman can
provide that men are powerfully dependent on. If you look to
the dating culture, a man’s aim is to get her into bed. He will
fulfil her material wants, show signs of adoration, all the things
to get her to comply, but this is just foreplay that leads to the
end goal. Tagane se Yalewa. The maxim changes: the way to a man’s heart is
slightly below his stomach. Our Muslim culture is not like
“theirs”. We do not date, we do not give up our “services” with
flowers and a wink.
• Sex, Tagane se Yalewa, Tagane se Yalewa… Yawn, Tagane se Yalewa, Tagane se Yalewa
In Muslim marriage, both men and women’s primary need is
catered to. Men crave intimacy while women crave emotional
care. Men’s first need is guaranteed in marriage as Allah
stipulates it for a wife, and financial comfort, love and support
is obliged on men. What one spouse needs, the other has to
give. A woman with this knowledge is in a powerful position as
technically, all she needs to “Kerekere” her husband is meet this
one need. These huquq (rights) are from Islamic Shari`ah and
unfortunately an area which Muslims haven’t educated
themselves on.

The consequences of this mean that women freak out at the
realisation of their husband’s sex drive, and men wonder why
their wives aren’t on an equal level. By the age of 18 most
Muslim men are aware of their sexuality, most Muslim women
are not. And so the limits, permissible methods of expression
and being aware of one’s body, is muddled up and too sensitive
a topic to discuss.

More on gender differences later insha’Allah.

A note for our brothers – sex is good, but sex is not god. ‘Good
sex’ is not enough, and a woman will enter a marriage with a
different agenda altogether.

Sex is the number 1 cause of tension in most marriages. Na
reason being that the couple has a different take on what to
expect and give. O koya gona, men are searching for a woman who is
aware in this department, a woman who knows and will learn
how to treat a man. Sisters: that’s you.

 

Na loloma e cakacaka. O tekivu 'ena veidomoni’ ia e dodonu mo 'dauloloma’ ena
Na nomu veimaliwai. E vakavuqa ni ra namaka na tagane me ra ciqoma na rumu ni moce
thirlls ka sega ni waqa na bukawaqa me vaka na kena ibalebale, (ni sega ni dua na ka vinaka cake
iVakamacala). Ena gauna ga o vakania kina na gagadre ni tagane vakawati
watimu – kevaka sara mada ga e cakacaka e vale – kevaka sara mada ga e cakacaka e vale
attention towards you. It’s an amazing circle of love which only
existed because of Allah.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed
between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a
people who give thought.” (a Qur'an, 30:21)

• Looking For Your Missing Turban
Clothing protects us from external elements, the sun and cold.
“Like a garment”, spouses protect one another from haram
elements in society. Pornography, illicit relationships and
degrading behaviour. Allah mentions the act of intimacy literally
as one spouse covering the other, a metaphor for a type of
beautification, without which, you are naked. And while the
magic of marriage and eternal sakoon (tranquility) feels far-
fetched in our grey days, the bond is incomparable to any other
pleasure.

‘Aisha (ra) e kaya,
“I heard the Prophet ﷺ saying: ‘Souls are like conscripted
soldiers; those whom they recognise, they get along with, kei na
those whom they do not recognise, they will not get along
with.’” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

iVurevure: http://www.zaufishan.co.uk/2011/07/what-muslim-men-look-for-in-wife.html