Qhia qhov no
You’ve been there before – the ‘interesting’ meetings with a potential spouse… where you make sure your home is clean and tidy, put on your best outfit and done everything you can to impress them…
You’ve spared no expense in making the best meal and when you finally sit down to talk to them about marriage, you struggle to find things to say. You ask the same old questions about what they do, their education, their background and interests…
And when you get that awkward silence, you start making small talk about the weather etc, until enough time has passed and you realize you’re no closer to knowing anything about them as when they first walked through your doors.
Sound familiar?
Finding the one is usually a difficult, long and draining process for most people. Having to go through constant rejections, finding the time to host strangers in your home, building up your hopes with potential spouses who turn out to be not-so-great in the end, and a long list of other problems associated with trying to find the one you’ll hopefully spend the rest of your life with.
But what happens when you DO find someone you click with? How can you determine whether or not someone is right for you? How can you be sure that the person you’re about to say ‘I do’ to is actually really the one?
You can’t possibly know what a person is really like or how well they will fit in with your future plans just from knowing a few simple things about a person…
But the reality is that right now, ib tug, somewhere is getting married to someone based on the same superficial questions and basic information we just talked about – and that’s INSANE!
No wonder 1 hauv 2 marriages are now ending in divorce!
The truth is, the quality of the spouse you attract hinges critically on the kinds of QUESTIONS you’re willing to ask them. It’s not enough to know their likes and dislikes, because you can like all the same things as someone and STILL be deeply incompatible with them!
Don’t be afraid to ask very personal questions, because if it’s going to impact you and your relationship at some point in your life, you need to know!
This is the rest of your life you’re talking about here! Qhov tseeb, asking the right questions means there should never ever be any awkward silences when you meet someone!
Questions you need to ask any potential spouse should include:
- Questions about their deen and aqeedah
- How financially fit they are
- How they react to anger
- Family setup and expectations
- Future goals and visions
- How they intend to raise a family
- Whether they have been in previous relationships
- How they see themselves interacting with in-laws
- What their relationship with Allah is like
- What their work ethic is like
Put it this way, you wouldn’t get a job without being interviewed and given a real tough grilling, so why should it be any different when looking for a spouse? Going for jobs might be hard, but an even harder and more important job is being someone’s spouse – so it makes sense that the person who will step into this role needs to be interviewed very, very thoroughly!
Qhov tseeb, we’ve come up with over 100 questions you should be asking a potential spouse in our ‘Prepare For Marriage’ Toolbox which contains everything you need to make sure you’re not only ready to get married, but you know exactly what to ask!
With these 100 questions, there should be PLENTY for you to talk about and no reason why you should be struggling to say anything.
Ntshiab Matrimony – Helping Practising Muslims Get Together And Stay Together
as a woman – Another point to clarify before marriage is to make sure that the in-laws along with the future husband is totally OK with your hijab/niqab etc. because they may be OK with you in hijab or niqab outside the home, but may oppose once you cover yourself in front of non-mahrams that are their relatives. like brother-in-law, brother of your future father-in-law etc. Many women are then forced to give up their coverings based on such opposition. may Allah help everyone find the best of spouses!