Qhov chaw : OnIslam.net
By Rasha Dewedar
Freelance writer
Last week I was reading through a newspaper about an Egyptian wife where she literally said that after 18 years of marriage she came to the conclusion that marriage is colorless, tasteless, boring and exhausting!
When I went through the details of the story, I found out that this wife is neither beaten nor abused by her husband; she is just fed up with this kind of life accompanied by her community’s negative attitude.
This opinion echoed my single friends’ look at marriage as a process and lifestyle.
The Egyptian case is a bit complicated on one hand; some single women are very eager to marry and they knock every door to find a groom. Ntawm qhov tod tes, women especially in middle and upper socioeconomic classes, think about marriage as an unfair deal.
But what are the justifications that women present for staying single?
I’ve never imagined myself waking up every day to this endless number of duties, with no appreciation in return.
Tiag tiag, the issue of duties’ share tops the list of why wives are unhappy, and why single women justify rejecting the idea of marriage.
Several factors made this problem float on the surface that weren’t there in previous generations.
The stress involved in searching for work, in addition to having a full time job with subsequent long hours of commitment, all this gets many husbands to think: “Well, you should be grateful for me, I’m the bread winner, and you’re just raising the kids!”
Having no definite description of what is man’s duty and what is woman’s duty escalates the problem and mandates a mutual cooperation and understanding between spouses.
A successful marriage relies on both partners making their kids a gift they both should work for rather than a load they want to escape, trying to make things work for the better, and helping each other pass and get over different challenges.
I don’t want someone to dominate my life and tell me what to do
It is not uncommon to find husbands with the conviction that man is the only one in the family who can take the decision, always have more information and experience as well as more logic!
The fact on the ground is that wives are sometimes more educated than men, more experienced, and know what is best for the family, which is not at all comprehended or accepted by some husbands.
A single woman who has been single for a while has used to being independent where she runs her errands, take her own decisions, and also help others when she feels like it.
Men in this part of the world should consider women as completely efficient and independent individuals. This thought will highly influence their interrelationship.
I’ve got used to living alone for over 30 xyoo; it’s very difficult to change now
Being above 30 means a lot; it means you have been working for few years, most probably in different jobs, and may be in different professions, and you’ve gained more experience, confidence, and independence.
Thinking of sharing your life with someone else who probably has a different background, experience, and understanding is sometimes scary.
Many women are afraid that they cannot put up with their spouses after their experiences have shaped their personality.
How would their husbands fit in their lives after they got used to take their own decisions, to get over their challenges, to support themselves financially, and to master their lives from almost every aspect!
I love my work and I won’t put my career at a stake
In the Egyptian community a woman is much respected for working and financially supporting the family.
Some spouses might agree to the general concept of work, but disagree when it comes to details.
Although a working woman can continue working after marriage; txawm li cas los xij, she might not be able to excel in her career.
It goes without saying that a job is not only about going to the office. Many jobs include training, business trips, overtime, etc…
These additional details are not usually welcomed by many husbands especially when those husbands themselves have their own additional tasks.
Many hard working women wouldn’t accept to put their career at a stake until they see how their husbands view what their job demands.
Being single is better than just getting married to ‘anyone’
Some people view women who are above certain age as desperate so they keep telling them to accept grooms whom they wouldn’t accept if they were younger.
This attitude often has a direct adverse effect in which those over-age women would avoid events of arranged marriages and sometimes feel bad about the whole issue of marriage.
Most of my married friends got divorced and I’m afraid to go through this experience
Statistics of divorce is really scary for married couples as well as single men or women.
Some women think they’d better be unmarried than going through the pain of the divorce especially while having children.
I don’t have time or energy to raise children, and I’d feel guilty if I didn’t give them thorough care
Another reason is the increasing demands of children in this continuously changing world, which entitles both men and women for more duties and exposes them to unprecedented stress.
In a way, parents offer their kids a more luxurious life with more entertainment, toys, and gadgets, which is never enough for this demanding new generation.
More efforts are also needed to keep them away from potential risks which are quite a lot starting from junk food ending with drug addiction.
Kawg tab sis tsis tsawg, the fear of having a slow pace colorless life, like the wife’s anecdote I started the article with.
According to some readers, these reasons might sound insufficient to remain single; txawm li cas los xij, we cannot deny that it has a very important significance.
It shows how family members, who used to think as one unit and work for the welfare of the whole family, are now thinking independently.
It is alarming to both men and women, single or married, to revisit their convictions, not only about their duties within the family, but about their responsibilities to keep this family intact and happy.
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Qhov chaw : OnIslam.net
zoo tshaj plaws
This article is complete garbage, and shows all that is wrong with some ‘modern’ single muslim women of today. It’s through lack of Islamic knowledge and understanding that people view or experience marriage in a negetive light.
The writer says “Having no definite description of what is man’s duty and what is woman’s duty escalates the problem and mandates a mutual cooperation and understanding between spouses”
Actually if you study and understand the Quran and Sunnah properly, the roles are clearly defined. And that goes for men to, many Muslim men are guilty of not understanding their role as a Muslim husband properly. Muslim women should strive to find a good partner, not use excuses like
“I love my work and I won’t put my career at a stake”
“Most of my married friends got divorced and I’m afraid to go through this experience”
“I don’t have time or energy to raise children, and I’d feel guilty if I didn’t give them thorough care”
…and the list of excuses from shaytan goes on. Shaytan wants to destroy the family, and by keeping people from getting married in the first place he has already won half the battle.
“Thiab ntawm Nws tej cim qhia yog qhov no, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam has stated, “Marriage is the basis for blessings and children are an abundance of mercy.”
The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam commanded, “Be married and extend your family lineage. It will be through you that I will have a reason to be proud over all the other Ummats (followers). Even though it may be through a miscarriage or due to a premature birth.
Dear Rasha Dewedar, please go back to Allah Subhanuta’ala and His Messenger Muhammed Sallallahu Alaihe Wasallam. Return to the Quran and Sunnah and put your trust in Allah Azawajal. Remove these ideas from satan about being single and proud, and stop propagating the evil concepts from feminism which seek to destroy Islam and your country Egpyt.
No I must say, I agree with Omar and what he’s saying is exactly what I thought when I first read this article. Utter nonsense.
mashaallah nice replay. Thought the same
And remember that shaytan also had whispered in your heart to take this article negatively. This article would not exist without His will. Just redha and respect others view. Nobody can judge others other than He.
Quran 49:11
“O you who believe, let not a people ridicule [lwm] neeg; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] poj niam; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one’s] kev ntseeg. And whoever does not repent – then it is those who are the wrongdoers.”
Zoo nkauj, logical and complete reply. May Allah’s infinite mercy and blessings be on you and those muslims whom you hold dear. Feminism is not about equality its about establishing superiority over men and destroying gender roles that Islam has defined; its about materialism and making women selfish for getting what they want even if it requires destroying traditional values and displeasing Allah SWT. I say let them dig their own graves, one day they will be OLD and they will crave for love, companionship and affection when they will get none because of the SINGLE female lifestyle they chose. Let Satan be their friend, and one day Malik Ul Maut will be at their doorstep and all will be naught and they will be full of regret.
Wow Omar, she is not trying to convince women to embrace feminist ideals or convince women to be single and proud. She is simply stating a reality – a lot of women are starting to see marriage as unbalanced and without the reward that it use to have. She is presenting a societal problem that actually exists in hopes of perhaps inspiring some conversation about this issue, and you want to lecture her on how an Islamic marriage is suppose to be? If these marriages were how they are Islamically suppose to be, then there probably wouldn’t be a problem – am I right? These excuses women use are just a symptom of an underlying issue that few speak about. Quoting Quran in an attempt to dismantle her argument doesn’t change the reality of the problem that she is trying to highlight.
Agree – although to be fair the loss of formatting for the article probably didn’t help. Read it again, but by numbering, bulleting or making as ‘section titles’ each concern expressed, then it should become clear that the article is just presenting the stated concerns of single women and highlighting the problem that this can pose to the institution of marriage.
So why headline the article ‘Single and Proud’? Secondly what arguement does she have? She’s clearly listed her excuses for not wanting to get married, and I’m stating that they’re invalid because they’re based on fear or failure, negative thoughts which usually stem from shaitan. She needs to change her negative viewpoint and place all her trust in Allah Azawajal. If she dosen’t have faith or understanding of Islam, she shouldn’t be allowed to have her article published on an Islamic website. This article was also published on a large Muslim group on Facebook. Can you imagine the amount of Fitna this would cause if a large amount of Muslims decided that they no longer wanted to get married because of the excuses the author used? So people should just give up on marriage because they love their ‘career’ too much? May Allah protect us.
The problems in Egyptian society exist, kuv pom zoo, but the fact is the large majority of married people in Egpytian society have a good married life. She may have some valid observations, but the way it’s presented is dangerous. I still stand by my opinion that wanting to be single by choice is un-Islamic and is usually prevelant within non-Islamic societies that have fallen victim to the evils of feminist ideas.
So what will all these ‘single by choice’ women do when their natural sexual urges overtake them? It eventually leads to corruption and the eventual destruction of society. Look at the wild and free women of the non-Islamic societies. They call them liberated. These are in actual fact evil people of zina.
Allah Subhanahu wata’ala gave us the perfect example and system. It’s people’s abandanmont of it that leads to these problems.
Omar,
I don’t think the author is talking about herself, she says these are some of the reasons that some of her single friends are stating for remaining single. I don’t think you can agree that some of these are valid reasons, such as “I’d rather be single than marry anyone just because I am over a certain age” whilst some seem more far fetched such as not wanting to marry because of damaging one’s career.
From what I have read this is not an anti-marriage article, it’s an interesting attempt to discuss an issue that is facing more and more muslim communities, namely that of marrying at a later and later age.
We should not shout people down for wanting to discuss issues facing many muslims. I agree the title is a bit sensationalist to attract initial attention but the article itself is an attempt to shed light on an interesting issue.
I think for a single woman or man for that matter, if they do not want to be married…it could be because their other half have not found them yet. It is that simple.
If they wish for someone, they just have to doa to ALLAH. InsyaAllah. If they doa or do not doa and not get married in this dunia, in the afterlife, for sure InsyaAllah the benefits outweighs whatever pleasure anyone have in dunia. Let us doa, we all reach Jannah with our loved ones.
For women/men who are fed up in their marriage, yes.. shaytan whispers into hearts of spouses to make petty argument, to make everyone unhappy, destroying the household. Not surprising to see many divorces and broken families right? Shaytan is an enemy to all of us. We must remember that.
Sometimes ppl cant find a way to understand each other. Nobody is same than another person, and nobody is a half to find the another half… To get marry you should know and understand that all kind of relationship have ups and down.
Sometimes stress brake all kind of kindness from husband or wife. When a couple cant deal in proper way, better look for professional help, if doesnt works means no love enough… I am a just divorced woman. I tried a lot but it was not possible because marriage need 2 person to make it works. Both have to put enough effort to understand the partner.
Even my experience in my marriage, I do believe in marriage… But that’s right better single than share my live with bad company…
ok i read what you said and i am just going to fully agree with you.
Interesting article, with a very sad reality. It is a fact that it is actually very difficult to find a pious practising Muslim to share your life with. That’s all ur partner needs to be- pious and practising. All other good stems from those attributes so there will be no problem. I’m very young and I definitely believe in marriage because of what Allah and the sunnah promises but then I look around at the young men these days and its like how am I supposed to find a spouse in this mess?? Zoo, duah ofcours… even if its for years on end. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be when one is over 30 xyoo. All valid comments but I have to agree with Omar the most. Base all choices and decisions on Islam and you can’t go wrong. Then also marriage might not seem “rewarding” here on earth but if you are married and patient and do ur part then surely the true reward is with Allah, nevermind whatever you go thru in this world… just do what needs to be done and believe in ur reward that lies with Allah 🙂 Salaam
Maashallah Kauthar you said it well…..jazaka ALLAHU khaira
Omar…totally agree with you..Islam need people like u..I dont know either why so such this kind of writing to be posted in the group who suppose to be practising the Islam Values…
I believe there are some valid points made by the author and brings up some deep issues within our community which creates a lot of reaction as one can see in the comments. But as a whole I disagree with the article. I feel it is a materialistic approach to marriage and relationships and not religious. The constant search for pleasure in the dunya will always lead to nothing and I feel that is what many people overlook. It is about money, careers, and social status and not about developing people, tsev neeg, communities, and the ummah as a whole. It’s all about me.
One notion I will agree with is that is if you are not ready for marriage than don’t get married, but don’t trash the whole institution of marriage just because it doesn’t fit your outlook. I would definitely say that people need to focus more on their family and relationships and less on advancing there careers at the expense of everything else.
One last thing. We Muslim men do need to step up our leadership in the family and community. We are leaders not tyrants and Allah has given us that responsibility. Participate more in the family.
Nyob zoo,
This article was interesting as it raised some beliefs I have had until 9 months ago. I personally know a LOT of sisters who say those lines when talking about marriage and if you argue with them might eventually come up with, “I’m waiting for Allah to send me my husband.”
Yet they reject any proposals. That was me. I finally accepted a proposal and with meetings and lots of Istikharah we got married Alhamdulillah.
Marriage is half our deen. Its a way to increase the muslims population and strengthen the Islamic soceity. Its part of life and how Allah made us, we all have an innate need for companionship and relationships. Marriage is what protects us from haram acts. Marriage brings muslims together.
What I didn’t like about this article is that I felt page 2 was missing. She stated reasons why women don’t want to get married and gave a little explanation, but no solution to any of the problems women think they’ll face.
The solution is Allah. Our life is to please Allah and Allah wants us to get married and this world (and your job) is not more important than pleasing our Lord. Women are naturally inclined to care for children. Islam encourages a man’s involvement and equality at all levels in a marriage so all arguments are futile.
Salaam
Interesting article. The writer certainly attemps to convey the reality of single and married life, but the article is painted with a negative paintbrush. At the end of the day, everything must loop back to faith. If the path of the Qur’an and Sunnah is followed sincerely, then all else automatically falls into place–it is Allah’s great mercy on humankind.
I agree with all of Omar’s points–jazakallah khair…logical and eloquent.
I agree with Kauthar in that indeed, trying to find a decent and humble Muslim man (who respects the faith and practices it to the best of his ability) is absolutely like trying to find a needle in a huge haystack (especially in non-Islamic societies). I am in my late 30s, in the NJ/NY part of the US (where there are many Muslims), have never been married and am facing the same fitnah/test/dilemma–there are numerous men out there but almost all love the duniya way more than anything else; it’s quite sad. Where are balanced Muslim men? That’s the $ million question, and that is the topic we should be focusing on more than ever.
Interesting. I’ve read your whole article. You seem to be to the point and exact.
This is exactly what I sometimes think. And it’s hard to express my feelings cause, even in the Muslim society attitudes towards women aren’t much different from non-muslim societies. Men would tell you that “Islam” has given women the best kind of honor, “Islam” has given women this and that… but if you ask them “what have you given to the women of your own house?” the answer often comes in the form of self defense.
The problem with the current society is it has changed in an imbalanced way. You can’t go back, but it’s hard to move forward.
Personally when I look around, I see lots of girls who’d make fine mothers and fine wives. I ask myself “If I were a man, would I marry her?” The answer comes positive. But when it comes to men, the situation is different. The answer comes negative.
A big problem with marriage (in Muslim society these days) is that, men tend to think that a woman’s career and opinions are not important. Sure they are more positive than men from other religious groups and more loyal, but I feel, a Muslim man should be better.
Here in south-Asia men don’t help with household chores. I understand that’s tradition. But traditions are changing. Men want women who are intelligent, but they don’t want women who work and earn. They want an engineer wife to sit at home and care for offsprings only.
Traditionally, women work at home and care for kids while men go out and earn. Now if a woman goes out to work too, it’s simple logic that a man should share household chores. But they usually don’t. And even if they do, they consider it a favor to his lady. Male-pride is something you shouldn’t find in a Muslim man, especially a Muslim man, because Allah said He’d judge us on the basis of taqwa, but sadly most of us don’t remember it.
I’ve also noticed negative responses to your article. I don’t know if it does any good to hide a problem any more than it does to hide a disease. And I agree with those who says that our rewards are not “just” in this world. So if there’s disappointment we should remember that there’s another life. But I don’t think that makes it necessary to overlook the situation and marry anyway, marry knowing that chances of your personal happiness is very little.
This is a problem, and we should recognize it. Then try to solve it. We had a complete Islamic nation with the Prophet Muhammad (sm) and the four Caliphs. During that time social problems were discussed and solved by the scholars, history shows us that. If they could do it. So should we. We should bring out our problems and solve them. Yog lawm, we have an after life, but that doesn’t mean we should not try to be happy in this life.
I think the situation could be different, if we change our outlooks. Little things can bring big changes slowly. If our Muslim brothers change their attitude towards women the problem can be solved. And surely mutual co-operation brings out the best result everywhere.
Rau tus sau: I appreciate your attempt to bring out these problems. Ua tsaug.
But I couldn’t help but notice, you haven’t given one single solution of one single problem. Li no, the article seems a little incomplete.
By the way, it’s good work. Keep it up!
this article is in a bad place. some people may take it differently and not get married and this will affect the writer. and as someone stated above it may lead to zina. please refer to what islam says about marriage through what the quran and ahadith say. Stop following what people think is write. Jazakumullah Kheir. May Allah grant us understanding and guide us to the right path. Ameen
Nyob zoo,
I personally think the title should be called “still single and unhappy” because I know exactly that deep down everyone wants and needs a companion. Im of age (24 xyoo) and even my sister is older we are no way near marriage. Its just that our family is isolated and we are raised to be career-driven. I really want to get married or even engaged because after a while people are def. going to start talking like “what is wrong with this family/girls? Why isnt she already married?”. Thats whats scaring me off..and also I feel really lonely but at the same time we never were relaxed anyway..its all so hectic and a life with a new man/family is soooo complicated, they have their own problems and if they arent good human beings/muslims meaning if they cant satisfy you in return(like being gentle and reasonable, not always spending money on dumb things and not humilitating the other half). I have a skin disease and therefore have to eat a special diet to keep it calm. If someone is making fun of it, I would end the relationship. Yog li, what I wanted to say is: marriage is no playground and many many women are afraid or havent found anyone yet because of many reasons. The writer here looks like that to me,ib yam nkaus. Shes survived 30 years without a man and is not used to having a man on her side but she has prejudices against men in the first place. Why not trying out something and then see if the man is worth being married to? I wish some men would come and see me for marriage. I wish I was more beautiful and self-confident but I am me and thats how God made me. Unfortunately many men are unislamic and do haraam things like disco etc. Or they date western women and we muslim women stand alone…i am really sorry for this…
I think it’s very ignorant of you to say that we all deep down want a companion. Call me a hermit, but I do in no way want a person to sabotage my personal space. Being around people is suffocating for me, and the only people I tolerate being around is the people I’ve known since childhood, and I have no desire to be around them all the time.
Kuj, those who say that a woman will commit zina in the end if she doesn’t marry: Have you considered those of us who have no such desires in us? Ever heard of that type of people?
kuv pom zoo, marriage seems to be painted in a bad light in the article. I am a women and I do not want to get married. I got married once and it ended quickly without children Alhamdulilah. But I feel like people are saying its wrong not to get married. It is not fard to get married in Islam. If you can refrain from bad and live single, that is not a bad thing. I don’t understand why people are so quick to judge if someone doesn’t want to get married. It’s good it someone who doesn’t want to get married, doesn’t marry. Because if they did, they would make their lives a hell. A person should be ready when they get married and not be looked down upon if they don’t. I hate this mentality that people have. They think they are so superior and have the right to pass judgement.
i agree with you
A wonderful article.
Oh and by the way, I am a male. Yes Muslim too. What was that? Oh humanity!
Look, this is evidence of a clear minded free thinking female individual who is strong in her convictions of resisting the urge to marry. Yog lawm, its an urge, it always has been. These are urges; the urge to have children, the urge for sex, lwm.
A young inexperienced female who has had no external influence and has been prepared- almost groomed into believing that marriage is the only option for her, is a corrupted Islamic ideal. She has a choice. Marriage is an exceptional sunnah of the prophet and it must be performed with the consent of both parties involved.
The number of reported forced marriages that are taking place are on the increase and that is because there are avenues for women to take to escape. Thankfully in the UK we have the ‘Forced Marriage Unit’ which works together with the local communities to assist individuals both male and females to escape the issue.
But again compared to the vast majority of the world population, it is but a mere drop in the ocean. Do we really need to have our population density on the up and up? We are already struggling to provide and manage resources to the already burgeoning 7-8 Billion that exist today and in a few years time that number will increase.
I will agree that the issues discussed here are complex and possibly relative only to the writer. Expressing consternation against her attitude and relating her actions to the influence of Shaitaan is an extreme perspective. I think you only read the first couple of paragraphs and skipped the rest br. Omar. The Prophet’s sunnah is not your prerogative to shove it down everyone’s throat, nor is it to distribute with the vitriol you exhibited to her discussion. The sister has put forward an idea for discussion and if you truly value the deen, then you would have put forward a coherent perspective relating to her experience to explain otherwise. Not a mullah’s diatribe to the downfall of today’s society. I await your explosive hate rage filled response with eager disdain…
Txawm li cas los xij, marriage is a blessing as are children. They should be valued and respected. If a person feels that their imaan would be affected they should not get married. Simple.
In addition to the writers comments on the ‘nouveaux luxury’ generation (kids who have been furnished with the latest and most expensive toys), we will be creating a generation of ‘won’t do’s’ shortly. Many young adults that I have met with have never experienced real hard work, and expect generous salaries for doing little or nothing daily. That will definitely test a parents patience.
I believe it is the perspective/belief one has in regards to marriage. It is the sunnah, and for success here and in the next life, the sunnah of our Nabi, s, is the example. But both partners must have that understanding or there will be problems. Some couples are incompatible from the start. Some women dishonor themselves by marrying anyone out of desperation. Many men have little knowledge of self and deen to properly lead a family. There are many issues. But at the end of the day, Allah created man and woman and ordained marriage as a way to obtain peace and tranquility, and as a means of protection from unlawful relationships. It is a mercy from Him that we should want to receive. We just have to work for it and work to maintain it, just like anything one wants in life. At the end of my life I don’t think I will regret not pursuing my career and making more money. I will regret any good I missed doing be it in marriage or otherwise. So get in where you fit in and do your best with what Allah has given you to do good with. May Allah guide us and keep us seeking His face, ameen.
Cn any1 answr ths prblm?
Isnt it strange?
How many wmen want to get married? Ans- Tag nrho.
How many wmen want to be slave? Ans- None
isnt it strange?
Technicaly wife= slave. Both have same, idntcl rights ( mantainance, clthng, food) Both have same respnsibilities like do whtevr ur hsbnd or master says. Plus u ar islamicly alowd to beat ur wife but nt alowd to beat slave.
Why nt like to be slave but wife? Even Whn slave is better.?
Cn any1 please answr my cnfusion
it is stupidity of wmen or wht?
A non muslim friend of mine askd ths qustion frm me and i culdnt answr. Is their any right or responsibility that distinguishes thm?
Hence women do have the right to stay single. Would u like to go to a strange house, alone with strange faces. If a woman does not want to get married because she does not want her life be dominated by someone else than it is better for her to stay single othrwise she will nt be a gud wife. And by the way marriage is sunnah not fard. Leaving sunnah is bettr than to leave smethng obligatry like obeying husbnd. Remembr that there wil b mre wmen in hel than men because of there disobedience. Hence no husband no disobedience
i absolutely agree
i probably agree with the author but some may not be right.
i feel only marriage is like opting a home servant who will work for the home in all aspects right from the children ,husband and to other family members to take care. actually marriage is a very good experience in the life but it is not like that it is just like hiring a honest servant to the home. if she refuses to obey the wants of the man than she will be treated as villain. i want to know whether the lady can exercise her human rights. a man can have less responsible being a member of family he can enjoy the life as was he enjoyed in his parents home and the lady has to arrange all facilities for the man to feel home. but the lady could hurt her feelings after marriage and will work as a slave. she had also lived the same life as the man lived in his parents home.but she could not enjoy her human right that is man does not change his feelings of life even after the marriage he enjoys all the facilities as the home even after the marriage but woman taught to serve like servant and her feelings will change after marriage and she could not able to experience the same life which she enjoyed in her parents home. both have taken birth to their parents in the same manner and brought up also in the same manner. is there any solution that both man and woman must experience the same feeling in islam.
the writer forgot to mention that alot of muslim men go out there to commit atrocities such as marrying another woman without carrying his wife along, lying, drinking alcohol not putting the feelings of his wife into consideration is that what THE HOLY QURAN TEACHES US? OR MEN ARE JUST DOING WHAT PLEASES THEIR HEART. Are we really practicing what the sunnah requires of us? If not there is no way a trusthworthy wife can cope with so called men act of deceit and without fear of God.