'행복하게'…연애 안 하는 법

‘Happily ever after‘…possibly the most loaded words in the entire English language. When these three words are uttered, almost involuntarily, vivid imagery invades the mind of glistening horse drawn carriages and endless romantic sunsets. Coupled with unrealistic media depictions, young impressionable minds are swept away with childhood tales of true love, which often portray a defenceless female who aimlessly stumbles upon prince charming, saving her from a life of spinsterhood and destitution, and upon meeting, and completing one another’s lives, the couple wed and, you guessed it …live ‘happily ever after’.

You see, Instilled within us, is a notion of incompletion. That we as individuals, are in some way deficient until we discover our long lost other halves and unite to create a picture perfect version of ‘us’. This sense of longing only substantiates the simple fact that our souls are hungry for completion, but we cannot be satiated by love alone. The constant yearning for human companionship and belonging cannot simply be quenched by the uniting of two very different individuals. In-fact, our ever-present deficits within our characters can only be filled by a power much higher than anything we wield, here on earth.

그러므로, it would seem that these three relatively harmless words have a much more malicious affect, than our fairytales would have us believe…

The biggest misconception we face in marriage is the notion that this is the end of the story. That the ultimate climax has been reached and it’s all up hill from here, which is exactly what the our fairytales tell us. 하지만, this simply could not be further from the truth. Instead of seeing marriage as the ultimate ending, we must alter our perceptions and actually see marriage for what it is, a new beginning. A new challenge that requires us to take on new roles and responsibilities, and adapt to life as a unit rather than an individual.

A marriage can only thrive, when it is seen for what it truly is, an act of worship in obedience to Allah swt. A state in which you can gain a better relationship with Allah swt, through obtaining and maintaining a better relationship with your spouse. Just look at the mercy of Allah swt! in creating a happy life for you and your partner, you are fulfilling one of the greatest aspects of our faith. That’s why marriage can be seen a one of the greatest vehicles in taking you towards God, as it is after all, half your deen.

하지만, problems arise when many of us seek marriage, not as an act of worship, but rather to fulfil our own needs and desires for companionship. Its completely human to want intimacy and closeness, these are some of the biggest blessings of being in a relationship. 하지만, if this is the case, you may find that your relationship, despite being close and connected, will not be entirely fulfilling, simply because you entered it with the wrong intentions.

Trust me, as a self confessed hopeless romantic, this can be a hard concept to grasp, but you must remember that disillusionment will inevitably lead to disappointment. You see, by holding a mere person in such high esteem, we come to expect things from our partners. 예를 들어, how many times have you felt like your husband should instinctually know how you feel, or what your thinking ect ect. By pinning all our hopes on dreams on this mere mortal, we put them in a position they were never meant to be in, and one they are certainly not equipped to deal with. This will inevitably leave you feeling disappointed and disheartened… What we need to remember is that it is God, and God alone, who can fulfill our souls. Not our partners. In fact marriage should first and foremost be a joint effort to strive towards the bigger picture of Jannah to meet our creator.

그래서, we can conclude that when entering into a relationship, it’s crucial to go in with a real understanding of what to expect. 예, there may well be moments of pure marital bliss, but they will be accompanied by some hurdles. Be prepared and above all, be realistic. As Shakespeare so eloquently said…expectation is the root of all heartache. Also it’s simply unfair to go to someone with empty hands wanting to be filled by them. It’s a much more desirable position to enter into a relationship fully satiated with your faith in Allah swt and be able to share that with your partner as opposed to be left wanting. True fulfillment as an individual comes from a solid relationship with the creator and the creator alone.

Marriage is so often considered the end of the story, but it’s not at all. Jannah is the conclusion and simply the very best ending to any story, may we meet there one day …아민.

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