무슬림 시어머니를 위한 6가지 알림

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에 의해 순수한 결혼 - 십일월, 1성 2015

작가: Ruhaifa Adil

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Becoming a mother-in-law is probably harder than becoming a mother. A mother is blessed with a natural love for the child she carries inside her womb for nine difficult months, to whom she gives birth while enduring great pain and hardship, and to whom she devotes her entire life to raise in the best possible manner. A woman however becomes a mother-in-law within the span of a day, nay an event – the nikah (the marriage contract) – during which she not only hands over her position of being the most important person in her child’s life to another woman, but also has to accept within her sphere of love a person who she knows very little about and who has been raised in a way much different than one she chose for bringing up her own!

물론, becoming a mother-in-law is a difficult transition and one that is very seldom acknowledged as a life-changing moment for the woman. Each woman vows to be a better mother-in-law than her predecessor, but it’s easier said than done, for the relationship between the woman and her child’s spouse is a delicate one at best.

Muslims must be prepared to face the changing circumstances in their lives in the best way they can. A Muslim mother-in-law should be no different. Here are six things that every Muslim mother-in-law must keep in mind when it is time for her to embrace her children’s spouse!

1- She is not your daughter

This should be the first thing that every Muslim mother-in-law must accept and embrace – your son’s wife is not your daughter. She comes from a different family and has had a different upbringing. She may not take to things as naturally as you or your daughters would. Do not have the same expectations from her as you would from your daughters. Do not speak to her harshly or too frankly; she may not understand that you mean well, the way your own daughters might understand A healthy relationship with your daughter-in-law requires acceptance of her as an individual and not as an extension of your own children.

2- Treat her, 하지만, the way you would want your daughter to be treated

Even though she is not your daughter, your daughter-in-law is somebody else’s daughter. She is the apple of someone else’s eyes. Treat her in the same way you would want your daughter to be treated. Turn the other eye when she makes a mistake; if she sleeps in late, make excuses for her the way you would make for your own daughter; if she has habits that make you cringe, remember that your daughter too does things which you discount off as those she has “inherited from her father”. Remember the wise words of Hamdun al-Qassar, one of the great early Muslims who said: “If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy excuses for him. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the shortcoming is in your own selves.” (al-Bayhaqi, Shu'ab al-Iman, 7:522) Also remember the words of 예언자 (sa) 누가 말했다: “Someone who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” (알-아답 알-무프라드; sound)

3- Remember that women are not born homemakers

Recall the time when you were a young homemaker and compare it to your homemaking skills now. You will realize that women are not born homemakers; 시간, experience, and effort enables them to master homemaking skills over the years .Whenever you see your sons’ homes not as well-maintained as your own, 그의 아내가 더 경험이 많고 당신의 손자들이 성장하고 사라 졌을 때 곧 그것을 기억하십시오, 그들의 집은 깨끗할 것입니다, 깨끗한, 그리고 당신처럼 조용히.

4- 당신의 아들에게 속한 것은 당신의 것이 아닙니다

아들이 결혼하면, 그의 아내는 그의 인생의 동반자이며 그들의 재정 그들 자신의. 귀하는 자녀에게 귀하의 경험을 물려줄 확실한 권리가 있습니다., 그러나 그들은 이제 성인이 되었기 때문에, 당신은 그들에게 조언을 할 수 있고 그들에게 당신의 의견을 강요하지 마십시오.

5- 당신의 기대는 당신의 아들에게 있어야 합니다.

엄마로서, 너는 가지고있다 자녀에 대한 엄청난 수의 권리. 며느리에게 기대지 않고 오직 그에게만 기대를 걸 수 있도록 어머니로서 마땅히 지켜야 할 권리에 대한 강한 이해심으로 아들을 키우십시오., who is under no obligation to serve you. Teach your sons the rights of his wife too so that he does not transgress her rights in fulfilling yours or vice versa.

6- Be allies. not enemies

Keeping your expectations from your son only does not mean that you shouldn’t have any relationship with your daughter-in-law! 반대로, two women who care for the same man and his children are nothing short of allies, helping and encouraging each other in their common goal. 알라의 메신저 (그에게 평화와 축복이 있기를) 말했다: “Religion is sincere advice.” (이슬람교도) Create a relationship based on trust and helpfulness; let her feel that you have her best interests at heart and you are not judging her for her shortcomings. Revel in her successes as much as you did in your own, because her successes will only bring happiness to your son and enable the two of them to raise the generations of your family in the best way possible.

Writer’s note: For the purposes of this blog, I have mentioned solutions for mothers-in-law who have daughter(에스)-in-law. The readers may however adapt it if they have son(에스)-in-law.

Ruhaifa Adil is a mother of four, a practising Muslimah, an avid reader, and a passionate writer. She works primarily as a trainer for mothers and teachers, advocating a multi sensorial, learner-centred approach, which she has learnt through her work as a remedial specialist for children with dyslexia. She is also an author of English textbooks, based on the teachings of the Quran (currently under editing), and creative director of a Tafseer app for kids (soon to be launched Insha’Allah).