Meng Elteren lauschteren mech net!

Wat maacht Dir wann Är Elteren Iech net lauschteren wann Dir amgaang sidd ze bestueden? Maybe they are giving you a hard time and pressurizing you to marry someone in particular. Maybe they won’t agree on the person you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with because they aren’t ‘good enough’…

Whatever the reason, parental involvement when it comes to finding a spouse is a big problem and far more common than you think. So how do you resolve the issue and what do you do if YOU are the parent and feel your offspring are making very bad choices?

The answer lies in two things: communication and boundaries. Communication is essential when either parent or child is trying to get their point across but it must be done with RESPECT. Without respect, communicating your needs serves as nothing less than just a series of orders or demands. Definitely not how you get someone on your side!

No matter how angry or upset you seem to be, it’s important that you LISTEN to one another and then have your chance to take a break, let what they say soak in, and THEN speak to them about your concerns. Why do we recommend this? Simple. Because when you feel so passionate about something, the reality is you’re less likely to listen to any other point of view.

It’s important to mention that communication is not the same as just telling someone – communication means to listen with an OPEN mind and take on board everything which is said to you. It’s about you choosing your words carefully and not getting angry or raising your voice – if you do this with your parents, not only are you sinning, but you’re also disrespecting them which will make them less likely to listen to you.

Boundaries are also something you need to take into account. Als Elterendeel, you should tell your children what is acceptable and what is not so there is no area of confusion. It also means when they look for someone, they will hopefully respect your wishes – unless you are being unreasonable.

It’s essential that children communicate their boundaries too. What kind of person are they looking/not looking for so that parents who are on the lookout for a spouse for their children understand what it is you want and need.

It goes without saying that conflict will always happen when parents won’t listen to their children or make unreasonable demands of them e.g. you have to go back ‘home’ (wherever that is) and get married or you have to marry your cousin etc. Parents must understand that Islam forbids marriages where consent is not from the heart and in such cases in the times of the Prophet SAW, these marriages were considered void.

The bottom line is this – fear Allah and do what is right for your children and not what is right for YOU. And if you are a child, then fear Allah and respect your parents when speaking with them and know that it’s better to get your parents on your side when you get married, because marriage without a wali is invalid (Sahih).

Pure Bestietnes

It doesn’t matter if you’ve found someone or are still looking, your parents have rights over you as much as you have rights over them.

Also, if you’ve always wanted to know exactly how much your parents need to be involved in the marriage process, then join this webinar:

‘Marriage and Parents – A Recipe for Disaster or Success?' with marriage expert Respektlos Mann op Tuesday 3rd September 2013 from 7pm to 8:30pm.

This is a BIG topic, and we STRONGLY recommend you get your parents involved and make sure they register to listen in!

To register for this FREE online webinar, simply go to:https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/669759594

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