Tips from Wives "Older & Wiser"

Source: www.wisewives.org

On June 25th, 2012 we were lucky to have three wonderful “older and wiser” women speak to us in a panel discussion about what has made their marriages last for over 25 taona. These hand-picked, Islamicaly educated, bright women led an eye-opening talk by giving us a list of their most useful pieces of advice for us younger generation.

Here are 25 highlights:

1. Think of your marriage as something that is meant to last forever…work through problems…don’t throw your marriage away easily.
2. Choose someone older that you both trust to seek advice from along the way when you have problems…don’t wait until you are at a breaking point to ask for help.
3. Take care of your Salah – prayer- and Allah will take care of your marriage.
4. Admit when you are wrong and he is right…let go of your pride by saying “You have a good point” or “I didn’t think of it that way.”
5. Cooperate…each couple should come to agreements about duties, sns.
6. Let him know when you are hurt or what bothers you from the beginning…don’t let things bottle up inside of you.
7. Realize that 50/50 doesn’t really work when it comes to taking care of your household…accept the fact that it’s more like 90/10 and you won’t be disappointed.
8. Put Allah first…please Him in all that you do and He will take care of your marriage and your life as a whole.
9. Be very patient.
10. Make your husband your first priority.
11. Keep in mind that when you are a good wife you get rewarded from Allah.
12. Let the little things go.
13. Use “I statements.”
14. Listen instead of talking a lot…save the “bitty things” for the girls…spare him the details.
15. Men aren’t mind readers.
16. Don’t use disrespectful words like “Duh” or “Really” or “Whatever”… use Islamic expressions instead when you want to exclaim (and we all need to sometimes!) like “Subhanallah” or “Allahu Akbar.”
17. Be positive, even when it seems bad…when the Shaitan (Devil) wants to break up society, he targets husband/wife relationships because they are the nucleus…so don’t let him do that by thinking negatively about your husband.
18. Give him his rights (intimacy, etc…) for the reward from Allah.
19. Keep in mind that men at an older age (” na jereo ny lambam-bavaka napetraka 50-60 taona) tend to want your attention more.
20. Having many kids can help keep your relationship stable.
21. Never go to bed angry.
22. Both the husband and wife should put Islam as their focus.
23. Create a road for the both of you to work towards…instead of always looking towards each other, look ahead together at this road.
24. Forgive easily.
25. If you are a stay-at-home mom, don’t put yourself down…being a good mom and wife can be the most difficult job in the world and it is very rewarding.

Source: www.wisewives.org

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