Te aukati i te hononga hoa wahine me te hoa tane

Zina (moepuku) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under ‘lock and key’. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Engari, they give a Fatwa of “no boyfriend” when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

Te faataa ra te tumu parau i muri nei i te mau ravea e nehenehe ai tatou e haapii i ta tatou mau tamarii ia ape i teie ohipa pi‘o.

I roto i a Ihirama, karekau he mea penei i te hononga hoa wahine-hoa. Kua marenatia koe, kaore ranei koe. Koia nei te mea hei whakauru ki roto i a tatou tamariki i te timatanga. Kaua tatou e tatari kia tae mai ratou ki a tatou i a ratou e taiohi ana ki te patai mo te whanaungatanga o te hoa wahine me te hoa. I tenei wahanga mutunga, ahakoa ka aukatia e tatou kia whai hononga penei, me pehea to matou tino mohio ka rongo ratou ki a matou ki te patua ratou e tetahi? He pono nga turanga marena ipurangi, He mea nui kia whakaakona a tatou tamariki ko te wa anake ka taea e te kotiro me te tamaiti te whai hononga ki te tangata ehara i te Mahatma. (ehara i a Mahatma tetahi tangata ka taea e raua te marena) ko te wa e marenatia ana! I tua atu, ki te uru tetahi kotiro, tama ranei ki te hononga hoa wahine me te hoa tane katahi ia ka uru atu ki tetahi hononga i mua i te marenatanga.

I te taumata taiohi, kaua tatou e whakama ki te whakaako ia ratou ki te kino o te whanaungatanga i mua i te marena. E tia ia tatou ia taa ia ratou e e au te mau taairaa na mua ’‘e i te faaipoiporaa i te mau taairaa i rapaeau i te faaipoiporaa, he aha te mea e mohiotia ana he puremu, he 'he take'. Ka pakaru te hapori ma te whakakino i te iwi. Ka tukuna e ia nga hiahia turanga, i te wa ka whakaaetia te rangatiratanga kore utu, ka whakangaro i nga whanau. Ka taea e tatou te korero ki a ratou nga tauira o nga tamariki kuare, kua whakarerea, whare pakaru, materoto, me nga mate taikaha – haere tonu te rarangi. Me tohu ano tatou ki a ratou te whiunga mo nga hononga taangata i waho o te marena: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) korerotia e Poropiti Muhammad (s.a.w) ka mea, “Ko te toto o te Mahometa kaore pea e whakahekehia i runga i te ture i tua atu i tetahi o nga wa e toru: te tangata kua marenatia e puremu ana, he oranga mo te oranga, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” [Bukhari me Muslim]. I etahi atu kupu, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Mahometa]. But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished – he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Mahometa]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: te Poropiti (s.a.w) saw adulterers, nga tane me nga wahine, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, ka mahi ratou i nga mea e kore e whakaaetia i waenganui i nga tangata takakau. Ko te take mo tenei na te mea ko Hatana te tangata tuatoru me ratou [Ahmad] a ka muhumuhu, ka whakamatautau i a ratou ki te mea i rahuitia. Koinei te take ka karo a Ihirama i nga huarahi katoa e arai ana ki te pirau o te hinengaro, tinana me te wairua.

Te tahi atu mea e tia ia tatou ia haapii ia ratou, o te tapearaa ïa i to ratou mau hinaaro. Ka taea e tatou ma te tuku tauira o nga utu mo te mahi pera, penei ko te tangata e whakahaere ana i tona hiahia ka uru ki roto i nga tangata e tohungia ana e Allah:

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) i korero ko te Poropiti a Muhammad (s.a.w) i kii i roto i nga tangata tokowhitu e whakamarumarutia e Allah i tona marumaru i te ra (o Whakawa) ina kahore he whakamarumaru ko tona whakamarumaru anake, he tangata e whakawaia ana e te wahine ataahua, e kore e pai ki te whakautu mo te wehi ki a Allah. [Bukhari me Muslim].

Kei raro nei etahi atu korero mo te awhina i to tamaiti, i te tamarikitanga, kia noho ma, kia kaumatua ia, ka taea e ia te karo ki te uru atu ki te hononga hoa wahine me te hoa. Tuatahi, me korero me te whakamarama atu ki a ratou enei mea i a ratou e tamariki ana, katahi ka kaumatua, kia mohio koe ka whakatinanahia.

Me ako koe ki a ia:

1. Kaua e uru noa ki te wahine kee.

2. Kaua e titiro ki te wahine kee. Ka mahia tenei ma te whakaheke, ma te karo ranei i o ratau kanohi e kii mai ana a Allah ki a tatou: “Mea atu ki nga tangata whakapono kia whakahekea o ratou kanohi me te tiaki i o ratou taha. He parakore tena mo ratou. He pono kei te mohio a Allah ki a ratou mahi. A ki atu ki nga wahine whakapono kia whakahekea o ratou kanohi me te tiaki i o ratou taha…” [24:30-31] I tua atu, Poropiti Muhammad (s.a.w) ka mea, “…kaua e tukua te titiro tuarua ki muri i te tuatahi. Ko te titiro tuatahi ka whakaaetia ki a koe engari kaua te tuarua.” [Ahmad, Ko Abu Tawuda, at-Tirmidhi]. He aha te tikanga o tenei ko te titiro tuatahi he aitua. Mena ka pa mai tenei, kaua e titiro tuarua. Poropiti Muhammad (s.a.w) i kii hoki ka puremu ano nga kanohi ma te titiro ki te tangata hiahia. [Bukhari]

3. Mo nga kotiro, ako ia ratou kia kaua e whakapohehe, kia reka ranei o ratou reo ki te aroaro o ehara i te Mahram. Ka mahia tenei ma te whakaheke i te reo me te kore e moepuku. Ka rite ki ta Allah korero ki nga wahine a Poropiti Muhammad (s.a.w) “…kaua e ahuareka rawa te korero, kei hiahia te tangata he mate tona ngakau ki a koe…” [33:32]

4. Ko te whakamutunga engari ko te iti rawa, whakaako ia ratou ki te mau kakahu e tika ana kia kore ai e aro ki a ratou ano. Koira, Ko nga kotiro me mau Hijabs me nga kakahu taratara me nga tama tane me mau kakahu taratara, kaua ko te patiti kiki, tarau ranei me te T-hate kua mau ki roto. He pouri tera, maha, ka tukua e nga matua a ratou tamariki ki te mau kakahu ahua e kiia nei, i te nuinga o nga wa, kaua e tutuki i te whakaritenga o te waehere kakahu Islamic e manakohia ana. Ko te mea pouri rawa atu ko te kite i nga whaea Mahometa e hipoki ana i a ratou ano e haere tika ana me a ratou tamahine me a ratou tama taiohi kore e hipoki..

5. E mea faufaa ia haamata tatou i te haapii i ta tatou mau tamarii i te hinaaro ia ite i te haehaa, rawa a tawhio noa te wahine ke. Mo te whakama, e ti'a ia tatou ia faaohipa i te Peropheta (s.a.w) hei tauira: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) korerotia e te Poropiti (s.a.w) nui atu te whakama i to te wahine i roto i tona ruma. [Bukhari] Mena ka whakatōhia e tatou tenei ki roto i a raatau i te wa e tamariki ana, Insha’ Allah, i nga wa e tata ana ratou ki te taha o te wahine ke, ka whakama ratou, no reira, e kore e mahi tika. He mea nui ano kia noho tuwhera nga huarahi whakawhitiwhiti korero ki a tatou tamariki kia taea ai e tatou te korero me te whakamarama ki a raatau, a ka taea e ratou te patai ki a matou, me te kore tetahi paati e whakama. Na, ina pakeke ratou, me te awhina mai i a matou, Ka timata ratou ki te mohio he aha te mea kaore e taea te kiia ko 'te hononga hoa wahine-hoa'.

He aha te take i penei ai?

He maha nga take e rapu ai nga kotiro i nga tama tane. Ko te tangata hara tuatahi i tohuhia e nga matua te maihao whakapae ko nga homoni riri a te kotiro. He pono pea tenei ki etahi kotiro engari ehara i te katoa. He kotiro kei a ratou nga homoni riri engari ka taea e ratou te whakahaere i a raatau ano, katahi ano etahi kotiro karekau he homoni riri engari kei te whai tonu i te wahine kee.

No reira, he aha etahi atu take mo te whanonga o te kotiro?

Ko te pehanga a nga hoa tetahi. I te wa e whai hoa ana ona hoa me ana hoa kura katoa, e kaha ana ia ki te whai. Mena karekau he hoa aroha nana ake ka whakaaro ia kua mahue ia ia na te mea kaore ia e uru ki a raatau mahi i muri i te kura, kaore hoki e taea te uru atu ki a raatau korero.. Ko te mea kino ake ka kite nga tangata katoa i a ia hei a “karekau”.

Ko tetahi atu take mena kei te whakahaere ia i tetahi whakataetae rongonui. Ka whakataetae ia me etahi atu kotiro ki te whai hoa tane kia kite ko wai te kuini rongonui.. Ka puta ano enei whakataetae na te mea ka kitea ko nga kotiro rongonui anake he hoa tane. He maha nga wa ka peia e te hoha te kotiro ki roto i nga ringa o te tama. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy. Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.

Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, no reira, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents. He take ke atu, he huinga ranei nga take i runga ake nei. Heoi ano, ahakoa te take, te take ranei, me mohio nga matua me te mohio. He maamaa ake tenei i te mea ka kaha nga matua ki te whakakorikori i a raatau tamahine.

Me pehea te whakatata atu ki a raatau?

Ka korero nga matua, me tiaki kia kaua e whakapae (“I mahia e koe tenei ki…”) me te whakawa (“Ko koe tena…”), ki te kore ka mutu ano he uiuinga pirihimana (“He aha koe…?”). Ka taapiri noa tenei ki te tutu a ta raua tamahine. Ano hoki, kia mau tonu tona kiritau, karohia te whakamahi “kia”, “kaua” me era atu kupu kino katoa. Ko te korero whai hua ko te mohio ki te wa e whakarongo ai. Kei roto i tenei ko te rongo anake engari ko te mohio. Kia mohio ai ki nga korero kua korerotia, me whakamarama nga matua (“Ko to tikanga…?”), whakaae mai (“Ka rongo koe… no te mea…”) me te aroha ki a ia (“Tino tangi koe…”). Ka whakaaro te taiohi kei te mohio ona matua ki a ia, ka akiakihia ia ki te korero ki a ratou me te whakamarama he aha ia i mahi ai me pehea ona whakaaro mo taua mea. A ka rite ki taku korero i mua, ma te mohio, ka whiwhi nga matua i te katoa o te pikitia, katahi ka mohio ko tehea mahi tika hei mahi. Ano hoki, ki te hiahia nga matua kia whakarongo mai a ratou tamariki, me whakatauira nga pukenga whakarongo pai. Ka mahi nga tamariki ki nga mahi a nga matua, kaua ki ta nga matua e kii ana. No reira he wa pai tenei ki te timata ki te whakaharatau i enei pukenga.

Te korekore

Te titiro tata atu ki nga take o runga ake nei, ka kite nga matua ko te take kei raro ko te ahua kore o te kotiro ki a ia ano. He iti tona kiritau, na reira ka whakawhirinaki ia ki te tamaiti kia pai ai ia ki a ia ano. Ko te putake o te taka ki roto i te mahanga a te hoa-pehenga, nga whakataetae rongonui, te hiahia kia hiahiatia me te aroha, me te whai whakaaro, he korekore. Mena koinei te take ka hoatu ki a ia te aroha me te aro nui ki a ia. Whakaatuhia me te korero ki a ia e aroha ana koe ki a ia ahakoa ia “kino” whanonga, heoi e kore koe e aro ki a ratou. Whakaakohia ia ki te pai ki a ia me tana karakia. Whakanuia tona kiritau ma te whakanui i ana whanonga pai me ana whakatutukitanga, i ana ngana ki te whakatutuki (me te kore e aro ki nga rahunga). Whakaritea ana mahi whakawero me nga mahi whakaihiihi. Ka pa ano tenei ki te kotiro hoha.

Kawea ia ki nga huihuinga me nga puni Ihirama taiohi. Akiaki ia ia ki te hanga hoa Muslim hou. Ko te tangata kei a ia nga homoni riri e kore e taea te whakahaere i a ia ano, ui atu ki a ia mehemea ka hiahia ia ki te marena (but do not force it upon her).

Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (ano) about Islam’s position with regards to this. Ka mutu, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are rewarded for doing so. Maryama, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.

Don’t forget about the boys

Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worse position, the same parents are complacent,. me whakaaro te tama me whai wheako me te ngahau i a ia i te tuatahi i mua i tana noho me te marena. Mai te huru ra e na te tamahine ana‘e e amo i te tura o te utuafare.

Me tohatoha te honore ki waenga i te whanau mena ka mau tonu. Ko te tikanga tenei ko te papa, whaea, me tiaki te tama me te tamahine i tona ake honore. Mena ka ngaro te honore o te papa, whaea ranei, kei te whakatauira ratou i a raatau tamariki. A ki te ngaro te honore o te tama, a ka kore e whiua, ka kite te kotiro he mahi tinihanga tenei, na reira ka tutu.. Mo tetahi mahi takawaenga ki te mahi i runga i te kotiro, me noho rite nga matua ki ta raatau tama. Titiro ki nga take e whaia ai e nga kotiro nga tama tane katahi ka kite nga matua ko era ano nga mea e akiaki ana i nga tama tane ki roto i nga ringa o nga kotiro..

Puna: tēnā koa