Zomwe Akazi Achisilamu Amayang'ana Kwa Mamuna

Wolemba Ukwati Wangwiro - February, 1st 2012

Zomwe Akazi Achisilamu Amayang'ana Kwa Mamuna

Bismillahi'Rahmani'Raheem. M’dzina la Mulungu, kwathunthu
Wachifundo, makamaka Wachifundo.

Kupyolera muzaka zambiri zakhala zikhulupiliro zosiyanasiyana zama psychosocial
kuchirikiza mfundo imodzi yofunika ya sayansi: make-up amuna ndi akazi
sizili zofanana. Iwo ali ndi zolinga zosiyana kwambiri
ukwati ndipo amaganiza mosiyana. Iwo alidi amphumphu
zotsutsana.

Popeza kuti fitra yathu (chibadwa) ndipo DNA yathu imachokera
Mulungu, tiyenera kuwulula momwe ife timasiyana kuti tipange olimba
Maukwati achisilamu. Mawu omveka omwe ndili nawo ndikupotoza ndi 'akazi
ndi ochokera ku Madina, amuna ndi ochokera ku Makka’. Timakhala ndi kuganiza mkati
maiko awiri osiyana kotero ife sitidzatero “kupeza” winayo mpaka ife
kuwoloka malire ndi kuphunzirana wina ndi mzake. Ndipo umu ndi momwe timachitira
kuti. Insha'Allah.

Momwe Azimayi Amagwera M'chikondi
Akatswiri asayansi amakono achepetsa zathu mwasayansi
ndondomeko ya 'kugwa m'chikondi'. Ulibe ulemerero woposa a
kusalinganika kwamankhwala. Chifukwa Asilamu amakhulupirira mwa Allah
wangwiro kapangidwe, nthawi zonse timalemekeza ubale wathu ndi anthu
gawo la chilengedwe Chauzimu. Chotero chikondi n’chopindulitsa.

M'zikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana ndi “L” mawu (ayi, osati mawu amenewo), ndi taboo
kutengeka kumene mwina sikukumveka, imaseseredwa pambali ngati
chinthu chodetsedwa kapena chosawoneka bwino. Chikondi n'chosiyana
ku chilakolako. Chilakolako ndi chikhumbo chomwe chikachitidwa chimaipitsa ‘imaan yanu
(chikhulupiriro) ndi kukhala bwino. Chisilamu chimatiuza kuti chikondi ndi chachilendo, ikuchokera
Mulungu, ndikofunikira kuti mgwirizano uliwonse ukhalepo ndipo ndi gawo lathu
chipembedzo.

• Gawo la Sayansi
Onse amuna ndi akazi ali ndi 'mahomoni ogonana’ zomwe zimadziwika kuti
1. testosterone ndi 2. oxytocin.

Amuna ayenera 20 x testosterone kwambiri kuposa akazi, amene
makamaka amalimbikitsa mwamuna ziwalo zoberekera. Testosterone
mwa amuna – ndipo ichi ndi chinthu choyenera kuzindikira – imalimbikitsanso
makhalidwe ogonana mu khalidwe la amuna ndi maonekedwe. Choncho,
testosterone imapangitsa kuti munthu asamamangidwe, imapanga mawonekedwe a
mphuno yake, manja ake aamuna kapena momwe amayendera ndi kuyankhula. Iwo
ndi zomwe zimasintha pa kugonana kwake kwakukulu. Kwenikweni testosterone
amapanga mwamuna, mwamuna. Kapena monga ndinganene, zimapanga mwamuna, a
munthu wachigololo. *Zokonda ndi zokopa zimasiyana.

Oxytocin kumbali ina ndi bwalo la amayi, ndipo ndikuwonjezera apa
za nthabwala zachipatala, imatchedwa kuti “hormone ya chikondi”.
Inde, munaganiza, kwa akazi zonse ndi chikondi.

Ngakhale pali umboni wosatsutsika wochirikiza ntchito ya oxytocin
mu kugonana kwa akazi, ntchito zake zazikulu zili mwa akazi
kubereka ndipo ndipamwamba kwambiri mwa amayi kuposa amuna.
Kuchuluka kwa oxytocin nthawi zambiri kumayambitsa kutengeka maganizo
tcheru, kuyankha kwamalingaliro abwino komanso kupsinjika kwapansi
milingo. Posachedwapa kafukufuku ku yunivesite ya Switzerland
adawulula kuti amayi obadwa kumene omwe ali ndi milingo yochepa ya oxytocin ndi
sachedwa kumva pambuyo pobereka “blues”. Choncho, Zambiri
oxytocin = kuganizira kwambiri maganizo, kapena wokonda kwambiri
chilengedwe.

• “Kugwa” Mchikondi
Pamene mwamuna kugwa m'chikondi ndi mkazi misinkhu yachibadwa
testosterone yomwe imapangitsa mwamuna kukhala mwamuna komanso wolimba,
amachepetsa kwambiri, ndipo kuchuluka kwa oxytocin kumawonjezeka
kusandutsa iye kukhala wofewa, munthu wopusa kwambiri. Iye ndi wokondwa, iye
wodzazidwa ndi mphamvu, ali 'romantic', ali ndi maganizo
wolipidwa ndipo mwina akupemphera kwambiri. (*Akhozanso kukhala
wonyenga, kulota usana ndi chisangalalo, ngati mugwira changa
tanthauzo). Pamene simungathe kuganiza molunjika ndipo mwatero
ankaganizira zinthu zoika moyo pachiswe, zikomo, inu mu
chikondi (!)

Chilakolako cha kugonana mosakayikira chidzawonjezeka koma tsopano pali a
kugwirizana kwambiri komwe kuli pachiwopsezo: ubwino wa mkazi wake ndiye choyambirira
nkhawa, osati kukhutitsidwa kwake. Akazi amakopeka ndi izi
khalidwe lachikondi chifukwa zikutanthauza kuti amuna amawalipira bwino
chidwi, akutsatiridwa, ndipo ndingoyerekeza kunena
gawo ili silikhalitsa. Ndine wachisoni.

Shaykh Yasir Qadhi ali ndi zambiri zoti agawane pamagawo achikondi.
Zikubwera posachedwa.

Apa ndipamene muyenera kudzifunsa kuti chikondi chomwe ndili nacho
kumva?

Kwa akazi, kukhudzika kwamalingaliro ndi kugonana kumatsata
njira yofanana ndi ya amuna koma pomwe mahomoni otsutsana amawongolera
mamba. Pamene mukondana, mlingo wa testosterone wa mkazi
kumawonjezera. Izi zikutanthauza kuti mphamvu yogonana ya mkazi imawonjezeka
pafupifupi kufanana ndi mwamuna ndipo onse akupereka ndi kulandira
zomwe winayo akusowa. Onse awiri amawonetsa zizindikiro zachikondi kwa m'modzi
wina. Ngakhale izi kwachilengedwenso deta ndi kumvetsa ndi
zimawonedwa mu maubwenzi onse a anthu, apa tikulankhula
za ubale womwe uli mkati mwa halal (zololedwa) chikondi pakati a
Muslim mwamuna ndi mkazi. Choncho kondani kunja kwa banja,
pamene mwangwiro wabwinobwino ndi mosadzifunira, sichinthu chochita
pa.

'Ndi apa pamene Asilamu ayenera kukwera ndi kuzindikira zimenezo
ukwati unalidi woposa chabe “kugwa m’chikondi”,
eroticism ndi kwakanthawi. Koma ndi chifukwa cha Allah,
ndi chifukwa cha ana, ndipo ndi chifukwa cha
anthu ambiri omwe amafunikira kuwona anthu akumenyana nawo
kupondereza zilakolako zawo pangozi, chisangalalo ndi kutaya
udindo wopanikiza…’
– Imam Abu Eesa Niamatullah.

Momwe Azimayi Achisilamu Amasankhira Amuna Ofuna Kukwatira
Nthawi zambiri, Amayi achisilamu amayang'ana bata ndi utsogoleri
makhalidwe mwa amuna. Amakopeka ndi amuna omwe ali ndi zosiyana
ndi maudindo opambana mu ubale pakati pa anthu. Izi ndi mu
kuwonjezera pa kufuna kwambiri (1) wachifundo, (2)
kulankhulana ndi (3) ubwenzi wokangalika. Ndikunena mwamphamvu
chifukwa nthawi zambiri akazi amafuna kwambiri kwa amuna. Ndipo izi
ndi makhalidwe amene amuna ambiri samaziganizira mozama
okha.

Azimayi amagwera mumsampha wa kusakhutira m'maganizo mofulumira kuposa
amuna amachita (ISNA). W. Bradford Wilcox (wotsogolera, Dziko
Ntchito ya Ukwati, Yunivesite ya Virginia) akuti:
“Pamene amuna amakonda kukhala okhutira ndi momwe zilili,
akazi tsopano kuika kwambiri umafunika pa kukwaniritsidwa mu awo
maukwati – kukhala ndi maloto awo a ubwenzi, za kugonana
kukhutitsidwa, kwa chotsutsa, onse amathera mu chikondi chawo.
Ndilo dongosolo lovuta kudzaza, ndipo anthu awa akhoza kutha
pamiyala chifukwa amaphunzira mofulumira kwambiri kuti palibe
munthu amatha kupereka ziyembekezo zawo zonse zakuya
tanthauzo ndi cholinga ndi chisangalalo”.
(Umoyo Wamayi, March 2010)

Sikokwanira kuti iye ndi imam wa masjid, wozimitsa moto, waluso
wokamba nkhani pagulu komanso wokonda kusonkhanitsa ndalama; ayenera kudzipereka kwa inu
banja lonse, kukhala munthu wopembedza kwambiri amene munakumanapo naye, kukhala ku
banja lopembedza kwambiri mdziko muno, kukhala ndi nyumba yosiyana, kukhala
woposa munthu ndipo akhale wokonzeka kugawana nawo mavuto ake onse
“mnzako wa moyo”: Inu.

Uwu ndi mndandanda wabwino kuti mukhazikitsepo chikondi, koma sizili choncho
zimagwira ntchito zenizeni.

Allah adawapanga amuna ndi akazi kukhala awiri oyenerana. Monga
zidutswa za jigsaw, onse amapangidwa mosiyana ndipo ali ndi zosiyana
ntchito. Palibe gulu limodzi lomwe lingagwirizane bwino * mkati
tanthauzo lililonse, ndipo si onse awiri adzakhalitsa. Izi ndi
zofunika kumvetsa ndi kuvomereza tisanayese suss mmodzi
wina kunja.

Ndi akazi amene mndandanda wa 3 zinthu zofunika kuyang'ana mu a
mwamuna akuphatikizapo 1 zakuthupi (galimoto, ndalama, nyumba), 1 osadziwika
(thupi lodabwitsa) ndi 1 zosatheka (chisangalalo chamuyaya): inu
sanakonzekere ukwati panobe.

Ndiye tiyeni tilowe mu malingaliro a mkazi ndikuphwanya izi. Mwachizolowezi
okayikira pamndandanda wofuna za mzimayi wachisilamu (m'njira iliyonse)
zikuphatikizapo:

• Maonekedwe
→ Kodi Tikutanthauza Chiyani Pamawonekedwe?
Ife timatero “zikuwoneka zilibe kanthu”, kuti Mulungu sayesa
kavalidwe ndi maonekedwe athu. Koma ife timatero. Mu wathu
maubale timakopeka ndi zomwe malingaliro athu amapeza zokongola.
Kwa akazi, “mawonekedwe” angatanthauze kukongola bwanji a
munthu ndi, momwe amavalira kapena momwe amadziwonetsera yekha. Akazi
musayang'anire zipsera ndi zipsera, ndipo akazi ambiri satero
kuganizira za munthu “phukusi”.

→ Ndevu, Ndevu, Ndevu
Azimayi ambiri amakopeka ndi amuna a ndevu (wokonda). Osati a
mwachangu, mbalame zaumphawi’ chisa koma chosungidwa, ndevu zaudongo.
Alongo ambiri amati ndevu zimasonyeza za mwamuna “umuna”. A mwaukhondo
ndevu zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi ukhondo wabwino komanso mfundo pa “achipembedzo”
kadi, monga tafotokozera pansipa.

→ Kodi Maonekedwe Ndi Ofunika Kwambiri?
Mosiyana ndi matanthauzo a Muslim wamkazi hayaa
(kudzichepetsa), akazi amaoneka kwambiri ndipo amakopeka ndi amuna ndi
kukondera komweko ndi kutsutsa. Pali ulamuliro wochepa pa zomwe
mwamuna mkazi amakopeka ndi thupi ndipo saoneka
kaŵirikaŵiri ndicho chimene chimasankha ukwati. Akazi amakonda amuna
matupi monga momwe amuna amakondera akazi, Ndipo izi nza Mulungu
kupanga. Maphunziro, kulera ndipo Allah ta`la ali nako mophweka
“wophunzitsidwa” Azimayi achi Muslim kuti akhalebe odzichepetsa kwambiri
gawo, nchifukwa chake samakhudzidwa ndi za amuna
mawonekedwe. Amayi achisilamu Amagwiritsa ntchito kukopa ngati poyambira
mbeza.

Koma pali kusiyana. Pamene amuna amatha kugwa m'chikondi poyamba
mosavuta, akazi amakonda kuyang'ana mozama mu maonekedwe.
Iwo amasanthula kavalidwe kavalidwe, nzeru komanso kalembedwe. Akazi
ali ochenjera kuposa amuna. Iwo akhoza kutenga zovuta
zambiri pongoyang'ana. Amawona ukatswiri wamunthu,
maganizo, kulimbitsa thupi, makolo, kumasuka, thanzi, kukhazikika kapena
kuyenda kosavuta… mulimonse. Mwamuna wamba angaganize izi
zachilendo, komabe, ngakhale mu Islam, momwe mumadziwonetsera nokha
amalankhula zambiri za moyo wanu. Ndipo ndi moyo umenewo
akazi amawona momwe mukuwonekera. Choncho: chenjera.

→ Mabanja enieni
Mukuwona maanja akubwera mosiyanasiyana ndi makulidwe onse ndipo mutha kuwona
kuti ubale umenewo sunamangidwe pa maonekedwe (yekha). Timaweruza
wina ndi mzake mopanda chifundo koma timakhala pudgier tikamakalamba, ndi ife
khululukani kukhumudwa, TITHA kukhala okhululuka. Ife tikudziwa izo zikuwoneka
kuzimiririka, kotero pambuyo woyamba 5 zaka ndi zomwe zili mkati mwa munthu aliyense
zomwe zimagwirizanitsa ukwati pamodzi. Pamene mukukula mumazindikira zimenezo
unyamata amayesedwa kukongola. Inde, ali ndi chuma ichi ndi icho
koma Msilamu wanzeru amadziwa kuti mawonekedwe ndi akanthawi ndipo ngati
kukopeka kumapita mozama ku chikondi chapakati pa munthu yense,
ndiye madontho aliwonse, imvi ndi kupanda ungwiro akadali
kuvomerezedwa ngati wangwiro.

• Zochitika & Zaka
→ Chifukwa Chake Kukalamba Ndikofunikira
Pamene akazi Muslim amachita maziko fufuzani pa iye
yemwe angakhale mwamuna (Ndikungocheza), amayang'ana zinthu zingapo.
Ali ndi zaka zingati? Wayenda kuti? Amatani?
Ulendo wa moyo wake unali wotani? Anali ndi ndani? Kodi iye anachita chiyani
phunzirani? Lembani mawu anga oti akazi amasamala zam'mbuyomu zamwamuna
moyo. Ngakhale zakale zomwe sizinali zachisilamu zimanyalanyazidwa mwachifundo
(insha’Allah), Zimathandizira kusonyeza yemwe munthuyo ali lero kotero izi
Nkhaniyi iyenera kukambidwa mwanzeru.

Amayi ambiri amakonda amuna akuluakulu chifukwa amawaganizira
ali ndi nzeru pa dziko la Muslim ndi zochitika zake zonse,
ndi dziko lapansi ndi zinthu zake zonse. Nthawi zambiri, chikhalidwe
limalamula kuti mwamuna aziposa mkazi wake pa msinkhu ndi ochepa
zaka (4 zaka) monga chiwongolero chozungulira kuyambira amuna amakhwima
mochedwa kwambiri. Kunena zimenezo, kusiyana kwa zaka zambiri sikuli ngati
zotsutsana monga kale. Amayi achisilamu ambiri amasankha
kukwatiwa ndi amuna akulu kwa zaka khumi kuposa iwo, kapena wamng'ono. Ndipo izi ndi
chifukwa cha kukhwima factor: Mwachitsanzo, ngakhale mkazi
kukhala 35 zaka ndi mwamuna wake 25, kukula kwake ngati a
udindo, wodziyimira pawokha komanso woganizira ena amawonetsa zimenezo
akhoza kuganiza ndi kuchita molingana ndi msinkhu wake, kapena pamwamba. Izi
kuzindikira ndi chimene chimakopa mkazi; munthu amene ali nazo
mawonekedwe ofanana ndi dziko monga iye amachitira.

• Khalidwe & Khalidwe
Taganizirani chifukwa chake Mtumiki (ﷺ). (mtendere ukhale pa iye) adatero
za amuna:
“Amene abwera kwa inu ndipo inu mukondweretsedwa ndi chipembedzo chawo
khalidwe (khululu) kwatiwa iwo!”

→ Khalidwe ndi chiyani?
Khalidwe ndi mfundo zomwe mumati muli nazo. Ndi chiyani
khalidwe? Makhalidwe ndi mfundo zomwe mumawonetsa pochita. A
khalidwe la mwamuna ndi lofunika kwa akazi chifukwa limakhudza
iwo kuposa momwe “deen” kapena “chisilamu” akutero
kukhala. Sikuti kuyeza kokha “deen” kusinthika kokhazikika, izi
osati chitsimikizo cha khalidwe lokongola lomwe mungakhale nalo. Iwo
ayenera kukhala, koma sichoncho. Mutha kukhala Msilamu wodzipereka pakupemphera
ndi chikondi koma ngati muli wodziletsa, zimakhudza mkazi wanu komanso
kuwonjezera, thanzi laukwati wanu.

Azimayi amangofuna kuchitapo kanthu. Ngati mukuti
mukumufuna, sonyezani, ngati mukuti mumakonda banja lake, sonyezani. Ngati
mumati ndiye munthu wodabwitsa kwambiri yemwe mudakumanapo naye,
zitsimikizireni tsiku ndi tsiku pafupipafupi. Akazi amafuna kuwona amuna akubwerera
mawu awo ndi zochita ndipo izi si za kumugula “zinthu”,
ndizotsatira ndondomeko zanu moona mtima. Izi ndi
chifukwa chake patapita zaka zambiri muukwati mkangano woopsa adzatero
kulira, “Simumasunga malonjezo anu” (ngakhale mutakhala nthawi zambiri).
Adzakumbukira nthawi imodzi imene munalonjeza kuti mudzakonza zina
chipangizo chosweka ndi 5 Patapita zaka, inu simunatero. Kusowa kwanu
kanthu apa kwambiri pang'ono zoipa pa lalikulu sikelo
zinthu koma zimatha kumangirira ndikupweteketsa mkazi kwambiri. Iye atero
kuziwona ngati kunyalanyaza, kusaganizira ndi *buzzwords* kusowa kwa
chikondi.

Khalidwe la munthu lochirikizidwa ndi zochita zolingalira limasonyeza a
mkazi chikondi. Ndipo amafuna chikondi choterechi kuchokera kwa a
munthu.

• Banja & Mbiri
→ Kodi akazi Muslim kutenga banja mwamuna nkhani
ukwati?
Inde. Nthawi zina zovuta zambiri zimayikidwa pakupeza mwamuna
wogwirizana ndi banja lolemekezeka. Malinga ndi Mtumiki Muhammad ﷺ
Hadith ya akazi, ukwati ukhoza kuchitika kumene
udindo wa banja ndi malo ogulitsa, koma deen yogwira ndi
bwino. Izi zili choncho chifukwa palibe munthu amene amaimira zonse zake
nkhosa ndipo ngakhale atalemera bwanji, “achipembedzo” kapena otchuka a
chiyambi cha munthu ndi, sichimawonetsa zochitika zake zenizeni za tsiku ndi tsiku
khalidwe ndi khalidwe.

Kwa akazi ambiri achisilamu ngakhale, izi ndizochitika posachedwa
mabanja amafunira zabwino ana awo aakazi, kuwafunsa kuti apeze a
“munthu wabwino wochokera kubanja labwino”. Moyipa, maukwati amatenga
malo omwe palibe amene amamva kuchokera kubanja la bamboyo komanso pambuyo pake
mafunso amabuka pa cholowa komanso azachipatala omwe angopezeka kumene
mikhalidwe. Kusamalitsa kumafunika kuyambira pachiyambi. Banja
ayenera kukambirana zomwe angachite ndi m'modzi
banja la wina, ndi udindo wanji komanso gawo lokhudzidwa
“agogo” adzakhala ndi makolo awo, ndi ndani wakuda
Nkhosa sizimayankhula aliyense (ife tonse tiri naye mmodzi).
Kwenikweni, apongozi ndi gawo la equation kwa akazi, koma
osati chosankha chokwatira mwamuna amene amamukonda.

Potsirizira pake, pambuyo pa banja nasiha (malangizo) amafunidwa ndi
chigamulo chimathetsedwa pakati pa banja, mabanja ayenera kuvomereza
kusankha kwawo akuluakulu, monga Allah adanena,
“…Osawaletsa [re]kukwatira amuna awo pamene
Amagwirizana pakati pawo Mwalamulo…” (Qur'an,
2:232)

• Chuma
Ndikuuzeni kuti akazi achisilamu enieni sapereka a
tutankhamun za zomwe munthu ali nazo. Pamene akazi amanena
amakonda amuna omwe ali m'mavuto azachuma zikutanthauza kuti akufunika kutero
kukhala ndi ndalama zina za halal nthawi zonse, popeza ali mwalamulo
wolamulidwa kupezera banja m’Shariyah (Malamulo achisilamu).
Kufuna nyumba yatsopano kapena nyumba si gawo la
ukwati koma ndi mavuto onse amene angokwatirana kumene
kukhala ndi apongozi, wina amalangiza kuyang'ana mosiyana
malo okhala posachedwapa. Chuma chowonjezera – ndi
galimoto ya munthu, pool nyumba yake, ndalama zake, mulimonse, ayi mu
mndandanda wa mkazi wa zofunikira za ukwati. Kunena izo, ndi chilungamo kuti
sungani moyo umene mkazi anauzolowera.
{Werengani za maukwati achisilamu achimuna pa
MUSLIMNESS.COM}

• Maphunziro & Ntchito:
Kwa amuna omwe amadziona kuti ndi otsika chifukwa chosowa ntchito kapena kusapeza ndalama
ndalama zambiri, khalani otsimikiza kuti akazi ambiri safunsa
kapena kufuna moyo wapamwamba. Maziko okhulupirira, mosalekeza
chikondi ndi kuona mtima zimamanga banja labwino, ayi
kuchuluka kwa ching-ching (ndalama) ndi satifiketi. Muslim
akazi amafuna chuma chenicheni mu mawonekedwe a chithandizo chabwino, tsegulani
kulankhulana ndi chikondi.

Maphunziro a munthu adzawonekera m'makhalidwe ake ndi maganizo ake,
nchifukwa chake akazi ambiri achisilamu ophunzira masiku ano amalakalaka
kukwatiwa ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi zolinga zofanana
maphunziro. Amafuna kuti azitha kukambirana mozama,
kugawana ntchito zapakhomo, kulankhula zoyenera (kapena
mwachisawawa) nkhani zomwe mwamuna ndi mkazi amadziwa
mu. Mukufuna kudziwa kumene mabanja achisilamu
kulimbikitsa ana awo kukwatiwa ndi ntchito zofanana, za
chitsanzo, madokotala amene amakwatira madokotala ena, chiwerengero cha chisudzulo ndicho
apamwamba. Chifukwa chiyani??
“Popita nthawi, kusowa tulo, kugwira ntchito maola ambiri popanda
dandaulo, ndi kulimbana ndi kukhudzidwa kwakukulu kwa odwala tsiku ndi tsiku
maziko akhoza kuchititsa madokotala kukhala kutali maganizo. Wachikwati
kusagwirizana nthawi zambiri kumakhala chifukwa cha nkhawa zokhudzana ndi ntchito komanso
kulephera kupuma pambuyo pa ntchito – zaka za maphunziro mu
makamaka, si nthawi ya kukula kwa banja”. (Chisilamu Horizons
Magazini)

Pamene ife tifika kwa izo, amuna abwino kwambiri safuna madigiri
ndipo maphunziro akudziko kapena Chisilamu saletsa zoipa
khalidwe (werengani pamwamba). Choncho, kawirikawiri ndi mabanja osati
akazi amene amaika ntchito pazitsanzo zapamwamba chonchi. Ngati
chirichonse, Ndikanalangiza akazi achisilamu kuti afufuze mwamuna ndi
PhD mwaulemu.

• Mgwirizano Wofunika Kwambiri
→ Kugwirizana ndi chiyani komanso chifukwa chake kuli kofunika?
Kwa makolo athu ndi agogo athu’ m'badwo, chikondi chinali
zozikidwa pa chivomerezo cha banja, kapena ulemu wapagulu kapena chikhalidwe
(i.e., amayenera kukhala ochokera m'malo omwewo).
Mabanja achisilamu osamukira kumayiko ena omwe adatengera miyamboyi amatanthauza
kuti mibadwo yamtsogolo inayembekezeredwa kutsata zomwezo
machitidwe a chikondi. Pamene njira iyi yofufuza ndi
kuvomereza mwamuna kapena mkazi kwakhala kopambana pamlingo wina wake,
Chikhalidwe chakhala chikulamulira mbali zonse za Chisilamu. Ndipo
Chisilamu chimati koposa zonse, muyenera kukhala ogwirizana.
"Ngati zichitika kuti pali chikondi pakati pa mwamuna ndi a
mkazi, njira yabwino kwambiri yodzitetezera ku fitnah
(mayesero) ndipo chiwerewere ndi kukwatiwa, chifukwa
mtima wake udzakhalabe wogwirizana naye ngati sakwatira
iye, ndipo zimenezo Zingadzetse ku Fitnah…” – Sheikh Muhammad al-
Saalih al-‘Uthaymiyn

Mtumiki Muhammad ﷺ adati: “Palibe kanthu kwa awiri omwe
mukondane wina ndi mnzake monga ukwati.”

Kugwirizana sikumangokhalira kukhala ndi zomwezo
maziko, chinenero ndi zokonda zofananira. Ngakhale mukumva
“dinani” wina ndi mzake ndipo muli ndi zizindikiro za
chikondi cholimba, nonse munganyamule kukambirana kwa akulu? Mutha
mumaphatikiza moyo wanu kuti mupange chatsopano?

Kugwirizana kumatanthauza kukhala ndi mfundo zogawana. Nonse muyenera kutero
kulankhula za mbali zofunika za moyo kotero inu nonse muli pa
tsamba lomwelo. Ayenera kukumvetsetsani ngati mkazi. Iye
amafunika “kupeza” inu ndikukulandirani inu momwe muliri, osati zomwe iye
akuganiza kuti muli. Uwu ndi mgwirizano womwe umapangidwa pokhapokha inu
kukumana wina ndi mzake, nchifukwa chake Mtumiki (ﷺ).
kulimbikitsana kukumana poyera tisanakwatirane. Iwo
amamanga kugwirizana, chimamanga chikondi. Nthawi zambiri chikhalidwe miyezo
kuletsa misonkhanoyi kapena mabanja adzadinda chivomerezo chawo ndi
kukanidwa popanda kuwadziwitsa “ma singletons”. Banja loterolo
miyambo imafunikira ulemu koma osati kuwononga Asilamu
ufulu. Monga mzimayi wachisilamu MUKUFUNA kukhala ndi a
kugwirizana ndi mwamuna wanu yemwe angakhalepo kwa zaka zambiri
m'banja lanu ndikuthandizani kuthana ndi zopinga. Ndipo pano inu
muyenera kudzifunsa: mfundo ndi zochita zomwe ndimayamikira
zambiri zomwe ndikuyembekeza kuti mwamuna wanga wam'tsogolo azilemekezanso?

Ambiri aife timakhulupirira kuti zotsutsana zimakopa, ndipo amachitira a
kuchuluka, koma kudziwana kumakopa kwambiri. Akazi adzafuna mobisa
mwana woipa ndi kuopsa kwa wopanduka koma ichi si ukwati
zakuthupi. Kukwatiwa ndi munthu wosiyana naye
mukutanthauzanso kuti pakufunika kukhala china chake
amalumikizana nonse inu; ngati ndinu mtengo-hugger ndipo iye ndi
wogwira ntchito m'makampani, mudzakambirana liti komanso motani
pewani kutopa?
Malangizo Kwa Abale Osakwatira Ofuna Akazi:
→ Mukanena kuti mukuyang'ana munthu amene ali “wopembedza,
wodzichepetsa, wanzeru ndi wosamala” mukunena za
ambiri mwa Asilamu. Muyenera kunena mosapita m'mbali
ndipo muyenera kudziwa zomwe mukufuna kuwona mwa mkazi wanu –
kuwonjezera pa muyezo. Ngati simukudziwa chifukwa chake mukufuna
kukwatiwa (kupatula kugonana, ana ndi chakudya) ndipo simutero
mukudziwa zomwe mukuyang'ana mwa mkazi, muyenera kufufuza chiyani
ndiye mukubweretsa ku ukwati wanu.

→ Pewani kudzigwetsa pansi, ngakhale zitakhala zowawa
nthabwala. Pamene mukunena, “Sindine munthu wokonda kucheza” kapena “sindine zimenezo
amalankhula bwino”, Izi ndi zomwe timatcha EPIC kulephera. Akazi amakonda
amuna ochezeka, amuna odalirika, amuna omwe amadziwa zomwe iwo ali
kuchita ndi kumene akupita, ndi zolinga ndi kudzizindikira.
Komabe, pali mzere wabwino pakati pa chidaliro ndi mawu
cocky, mzere wabwino pakati pa kugawana malingaliro ndi kuyang'anira.
Akazi amafuna amuna, wothandizana naye paupandu, osati manejala. Mu
nkhani zomwe zikukuchitikirani musanalowe m'banja zomwe mudzayese kusonyeza
kuti ndinu olankhulana nawo momasuka
luso la maphunziro a chikhalidwe cha anthu ndi kuyanjana komasuka.
Kunena, “eh, Ndilibe zokonda pamoyo” amamveketsa
ngati bore. Ndipo inde, ndinu ofunika, apo ayi sakanatero
ndikulankhula nanu.

→ Lembani mndandanda wa osachepera 10 zinthu zenizeni zomwe mukuyembekeza kulandira
kuchokera muukwati wanu. Lembani mndandanda wa 10 zinthu zenizeni zomwe mukuyembekezera
kubweretsa ku ukwati wanu. Ndikhulupirire, mkazi amene mukufuna
marry wapanga kale ndandanda imeneyo. Ndipo ndi yaitali kuposa yanu.

→ Samalani ndi 'mbendera zofiira’ mwa akazi osonyeza kuti akhoza
osakhala okonzekera ukwati – pamwamba zokopa kuti
kukonda chuma kapena tsiku laukwati, kusaleza mtima kwachibwana, wogonja
maganizo, kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro. Khalani thandizo lake tsopano, limbikitsa
iye tsopano kuti apange du`a (kupemphera), ndipo yadzamira kwa Mulungu.
Mwinanso chofunika kwambiri, samalani ndi zizindikiro zabwino zomwe
kwaniritsani zomwe mukufuna. Osadandaula kuti sister atero
sunthani, kuchitapo kanthu moyenera. Limbani mtima, osatero
kusiya zolinga zanu zaukwati.

→ WERENGANI MOMWE MUNGACHITE: Simufunikanso kukhala munthu woposa munthu.
Simufunikanso kumugulira dziko. Simufunikanso kutero
kumulonjeza dziko. Simufunikanso kupanga moyo wake a
paradaiso padziko lapansi. Ndikunena izi chifukwa (A) simungathe ndi (b)
simungathe kuchisamalira. Chisangalalo chamuyaya chasungidwa
za Jannah, osati Dziko lapansi. Khalani ndi zolinga zomwe mungathe kuzikwaniritsa, kukhala pragmatic. Zenizeni
Amayi achisilamu samayembekezera “mosangalala mpaka kalekale” chifukwa iwo
kulibe; amafuna chilimbikitso, thandizo ndi chikondi. Matsenga
mawu atatu omwe muyenera kuwagwiritsa ntchito mopitilira muyeso m'mawu anu ndi “Mulungu
Amakukondani Inu”. (Komanso “Ndimakukondani”, izo zidzakufikitsani inu kutali, ngati
mukudziwa zomwe ndikutanthauza).

→ Osachita nthabwala za mitala kapena kusudzulana – izi ndizowopsa mu
zomwe simunathe kuzimvetsa. Osamakopana poyera, kupanga
zokhudzana ndi kugonana kapena momwe mungathandizire pakubereka –
izi ndi zamanyazi komanso zamwano. Kugonana ndi gawo la ukwati, ife
peza, koma khalani odzichepetsa.

→ Simungathe kufunsa zanu “wangwiro Khadija” kapena “wina ngati
Khadijah bint Khuwaylid”. Khaijda (kunja) unali ungwiro kwa
Mtumiki Muhammad ﷺ, mkazi wabwino. Monga mkazi, Asilamu
funa maudindo ake koma “Khadija” ndi muyezo pazipita wa
ukazi, osati zochepa. Ngati muyimitsa kapamwamba chonchi, inu
adzakhumudwitsidwa ndi mkazi yemwe adzakhale munthu. Ndipo
mkazi wanu woyenerera adzayembekezera inu kukhala iye “wangwiro
Muhammad”. Aliyense ali ndi zolakwika.

→ Pewani ziyembekezo zazikulu za woyera wovala niqab yemwe ali ndi
moyo waumphawi. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti simukuyenera zabwino mu a
mkazi, kapena kuti akazi achisilamu sali oyenera koma poika awa
zofunikila patsogolo inu amanena mtundu wa “chipembedzo” pa
mkazi. Zikadakhala chilungamo, Akazi achisilamu amawapempha amuna kuti atero
kuvala thobes ndipo osakwatiranso mu usanakwatire, koma iwo
musachoke pakumvetsetsa kuti imaan ya aliyense (chikhulupiriro) ndi
zosiyana. Mukapempha mkazi amene mukufuna kumufuna kuti azipemphera nthawi zonse,
kusala ndi kuvala jilbab – kwenikweni, KUSINTHA – ndi chifukwa
mukufuna kuti mkazi wanu abwere mu uzimu pafupi ndi Allah mu ibadat
(kulambira) kapena chifukwa mukufuna kumusunga yekha? Ngati ndi
kaya, muyenera kuwunikira izi musanalowe m'banja.

→ Pomaliza: khalani woleza mtima ndi mkazi wanu amene mudzakhale naye limodzi ndi banja lake.
Azimayi amasanthula kusuntha kwanu kulikonse ndi mawu ndi kuganiza 10
masitepe patsogolo (akungodikira kuti mugwire). Osayesera kutero
kusintha chikhalidwe ichi cha akazi. Yesani kupita pa liwiro lake ndi
mvetsetsa kuti akuyenera kudzimana zambiri kuti akhale wako
mkazi. Khalani mwamuna wolemekezeka komanso woganizira ena
kwa abale ake onse, Zosakhudzana ndi zomwe Akukufunsa. Pa
magawo oyamba akudziwana ndi banja la wina ndi mnzake, inu
muyenera kupanga chithunzithunzi chabwino kwambiri chotheka. Pomaliza, kukhala mwamuna
za zochita. Akazi amakonda amuna owonetsa, amene amatengapo mbali
kupita patsogolo, ndiye ubwana waulesi womwe unali nawo uyenera kutero
kufika kumapeto.

*M'zaka zoyambirira zopeza bwenzi lokhoza kuchita nawo zachiwembu a
zofunikira za mkazi ndizolemera komanso zazitali. Mndandanda wamtundu wa 50 makhalidwe
mkazi amayang'ana mwa mwamuna mothokoza afika sieved monga iye
amakhwima m’zinthu zimene ‘angakhale nazo’ ku zinthu zomwe ‘sangathe
kukhala wopanda'. Monga Abu Hurarya (kunja) lipoti, Mtumiki ﷺ adati
chikondi paubwenzi chikuyenera kukhala chapakati, ndi Msilamu
kudalira kotheratu sikuyenera kukhala ndi anthu, koma ndi Mulungu.

Gwero: http://www.zaufishan.co.uk/2011/05/what-muslim-women-look-for-in-husband.html