11 Kukanganisa Kurera Vana – Wakazvitadzira Here?

Tarbiyah (nurtured development/education) is an art, science, and skill. Zvisinei, many of us educate and develop our children solely through inherited, faulty methods, or deal with them based upon quick reactions stemming from anger and tribalism. The result is an education and developmental downfall that we don’t sense until it’s already too late.

There are many poor tarbiyah incidents that I’ve seen because of incorrect efforts of parents. Tarbiyah is a science that we must learn, and a skill that we must train ourselves upon in accordance to a pure methodology and firm educational foundations. Nokuda kwaizvozvi, Mwari, iye Akasimudzwa, revealed the Noble Qur’an as a developmental methodology for purifying souls and improving society at large. Uyezve, Hupenyu hwemuporofita netsika dzakauya kuzobatsira vadzidzisi mukushanda, Nzira dzakadzikanywa dzekugadzirisa matambudziko anobuda muTarbiwaah. Mushure meizvozvo kwakauya hupenyu hwakawana uye kuyedza munyika yeTarbiwaah.

Chero ani zvake anoratidzira mamiriro edu ezvinhu mukati medzimba dzichaona kuti isu tiri kure chaizvo kubva kune idzi nhatu dzegoridhe zvinyorwa zvebudiriki. Ndanyora nezve 11 zvikanganiso muTarbiyah izvo zvandakaona kubva kumatambudziko mazhinji anondiunzwa kwandiri, uye kazhinji chikamu, Vabereki vazhinji vanowira mukati. Vari:

1. Nguva dzose kutarisa pamusoro pevana vedu senge makamera pamabhangi nemakambani anoshanda 'kutenderedza wachi'. Maitiro aya anotungamira kumhedzisiro yakaipa yakaipa senge: Kushaikwa Kwekuvimbika, kushaya ruremekedzo, uye kuzeza kuita kuraira. What is more correct to do is keep watch over them here and there, or make those observations from a distance in order not to make them feel as if we are watching their every move.

2. Getting involved with all the details of our children’s lives – their clothes, chikafu, toys, and even their personal tastes! This will produce a fragile personality and weakness in resolve. Panyaya iyi, a child will become dependent upon his parents for everything. What is more correct is to give them freedom of choice with subtle direction. Perhaps one of the strangest incidents I’ve seen is a very old man in age who would still call his mother to ask her about what clothes he should wear and what he should pack in his travel bag!

3. Kuenda pamusoro pekuratidzira kungwara kwemwana kana mwana nechirwere chisingaperi. Izvi zvinogona kuguma nemwana achipandukira kuvabereki vake uye kusaterera mirairo yavo nemirairo. Uyezve, Izvi zvinogona kutungamira mukuzvitutumadza uye kuzvishingisa. Ndakaona akawanda ezviitiko izvi kusvika pamwero uyo vabereki vakarasikirwa nekukwana kudzora vana vavo.

4. Kumanikidza vana vadiki kuti vaite zviitiko zvekunamata nekumanikidza kana kuve wakanyanyisa. Izvi zvinogona kutitungamira kuvenga chinamato uye kutiza kuita zviitiko zvekunamata. Ndinoziva nezvaBaba vaizorova mwanakomana wake ane makore matanhatu kana asina kusimuka kuti anyengetere Faujr (Munamato wemangwanani). Zvino, mwana uyu anonamata kana vabereki vake vachiona. Iyi Tarbiyaah nzira inogona kusimudzira hunyengeri pane vana. Kuita kuti vana vade chitendero chiratidzo uye hunyanzvi semuporofita (ṣgallallāhu'alayhi weSalam) akadaro: "Chokwadi chinamato ichi chine simba uye chisingaperi, saka uyai [vanhu] mariri neunyoro. "
5. Nguva zhinji tinopomera vana vedu kukanganisa tisina kusimbisa kana kuita chokwadi kuti vakakanganisika. Isu tinokurumidza kupomerwa uye tinoranga, kugezwa nemamiriro edu epamoyo, Kunyangarika chete kukuziva kuti isu tiri avo vasina mhosva. Izvi zvichatyisidzira hukama hwake nevabereki vake uye nekuwedzera kwevasina kuvasarudzika kwavari. Kana isu tikawira mumamiriro ezvinhu aya, Izvo zvinogumbura patiri kuti tiregerere kukumbira kuti tirege kukanganisa. Uyu mukana wekuvadzidzisa kukumbira ruregerero kana uchiita zvikanganiso kana kukurumidza mukutonga.

6. Constraining the desires of our children from experimentation and discovery. I know of a mother who entered the kitchen and found her daughter attempting to make sweets and she scattered about all the kitchen utensils. The mother thundered words of blame and criticism, and then banned her from the kitchen. What she should have done was speak with her child, encourage her, and support her experimentation. All children love to experiment and discover so we should invest in that by developing their gifts and encouraging their innovative mindsets.

7. Some parents want their children to fulfill what they themselves could not do in their youth even if it differs from their children’s desires and abilities. I know of an Arab mother who is weak in the English language yet she tried to make up for her deficiency with her children, but now she regrets not focusing on teaching her children Arabic, to the point where they cannot even read the Qur’an! I also know of a father who tried to make up for his weakness in memorizing the Qur’an with his children. He forced them to memories daily and did not pay attention to their different levels of ability, so the result was completely opposite as all of his children now dislike all aspects of the religion.

8. Being overprotective of our children can produce a personality that is distressed, insecure, and unfledged. He will not have ambition and will reject accepting responsibility. Saizvozvo, he is more inclined to deviate to immoral behaviour. What is more correct is to be balanced with our children when manifesting our protection for them and concealing it from time to time. The foundation of tarbiyah is for a child to eventually stand on his own feet and not be under his parents’ protection throughout his life.

9. Differing in dealing with our male and female children. This is something we find a lot in our society among youth and elders. What is more correct is to be just in our dealings and not cause a divide in our families because of hatred amongst siblings due to their gender. We must focus on the meaning of “…Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” (al-Ḥujurāt, 49:13)

10. Inspecting their clothing and spying on their phones and devices. This will destroy the parent-child relationship and trust in them. What is more correct is to seek their permission before inspection and to come to a mutual agreement as to how it will go about.

11. Being careless with our children’s feelings. An example of this would be speaking in front of family or friends and saying the likes of: “My son wets his bed” or “My son has a stutter in his speech.” This can leave a negative impact upon the state of mind of the child. His condition could prolong or he may revengefully oppose his parents because of the disclosure of a private matter.

Izvi ndizvo 11 tarbiyah mistakes that are prevalent in households and I repeat here what I mentioned above: tarbiyah is an art, skill, and science.

….Apo Kudzidzira Kunoita Kwakakwana

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