A dad's discourse: samir yar ha yeelo...

Xigasho: aaila.org

Qoraa: Abu I’mran

I apologies in advance to any sisters reading this, Ayeeyo Jeddah Waxaa la xidhiidha in Nabiga. It is currently ‘that time of the month’ for my wife and she has gone off in a huff over a picture of a lemon (or so I think). This is nothing new and something that I have become used to over the period of our marriage. Things like this are trivial to me, but seem to tip her over the edge. Si kastaba ha ahaatee, I then remembered that one of the qualities of all good Muslims is patience (sabr). I know that at ‘this time of the month’, I need to just let her be rather than make a bigger issue about this. She will eventually calm down and things will be normal again.

‘What does this have to do with parenting/mums?’ you are probably asking? Waa hagaag, something that I learnt on a very good course that I went to recently (‘Home Sweet Home’ by Al Kauthar Institute), was that the first thing that a woman should look for in a potential husband is moral conduct. Nabiga (SAW) ayuu yidhi:

“If a man comes (and asks for your daughter’s hand in marriage), who possesses ethical conduct and religious origin, kadibna guurso (to her). Haddii aadan, it will be a great trial and mischief on the face of the earth.” (Tirmidi, Ibn-Majah and al-Hakim)

In the commentary for this hadith, it says that if a man does not possess moral conduct, then he may not treat her kindly and with greater understanding, especially at ‘that time of the month’. Patience is one manifestation of this moral conduct and I would say that this also applies to how you treat your children too, and not just your wife. The understanding that a husband should give to his wife, should also be applied to his children too, as the consequences will accumulate and hit you when you least expect it (and want it).

Raising children is difficult and Alhamdulillah, we are now living in a time where more people realize that both parents have an important role to play in this process. Without patience, I believe that you will be raising children who will also not have patience. Hor iyo horraanba, we are examples to our children and they invariably learn by watching us. We must therefore show some patience in order to receive it, and for them to practice this. I am not saying that this is easy, as this can be a very hard thing to remember when one of your children is squashing his lunch into the carpet whilst the other is crying! But I firmly believe that even in such situations, if you are patient, you will succeed in the long run. Persevere with trying to get your child to eat, potty train, say ‘salam’ to guests, iwm. And ultimately, I keep in mind that our children are a trust from Allah (SWT) and they will testify to him, as to whether we raised them up well. It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allah (BAXA) in Nabigu (SAW) ayuu yidhi:

“Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The ruler who is in charge of people is a shepherd and is responsible for them. The man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for them. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and child and is responsible for them. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (al-Bukhari, 2416; Muslim, 1829)

My message to myself and everyone is that ultimately, we will all reap what we sow If we bear the trials of parenthood with patience, we will Inshallah succeed in raising pious children who will in turn treat us with patience, when we need it the most (if we live that long!).

Xigasho: aaila.org

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