Yabelana Le
Umbhali: NguMenahal Begawala
Imiba evezwe apha iyinxalenye yomfanekiso omkhulu kakhulu kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayikho kwindawo engenanto
Xa ndandiyingcaphephe ndaba nombono wokunceda abantu badlule kumaxesha anzima, banxibelelana ngcono neentsapho zabo, kwaye baphuhlise imbono xa beziva bebambekile. Ndiwongwe ngenyhweba yokuvunyelwa ukuba ndikrobe kubomi babathengi bam ngale njongo engqondweni. Elona lungelo lam likhulu (kunye nomngeni) ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ibisebenza namantombazana afikisayo.
Xa ndihleli ngaphaya kwamantombazana amancinci asuka kwiintsapho zamaSilamsi, umceli mngeni wam wokuqala kukujongana nokuxhalaba kwam. Andazi ukuba zeziphi iimbono abaza kuba nazo xa bebona i-hijab enxibe ngononophelo enxibe i-Therapist. Kuze kuthi ga, Ndifumene la magqiyazana angavulwanga qha, kodwa ngokuvuya ukulungele ukusebenza nam. Ngelixa ingeyondawo yam njengonyango ukuba ngumntu wenkolo kubathengi bam, Ndiyaqonda ukuba kwinqanaba elithile baye bakhululeka ukuba bakwazi ukuthetha ngokuphandle nomntu obonakala equka eyona nkalo yemvelaphi yabo abaziva beqhathiwe..
Ndiyakholelwa ukuba imiceli mngeni yamantombazana amaSilamsi ajongene nayo ekujongeni ubuni bawo kuluntu lwanamhlanje inzima kakhulu kunangaphambili.. Phakathi kwemizabalazo eqhubekayo yoluntu, yentsapho, kunye noxinzelelo lwenkcubeko, ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kwabasetyhini, kunye nefuthe elibi rhoqo leendaba zoluntu, amantombazana amancinci ahlala eshiywe ekhangela imiba yesazisi enokushiya abantu abadala abaninzi bekwi-binding ekhubazekileyo. Ngenxa yeli nqaku, Ndiza kukhawulela incoko kwimiba ejikeleze amantombazana afikisayo kunye nesini.
Ngumcimbi ogqubayo ochaphazela uluntu lwamaSilamsi.
“Andiqondi ukuba ikho inkwenkwe enokuze ibekho kum ngokweemvakalelo njengo-Amani*. Yaye andiziboni ndikunye nenkwenkwe engekhoyo kum ngokweemvakalelo.”
“Ndandisoloko ndimoyika uJasmine, Andizange ndifike eAladdin.
UKWENZANA NGESANI KUNYE NOKULAHLELWA KOBUCHULE
NjengoMfundi oyintloko, Kwakufuneka ndifundeUkunyamalala kobuNtwana, nguNeil Postman. U-Postman uxoxe ngefuthe lamajelo eendaba ekubonisweni nasekulahlekeni kobumsulwa ebantwaneni. Kukhuselekile ukutsho ukuba uluntu luhambe umgama omde ukususela ngoko 1994 xa yapapashwa loo ncwadi, kwaye sinemithombo emininzi kakhulu yegalelo lemithombo yeendaba kunokuba yayikhona kwi-90's. Nokuba ngaba kushicilelwe, iifoto ezihluziweyo kwi-Instagram, okanye umabonwakude, amantombazana aselula ahlala ehlaselwe imifanekiso yoko kugqalwa njengemihle nenomtsalane. Umsantsa phakathi kwamantombazana kunye nabasetyhini uvala ngokukhawuleza njengoko amantombazana efikisa kwaye aqole ngokwasemzimbeni kwiminyaka yangaphambili kunangaphambili.. Impahla kunye nefashoni ye-tweens kunye nabasetyhini abadala baphantse bangabonakali, nto leyo ebangela ukuba amantombazana aselula agxile kwinkangeleko yawo (nge-hijab okanye ngaphandle kwayo) ngaphambi kokuba babe nethuba lokuphuhlisa imvakalelo enzulu yesazisi.
Yonke imihla, amantombazana amancinci afumana imiyalezo ehlala echasa malunga nokuba ungubani, inkululeko, enelizwi, kunye nokuthozama. Xa ukuxhatshazwa kwabasetyhini kuthathwa njengenkululeko kunye nokuzimela, kulula ukubona indlela inkangeleko yomntu kunye neentlobano zesini ezinokuthi ziphazanyiswe ngayo ukufaneleka. Kwelinye icala, xa siqhuba ingcamango yokuthozama kukuba sisinxibo sangaphandle kuphela, sithumela umyalezo ofanayo wokonakalisa: ukuba ukuxabiseka komfazi kuthotywa kwindlela anxiba ngayo. Nceda uqaphele ukuba oku akusiyo inkcazo malunga nesimo se-hijab kwi-Islam. Injongo apha kukuqaqambisaNjani sithetha namantombazana ethu aselula kunye nokuba yeyiphi imiyalezo esiyinika yona xa sibaleka ubunzulu obunentsingiselo ngakumbi, nangona kunzima, iincoko.
UKWESANA VS. UKUZENZA NGESINI
UGqr. ULeonard Sax wahlula phakathi kwesini kunye nokuziphatha ngokwesondo kwincwadi yakhe ethi Girls on the Edge. Uphawula ukubaluleka kokuqaphela ubulili njengenxalenye ebalulekileyo kunye nenempilo yophuhliso lokufikisa. Ukwabelana ngesondo malunga nokuba ngubani, inxalenye yesazisi sakhe, kanti ukwabelana ngesondo kugxile kwindlela umntu akhangeleka ngayo. Ukwabelana ngesondo yinto eqhelekileyo kwaye iyimfuneko ekuphuhlisweni komntu. Ubuni bomntu buchazwa “njengomgangatho wokuba neentlobano zesini, okanye indlela abantu abaziva ngayo kwaye baziveze njengabantu ababelana ngesondo. Oku kubandakanyangokwebhayoloji, inkanuko, Lithini izinga lobundlobongela basekhaya kuluntu lwamaSilamsi aseMelika, Lithini izinga lobundlobongela basekhaya kuluntu lwamaSilamsi aseMelika, ezentlalo, okanyengokomoya iimvakalelo neendlela zokuziphatha.”1 Ixesha lokufikisa lixesha apho ulutsha luyazi indawo yalo ehlabathini ngoxa lukhangela imizimba yalo etshintshayo., iimvakalelo, kunye nobomi bentlalo. Ukwabelana ngesondo kunxulunyaniswa kuzo zonke iinkalo zomntu omncinci kunye nabo kunye nehlabathi elibangqongileyo. Yinto eqhelekileyo, yendalo, kwaye usempilweni. Ukuziphatha ngokwesondo kwamantombazana amancinci nangona kunjalo, ayiyo.
Ukwabelana ngesondo, ngokungafaniyo nesondo, kuxa kugxininiswa kwinkangeleko yomntu kunye nesibheno sesondo kwaye sihamba kunye nokuchasana. Ihamba ngaphandle kokutsho ukuba ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kwabasetyhinikukhokelela kwiziphumo ezininzi ezimbi ngaphaya kwemida yeli nqaku. Nangona kunjalo, phakathi koluntu lwamaSilamsi, kubonakala ngathi siye soyika kakhulu ezi ziphumo ukuba sibambelele kwizisombululo zangaphandle egameni lokhuseleko / ukhuseleko.. Iincoko ezinempilo neziyimfuneko malunga nokwabelana ngesondo ziyalahlwa kwaye zide zibekwe ibala. Umyalezo obangelwa ngamantombazana kukuba ubulili babo, kwaye ngokwenyani, ubuntu babo, ilihlazo kwaye akunakuthethwa ngayo. Nje ngeziphumo, abasetyhini bethu abatsha bashiywe ukuba bajonge imiceli mngeni yokuphuhlisa isazisi esibandakanya ubuntu babo bebodwa. Omnye umxhasi wandixelela, “Umama akafuni ndigone amakhwenkwe. Ayinamsebenzi ke leyo kuba ndingumntu onesini esisibini.” Andikwazi ukuzibamba kodwa ndiyazibuza ukuba intombazana inokuthi ithathe njani ngendlela eyahlukileyo ukuba umama wayo ebenencoko malunga nokuzithemba kwakhe kunye nokuzithemba.ngoba wayemcela ukuba azikhwebule kwizinto ezithile zokuziphatha. Into esingayiqondiyo kukuba xa abantu abadala kubomi bolu lutsha bengabalathisi ngothando kwaye bagcine umnyango uvulelekile kwiincoko ezisebenzisanayo., imidiya yoluntu ngokulula kakhulu ukuzalisa isithuba.
Kuqhelekile ukuba abafikisayo babe nemibuzo malunga nemizimba yabo esakhulayo kunye nokwazisa ngesondo. Abantwana bethu kunye noluntu lwethu sibaphatha kakubi xa sikhetha ukungahoyi iinyani zophuhliso lwabo. Kwakungeyonto ingaqhelekanga ngexesha loMprofeti ukuba abafazi beze kubuza imibuzo ngemibandela enzulu. Babesazi ukuba ukuthozama nokuvuleleka kunokuhlala ngaxeshanye. Siyabona, kule hadith ilandelayo, ukuba uMprofeti wayecacile malunga nempendulo yowesifazane ekuvukeleni ngokwesondo kunye nentsingiselo yokuba le nxalenye kunye nenxalenye yokukhulelwa..
Um-Sulaim weza kuMpostile ka-Allh waza wathi, “Ngokuqinisekileyo, U-Allah akanazintloni (ndikuxelela) inyani. Ngaba kuyimfuneko ukuba umfazi ahlambe emva kokuba ephuphe emanzi (ukukhutshwa kwesondo ebusuku?) Waphendula uMprofeti, "Ewe, ukuba uthe wabona ukuba uyaphuma.” Um Sulaim, wakugqiba wazigquma ubuso wabuza, “Owu uMpostile ka-Allh! Ngaba umfazi ufumana ukukhutshwa?” Uphendule watsho, "Ewe, isandla sakho sokunene masibe seluthulini (Ibinzana lesi-Arabhu latsho ngokucacileyo kumntu ophikisanayo nengxelo yakhe) ngenxa yoko unyana ufuze unina. Sahih Muslim 608 Isahluko 3, Incwadi yokuya exesheni (Kitab Al-Haid) `
UKUZAZISA NGESINI
Ukongeza ekuhleleni ngomzimba wabo, Lithini izinga lobundlobongela basekhaya kuluntu lwamaSilamsi aseMelika, kunye nokukhula koluntu, ulutsha lwanamhlanje luphila kwixesha ekulindeleke ukuba luphonononge, okanye ubuncinci umbuzo, ubuni babo ngokwesini. Esi sesinye isihloko uluntu lwamaSilamsi oluhlala luthanda ukusigcina ngaphaya kweengcango ezivaliweyo. Sicinga ukuba abantwana bethu baya kuyamkela imilinganiselo yokulala nabantu besini esahlukileyo kwinkolo yethu neyenkcubeko yoluntu. Abaninzi baya kuyenza, kodwa ayisiyiyo into enokuthathwa lula. Nokuba siyathanda okanye asithandi, kwayenokuba zithini na izigqibo zamaSilamsi ngesihloko, inyaniso kukuba ngakumbi nangakumbi abasetyhini bethu abaselula bajongene nemibuzo malunga nobuntu babo ngokwesondo. Ubomi babo bubanjiswa ngumda woluntu apho ukuphononongwa ngokwesondo kukhuthazwa kwaye amakhaya kunye noluntu apho ukuxoxa ngesondo kuyinto engavumelekanga..
Kwinkcubeko apho 1) Ukwabelana ngesondo kwentombazana nentombazana akusafuneki, 2) ubumanzi bokuziqhelanisa nesondo, ingakumbi kwabasetyhini, iqhelekile, 3) apho ukukhulisa abantwana ngokweemvakalelo kunokushiya amantombazana enesikhewu ngokweemvakalelo, kwaye 4) apho abafana abasakhuli kangako kunangaphambili, Ayimangalisi into yokuba amantombazana angakumbi nangakumbi aguqukela kwisini esifanayo ukuze athuthuzeleke ebudeni bale minyaka yokukhula nenzima2. Xa amantombazana esilwa nemingeni eqhelekileyo yophuhliso lokufikisa, ngoxa behlala kumakhaya apho baziva bengahoywanga, kugxekwa, okanye ayiqondwa kakuhle, inokuguqulela ekuzijongeni phantsi, ukudakumba, ixhala, kunye/okanye imvukelo.
Oontanga ngokulula baba yeyona nkqubo yenkxaso, kunye nokusondelana ngokweemvakalelo kunokuguqulela kubudlelwane bomzimba. Xa ndabuza omnye wabathengi bam malunga neemvakalelo zakhe malunga nosapho lwakhe olungamhoyiyo, wathi, “Andikhathali. Abahlobo bam lihlabathi lam. Bayinto yam yonke! Mhlawumbi akasoze acinge ngomfazi wesibini, kwaye ungamxeleli umama lento, mna nomhlobo wam osenyongweni siqale ukuphuma kwiiveki ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo.” Ndisebenze nalo mthengi ixesha elide ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndiyazi ukuba akachaphazeleki kukugxothwa kosapho lwakhe kuye., kodwa uyahlangabezana nobuhlobo bakhe—obunokugqibela ngokuthandana.
UGqr. USax uthi “amantombazana ngokwawo asenokungayiqondi into eyenzekayo kuba amantombazana akanxibelelani nesini sawo.” (p 33) Ngokutsho kukaGqr. Sax, inani labasetyhini abasebatsha abachonga njengabafana besinibhini okanye abathandana besini esibini banokuba kwindawo ethile phakathi 15 ukuya 23%. Kufuneka siyeke ukucinga ukuba amantombazana akwishumi elivisayo angamaSilamsi kunye nabasetyhini abancinci abaweli kolu luhlu. Kufuneka kwakhona siqonde ukuba iincoko ezingeyomfuneko malunga nokuthozama kunye ne-hijab kunye nezibongozo zokuba "ube ne-taqwa" kunye nezoyikiso zesihogo ayisosisombululo esisebenzayo.. Imiba inzulu kakhulu kwaye ifuna ukuba siphume kwiindawo zethu zokuthuthuzela kwaye sijonge kwisibuko njengabazali, abadala, nanjengoluntu.
UMBA ONEZISOMBULULO ZANGAPHANDLE
I-Hijab. Yinto yokuqala ethi qatha engqondweni kubantu abaninzi. Imibuzo malunga nokuba kufuneka okanye kungabikho ulwahlulo kwi-masajid isaxoxwa ngokushushu. Ekukhuseleni izikhundla zethu kwimiqobo ebonakalayo phakathi kwamadoda nabasetyhini, siyayilibala into yokuba amantombazana ethu aselula atsala nzima; kungakhathaliseki ukuba banxibe i-hijab. Xa kuziwa amantombazana Muslim, siye sixhonywe kwisihloko senkangeleko yangaphandle kangangokuba sigqibe ekubeni singazihoyi iincoko malunga nokuba kuthetha ukuthini ukwenza isazisi esisempilweni., isini, kunye nokuzixabisa. Umba osisiseko awukho okanye ukungabikho komqobo womzimba, i-hijab, uhlobo lwempahla, okanye make-up, njengokuba izazisi zamantombazana ethu zichazwa kwaye zilinganiselwe kwezi zinto. Andiphikisi ukuba ukuxoxa okanye ukuthetha nge-hijab kunye namantombazana ethu kufuneka ashiywe. Ndiyakholwa nangona kunjalo, ukuba ezi ncoko kufuneka zenzeke ngaphakathi kumxholo omkhulu ozenza zibe nentsingiselo ngakumbi.
Kwelinye icala, Unqulo lunyanzeliswa kumantombazana. Bafundiswa ukuba yintoni na i-halal, yintoni haram, kwaye amaxesha amaninzi balumkise ngokugqithisileyo malunga nezenzo eziya kubasa esihogweni. Amantombazana afundiswa ukuba i-hijab ibalulekile ngenxa yokuba ifana neelekese ekufuneka zigqunywe kwiimpukane.. Yintoni le ifundisayo mantombazana? Andikwazi ukugqithisa ukuba bangaphi abantu abaselula endidibana nabo abajikwe kwi-Islam ngenxa yokuba banikwe imbono emnyama kunye nokungazi.. Okona kulungileyo, banyanzelise ngokukrokra. Okona kubi, baqalisa ukuchonga “njengakwigunjana elingakholelwayo kubukho bukaThixo.” Xa singabaphathi abancinci kunathi ngemfesane nangenceba, baqalisa ukukholelwa ukuba uThixo—emfundiso zakhe esizidluliselayo—naye akanayo Imfesane neNceba.
U-Ibn Majah ubalisa ngegunya likaJundab ibn ‘Abdallah owathi: “Sasikunye noMprofeti – iqela lolutsha olusondele kwiminyaka yokuvuthwa. Safunda ukuba yintoni i-iman phambi kokuba sifunde iQuran. Emva koko safunda iKurani. Ngokwenza njalo, sandise ubuntu bethu. "
Le hadith isibonisa ukuba uMprofeti waqalisa imfundiso yakhe abaselula ngokuphuhlisa ubuhlobo Allah. Akukho nto iphikayo ukuba i-hijab ngumyalelo ovela ku-Allah. Nangona kunjalo, xa sinciphisa iimfundiso zonqulo kuphela kwizifundo ze-halal/haram, ubudlelwane no-Allah alunalo ithuba lokuphuhlisa.
Olunye olugqithisileyo kuxa iincoko malunga nokuthozama kunye ne-hijab efanelekileyo zigculelwa kwaye zithathwa njengezigweba kunye / okanye zenkcubeko.. Ngexesha lesibini sobufazi, iingcamango ezidumileyo zeendima zabasetyhini kuluntu, kwaxoxwa ngesini kunye namalungelo abo okuzala, kwaye ukuthozama kwakubekwe njengemveliso yobudoda bamadoda. Uninzi lwezi ngcinga ziye zenziwa ngaphakathi kuluntu lwamaSilamsi kwaye nayiphi na imibuzo okanye izigxeko ze-hijab yanamhlanje kunye neendlela zefashoni zithathwa njengengalunganga kwezopolitiko.. Kuye kuxhaphaka kakhulu ukudibana namaSilamsi aselula “alwela amalungelo amabhinqa”. Ndisebenzisa iingcaphuno malunga ne-feminist kuba ndikholelwa ukuba abaninzi abafazi abancinci abayazi ngokwenene imbali yobufazi, okanye indlela ebachaphazela ngayo ngaphaya kokubanika amalungelo angaphezulu kwalawo anikezelwe kubo kwiintsapho zabo.
Ingxaki ngazo zombini ezi ndlela kukuba zithatha kude neengxoxo eziphilileyo malunga nesondo kunye nobunikazi. Sixakeka kakhulu ngokunyanzelisa okanye ukukhusela izinto zangaphandle kangangokuba iingxoxo ezinzulu ziwela endleleni. Kananjalo akuncedi ukuba ukusetyenziswa ngokubanzi kwemithombo yeendaba zentlalo kunyanzela amantombazana ukuba asoloko "elungile ikhamera" hleze umfanekiso ongathandekiyo wabo ufikelele kwibali le-Snap lomnye umntu..
SINOKUKWENZA NTONI?
Imiba evezwe apha iyinxalenye yomfanekiso omkhulu kakhulu kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayikho kwindawo engenanto. Nanga amacebiso anokuthi abazali noluntu banokwenza ntoni kwiintombi zabo.
Yiba nomdla. Mbuze ukuba uziva njani. Yamkela ukuba kunzima. Vuma ukuba usenokungaqondi, kodwa ukuba ufuna. Musa ukucinga ukuba uyayazi into eyenziwa yintombi yakho. Kwakhona, musa ukulunciphisa usizi lwakhe okanye ezinye iimvakalelo ezikwenza ungakhululeki “njengokumangalisayo.” Sinabafazi abaninzi abadala abaye baphila ubomi babo baxelelwa ukuba bangama-drama queens kwaye ngokulandelelana, ukuba iimvakalelo zabo azisebenzi. Le ntswela-bulungisa siyenza kwiintombi zethu xa singayihoyi intlungu yazo okanye sizixelele into eziyiyokufaneleokanyeUngayiba nemvakalelo.
Yiba novelwano. Usenokungazi ukuba kunjani ukuba sezihlangwini zentombi yakho. Usenokungaqondingoba uziva ngale ndlela aziva ngayo, nokuba buhlungu, ukuxhalaba, unesithukuthezi, okanye ndinemincili. Kodwa uyazazi ezi mvakalelo. Uye waziva ngokungathandabuzekiyo. Vumela iintombi zakho (noonyana ngaloo nto) yazi ukuba nawe ukhe waziva ngale ndlela ngaxa lithile ebomini bakho, kwaye usenazo ezi mvakalelo. Ezi mvakalelo ziqhelekile kubantwana bakho. Qaphela kwaye uchaze ubukho babo.
Xa singavelani nabantwana, inokuvela njengokungakhathali okanye ukuhlazeka. Ngokufuthi ndibona abazali bexelela abantwana babo ukuba bangalili okanye bangaziva ngendlela ethile. Oku kunciphisa iimvakalelo zokwenyani kwaye zihlala zinzima kwaye akubafundisi abantu abancinci malunga nendlela yokujongana neemeko ezibabangelayo.. Ibafundisa nje ukuba bavale iimvakalelo zabo. Ingxaki kukuba asinakukhetha ukucima iimvakalelo. Xa sikhetha ukuvala amandla ethu okuva intlungu kunye nosizi, nathi singaqondanga savala amandla ethu okuva uvuyo nemincili.
Qwalasela. Qaphela utshintsho kwimo yentombi yakho. Ngaba uzenza ikheswa? Ngaba uhlala kwimidiya yoluntu? Ngelixa kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba abakwishumi elivisayo batyhalele kude kubazali babo, akuqhelekanga ukuba bavalele ngaphandle ngokupheleleyo. Ukunikela ingqalelo kufuna ukuba sichithe ixesha nabantwana bethu nokwazibangoobani. Kuthetha ukujonga ngaphaya kwamabanga abo nokuba bayayazi na indlela yokwenza i-chai kwizinto abazithandayo, iinkanuko zabo, kunye nobunzima babo.
Yeka ukuthelekisa. Hayi kwimizabalazo yakho, hayi kwiimpumelelo zomntakwenu, hayi komnye umzala/umhlobo/ukulunga komntu ongaqhelekanga. Ukuthelekisa akukhuthazi nabani na. Amantombazana ethu anothelekiso olwaneleyo olonakalisayo kunye neemodeli ze-airbrushed zingumgangatho wobuhle. Masingabenzi bakholelwe ukuba abalunganga ngokubaxelela ukuba u-bathile-ke waphatha umzabalazo ofanayo okanye waphumelela uvavanyo olufanayo ngemibala ephaphazelayo.. Ukuthelekisa kuthumela umyalezo wokuba asibathandi ukuba bangoobani. Endaweni yokwenza uthelekiso kunye nokuziphatha okuhle kwabanye, funda ukuqaphela kunye nokuncomaimizamo oko kwenziwa.
Zimisele ukuba ngumzali ongenabubele. Kunokwenzeka ukubonisa uthando, uvelwano, kunye nokwamkelwa kwabantwana ngelixa ubeka imida enempilo. Ndikhuthaza wonke umntu ongumzali, okanye usebenza namantombazana amancinci nakwesiphi na isikhundla sokufundaAmantombazana asemdeni ukuqonda ngcono iimpembelelo zeendaba zoluntu, isazisi ngokwesondo, kunye nezinye izinto kuphuhliso lwamantombazana. Akuyi kuba lula ukuchasana neenkozo zezithethe ezininzi ezidumileyo, kodwa iya kuba nempilo kumantombazana ethu ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi xa kuziwa kumajelo asekuhlaleni.Uphando lubonise unxulumanophakathi kokusetyenziswa kweimidiya yoluntu kunye nokudakumba. Ukunxibelelana rhoqo kunokuba nefuthe elibi kubasetyhini abancinci, kwaye ixhomekeke kubazali ukuba balawule kwaye bafundise abantwana babo indlela yokuthatha uxanduva kunye nokulungelelana ekusebenziseni kwabo imidiya yoluntu.
Yiba nesimo sengqondo esihle rhoqo. Emva kokusebenza neqela lamantombazana aselula njengomcebisi, Ndifike ndabona ipateni. Ngamnye kubo, ngaphandle kokukhetha, baziva begxekwa kunye/okanye bengahoywa ngabazali babo. Xa ndidibana nabazali, Ndiyalubona uthando nenkxalabo yokwenene ngeentombi zabo. Nangona kunjalo, oku kuvakaliswa ngendlela yezikhalazo okanye iingcebiso zophuculo ngelixa uxabiso kunye nezincomo ezinyanisekileyo kufuneka ziphandelwe.. Naxa kufikwa kubudlelwane babantu abadala, UGqr. UJohn Gottman, ingcaphephe yobudlelwane edumileyo ifumanise ukuba imitshato ephumelelayo ine 5:1 umlinganiselo wonxibelelwano olulungileyo ukuya kokubi. Njengabantu abadala, thinaisidingo ukuqinisekiswa kunye nokwamkelwa ngokufanelekileyo kubudlelwane bethu. Ukanti kubuphithiphithi bobomi bemihla ngemihla kunye nokwenza imisebenzi yenziwe, silibala ukwenza lento ngabantwana bethu. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kuphuhliso olusempilweni lwabantwana bethu kukuba bazi ukuba bayathandwa. Musa ukucinga ukuba abantwana bakho bayazi ukuba uyabathanda. Baxelele rhoqo ukuba wenza njalo.
Dala amathuba. Kulapho uluntu lungena khona. Kufuneka senze iindlela zokuba amantombazana ahlole izinto anomdla kuzo kwaye aphuhlise indlela aziva ngayo kumxholo woluntu. UGqr. USax uxoxa ngokubaluleka kwamantombazana azibandakanya noluntu lwabasetyhini abakubudala obahlukeneyo kunye nokunika amantombazana ithuba lokuhlola ubumoya bawo.. I-masajid yethu yindawo efanelekileyo yabasetyhini, abadala nabancinci, ukuhlangana kunye kunye nokuphuhlisa imvakalelo yesiqu esinamacala amaninzi.
Funa uncedo.Ubomi bunzima. Ngaxa lithile siye saphuhlisa ulindelo lokuba sifanele siyazi yonke into okanye ngandlela thile sikwazi ukuyiqonda. Oku akuyonyani. Kufuneka sikhulise amandla okucela uncedo xa silufuna kumntu omnye, yentsapho, kunye nenqanaba loluntu. Oku kungathatha uhlobo lokufuna unyango okanye iingcebiso, ukwayama kumhlobo ngenkxaso, okanye ukufumana uthethwano lobuchwephesha bohlobo oluthile. Xa singazimiselanga ukucela uncedo, nathi sihlala singakwazi ukuba luncedo.
Yiba ngumzekelo. Ayiphelelanga nje ekuphumeleleni kwezenkolo okanye kwezemisebenzi. Ukuzabalaza nokusilela yinxalenye yobomi. Ezi ndwendwe zingena ziphuma ebomini bethu kuwo onke amanqanaba. Abasenzi sibe ngaphantsi kwaye abasinciphisi ukubaluleka kwethu. Xa sifunda ukunyaniseka ngeentsilelo zethu yaye sikulungele ukujamelana neemvakalelo zethu, sibonisa ulutsha olusingqongileyo ukuba akulunganga kuphela, kodwa ikhuselekile, ukwenza njalo. Zimisele ukujamelana nemingeni engonwabanga. Abantwana bethu bayenza yonke imihla.
UMenahal wakhulela eQueens, Inew York. Uthweswe isidanga kwi-Al-Huda Institute kwaye unesidanga seeMasters kwi-Clinical Mental Health Counselling.. I-Menahal isebenza nabantu ngabanye, iintsapho, kunye nezibini ezigubungela isiseko sabathengi ngoluhlu olubanzi lwemiba yempilo yengqondo, kuquka ukuphazamiseka kweziyobisi. Ikakhulu iMenahal iwagqibile amaNqanaba 1-3 yengcebiso ngomtshato ngeGottman Institute, Ihlabathi lidume ngomsebenzi walo wokuzinza komtshato nokuqikelela uqhawulo-mtshato. Emva koko, wasebenza neGottman Institute ukubhala iSikhokelo soReferensi yamaSilamsi kwindlela yeGottman. Ngoku uqhuba uqeqesho kwi-Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, indlela yokunyanga umonzakalo.
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